^_^
hey journal
me again! Joe isn't mad at me we actually had a good talk. I thank god for that. I feel much better now. But i feel pain for Katie... I truly know how that feels.... To be thought of as "lesser" than others... But Katie... I feel pain even worse for you than I ever did for me... To hurt such a sweet person... Is terrible ;-;. Well i g2g
miwako-chan

Dear journal thingie,

Hey how r u? I am okies... I hurt Joe's feelings a few nights ago by telling him that he seemed weird lately, and when I said I was sorry, he said no problem and it was ok.. But since I apologized he hasn't been on.. I hope it's just that he is busy and he is not avoiding me... That would break my heart...

Lizzie slept over last night. We had great fun and watched Jin-roh. She started to cry when Kei died. She and I both think that it was the other guy... or at least we hope so! Yeah we had a lot of fun making fashions on the "Princess fashion boutique" ^^; yes yes i know gay sounding but iut was actually quite fun ^^. Well g2g.
miwako-chan

Dear Journal thingie,
Hey how r u? I am just writing down all these feelings before I forget them.. Today at church we had the Easter session. They had Jesus's tomb and when church started, the stone in front of the tomb exploded with fireworks. THAT was sw33t! At the end of chruch our pastor, Wayne Schmidt, told anyone who was saved this year, or wants to be save to go through the tomb. You see I was saved by just privatley giving my holy lord my soul. So i didn't need to go up there, but Stephanie (remeber she is nine) said "jessie... I wanna go up there" and I said, "Stepahnie, do you even know what that means? It mena that you give your soul to Jesus forever." She smiled and nodded. So she held my hadnd as we went down/ For some reason, I wanted to go down as well.... Maybe to show everyone that i was truly born again. I dunno... I just smiled thinking of my lord.

Off that... I went to Joe with my saddness and my problems yesterday night. He gave me the best advice he could... I just pour my soul out to him. He is always so sure, and always gives me confidence to see another day... And he never minds when I talk to him about anything, Jesus, friends, family trobules... He always helps me throug it and actually.... seems to truly care..... *sighs*
miwako-chan

w/e
Dear journal thingie,
Hey how r u? I am good. I called Joe last night, but *sigh* he couldn't talk he was in the middle of a basket ball game *imagines Joe sweaty ^___^* but anywhoo, he said he would get on, but he never did ;-;. WAA! I want to talk to him, so yeah... Maybe I'll call over the weekend? Or tonight? Ack I dun wanna be a bother to him; i just care about him too much ^^;. I never wanna make him angry. So what do you think I should do???

Anyway, I wrote another story (not finished) on fictionpress.com. It's about a girl named Ula and the crystal mountain (it's only the first chapter so the mountain hasn't become part of the story yet) So I hope other people will read it. I also have another story called The War of Angel Blood. Hopefully they get read ^___^ Well I g2g I am at skool and soon there will be a lock down drill oooo fun!
miwako-chan

SKOOL NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dear Journal thingie,
NOOOOOOOO The evil hast come to get me!!! why why!?!?! Naze desu ka!?!?! Naze desu ka!?!?! Those d@mn bakas that run the skool district.... I dispise them..... GRRR CHEESE MOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am at skool typing this and my friend Lizzie is looking over my shoulder ^_^ (well not quite but same thing right ^^;;) She is giggling whenever I type about her! YAY! well i shall talk more later... (you know i am at skool and all)
miwako-chan

Why?
I hate this... Everyone (almost) is depressed in some way! Why am I the only one out of this pool of darkness? I usually am happy... But having depression does sometimes bring me down. I just worry... Even Dave is deprerssed... And he is always so happy and care-free. He says he is worried about me. He says my aura is quite sexy and doesn't want me to be hurt or raped. He worries.. He really cares about me... He really is liek a big brother. I called Joe today... I hate it that he is always busy... SOmetimes I just need to talk to him... He is my only ssaving grace right now. He always comforts me when no one else can. We may not always know what to say to each other... But he is my security in life... I know who I am with him. I think I love him.... Undoubtedly... Someday I will tell him again and tell him the whole story... And I know... He will eventually love me back.... I just know it....

miwako-chan

Still @ Kt's house ^_^
Dear Journal thingie,
Hey how r u today? I am okies. I had a nightmare last night about the demonic dentist's office... -_- I have three itsy-bitsy cavitites, and I need to get em filled. I really dun carre 'bout that it's just the shot that they stick in j00r mouth... And my phobia is of needles. I cry whenever peeps talk about it and spaz out like a krazy person (more crazy than i already am that is) But yeah so i have been worried bout that and i had a nightmare bout it now -_-;;;.

But off that, katie and I are going to go to her friend Kristi's house. I hope she likes me ^_^. SHe seems pretty nice ^_^. I met Katie's friend Jackie-chan yesterday. She was reely nice ^_^. I had a peechy time play DDR w/ her and KT! KT and I also watched this very amusing German video. I was quite amused by the gay Winnietouch. He made my laugh go MWAHAHA! I enjoyed his gayness. Ack I hope i wasn't too grumpy last night, I was gettign really sleepy 'round 3:00 in the morning. I hope my mom is having a good day. I wonder if she misses me? Aw well I'll se her tommorrow. Well see you guys l8er
miwako-chan

Miwako's beliefs
When we were driving to Wizzywig's I gazed out of my small window to see the tree branches covered in ice. The ice shimmered in the early light, it looked just like diamonds. I gasped in their beauty for a moment until I realized, the ice was killing the trees... Then the thought hit me... That something so beautiful had to be so deadly... It was killing one of the givers of life... a beautiful tree.... Tears flood the heart when I thought this way... I gazed to the sky, it was a pale blue this morning. Puffy gray clouds filled the sky It was like demons trying to cloud Gods view of us and the world... Or maybe God trying to hide heaven from us, until we die.... For some reason whenever I gaze into a blue sky I smile and see a lovers face in the sky... Always smiling back at me... It always makes me smile. While the night sky... I gaze into with wonder... Wondering why God put us on this planet. And wondering if there were others out there in the universe gazing into the sky thinking the same things... I always wonder when I gaze at the stars if I could ever touch one... Or at least dance with them in the sky.... As though I have wings... I also wonder if I will find true love... And when.... will I find it...? Or have I found it already? I have someone who I cried to, and comforted me.... I have someone Itold my fears to, who reassured me telling me "Nothing will happen... We are safe" Someone I have told secrets to, and someone I have even lied to.... But he found the truth in the end.... I wonder if he wonders about the truth as I do? He never looked at me this way before... Maybe he has now... But if he doesn't... I can tell myself I don't need him... And I will try to make this true... No matter if it hurts me to think of now... But with all my prayers I hope I will not have to live on without him.... Maybe someday....

SPRING BREAK!!!
Dear Journal thingie,
Hey how r u? I am good ^_^. Today is the first official day of SPRING BREAK!!! THANK GOD!!!! *she dances and laughs* But anyway, me and Reanna were supposed to practice today for the spring concert, but her mom made her go to her g-parents early -_-. But anyway Katie and I were talking and as we werer I decided to put one of my stories down on paper... I am just on the second page but i know it'll keep going, and KT promised me she would edit it for me. So wish me luck on it well g2g
miwako-chan

My dream last night
Dear Journal thingie,
I had a good dream last night! I didn't even want to wake up.... But I did.... Unfortunatley... Well... Me and my mom were in a new town. I think we had moved there. Well, we were in a shop/cafe and I heard some guys talking and I turned around and I saw Joe with two guys... I didn't say anything at first... Then he came up to me ^_^. And then we were on a train and there was just me and another girl... I didn't like the other girl, that's all I knew... But he was playing with her hair and junk but he suddenly stopped and started to play with me... Suddenly my head was on his lap!!! And he was playing with my hair.. *oO;;;* and he just said, "You'll never change... right?" and I said "No... never...." And I fell into a white light.... and that was all... I liked that dream

I'm @ skool -_-;;
Dear Journal thingie,
Hey how r u? I am okies. I just got to skool... Blech... Unfortunatly... But i got yesterday off, since I was sick, so I guess it's all right... Lizzie was crying today... I wish I could help... ;_; It makes me feel like crying when she cries ;_;. She is always upbeat and when she is sad it's really REALLY sad -_-. Nick is being annoying as usual... Singing to his computer..... ^^;;; Kris is just sitting there doing her homework... WOW! She's not being Carrot today! That's odd.... Well skool will be starting any minute now so
I love y'all
miwako-chan

"Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
I'm not the first to know
There's just no getting over you

You know I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But, baby, can't you see
There's nothing else for me to do?
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you

My head is saying, "Fool, forget him."
My heart is saying, "Don't let go.
Hold on till the end."
And that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you

But now there's nowhere to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That's exactly how I feel..... With Joe..-_-;;

But anyway How r u? I am okies. I have been sick yesterday and today so I stayed home from skool. I slept in till like one.
I still can barely breathe through my nose, but hopefully my sinuses will clear up. Katie hurt herself..... Because Ray hurt himself... But I started crying when she told me... I choked back the tears of worriement that filled my eyes. I NEVER want her to hurt herself!! I would die for her! She is one of my greatest friends and I feel so close to her... If anything happened to her... I don't know what I'd do... So Caroline.... DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!!! *worried worried*

But off that I am starting to make my own web page! It's fun! I just dunno how to put piccys on it yet... I tried the way my teacher told me to, but it didn't work! grr! So right now my page is kinda dull -_-.

I hope the war is over with soon... I hate hearing about some of the soldiers who die... It get's me sick to think that humans have to be this bloodthirsty against each other... It is more on the fault of Iraq, however, it takes to sides to start a war, and Amerika isn't totally right... Just my opinion ...
Luv y'all
miwako-chan

Dear Journal thingie
Hey I had a sucky day... My mommy got really mad at me this morning... Cause I didn't clean the living room b4 she got home ;_;. She left the house all mad and I felt like sobbing my head off... But there was a girl over (Kaleigh) so we just cleaned the house as a "we;re sorry" but my mommy was still mad! So I just about cried at that moment thinking all the work we did was in vain. Eventually mommy got over it and said she was sorry as did I. I am pmsing so everything today seems like a big deal. Katie went to a friends house to watch Jin Roh and I started to cry ^^;;; Stupid pms! I hate it! grr.... Also I am a bit grumpy cause I took an alergy pill that made me really sleepy and gloomy. Again Katie: I am SOOO sorry I kno we were both kind bitchy/moody today but that didn't give me any excuse to be mean to my sisseh! Anyway I put my view on pollution on mp today. It was funb saying how stupid most of the human race is ^___^. Well g2g
miwako-chan

My life right now (just so no one is confused ^^:::)
Dear Journal thingie,
Hey how r u? I am okay.... Well since I need to tell y'all this: Joe found out bout my feelings... I showed him one of my poems and then he asked "who is it for?" and i kept trying to get off the subject but he kept asking and guessing who it was until I gave in and told him. He got kinda nervous and said I was too young for him, and lived too far away... I started to cry after that and I said so. He felt really bad and sad and said, "Don't tell me... you hate me now..." And i asked "is it cause i am not pretty enough or i am not nice enough?" and he said "..no." Everyone is telling me he is just scared... I mean I have never heard of him having a girfriend. (that he has told me). So i dunno if he just will never like me that way... or if he is scared... whaat do y'all think?
well c u later
miwako-chan
**please help me with this**