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denation
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2005 3 September :: 1.47pm
:: Music: Remedy - Seether
ever since that day, i've developed this bad habit of overthinking everything that happens. every action, every word, every response. and that's what complicates things. that's what creates doubt.
but i wonder... should i rely on my instincts and just "go with the flow" for a while? or take the risk? it's either go for it or just play it safe. and stop overthinking, haha. at least i know how i feel, and that won't change.
i've also noticed that people's personal lives (along with the drama) always get dragged through burger king like a wet mop. i need to be careful, haha.
3 found the love |
Where is the love?
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denation
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2005 2 September :: 5.32pm
:: Music: Mr. Brightside - The Killers
well, finally!
after all this time, I finally have a woohu again... thanks to anne of course
4 found the love |
Where is the love?
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Tails
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2005 31 August :: 7.12pm
guess who just reserved a copy of kingdom hearts 2 ...this guy right here. yeah im a fucking nerd but i loved the first one to death and the second cant let me down for a measly 50 dollar price tag....
9 found the love |
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2005 31 August :: 3.29am
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Darkness
Wonderful
Ok so the new death cab for cutie cd FUCKING ROCKS MY GOD DAMN SOCKS. i hung out with liz tonight...every time we hang out i feel like charlie and his tunnel. so fucking infinte. its a wonder why we didnt discover a friendship in highschool....i guess its a good thing though. cause alot of highschool friendships have no problem dieing out after class stops meeting. I LOVE YOU LIZ!!! god damn we have so much fun together. even though all we did tonight was chill around her campus. beautiful night for walking and smoking. it sucked that i had to leave it all and go back to hell....some day i wont have to leave anymore. someday itll just be down the road. ill find a purgatory instead of a hell...that will be nice. so yeah PLANS the death cab album fucking rocks. and liz fucking rocks. "I can do it, just not when someone is trying to stick it in my mouth while im walking" - Liz Artecki.
1 found the love |
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2005 30 August :: 2.27am
http://cherstapler.ytmnd.com/
1 found the love |
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2005 29 August :: 11.02pm
text books =189$
parking fee for 25 days = 50$
Gas for a full week of class = 60$ ( not including travel to and from work or for pleasure)
1 found the love |
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m&ms487
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2005 29 August :: 3.03pm
Listening to Karl talk makes me want to shoot someone. He has the oddest way of talking and yelling at the same time.
My schedule is as follows:
1 Marching Band - Robuck
2 JA Economics - Busen
3 AP Statistics - Andrus
4 AP Literature - Dolbee
5 Independent Study - Robuck
6 AP Biology - Fornier
3 easy classes, 3 hard classes.
I don't have seminar period on my schedule...does that mean I don't have to go?......
michelle
4 found the love |
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2005 27 August :: 3.53pm
:: Music: Death Cab For Cutie - Stryofoam Plates
Death Cab For Cutie New Alubm - PLANS
Guess Whose New Album Comes Out On The 30th? THATS FUCKING RIGHT DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god damn im so fucking excited. im going to be first in fucking line to get that god damn cd. 12 tracks of pure inebreation on a cd. I LOVE YOU DCFC!!!! (by the way the album is called PLANS)
IN OTHER MUSIC NEWS.
Alien Ant Farm has just realeased tour dates for north america. They are coming to detroit. thats as close as they are coming to us.Death Cab For Cutie has annouced SOME tour dates but none close to michigan yet. Bright Eyes....conor we are still waiting for you to annouce something mister sticky pants. well my music love and rambling is over for today. GO BUY THE NEW DCFC ALBUM YOU FUCKS!!!
6 found the love |
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2005 26 August :: 10.53pm
College....wow.
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2005 24 August :: 5.32am
so im at steak and shake. i pick up the ketchup bottle and shake it around a little to get that nasty liqued that settles at the top to you know...not be there and get all over my fries right? so im shaking it and the top flies off and my face is coverd in ketchup my neck my sweater my face the table the floor.... i bend my head and the laughter insues. thats all. funny as fuck.
3 found the love |
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m&ms487
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2005 21 August :: 10.01pm
:: Mood: calm
Every day that I get up and drive to work (which is almost every day now) I walk into the place and everything just melts together. Nothing really changes there, maybe subtly.
I always punch in on time, get my drawer, wait on people, punch for all my breaks, feel bad if I spend too much money on lunch, because I'm not making that much money in the first place, punch out, go home. Next day: repeat.
I feel like I'm wasting my life. It's an awful feeling.
I guess the only saving graces are the weird people that I laugh to myself about, like the lady with the mustache or the really big older guy that always hits on lisa.
The people who get really angry are a source of my laughter too; the people who get so angry about not being able to return their $2.00 light bulbs because they don't have their receipt and yell at the manager thinking it will make a difference. Those people are just pathetic. The funny part is that when they get so angry their blood pressure rises, and I bet in the future they'll end up having a heart attack because of stress like that and have a hospital bill over $4,000.
Rueben just left a while ago. I'm putting off going to bed; when he left there was a creepy little glow worm attatched to his pant leg, and we were cuddling in my bed. Even if it just randomly attatched itself to him when he came in, just the thought of it crawling around in my bed is reason enough for me not to sleep half the night. Ehh....creepy crawlies.
Tomorrow night is band, Tuesdays are lessons. Piano is comming along nicely. I can't do anything too complicated yet, but we'll see by the end of the year how good I can get.
It's nice and cold, perfect sleeping weather.
Good night (all).
michelle
3 found the love |
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2005 21 August :: 8.14pm
wow. this is wonderful. thinking about how i was going to start doing all these great changes so that the next year of my life wouldnt be hell. so much for that. dad says i cant paint the walls black because "i just dont want my walls to be black" thats what he says. "ill paint them pitch white the day i leave this house" "fuck no my walls arent being black" "fine if there your walls then you fucking clean up whats in them and stop pestering me all the time." "you live in this house. i still fucking own you as long as you live here" "you dont fucking own me i can leave whenever the fuck i want" "as long as your in this house you will obey my curfews and my rules" "fuck you, im 18 i deserve the respect of an adult. ill do what i please when i please under my own rules. ill keep to my fucking self when im in your god damn house and please fucking kick me out" "i cant kick you out and youll listen to me or you wont ever leave this house again" *SILENCE* "I'm not your little slave anymore. im not your medal to show off to friends. you dont fucking own me anymore" "ungreatfull little fucker" "what have i to be greatfull for?" "a house a dad that loves you food and that i let your fucking cats live here" "a home i cant stand being in. a father who makes me feel like shit every time i see his face and my stomach is sick everytime just being in your presense. and im supposed to be greatful for that?" "whats so wrong with me that you cant stand me...wait did you just say i make you sick? what the fuck is wrong with you matthew wayne. what in gods name is fucking wrong with you. you are one fucked up kid you little fucking asshole" "dont use that bullshit about your god with me it wont make me listen any more than i hardly do now. and id would be a shorter list to tell you whats good about you" "dont start in on your stupid fucking athesist bullshit, you dont beilive in god because its the cool thing to do nowadays" "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DAD?!?!?!?!" "your such an ungreatfull little bastard. youll be lucky if you amount at all" "at least i fucking graduated highschool and am enrolled in collge" "i didnt graduate highschool cause my grandma needed me" "she didnt need you to be a fucking tart" "she needed my income" "stop using her as an excuse and fess" "why do you think your better than everyone in this house you little prick?" "because i have a fucking heart" *SILENCE*"your not painting my fucking walls." (takes off outside and leaves)...see. i deal with this every single day. bullshit after bullshit. after useless un-motivated fight. this is what i truly hate. its not really this town i guess. its just whats in it. dad. low paying jobs arent even the half of my worrys. its him. i cant even remodel my room? he dosent ever have to look at it he can shut the door so whats the fucking problem? im not smashing any walls nothing will be harmed. (my door is shut all the time anyway) i dont understand why he says the things he says you know? i just dont fucking understand. god damn hes weird. o well new job soon. saving up for school and getting an apartment by the middle of winter end of school year for sure. life is bitter. and thats all it will be. just bitter taste after paper cut on the tounge after bitter taste.
4 found the love |
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2005 20 August :: 9.19pm
why do you care? and for your fucking info its not true. but if it was its not your fucking life. and as far as i knew. you hated me you useless piece of fucking shit. go die in a well where no one will here your pathetic attempts to scream for help...cold and alone is how you deserve death.
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2005 20 August :: 3.52am
:: Music: Remy Zero - Fair
Growth.
Ok.
so im fine now right?
im staying.
ill earn my freedom.
ill work harder for things.
ill live silently in my own home.
ill no longer be single.
ill find heart ache.
ill get good grades.
ill get lead roles.
ill have an audience full of friends at every show.
ill get out of this depression without medicine.
ill grow strong from my scars.
ill hug everyone tighter then i ever have before.
ill remodel my room.
ill grow up.
3 found the love |
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2005 19 August :: 3.35am
I can't go to detroit. im sorry if you think im a pussy shit faced liar...but i dont really care what you think. i cant do it. it wouldnt feel right. i have to earn my way out of this hell. i have to work hard and earn my freedom. i cant just take it. i need to earn it. so ill work harder. get a better job. save money. and earn my way to freedom. to an apartment in grand rapids. and then from there ill earn my way into a bussiness. and then from there....ill be happy. but i was wrong to think i could just go out and take my freedom. that was selfish and complete rage. who cares if theres a large amount of PERFECT waiting there. its not my perfect. its not my home. grand rapids is really my home. i went there tonight and just sat in the park and the wind was soothing...really cold wind...and it made me feel so thoughtful and i thought. "i cant leave what i have here...look at all the people who really care about me. i cant leave them all when i know freedom dosent have to be thousands of miles away. i can make my own life right here where the lights are bright and the noise never stops. my real freedom is just being away from my dad. but im going to be an adult while im here. next time he gets on my ass about something ill say ' dad im 18, its your choice to let me live here and you can kick me out if you please to. but until then. you leave me alone. i come here to sleep...thats it. you leave me out of your life. we can live seperate in this house. i dont need a father anymore.' " what am i? who the fuck am i? ive got 80 years left to figure that out. but within 2 ill have freedom...2 more years isnt that bad. and i could never leave your whores...im staying. no matter what. i cant up and leave my dreams. i MUST earn my life. EARN it.
4 found the love |
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