runningfreak
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2007 18 October :: 9.30am
:: Mood: seductive/tired
Change is good. But how much change and I willing to do before I say it is enough. Not too much more I suppose. I dont have much to change. Just little things about myself that piss people off but I cant help that. That situation is something that everybody has to work around. Eventually it will become a learned fact of what not to do when I am pissed off. Your best bet is to leave alone unless I look unto you for support or guidence but otherwise dont bother.
What about me drives you crazy?
I should move the horses back down to the barn. I dont like them being out in the pasture without shelter. The only problem is that their pasture is saturated with water and I dont want them standing in it. So basically it is a lose-lose situation. I dont want the horses be outside without shelter but I dont want to move them back to the barn and deal with hoof absesses. I suppose I should just go with the latter of the two. I would rather have a hoof absess than not have them at all. They are so fricken cute though. I love to snuggle with them. We miss each other. They may come running when I call but I know it is for more than just the carrots that I have in my hand. I am sure of it. But they do love me. Even Sierra. She is just a snuggler. Kind of dingbat sometimes but for the most part she is pretty cool. I am glad we decided to keep her. She is going to make and amazing horse when I get my butt going and keep her on a training schedule. Next spring is the big break. I will get Sierra going to start training her with the cows. I will keep Pete in the best shape of his life for showing and trail riding. I want to do alot of that with him. Trail riding. Keep the showing to a minimum, just because it is hard on him. He loves to show and I will continue to show him. Just not as much. He seemed to get tired this year but we also showed almost every weekend too. My plan is to also get Johnny back in shape and just casually ride him. He feels so much better when he is in shape. I love it when he runs around and plays because he feels good.
Everything happens for a reason, I just wish I knew what that reason was sometimes.
1 I love you |
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 17 October :: 9.49pm
Midterms. So tired...
My brother got married and it was good. I have pictures on facebook for viewing pleasure.
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 15 October :: 7.28pm
Woohu.
IS.
BACK...
I thought I was going to die.
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 12 October :: 11.38am
It's a slow day on my friends page....I'm a bit disappointed, guys. I don't get to watch soaps because I'm in class.....I need entertainment somehow!!!
Anyway.
I'm heading home in about an hour for Charlie's wedding. It's going to be grand. I just cleaned the apartment and my room, and I just have to wash the rest of the dirty dishes and clean Patrick's bowl.
I don't know. It's just been so busy, and there is stuff in my head, but I haven't had time to think about it....
[edit] I have a craving for sushi. Yes.
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 10 October :: 6.00am
I have a class soon, and a book I need to read to write a paper that was due yesterday.
Last night, when I was walking back from university band, I stepped on a leaf and it crunched, and I very much enjoyed it.
1 I love you |
In a phrase to cut these lips
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runningfreak
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2007 10 October :: 7.08am
:: Mood: fidgety
:: Music: Sara Evan: As If
Interesting...
Petey ran a flawless Pole Bending pattern!!!! It was absolutely amazing. I wish it were captured on video because just riding him felt just incredible. He raced down there turned perfectly, had flawless flying lead changes and manged to keep him speen through the entire event. I can even begin to explain the rush of excitement I got. He may be old but damn he still has it. I felt like I was riding a professional rodeo horse. I dont know what that feel like but he was it if I knew. We ended up taking 7th or 8th in Pole Bending but that was in an open class out of 32 riders. Hot damn!! The rest of the day went well, we took home a 1st and a 3rd. Had issues before cloverleaf but we soon worked it out. Texas Flag would have been perfect but we missed the bucket. I so want to have another show just to feel that rush again.
I realized somthing when I went for my walk after my run:
Perfection has been standing right in front of me, What I have wanted for so long has always been there and I found what I was looking for when I never even bothered to look for it.
How strange to think that everything falls in to place even when we believe that everything is falling apart.
4 I love you |
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 9 October :: 1.08pm
Today is nice and calm and blue and a little cloudy, and not at all evil and sticky and gross like the past few days.
I have a feeling, somewhere in me, that I can't put a finger on, but I know it's there. I hate that, not being able to identify what I feel.
I signed my major today. I am officially an English major going for a Bachelor of Science in Education, Secondary Certification degree...thing. I'm going to sign my minor in a few days, I think. I need to get this stuff done, especially since the new bill came out for Higher Education that has some stuff in it about tuition assistance for to-be teachers. I need that! ME! Right here!!
I feel _____ .
What is that blank? I feel....straight line? I feel, underscore? I feel.....blank? White? Spacey? Wiped out?
No. Not really. Sometimes I hate that I only have seventyish years on this planet, and I've already used up about one third of them. What have I done in my one third of a life time? Prepared for the second third, I guess. Is that a waste? I'm not sure. What if the second third ends up being about preparing for the third third...and what if the third third is preparing for death...then am I just living my whole life to die? Always preparing for a moment that will never come. What am I trying to achieve? What is the goal? Yes, to have a job, a car, a house, a family maybe....but...why? To have a stable life for the future? What future? I'm afraid that I will have lived my life constantly trying to over achieve in a world that doesn't notice me.
I have poured my emotions into this text box so many times...
just an observation.
I don't understand how I function. I don't believe that there is an afterlife in the Christian sense of the word. I don't believe in a heaven or a hell...maybe a little waiting room with Cosmo and National Geographic magazines from 1988.
What keeps me from being totally depressed about living a whole life, and then just dying, like i was never here in the first place? How do i not be upset when I waste days doing things that I hate, because I know that I will never get those days back?
I know what the meaning of life is: ______________ .
I am feeling rushed.
4 I love you |
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 5 October :: 12.24am
I have a communication theory exam tomorrow morning that I'm not prepared for. I have a speech to give on monday that I'm not prepared for. I need to start doing some preparation!
Oh man.
So...I got the brother of the month award, which is pretty awesome, but not so awesome because it doesn't mean anything to anybody but me.
whatever.
I need to go study: relational dialectics! proxemics! symbolic interactionism! oh the horror...
1 I love you |
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 3 October :: 1.54pm
"Everything will exist, move, separate in a river of change which in that instant will dissolve it, age, and corrupt everything without a single voice to sound the alarm...The sun is burning itself alive, iron is crumbling into dust, aimless energy is dissipating in space, masses are wearing out in radiation, the earth is cooling into death...And you will wait for a mulatto and an animal, to cross the mountain and begin to live, to fill time, execute the steps and gestures of a macabre game in which life will advance as life dies; a dance of madness in which time will devour time and no one alive can halt, the irreversible course of death...The boy, the earth, the universe: in those three, someday there will be no light, no heat, no life...There will be only total, forgotten oneness, nameless, without a man to give it a name: space and time, matter and energy all fused into one....And all things will have the same name...None"
From The Death of Artemio Cruz
by Carlos Fuentes
In a phrase to cut these lips
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m&ms487
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2007 2 October :: 10.52am
So, I woke up extra early to read the rest of my novel and write my paper. I read for an hour, all grumpy that I'm up, and I finally decide I'm going to skip my first class so i can go to the library to write my paper. I get to the library, check my email, and the class that I had to write the paper for was canceled.
I had a feeling.
Oh, and I was walking back from class, and there were these two people standing at one of the main intersection side walks with big signs about signing a petition for a ballet initiative for medical marijuana, so i signed it.
This has been a good morning.
1 I love you |
In a phrase to cut these lips
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