::
2003 14 March :: 7.59 am
I am having troubles lately putting into words how I really feel.
I have lately noticed that life is the hardest thing to write about. I can never tell anyone how I really feel and then through my stupidity I end up saying something that isn't really what I wanted to say. Then something completely horrible always ends up coming out something so horrible that I can't stand to think that I just hurt someone so bad and then I can't sleep I can't eat I can't work it's......it's.......just plain horrible.
BLAH I hate comtemplating.
well if you insist |
::
2003 13 March :: 8.34 am
:: Mood: tired
Have you ever been so tired that you feel like your sleepwalking through school???
Yesterday I went to Honors Choir in Ludington it was cool untill about five hours later of constant standing and my feet felt like they were going to fall off. I have never noticed how much work it could be to just stand and sing for eight hours. It's kind of weird I never looked at standing in one place as an exercise. But after yesterday I am thinking twice because if it isn't I am going to make it one.
Sorry I am just rambling on I have to let this one go see ya
well if you insist |
::
2003 7 March :: 8.22 am
:: Mood: depressed
Well today could be worse I guess but then again if it did it would just suck even more.
Okay here is the question of the day... Can you be happy when everything around you is crashing down if front of you? OR are you just hideing what you really want to do??
My Grandpa has pnemonia I don't know if everyone knows this but when you have Cancer and are as sick as he has been lately it's not a good thing to get even more sick.
Really deep down I just want to cry for hours but it's like there, there but they don't want to come out. So my stomache is all tied up in knots and alls i do is stare at the floor all day. What can I do?? It's not like I can heal him myself cause trust me if I could I would.
I hate this world all people do is Die what is the since why doesn't God just make it easy why can't he just tell everyone what they can do to be happy all the time because Depression sucks.
3 you must really like mestalkers |
well if you insist |
::
2003 6 March :: 8.07 am
:: Mood: crahappy
The last time I thought I was happy it turned out to just be a hoax.
Today once again I woke upthinking that I was going to throw up. I don't know what is wrong with me lately but it's like my body has the weird mechinism** that when I gain a certain amount of wait I will throw anything else up untill i get down to my orginal weight. It's actually kind of scary.
Mr.Dummer yelled at me today saying that I plagerized with Steph just because for some reason our papers looked exacally the same;.] oh well so what if I copied her or vise versa Circle of Friends is not the best book of the century if he hasn't noticed.
Anyways I know that I am being completely stupid today it's just one of those days where i feel like being an idiot.
sorry guys this one is hopeless
well if you insist |
::
2003 5 March :: 1.48 pm
lately I have decided that life never goes the way you think it should.
So today I wake up thinking it is going to be a really good day I mean NO SCHOOL!!! but you know just as well as me that nothing ever goes MY way.
at percisely** 12:30 I found out that my Grandpa is going to die within the next week or less. HALAJUIA doesn't that sound like the best day in your life!!! BLah. I hate this day
Jessa if your on can you give me your MSN name so I can at least talk to some human lifeforms.
God doesn't snow days kick ASS
well if you insist |
::
2003 4 March :: 7.59 am
:: Mood: cynical
I have so many things to deal with yet time flys by with out a glance
I hate the way life seems to race by while I stand to sit and watch. I should be out there doing something productive instead of doing nothing that is something. I need to get a job. I need to go see everything that I want to see. I have a book that I have been reading at home but when I finally get the time to read it I feel like it doesn't matter cause I will find time later.
somethimes I hate me. I know that I need to loose wait, yet I sit and eat all the damn food that is put in front of me like I haven't ate in weeks. what is the matter with me??? I need some serious help.
I have a whole bunch of acquantinces** but how many true friends do I really have??? It's so hard to tell. certain people claim to be my best friend but at the moment of truth they don't stand up for me or even give me the advice or push to keep me going. Is that a good friend or is that just an acquantince**??
If I could meet one person dead or alive it would God so I could ask him all the questions that I wanted and maybe I could understand what life is really about except for just waiting to die.
1 you must really like me |
well if you insist |
::
2003 3 March :: 8.17 am
:: Mood: rejuvenated
I have absolutly nothing to say today just that I hinted to a certain someone that I wanted to get a certin something and that certain someone thinks that they know what that certain something is.
hey that could be a tongue twister!!!!
1 you must really like me |
well if you insist |
::
2003 28 February :: 8.30 am
:: Mood: calm
Okay what is with the stupid Journal thing?? does nobody like me enough to write back on any of them?
Geez. I am looking through my friends journals and all of them have replys to there journals and yeah I guess I get some once every blue moon but come on Jessa gets replys all the time. I hate that. Oh and Jess did you paint that picture on your journal???? If you did it looks really cool some day she is going to be a really well known artist and I am going to look at everyone who thinks she's a god and go Yup and I got the prevledge to live with her for four years or something like that.
Did anyone ever notice that some days you just feel like being nice to everyone. I don't kno whats with me today It's like I am groviling with everyone cause I feel insecure about not having enough friends. I have enough friends I am just stupid some times. Okay well see ya.
well if you insist |
::
2003 27 February :: 8.53 am
:: Mood: crazy
Now i am not going to copy the certain someone who is going to think that i copied her but i thought that i was going to do this yesterday i would have but my computer was down.
The things that I WILL do/see/go/read/touch/eat.
DO:
1.go skydiving
2.go mountin biking in the rivara
SEE:
1.haven't got here yet
GO:
1.to Australia
2.Europe
READ:
1.Eutopia
2.The tail of 2 cities
Touch:
1.A panda
2.The wall of China
EAT:
1.Hot tamalies from mexico
2.Real chinese food from china
well it's not much but it's all i had written down from last night. I am really going to all this you guys just wait and see!!!
well if you insist |
::
2003 26 February :: 12.43 pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: stand by me
I have found myself looking in at everyone else wondering what the hell am i doing!
I see what everyone else is doing right now to prepare them for there life ahead of them and i feel as if i am missing out on all the fun. all i do is just sit here staring into everyone else's lives wondering if i could ever be like them.
I have always thought that maybe just maybe that some day i will be hit with some stroke of genious and all of the answers that i have ever asked will be automatically answered*. But then the pessimistic me steps out and says "do you really think that, that will actually happen?" GOd sometimes i just hate myself. I can't stand how i have these battles with myself that i know won't be won but yet i still persue them.
sorry about the anticks but sometimes they just have to be said.
well if you insist |
::
2003 25 February :: 8.05 am
Question:why does he refer to the other guy as "THE HOST" does he not want them to know who he is cause i know who he is.
okay anyways i was supposed to go shopping today but i didn't get my grandma's house complety clean yesterday so i am going to have to go and finish tonight. It took me 4 hours just to clean the upstairs. Wonder how long it will take to clean the bottom??? I hate how big that house is but hey at least i get paid min. wage so already i have 20 dollers i figure it will probably take another 4 hours to clean the bottom to so thats 40 dollers and i will be rollin in it. i go and clean my aunts house on saterday, i think that i should make this a buisness
ANY ONE NEED THERE HOUSE CLEANED????
if so contact me and i will see what i can do.
well if you insist |
::
2003 21 February :: 8.32 am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: happy happy happy happy days
weather you like it or not this is the way that this is going to go so you better not screw this up!!!!!!!
today is one of the wierdest days ever i woke up in the best mood i mean when i walked out to the car no one bad thought came to mind about the person sitting next to me. it truly is a good day.
NO ONE SCREW IT UP!!!
my cousin is coming up for the weekend thats going to be cool we don't see eachother that much anymore so this is going to be awesome.
i have the best idea for tonight and im not telling anyone what my plans are. i miss doing the things that i used to do everyday when i was a child. im just going to have to start re doing them. everyone needs to get in touch with there child in side of them sometimes right? right!
I woke up this morning and didn't have to do anything to myself it was like god was blessing me cause i have been so good lately he gave a good hair day great complextion and hey i even look good thanks to my mom who did the laundry last night bout time!!
oh yeah i am trying that 10 day pantene pro V thing and if it doesn't work I am going to call them up and demand a refund because i will be pissed that they promised me healtheir looking hair and dammit i better have healthyeir looking hair!
alright class is almost over so talk to ya later.
well if you insist |
::
2003 20 February :: 8.26 am
:: Mood: predatory
can you believe the world these days
the days go by so slowly that i feel as if i am standing still in an open feild while everyone else is running around me. the darkness slides in and out filling me with regret i want to let go of the things i say i want to be a part of this world i want to let everyone see that i can be somebody nobody thought i could be. but it subsides and back to normalcy for a few more days. i'd like to think that it was me who finished this little revolution but i have not got the power to keep my own body under controll.
yup im just like everyone else stupid and just a little kid with no where to go till i know thats what i want
well if you insist |
::
2003 14 February :: 8.02 am
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Im a Bitch
Well I guess HAPPY VALENTINES DAY would be in order.
But happy is the least from my mind. I got all dressed up for this stupid Halmark holiday and my dumb ass boyfriend didn't even notice. he didn't get me anything, i mean not to be superfisial which i know i have already made myself sound but how hard is it to make a homemade card? thats what i did. and still i feel like today is a horrible day.
we have a pep assembly today and i am not going. never would i subject myself to ranting over gay people running around like fags. never the less cheering for them. stupid school anyways. were the only damn one open today. fuck the winter break! I wanna sleep in. but noooooo stupid fuckin tri countys got to be open all day today. well i'll show you school i won't stay all day. so take that.
well if you insist |
::
2003 13 February :: 8.09 am
:: Mood: geeky
:: Music: "all the lions they can eat my body but they cant..swallow my soul.
I went to go see my grandpa the other day in the hospital, i got to tell you guys he isn't doing so hot. he has lost almost 100 pounds and he's so pale. I'm really scared that i am going to loose him. and i was just starting to get to know him. now look how God repays me he throws cancer at us.
tommorow is valentines day and i am planning on getting a special someone something special. but i'll let you all in on a secret it's not who you think it's going to be. but shhhhh. don't tell.
Jessa how are things going nowadays??? don't here much from ya. just what you know who spouts off at times. Oh and i have a favor to ask of you.... will you please help me with a research paper i am doing? pretty please. it's on the holocaust and i need some mad info and am having trouble finding the stuff i want. so please please please.
pease
well if you insist |
::
2003 27 January :: 9.15 am
:: Mood: bitchy
hey
i got something to say but yet i don't know if i want you to all hear it. so yeah then i will adress jessa: you are not crazy, your beutifull. no matter how moody you are. because you know what i get that way sometimes to it's just my mom doesn't know that maybe something is wrong with me. I love ya jess don't forget that. katie don't send me gay emails there is no sence in even reading them.
erin thanks for being so nice lately it's been fun really. and to everyone else fuck off cause i hate you
1 you must really like me |
well if you insist |
::
2003 27 January :: 9.12 am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: lean on me~stupid mr.Dummer got it stuck in my head
Jessa you are so weird
What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
well if you insist |
::
2002 12 December :: 8.30 am
:: Mood: annoyed
hey sorry i haven't been here much.
Jess nice to hear that something actually going your way! saw Erin at my x-mas concert. that was nice except she didn't say much to me. oh well old grudges die hard right? right!
i would say something that I've wanted to tell everyone lately but right now i have someone looking over my shoulder all the time so maybe later when im not so preoccupied** but all's im going to say is that i really wish this person wuold tell me how they feel.
oh well who cares.
well if you insist |
::
2002 3 December :: 7.51 am
:: Mood: amused
i said i liked red hair????
Who are you?
well if you insist |
|
