tails
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2005 3 April :: 11.14pm
:: Music: Frou Frou - Must Be Dreaming
Spring Break -0_0-
Ok so this is spring break? what the fuck is happening? ok someone is being a liar and its involving alot more shit than it should. fess up and take what you have coming, stop adding more lies to the pile. ok its cold and i cant wear shorts as much as i please. IM BROKE!!! I can't really drive anywhere with no money for gas and shit so im stuck in this place till i die or get my paycheck. once we are back in school.... not cool. well also its just there is nothing to do either nothing even sounds like fun and no one comes up with any super fun ideas other than movies or coffee houses and those are dead to me basically. i want to have alot more poker nights those are fun and keep me at home and get great conversation going on. *hugs* well i just needed one so shut up. umm i am bored with this town and this place i need to leave there are about 20 billion yellow lines between me and salvation...thats alot of color, alot or time, alot of torture.
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tails
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2005 29 March :: 5.37pm
Finally got yoko out of her cage
wow.
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m&ms487
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2005 28 March :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: sad
I desperately want to talk to you. Where are you?
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tails
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2005 28 March :: 8.50pm
So the future isnt bright. my nephews an idoit and i keep putting this test off. i just need to get it over with. ok so i need my ass on track. 6 weeks left i think i might be slipping i need to hold on its still school i still have to work.
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tails
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2005 27 March :: 7.29pm
Family was tolerable for the first time ever today i just like totally couldnt beilive it was happening i loved my family today and everything about them. o and my brother caught a bunny in the yard he fucking tackled it and then brought it in the house and it was a fucking albino, with the red eyes and everything. i couldnt beilive he caught a fucking albino bunny on easter....irony? anyway so he took it home with him and he now as a new pet. but when it was in the house it was like all chilling and not trying to run away so we are pretty sure it was someone elses pet that got loose and that would also explain why it was albino and just running around outside. either way irony on easter makes it funnier and i loved today so much. well peace bitches.
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m&ms487
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2005 24 March :: 1.51pm
So I gave blood today. My arm still hurts a bit, but all is good.
The antiseptic tickled. haha.
It's getting warmer out. It's actually warm in here (school) for once. Huh. Interesting.
I guess Mr. Pilar sent Mr. Andrus an email saying that a student told him he was putting paper towel over the thermostat. Mr. Andrus is not heating his room anymore.
Band is going okay. The next big thing is fine arts night.
You know, it doesn't even seem worth it. No one knows. No one cares.... I just do it and then it's gone.
Well, whatever.
No school tomorrow.
Work 3:30 - 7:30.
Blah. I haven't worked in like two weeks.
Get to see Rueben tonight. That will be extraordinarily wonderful. I don't know why. It just will be.
michelle
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sputnik
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2005 23 March :: 7.42pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: Actually- a movie~Finding Neverland is on
Gosh I miss you guys
So guess what. I totally have internet access here. It's great! I totally miss you guys and I have a way to talk to you now. Well I could call but my parents are being anal about a lot of things down here. It feels nice not to be in school but awkward because I know I should be and am missing out. It's nice down here, but I can't wait to get back.
You totally don't even realize how much you depend on your friends for happiness and luaghter till you don't see them for a while. Even little things you think of later just make you grin to remember. Even things you remember not to be funny- but remembering you guys laughing at it makes me grin. You guys are too cute.
No one will pet me down here, and when they do- they do it all wrong.
We are going to Epcot tomorrow and I am hoping to find Hagis for us all to try again. I guess they sell it in jars or cans or whatever. I hope it tastes the same and we were all not just in awe at being caught with boys and totally screwed. (But not the dirty way you dogs.) And Hilary- you will try it. No questions asked. It's good.
Anyways, you all better have some good gossip or such for me to listen to when I get back or all my dreams are in vain. I hope you all write back. Speak to me or I'll have to hunt you down. I Love you guys and I miss you!
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tails
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2005 22 March :: 6.47pm
this is just a summary of everything i have been this past year. stacy brought this to my attention by saying this song reminded her of me. someone put my mysery to song.
meaning is sometimes hard to spot
it begins with the flickering of cigarettes
in the darkness of a dorm room
somewhere in the suffocated mid-west
and if this is real then i was mistaken
and if there is truth then why can't we find it?
beauty comes to those who have been waiting for something
bigger than themselves
this is the sound of the hopeless kids
as they scream from the basements of the houses of their parents
and this is the sound of the hopeless ones
as they stare down at their books
and realize they have been lied to
but if this is real then i was mistaken
and the vision was gone then i was not aware
consistency like that which i have craved
is that people change so unexpectedly
and realization finds you in a drunken airport
some planes depart and others never arrived
so with this in mind i don't plan on waiting
if its time to leave and break these old ties
without something else this vision is fading
but until its gone the pain will make us try
but this is the hope
i have been searching for
as the wings catch the sunlight of this cold Nebraska skyline
this is the dream i am dying in
i will wake to find tomorrow
be content without perfection
but if this is real then i was mistaken
and if the vision is gone then i was not aware
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tails
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2005 21 March :: 5.55pm
Everyone that i have met ive left some kind of an imprint on. big or small they wont forget what i left them with. but i just want to know what things would be like if i werent around. if 1)i had never been born 2) i died tommrow. just what would go down?
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tails
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2005 21 March :: 12.19am
Is this the end? Is this the start of something bigger, much bigger? I don't know and thats what scares me. I really wish for it to be the begining of something greater than highschool. that black wooden floor held endless memories for me and it caught alot of tears for me over the past two years. ill really miss it but i just i need someone to tell me that theres more to come and reasurrance from people whose opions i respect make me feel better so i know that im not a bad actor. but for fucks sake im no mel gibbson. i mean right now id same im above david spade. which isnt hard to do.
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m&ms487
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2005 20 March :: 9.06am
I'm glad it's all done with. The musical, solo ensemble.....it's all done!
It's sad, yes, but now I can have some of my OWN time. That's nice.
Well, solo ensemble went pretty well yesterday. I got a 90 (out of 100) on my solo, so that was a one. My judge was really nice. I can't wait to see what she wrote on my form. Our quartet judge was really really mean. I almost started crying when I left the room. It was horrible. She didn't say one nice thing (without being sarcastic). She was really rude, and I don't think calling one of the most beautiful flute quartet arrangements in the world "not substantial enough" and "too easy" is just horrible. I don't see why people can't look past difficultly and horrible runs and high notes and see the beauty in a piece of music. If they can't do that, they shouldn't be a professional musician, and certainly NOT teach it.
Needless to say the quartet got a two.
Rueben and I went out to the corner bar for dinner. Haha, deep fried dill pickles, yum!
I love that boy. He means the world to me.
The musical went okay last night. I'm pretty glad I didn't stick around for the cast party. I've already shed enough tears and have been upset enough this month.
(Toccata just came on my musicmatch media player, haha, i love that song!)
I went over to Rueben's house after the musical. It was really nice to spend some time with him. It's been quite hectic this past week, culminating in yesterday. It's just nice to lay in someones arms and not have to worry about anything.
See everyone Monday!
michelle
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sputnik
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2005 18 March :: 9.44am
Toatally leaving soon and I am happy. I'll have so much homework but who cares! I will miss you all though and I will miss my little Davey. I'll send postcards!- if I get around to it. I'll really try this time.
I have to take a test in physics. I hope it's not too hard.
Ve vill see!
Adios Amigos
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tails
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2005 15 March :: 11.56pm
Stacy, I Love You.
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tails
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2005 14 March :: 9.16pm
this just kinda came out on to the notepad like i fucking threw up. i dont know if im looking for feed back or not i mean i didnt edit it i didnt make it into a song or poem or story or anything so i guess just say what it means to you or your favorite line or most hated line.
as the corener kneels underneath the shadow
of a huge steel cross above the door
of a huge metal church he sheds a tear at the thought
of there being things worse than death to hold us down.
addiction and love.
faith and loss thereof.
the minister bends by side of the majestrate
and they begin to slowly comptenplate
possible solutions to the problem of the future
and how to stop us from becoming empty inside
the shells we walk around inside of are completly raw
we've run dry of life, feeling is an option
the drugs that we've chosen are becoming
far to rapidly available no longer a treat
no longer a break from the world and retreat to islands in our heads
the poison we pump becomes free.
a title to wear to work and home and then back and back and back again.
this book that im writing is feeling very dull
with a white cover and bleached pages the words that i write are in a pen the ink colored white
the title and the meaning feel so
fake and forced so out of love so done and thought over
remind me of what im doing
because im wondering myself
is this mission of life and living
or is it of hard times and delivering
the pain onto someone elses shoulders
with the thought of waking in hospital
with a parent staring out the window
blank exspression on her and or his face.
prefixes and pronouns they seem useless.
yet terribly over used.
names are useless and we are still
tag and titled.
the minister and the mourner are standing by a table
a body lies cold under the sheets we have there pulled
to cover eyes of a once beating sinner and gather round a table
to heat a cold run out t.v. dinner
with silence filling the air broken now and then by waves of
dispute of what watch not what think
for the thought of conversation makes want to cry.
i cant beilive anyone would leave us here to ponder about having
thoughts of own and a heart beat out of sync with the clan
and the hand of the man brings me down to level to rot.
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tails
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2005 13 March :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: The Dresden Dolls
Stupid Quiz
Firsts:
1. First best friend: Jerm.
2. First car: Oldsmobile 88
3. First real kiss: Never had one
4. First self purchased album: Blink 182 - Take Off Your Pants And Jacket
5. First funeral: Grandfathers
6. First pet: Wiskers
7. First piercing/tattoos: Dont Have Any
8. First Credit Card: Fuck That Plastic Money Shit
9. First big trip: Virgina
10. First music you remember hearing in your house: Some Kinda Country
LASTS:
1. Last cigarette: Like 2 or 3 weeks ago
2. Last car ride: From Work
4. Last good cry: 2 Days ago
5. Last library book checked out: Darwin - Survial Of The Fittest
6. Last movie seen in theatres: Darkness (sucked)
8. Last food consumed: Sun Flower Seeds
9. Last crush: Raychel
10. Last phone call: Stacy
11. Last time showered: After Work
12. Last shoes worn: Work Shoes
13. Last item bought: Lighter
15. Last time wanting to die: Last Night
16. Last time scolded: Today At Work
17. Who are your best friends: Stacy, Jay
18. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: No
19. Last person you talked to: Kate
SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: No
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: Suave
3. What are you most scared of: Missing Out On Something
4. Where do you want to get married: Anywhere In The Rain
5. What are you listening to right now: The Dresden Dolls
6. How many buddies are online: 9
7. What would you change about yourself: My Weight, And My Nose
FAVORITES:
1. Colors: Blue and Green
2. Foods: Orange Chicken
3. Girl names: Tara, Christen, Kate, Stacy
4. Boys names: Kevin, James, Zackary
5. Subject in school: Drama
6. Sports: FUck That
7. Perfume: Celine Dion (lol)
8. Cologne: Axe - Apollo
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Given anyone a bath: yes
2. Smoked: yes
3. Bungee jumped: no
5. Skinny dipped: no
6. Been in love: yes
7. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yes
10. Cried when someone died?: yes
11. Lied: yes
12. Fallen for your best friend: yes
13. Been rejected: yes
14. Rejected someone: yes
15. Used someone: yes
16. Done something you regret: DUH!
CURRENT:
1. Clothes: Dark Green cargo pants and a dark green shirt with the jungle book logo and white socks
2. Music: The Dresden Dolls - The Jeep Song
3. Make-up: Dont wear it (on sundays lol)
4. Annoyance: Fish Tank Filter
5. Smell: Roses
6. Favorite artist: Death Cab For Cutie
7. Desktop picture: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Dead Bodies And Angels
8. Book you're reading: Confidential Confessions - Installment 5
9. Cd in player: The Dresden Dolls
ARE YOU:
1. Understanding: All the time
2. Open-minded: Totally
3. Arrogant: sometimes
4. Insecure: About certain things
5. Interesting: yes
6. Hungry: no
7. Smart: ???
8. Moody: yees
9. Hardworking: yes
10. Organized: no
11. Healthy: yes
12. Shy: no
13. Attractive: FUCK YEAH!!!
14. Bored easily: yes
15. Responsible: no
16. Obsessed: no
17. Angry: yes
18. Sad: yes
19. Disappointed: yes
20. Happy: no
21. Hyper: no
22. Trusting: yes
23. Talkative: yes yes yes so i was talking to this guy on the street BLAH BLAH BLAH
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