sputnik
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2004 5 October :: 10.45am
I hate writing things and they don't turn out as you planned. English= bleh
Going to the Forest of Fear soon. THe best Haunted forest in Michigan. I want to get a group together and go. It would be a blast. Maybe this time I won't fall down because my legs give out in great times of fear. The Haunt is so good.
I really have a crush on fear. God, I love Halloween.
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sputnik
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2004 4 October :: 8.52pm
Gahh... applying for a job. Guess where?
McDonalds. They said they were hiring and shoved an application in my face. It was kind-of to easy to be true.
It's not the best job but it will do for a while,... if I even get it.
Oh well. No use worrying until due time.
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m&ms487
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2004 4 October :: 4.42pm
I'm leaving for band in about an hour. Eating first, then going. My section doesn't know what they're in for, especially a certain one of them. They are getting bitched at, and not from me, either, which is a change.
I'll be back on after band, for all those adoring fans who wanted to know ;)
michelle
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sputnik
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2004 3 October :: 8.41pm
Would you still be my friend if I had leprosy?
More important, would I still get any action?
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sputnik
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2004 3 October :: 9.16am
:: Mood: cheerful
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HILARY!!!!!!!!
I love you so much!
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sputnik
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2004 3 October :: 9.08am
:: Mood: mellow
Well, last night was fun. I have to go home and Babysit now and people keep groaning in their sleep as I'm trying to type. Maybe I'm waking them up?
I don't know. Probably.
Hey Mitch if you still want to go to homecoming with me, I'd like to go. I was gonna call you on Fri night and talk but I had to leave early for the opening ceremony and I was gone all yesterday. I'll try and call you today prpbably. (But excuses, excuses right?)
Well, I'm out. Gotta go home.
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m&ms487
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2004 30 September :: 6.03pm
:: Mood: curious
I so badly want to know what I'm doing. I don't understand any of this. Lost. Lost in the crowd. Searching for something, searching for nothing perhaps.
Only one true escape, but I don't necessarily want that to become habit. There is no security, but I don't feel that. I feel like things are how they have always been, and I guess I'm scared that when the reality does hit, I won't be ready for it. So many big decisions are being made right now, and there is nothing I can do about them. The future is unclear, and there are so many things that I want to do that I know I won't have time to accomplish. For some reason, when I was little, I never thought about what I would be when I grew up. I mean, there were always the "I want to be a princess" but I could never see myself being twenty or thirty. Perhaps I knew something that I don't want to know. I keep on thinking, for some reason, that I don't have enough time, that I don't have enough time to say what I want to say or do what I want to do. Could I be percieving that I don't? That I'll die young, and I'm okay with it? I don't mean that I'm purposly going to do anything, but the thought just occurred to me that perhaps my mind and body know something so unconscious that I hadn't realized it until now. Of course, I'll probably end up living until i'm 100, but there is still that feeling of not enough time for anything, and I'm not talking about today or next week, I'm talking about in a lifetime.
That's some fucked up shit right there.
In other news, I totally belittled Mr. Carr today. We had a test and I wrote a three page essay (normally one half page) about how white males caused the Civil War and they are stupid egotistical jerks. I wonder if he'll get it. Probably not. The man teaches History and Federal Government and he spelled "Censorship" with and "S" instead of a "C". Smart, huh?
Tried out for the play yesterday, I'll know tomorrow the part that I got. Hopefully it'll be a good one. No jinxing myself here.
I guess everything will be okay, in time.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2004 30 September :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Irving Berlin/ Nat King Cole - What'll I Do?
Why is everyone falling apart? I don't know what to do to help them all. I don't know what to do. I just don't. I know I can take care of myself, but I'm scared for you, all of you.
You make me hurt for you and I want to be happy, and I want you to be happy.
But maybe sometimes we can't get what we want, now can we?
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sputnik
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2004 29 September :: 9.11pm
:: Mood: infatuated
:: Music: Flogging Molly- Salty dog
Wooooweeee!
I love Flogging Molly soooo much I just want to get up and dance everytime I hear anyone playing or singing it.
Gahh, those Irish doggs. Ya gotta love them!
The life of a happy child requires at least 1 hr per day of Flogging Molly. God I'm just in love.
If anyone has the newest cd, would you mind if I burned it? cause I'm poor and need it really bad.
Fine- not need but want with an intense passion. A passion almost overpowering me.
But I don't let it get in the way of my everyday life because I am a perfessional like that. Except when it involves a great group of characters like Flogging Molly.
You might think I'm obsessed.....
and you'd be thinking right.
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sputnik
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2004 29 September :: 8.52pm
:: Music: The Used
Blah
Dowloading is so boring. I tried out for the play and I'm not sure how I did but I hope I made a good part. Oh well. I'll know Friday at lunch. That's good. No weekend long waiting, cause that really sucks left in maybe. 2 days sucks for that matter too.
Humph.
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sputnik
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2004 29 September :: 1.29pm
I am so trying out for the play today and I hope I get a part.
I guess we'll see later how I do.
I need to wake up.
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sputnik
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2004 28 September :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: 45-Shinedown
BRIANNA!!!
Hey Brianna, how's it goin'?
This one's to you!
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sputnik
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2004 28 September :: 10.07pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: 45-Shinedown
Typical Conversations.
I love full moons and I love exploring and I love finding new places to do things at and adventures that arise from being where you're not supposed to be.
I hate homework and I hate people that confuse me. I hate being confused and left in the dark. I hate not understanding what people are talking about and not knowing how they could have known it.
Boys are baffling.
I have to go meditate.
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Sputnik
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2004 26 September :: 7.41pm
wow. That didn't work out as I hoped it would. No more plans with Jessi. She's jinxed. Man I was just starting to enjoy myself too.
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Sputnik
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2004 25 September :: 9.36am
:: Mood: Incredibly depressed
Worst Morning Ever!
To all you who don't know, my grandma died a little while ago ( like April or something) and I was okay with it. It was okay because I hadn't seen her in a long time because she lived in Kentucky for the last 3 yrs or so and I saw her like every 3 mnths or so. And I was prepared for it to happen because she had so many complications and such it had to happen. Well last night or this morning I guess I had a dream that this woman came up to me and she did everything like my grandma- even looked like her but wasn't. She sang the same stupid annoying old songs and liked to kiss me on my neck just to hear me giggle. Anyways, So I started feeling really bad in my dream and I saw this dog that looked just like hers ((a pomeranian)sp?) and I just sat there cuddling it and talking to it about how much I missed her. I woke up and I couldn't stop sobbing for Hours.
I'm still hicupping a little. So anyways after about five minutes of crying and I think I'm under control I need my Mom really bad. I go upstairs and she's sitting on the couch and Dina has her friend over and they are all watching TV with her and I go and sit by her and she see's I'm crying and I tell her I had a sad dream about Grandma and just starty sobbing so hard and crying so much it hurt. My Mom's all hugging me and crying too. And the whole time I feel really dumb because Rachel is sitting on the couch and the night before Dina told her I was the cool sister and all. Oh well.
I hate crying in front of people and will be emotional all day. I'm so ready to just have a good old time today. I need my friends. I need my music. I need my Grandma back.
I need to stop crying. My head hurts.
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