<center>I'll do anything for you<br><big>Kill anyone for you</big></center>

In a phrase to cut these lips

:: 2005 19 December :: 3.13pm

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

In a phrase to cut these lips

:: 2005 18 December :: 10.37pm
:: Mood: dirty

I Love Mail....

I just got the "Valley Vet Supply" official catalog!!!! Not only did I just recieve unexpected mail BUT I can now look at items for my beloved horses that I know I can't afford. But even better I recieved a $40 bonus in my paycheck because I stripped and rebedded 28 stalls on Saturaday. Since I made extra, the girl who was supposed to NOT leave me the stalls like they were, got docked in her pay. Kudos for me.
And I decided that even though I work on average 8-10 hour shifts I actually enjoy my job. The people there love how well I take care of the barn and Teresa leaves the barn in my hands to close it up at night and open it up in the morning. I feel pretty special to be able to be trusted with such a big responsibility. I mean for crying out loud there is 28 horses that need to be put out, watered, hayed, grained, and stalls cleaned. I am pretty impressed with myself. I am also physically exhausted. But I had mentioned something about working over in Carson City cleaning stalls and she got worried that I was going to leave her barn and work there. I told her it was only a side job and let me tell you what she was very relieved.

Anyways, I need a shower cause I smell bad and feel pretty gross. And I thought I should vent a little. Cause I can.

2 I love you | In a phrase to cut these lips

:: 2005 16 December :: 11.13pm
:: Music: pashing mumpkins-garewell and foodnight

maybe i'll be like emily dickinson. i'll just live in my parent's attic writing poetry.

maybe i'll get a grip and stop being selfish. maybe someone will punch me in the face.

maybe. i don't want to think about it.

i'm sorry. i can't stop being like this. if i'm ruining your life please stop bothering with me. i'll get you a fruit basket to make up for it.

In a phrase to cut these lips

:: 2005 16 December :: 12.10am
:: Mood: pissed off

Fucking Horses!!!!!!

I can't believe a single one of them. I will admitt I forgot to lock the gate and I could have sworn I did but they got out and ate about a half weeks worth of grain. I am pissed!!!! They already had their grain for the day and the bastrads are lucky they didn't colic. I don't know what I would do. I am saving my money a spending it on what they need. I had half a week to do so or maybe even a week and they.... I am so mad at them. Somedays I just want to get rid of them but I love them too much.

DAMN THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 I love you | In a phrase to cut these lips

:: 2005 15 December :: 6.22pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: Green Day

Whoa Baby....

I have so much energy I don't know what to do with it. I should go out and run another 3 miles but my hamstrings hurt from the whopping ten sqauts I did after school. Later when I feed the poines their hay I will trim their feet and brush them out. That should take care most my energy. I still have to make no-bakes for everybody and let me tell you what I make damn good no-bake cookies!

I am very content with everything besides my grades. I should be president of the procrastination society. I know that I should do my homework and have the time to do it but I don't. It drives me nuts. After break that has to change. And it will.

I am also content with him. He is young but his brithday is coming up right after Christmas. So I feel so weird about the age difference but if you think about it there really isn't much. Besides I don't think about that much. We just get along well. Watch I just jinxed the entire thing. That would happen to me. We'll see through the summer and college. Don't want to think to far ahead. I did that last time and things didn't go so well. Just one day at a time. I can do this.

I think.

m&ms487

:: 2005 12 December :: 3.38pm

I've been so tired lately. I've gotten an average of ten hours a sleep a night, and still it does not seem to be enough. I don't have time to sleep, I have too many things to do. Too much homework, working, blah I have to call them. Blah Blah.

I want to cry. My body hurts. All I want to do is sleep. I'm drinking a mountain dew in hopes of staying awake until five.

I have an essay to write. I hate fricken ap lit. what a bitch.

3 I love you | In a phrase to cut these lips

:: 2005 10 December :: 5.18pm

i'd say i don't care anymore. i think i want that to happen cause i'm not doing a very good job. why can't i have two or three? who says that's wrong? i'm still not over all those stupid things either. it's like it wasn't almost two years ago.

and it's official. again. christmas is horrible. it's so dumb. i don't want presents. i don't want trees or lights or family or friends. i want to do something good for someone who needs me. NOT because it's christmas, but because i should be a good person all year. then maybe i can feel decent. i miss my peepers. i think they're the only thing i don't hate.

i hate everything. la la la lala.

and the paranoia is coming back. good times.

so sad. meh. nothing makes sense. i'm contemplating jumping off a bridge. head's up.

love,
useless.

:: 2005 9 December :: 11.05am

ha ha ha ha i'm homie home home home homies.

just hanging out with griffin and tyrone and apollo. it's good stuff.

i love being here so much. i'm all alone all day and i'm watching boston public. best show ever.

i don't even feel sad. i like school, but i'm not overly attached to anything.

:: 2005 7 December :: 11.43pm

my last night in 120 shilling. it's good. everyone is being so cute and nice. i wish it had been like this the whole time. ahh. life.

going home tomorrow. my goodness. i'm so excited.

:: 2005 7 December :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: DeadBeat Holiday

I don't get it....

I should feel paniced
I should feel distressed
I should feel sick
I should feel helpless
I should feel tired
I should feel scared
I should feel like crying
I should feel disappointed
I should feel insecure
I should feel important
I should feel beautiful
I should feel strong
I should feel couragous
I should feel invinciable
I should feel proud
I should feel perfect
I should feel crazy
I should feel intelleigent
I should feel pain
I should feel thoughtful
I should feel colorful
I should feel worried
I should feel strange
I should feel sore
I should feel drained
I should feel disappointed
I should feel curious
I should feel embarassed
I should feel estatic
I should feel crushed
I should feel hungry
I should feel grateful
I should feel accomplished
I should feel loved
I should feel rushed
I should feel stressed
I should feel annoyed
I should feel happy....

But I don't