::
2004 8 May :: 10.46 pm
:: Mood: torn
:: Music: matchbook romance _ promise
... sometimes, it's not ok to talk about how you feel. sometimes the best you can do for the people you love is to not say anything and live like nothing is wrong. and so i keep going.
"sometimes in life....you have to give more, even when you feel like giving up."
... i just have to remember everything will be ok.
Fell |
::
2004 6 May :: 4.37 pm
:: Mood: crappy
i can't sit in this pool of misery
thinking maybe you'll come back to me
i can't lay here listening to these songs and let life pass me by ...
don't lie, we both know it's over
don't try, and tell me it's ok
it's not, and even though you say we're still friends ... it feels like the end
"move on", is what i want to say
instead, it's "lauren, maybe you should wait?"
i keep trying, to tell myself i'll be alright
forget him move on
but i find myself alone,
wishing you were here again
i have no will to leave
i only wish you were holding me
like the way we hoped that it could be
now it's all gone, theres nothing left for anyone to see
... i'll walk out silently
3 Watched me as I |
Fell |
::
2004 3 May :: 6.23 pm
:: Mood: Zone-ish
:: Music: Northstar-Taker not a Giver
another survey to keep the recent entries from being seen by me ... :-(
5 things that scare you : the dark. open closet doors. scarey movies. monsters. love.
5 things that make you laugh: My friends. Destroying things or watching things be broken. My dog. Adam Sandler. Chinese/Japanese people.
5 things you love: Johnny Depp. My friends. My family (including my dog). Music. The feeling that the person your talking to understands what your going through and care about you.
5 things you hate: Fake people (mostly fake mean-to-emo un-emo girls) lol audrey. The dark and the way people think thats a joke. Rap. Insensitive guys. and not being able to put a guy's name in the "5 things i love" place :-(
5 things you don't understand: guys. Distance. Dumb people. People who speak different languages. Death.
[[ parents still together? ]] yes
[[ siblings? ]] 1 little sister, meghan
[[ pets? ]] 1 dog, casper
[[ in school/graduated? ]] mariner
..Preferences..
[[ black and white/color ]] art:black and white but anything else color
[[ red/blue ]] red
[[ dogs/cats ]] dogs
[[ roses/daisies ]] roses
[[ hair: short/long ]] long
[[ boots/shoes ]] shoes
[[ food: mexican/italian ]] italian
[[ dark/light ]] LIGHT!!!
[[ day/nite ]] this won't make any sense. night
[[ city/country ]] pismo beach, skagway, and atlin .. lol anna
[[ sheets: solid/animal prints ]] SCOOBY DOO! but mine are solid :-(
..Favorites..
[[ color ]] Orange
[[ animal ]] Dog
[[ flower ]] lilacs
[[ pop ]] sprite
[[ food ]] Cookie Dough Ice Cream!
[[ book ]] Koala Lou I Do Love You
[[ band ]] Something Corporate
[[ solo artist ]] don't know
[[ cd ]] many ... too hard to choose
[[ movie ]] Any Johnny Depp movie ... mainly Benny and Joon
[[ director ]] Tim Burton ... IS AWSOME!
..Do you..
[[ have tattoos? ]] no, want one though
[[ have piercings? ]] yeah
[[ are you psycho? ]] ... am i?
[[ split personalities? ]] no
[[ schizophrenic? ]] i don't think so?
[[ obsessive? ]] of what lol johnny depp?
[[ compulsive? ]] no
[[ obsessive compulsive? ]] no
[[ panic? ]] yeah ... in the dark
[[ anxiety ? ]] in the dark and when i feel cornered
[[ depressed? ]] recently ... very
[[ suicidal? ]] thought about it ... not now
[[ homicidal? ]] no
[[ obsessed with hate? ]] make love not war
[[ mutilate animals? ]] OMG NO! I LOVE ANIMALS!!
..have you ever..
[[ been in love ]] no ...?
[[ been kissed ]] yeah ...
[[ kept a secret from everyone ]] yes
[[ had an imaginary friend ]] no
[[ called or seen a psychic ]] no
[[ ever cried at a chick flick ]] lol yeah every one
[[ found a cartoon character attractive ]]HELL YES! lol anna ROBIN HOOD! aw man.
[[ ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the block tape ]] no
[[ watched Punky Brewster ]] no
[[ prank called someone ]] yeah
[[ eaten a whole box of cookies ]] no
[[ been on stage ]] yeah
[[ gotten in a car accident ]] just little ones
..do you..
[[ wear eye shadow ]] NO yuck
[[ have a dog ]] yeah i love him!
[[ have any regrets ]] yes ... not many
[[ have a crush ]] yeah ... only he doesn't like me like that ... at least i think he doesn't, theres always that hope
[[ who do you go to for advice ]] friends
[[ who knows all your secrets ]] no one, but annalisse probably knows the most
[[ who do you cry with ]] no one. i do it alone. i hate pitty.
..do you believe in..
[[ god/devil ]] ... uhm i guess so
[[ yourself ]] not usually
[[ your friends ]] yeah
[[ aliens ]] OMG YEAH! most definately
[[ love ]] yeah
[[ the closet monster ]] yeah
[[ one person for everyone ]] no
what are you...
[[ doing ]] this survey
[[ wearing ]] Jeans and a rusty shirt
[[ listening to ]] The Starting Line, the saddest girl story
[[ thinking ]] about guys and how confused i am about them. also friends, and how they confuse me sometimes too. also how this song i can relate to. and how it helped me get through what i've been going through
[[ smelling ]] Mom's dinner
[[ drinking ]] water ... because i ran out of ice
Do you were glasses? no
Do you have braces? not anymore :-D
School: Mariner
Location: Lame Florida ... BUT SOON TO BE: Pismo Beach to Skagway to Atlin!
What time is it right now? 6:37
What is your e-mail address? wayawayfromhere6@aol.com
][sOcIaL life][
Best friend(s): Anna
Are you single? yeah
If so, do you have a crush? yeah
What's their name? do i have to say?
Are you always the center of attention? no, i don't want to be
Where is the best hang out? The boardwalk .. WATCHING THE DANCING CRABS! lol anna yeah ... im nuts
][OuT oF yO fReNz In GeNeRaL..wHo?][
do you always get along with? casper
has the coolest parents? anna!
has the coolest house? probably lisa ... i dunno they are all kinda the same normal houses
has the coolest siblings? anna lol yeah your brother is a cool dude! lol
is the shyest? stephen
is most likely to become a millionare? i don't know
is the b*tchiest: lol no comment
always wears a smile? Stephen
is the smartest? Audrey
is the biggest flirt? Erica
is the most annoying? ... no comment do you miss the most? connor
always makes you laugh? connor
is always there for you? all of them
who's back do you always have? all of them
understands you the most? none of them ... sometimes i don't understand myself
][pErSoNaL dOs][
Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with? yeah :-(
Have you ever had a crush on a friend? yes
Do you wanna get married? i don't know
Are you happy with your life? uhm not recently
Do you believe that at this point in your life, you know who the right one is for you? no
this survey was better than the last one i think
6 Watched me as I |
Fell |
::
2004 1 May :: 11.00 pm
:: Mood: tired
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: hair ... long hair, is so awsome ... i can't even begin to explain
[last person u slow danced with]: aw man, i don't know if i like dancing, therefore i haven't done it in a long time, therefore i've forgotten the last person i danced with
-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: uhm ... no one ... or so i try to tell myself
[easiest to talk to]: anna
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: no, i fell for him and then he became one of good friends :-(
-W H O .W A S .T H E.L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: uhm ... an alien ... he had nothing to say to me, he actually hung up ... and he keeps calling back and he wants me to get offline but i say "NEVER GIVE UP! NEVER SURRENDER!"
[hugged]: my mom, she went clubbing or something, i don't like the thought of that
[you instant messaged]: erica ... but she thought i was annalisse
[you laughed with]: annalisse ... about the aliens that keep calling my house
-D O .Y O U / / A R E.Y O U-
[could you live without the computer?]: i don't think so ... my phone bill would be sky high if i couldn't talk to my friends or yeah i couldn't live now without being able to listen to whatever song i want whenever i want
[what's your favorite food?]: ice cream
[whats ur favorite fruit?]: DEFINATELY NOT GRAPES!!! aw man i hate grapes! i swear the aliens have invaded my grapes! they still try. bastards
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain]: emotional ... yeah most definately
[trust others way too easily?]: some people
-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken?]:once
[of hearts i have broken?] : one
[of guys i have kissed?] : two, one meant nothing
[of drugs taken illegally?] : none
[of cd's that i own?] : not that many ... i try not to blow my money on things worth while lol in other words i blow it all on stupid things ... like donating my lunch money
[of scars on my body?] : i don't know i don't go looking for them, and if i have i didn't count them and i'm too lazy to do it now
[of things in my past that i regret?] countless ... but you can't dwell on it ... it's over
-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.
[i know]: raisins are humiliated grapes
[i want]: for him to be happy
[i need]: socks
[i have]: candles ... in case the lights go out
[i wish]: i ... i wish i wouldn't wish so much. things never come true
[i hate]: being hated
[i miss]: feeling that way
[i hear]: stop ... by plain white t's, it's stuck in my head ... i always hear things in my head
[i search]: for someone to catch my fall
[i love]: my friends ... dude i'd be dead without them
[i ache]: my back ... it's killing my because of this stupid chair ... SOMEONE is suppose to be buying me one with his NEW CREDIT CARD but it's ok lol
[i care]: not enough ... im very irresponsible of my belongings but then again i care too much about other people (i hate being hated)
[i dance]: with me and anna are fighting!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! wow i think my mom worries about me ... she seriously thinks im a mental
[i cry]: a lot ... more than i think people know
[i do not always]: keep my room clean ... it's not dirty just messy ... i had to clean it today and i swear it stayed clean for about 15 minutes to a half an hour
[i confuse]: myself and everyone around me
[i can usually be found]: on the computer or by myself in this big loney house
ARE YOU:
[wuss]: when it comes to the dark ... no seriously i'm terrified of the dark ... and im a wuss when it comes to my dog. i'm very sensitive about my dog (my real one steph!)
[druggie]: no .. but MY FRIENDS think i am
[gang member]: no ... BUT i could be ... im actually in a clan ... yeah the AVN ... we even have a hit list ... VEAL FARMERS!
[daydreamer]: i try not to ... i don't daydream i have an over-active imagination
[alcoholic]: no ... but it runs in the family
[brat]: no ... i hope not ... i don't think so
[sarcastic]: at times
[goody-goody]: no
[angel]: not at all ... far from it actually
[devil]: no
[a friend]: yes to many ... love everyone
[shy]: uhm no, not unless i really like someone ... then i think "wow they might think im ugly or fat or stupid or stuck-up or" ... yeah ect.
[talkative]: yeah ... mostly to anybody ... people from ... australia? lol anna
[adventurous]: yeah ... i like to get lost in one acre or woods and come back with ticks on my neck ... (they can jump 6 feet!) "grandma is there any ticks in this bed?" "i sure hope not sweety" wow that was a blast from the past ... i still hate bugs ... that was back when the blair witch project first came out
[intelligent]: sumtimes
-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
[your best feature]: nothing
[your biggest flaw ]: low self-esteem
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: falling for something i know i couldn't have
[describe your personality in one word]: i don't know, if you know me you could answer it
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]:i don't know ... i kinda let compliments go in one ear and out the other i know it's rude but i don't think very highly of myself at all
[person you regret sleeping with]: my sister because she's abusive ... the person i most regret having sex with ... hmmm no one, mostly because i haven't had sex with anyone
[height]: 5'6 ish
[a smell that makes you smile]: LILACS! i wouldn't wear it aslike a perfume but my aunt used to have a lilac bush and i used to pick them in WI and so yeah i miss them
[a place you'd like to visit]: california ... only i wouldn't come back
[a drink you order most often]: sprite
[a delicious dessert]: cookie dough ice cream ... is the best
[a book you highly recommend]: speak ... yellow fever ... witch child ... and uhm koala lou i do love you
[the music you prefer while alone]: i dunno ... i basicly have no certain alone and not alone music ... speaking of not alone, gothica is a good scarey movie
[your favorite band/s]: i don't have one ... i like many
[a film you could watch over and over]: fantasia and alice in wonderland "THEY'VE BEEN EATEN! every one!" and every freaking johnny depp movie in the world .. EXCEPT! yes there is an exception in my infatuation from hell and nightmare on elm street
[a TV show you watch regularly]: i don't have one anymore
[you live in a(n)]: i house on a street
[your transportation]: an suv or a truck
[your cologne or perfume]: happy
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: under my bed- monsters and in my closet- a monster trap
[something important on your night table]: an alarm clock ... because it takes a faithful alarm clock to put up with the abuse i give it every morning.
ok well ... twas a long one ... an im so freakin tired ... i think ill go now ... good-bye
-lauren-elf-andy-
Fell |
::
2004 21 April :: 9.44 pm
lead on
to keep our feelings strong
and make me still believe
our page is one and the same
our ways will separate tonight
you say "if we were to wait
some things just might be changed"
I say that I dont have the strength
to fuel a burning flame
speak to me
"what can I say, we just live too far away"
that's a shame, that love can't make you stay
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
Leave me the way it has to be
excuse my poor excuse
tell me that insecurities
are what drove me to you
and everyday I compare your face
from sweet beginnings to your bitter end
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
Let me let go
sweet thing
I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are
You say this could work someday
when you and I both know this is the end
Fell |
::
2004 12 April :: 10.52 am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: seventy times seven, brand new
awful night = awful day
IN TIME, by me
you parents teach you to say no to drugs
to wait for sex
to hold back your angry words at people you hate
but they never prepared you for the heartbreaks to come
they must have thought i new it all
honestly, did you think it wouldn't hurt me
you only lead me to it and now i cant get through it
waiting for the day that you'll say
"im here it's ok" but i know it will never come
wishing on a dying star it was all a bad dream, you're mine
but the dying star fades along with our days
missing the times i thought you'd be mine
the days we knew we were soul mates
i still think the same . . .
i'm still here and always will be, it's to hard to let go . . . this is all i know
hold on to what matters don't let it get away
talking to you our conversation progresses i wish now i never said a thing
my best friend's there, she doesn't know what to say
she sees you hurting but she can never understand the pain
just start to think about all the fun times, and i cry
start to think about those nights we felt so alive
i needed you to see it through, thinking every step of the way that you would
we stayed up until half past three
falling out of our chairs laughing, literally
i could live forever that way just you and me and every stupid little thing you say
i hope i drown in my sleep
with every memory of you and the way things used to be
maybe then your life will go back to just right
and you wont lose sleep thinking about me in the night
this is by far worse than i ever imagined
when you just cant cry because the dark has soaked up your tears
you feel yourself drifting into despair
the words are way to much for me to bare
"friends, its all we can ever be" when it's always meant SO much more to me
i wish you'd understand just how much i wanted you
you say you'll be alright you'll live
when its just so hard to see it now
i come home, i'm all alone, whats new
it used to be i'd be alone so i would talk to you
she's so much more to you than i had ever imagined
i do feel bad for saying this but i wish it never happened
the safe i once knew is now gone
every corner i turn your there, waiting to remind me of just what i cannot have
i opened my heart once to an amazing guy,
it turned out not so great, now im just waiting for these tears to subside
the only place i could ever talk here, i know you don't read this but i wish you'd take a peak
see just what you meant to me, understand my agony.
it just doesn't seem quite fair, despite of everything i've said nothing can really quite compare . . . to her
i know i brought it on myself i KNOW this is all my fault but really i feel dead
and my feelings balme my heart who lead me falsy to this guy who i know is just right, but i didn't really steal him in time
i still hope you miss me and i still hope you care
i know i've been a bitch, i'm just mad because i was never prepared
for a night when the world might come crashing down
and you look so hard but you don't see anybody around
grabbing desperately to save myself, i only see you drifting father . . . i'm making it worse
i have so much to do here in this little house but i can't stop thinking of you
i need you here to hug and tell me it's ok but you live 900 miles away
its ok
i'll be fine . . . in time
8 Watched me as I |
Fell |
::
2004 12 April :: 12.12 am
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: stairway to heaven _zepplin
wow guys tonight has been crazy . .. ..
-wish i could be all that he means to me ...
Fell |
::
2004 10 April :: 8.35 pm
:: Mood: laughing at my cool little sister
meghan: oh crap...
lauren: what?
meghan: i drew mom and dad a picture but i forgot to draw grandma one
lauren: so draw grandma one
meghan: i don't have a drawing book
lauren: so draw it on computer paper
meghan: I DONT HAVE MY DRAWING BOOK!
lauren: what do you need a drawing book for just use computer paper!
meghan: I NEED MY DRAWING BOOK!
lauren: NO YOU DON'T JUST USE COMPUTER PAPER!
meghan: LAUREN! I NEED MY DRAWING BOOK_
lauren: NO MEGHAN DRAW A CARD ON PAPER! ITS THE SAME THING
meghan: OH MY GOD! LAUREN!!!! I NEED THE BOOK I GOT FROM THE LIBRARY TO SHOW ME HOW TO DRAW_
lauren ... : ... oh ...
Fell |
::
2004 7 April :: 7.52 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: 99x
i just wish i was pretty n its all i can think of i hate the guys at our school and i hate the drama at our school and im sick of everything an di just want to sleep forever ... long story
andy fat
9 Watched me as I |
Fell |
::
2004 4 April :: 4.43 pm
wow this is like just how i want to live but without kids! hahahaha!
Fell |
::
2004 4 April :: 3.50 pm
:: Mood: lonley
:: Music: something corperate, konstantine
just waiting ...
Fell |
::
2004 1 April :: 6.20 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: here's your letter
i think i'll stop writing in my journal... i dont think anyone reads it anyway so for your own comfort lauren... you probably wont writein here for a while godbye old friend
~andy
i STILL love johnny depp
3 Watched me as I |
Fell |
::
2004 17 March :: 4.27 pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: Hoobastank _ Reason (on anna's limewire)
hey guys im at anna's house n my computer is at the computer place getting "fixed" i dunno its all so screwy but i wont have it for a while n i have no clue when im getting it back, or why we keep sending it there but thats besides the point. im really happy lately but i've got a lot on my mind, spring break is going by too fast! oh well this song is kinda depressing i think ill listen to konstantine by something corperate but its not such a happy song either. man i need some pop right now anna doesnt have any at her house n ive been living off slice and diet pepsi at my house lol i've gotta start watching what i eat well i got to go so ill see you all later! ~f.a.t~andy
1 Watched me as I |
Fell |
::
2004 17 March :: 4.27 pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: Hoobastank _ Reason (on anna's limewire)
hey guys im at anna's house n my computer is at the computer place getting "fixed" i dunno its all so screwy but i wont have it for a while n i have no clue when im getting it back, or why we keep sending it there but thats besides the point. im really happy lately but i've got a lot on my mind, spring break is going by too fast! oh well this song is kinda depressing i think ill listen to konstantine by something corperate but its not such a happy song either. man i need some pop right now anna doesnt have any at her house n ive been living off slice and diet pepsi at my house lol i've gotta start watching what i eat well i got to go so ill see you all later! ~f.a.t~andy
Fell |
::
2004 10 March :: 4.03 pm
:: Mood: determined
"I'd Do Anything" _Simple Plan
Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting
And I wrote this letter in my head
Cuz so many things were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight
This could be the one last chance
To make you understand
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
And leave this place
To never come back
So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting
This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
Nanana (....)
And I'd do anything for you
Nanana (....)
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Cuz somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
Cuz I know
I won't forget you
Fell |
|