gillette
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2012 14 January :: 3.46pm
I feel weird at the spot I am at in my life right now. Looking back at old pics from like 2 years ago and earlier..I was surrounded by so many friends and fun people...now I just feel like I'm associated with a couple casino people and Nic. Meh.
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2012 5 January :: 12.26am
The lions lost by two fumbles and a touchdown.
And today I got a voicemail from a cemetary.
Coincidence?
I think not.
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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rayray
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2012 3 January :: 10.24am
I have actually been enjoying Mike being home for the past week. He has helped with Reagan a ton. And he drives me everywhere I have to go. Not to mention we've gotten stuff done around the house. Definitely needed this and I'm not ready for him to go back to work.
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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rayray
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2011 26 December :: 3.09pm
As usual my mom has to be herself.
She made dinner for us at my sisters, because my sister has a dishwasher. Well, needless to say she left the mess for us to clean up. She took all the meat for fajitas, and left all the rest of the stuff. She wouldn't even join all of us in the living room. She sat in a chair behind the couch so that she could escape outside to go smoke as frequently as she wanted. Seriously, every time we turned around she was outside.
After she left my sister asked my brother and I if we ever remember our dad hitting mom.. Uhm, no. Apparently she was at her "boyfriends" house and was telling my brother in law that our dad used to beat her and of course we will all deny it.. Uh hello, he NEVER hit her. She is pathetic. She seriously has to come up with the stupidest shit for an excuse for why they got divorced.
So I believe next year we are just going to get together for Christmas and not invite her.
4 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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rayray
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2011 18 December :: 4.48pm
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.
About how much I miss my Grandparents and wish they were here to see Reagan and my nephews grow up. It breaks my heart that they aren't physically here and have missed a lot that has happened in my life. I know they are proud of me, and are watching over me, but its not the same as sharing the moments with them, and hearing them tell me.
I have been thinking a lot about Mike's family. Mainly his brother. His brother has spent the last 3 years in prison. He missed their moms funeral, so he never got to say goodbye. He doesn't know that he has a niece that is a year old. He hasn't seen his son in years. I know that I shouldn't feel bad for him because he put himself in prison, but I do feel bad. He called Mike today to let him know how he was doing, and that he was out of prison. Before he got off the phone he told Mike to tell Darielle he said hi, and then told him he loved him. Mike said I love you back, and I was shocked. I commented about it, and he told me that he did love his brother and that he got the raw end of the deal growing up. That if he hadnt been raised by their mom then he would have turned out better. I said what about your sister? And he told me that he doesn't love his sister. She had a fair chance at life and she chose to screw it up. I guess it is what it is. His family is jacked up, and they barely know my daughter. But I do not want her to know the half of what they are about, so I guess I am going to protect her for as long as I can.
I have been thinking about my life, my relationship. I don't have a perfect relationship by any means. But I don't have a crumbling relationship either. We fight, say things we shouldn't, but we never stay mad. And I am grateful for that. I hate that I live in a trailer, and it depresses me. We struggle for money, and that really gets to both of us. But it makes more sense for me to stay home than it does for me to go back to work.
A lot of my friends have been struggling with deaths, health issues, break ups, and so on. I wish I could take all their pain away and make them feel better. Some of them I wish I could smack in the face and tell them that they need to pull their head out of their ass..
I don't hang out with a lot of people anymore. Social contact is hard for me. People piss me off and I don't want to deal with it.
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2011 18 December :: 3.16am
Gig was good. Facebook crew disappointed me as usual. But it was reeeeeeeeeally good. Despite the rocky start.
2 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2011 15 December :: 3.16pm
i need to stop watching cheesy romantic comedies. but i can't. because it's christmastime, and they're on every freaking channel. and they're adorable.
i'm not really even sure i want that. but i certainly enjoy watching others' conceptualizations of it. it's a nice idle fancy.
2 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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rayray
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2011 11 December :: 10.16pm
I need to vent, while my child is screaming it out by herself.
At my house, its not considered "cry it out".. It's screaming it out, or being murdered. She has a set of lungs, and doesn't let up. Like at all. Ever. She doesn't know how to self soothe. She screams bloody murder, and would go on for HOURS and probably days if I let her. She is stubborn. I'm scared she's going to choke on all the saliva/snot she makes from all the screaming, or when she gets to the point where she throws up. Luckily, she always seems to throw up on the floor and not in her bed or all over herself.
From January to November, once she was asleep at night, she wouldn't wake up til about 8ish.. Once in awhile it would be a little early, and then it started getting later.. And I had her going to sleep in her own bed, on her own. Since the time change/her first birthday, she was waking up between 6 and 7.. Once I got her to sleep til 8 or later, she has been waking up a million times during the night. When she is in her crib, awake, she screams bloody murder like she is being attacked. She could be dead asleep, and the second she touches the mattress in her bed, she is screaming so bad, her body stiffens right out.
I can't seem to win. And now Mike is on 3rd shift, so I have to get her to sleep before he goes to work, otherwise it'll be 10 times harder to get her to go to sleep..
So far, she has been screaming for 12 minutes, and Tyson keeps whining and barking like he needs to go protect her.
I feel like a bad mom for complaining about my child, but I miss sleep. Good sleep, where I don't wake up a million times, or in pain from having to make room for everyone else and sleeping all funky.
22 minutes later, she is still screaming, but not nearly like she was.. And a half an hour ago, she was passed out in my bed and had been sleeping since 9..
6 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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gillette
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2011 30 November :: 5.29pm
goal for the night: create a studying schedule for exam week..and stick to it!! no procrastination for once in my life...it will be very relieving to me in the long run!
3 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2011 27 November :: 4.16pm
so, friday didn't go very well. i still enjoyed myself, to a certain extent, but it definitely did not go like i had hoped. i just have too much faith in people being open-minded. i really need to learn to keep my trap shut, because not everyone is as accepting of differences as i am. or as tolerant of stupid shit.
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thursday was fine. there was food. the lions lost. my family sat around. the highlight of my evening was playing liar's dice with the alspaugh guys.
last night was fairly epic, if uneventful.
and i got my scooter fix for the weekend. so that's good.
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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gillette
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2011 27 November :: 1.34pm
I AM BEYOND PISSED RIGHT NOW.
so nic's kid is out of fucking control. we only get her every other weekend and it's clear that her mother does not discipline her. she's basically raised by the babysitter who illegally watches 8 other children and let's them run around and do whatever they want. i can't deal with her attitude anymore or her defiancy! so nic made her a breakfast sandwich and she took 2 bites and said i'm full (normal child behavior i understand) and nic told her multiple times..as did i..that she would have to sit there and eather sandwich otherwise she couldn't get down..so she pushed her sandwich away and put her head on the table and sat there for 20 mins or so..i reheated the sandwich..gave it back..she goofed around for 15 more minutes making noises, crawling around on her chair, pulling apart the sandwich, claiming she didn't like eggs (which she eats everytime she's here) and telling us she would "not" eat the sandwich..so finally after an hour (nic just sat on the couch the whole time and pretty much said nothing to her) he told her to go to her room and threw away the sandwich.....
WELL WHY DID I JUST WASTE MY FUCKING BREATH FOR AN HOUR IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LET HER WIN. how is she EVER going to learn to listen, no wonder shje doesn't..that was EXACTLY what she wanted..to not eat her fucking sandwich and guaranteed in half an hour she'll be hungry and asking for a snack. when he told her she could leave the table she smiled and leaped out of her chair and ran upstairs to play..how great of a 'punishment' she's up there singing and playing with her littlest pet shops happy as could be. it's FRUSTRATING b/c it's MY house too and she should have to listen around here but nic just gives in b/c it's easier that way. but now what? after an hour long battle she got her way for being defiant..so great..we just taught her that if she refuses to do something long enough, she will get her way. UGH i'm so annoyed right now!! and if I try to help or offer advice (stick with what you said nic, don't give in..etc..) he'll tell me "why do people who don't have kids think they know everything" i don't think I know fucking everything but I'm PRETTY sure that you just taught her it's ok to not listen, she'll get her way but HEY maybe i'm wrong.
2 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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gillette
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2011 18 November :: 4.26pm
Trying to start my own business so I can get the hell out of the casino..
I have a website! kind of exciting..
jgillette.bodybyvi.com
I just hope people see my results and know that they can do it too! I'm trying to convince my mom to do it now instead of bariatric surgery. Her surgery is scheduled for December..so we shall see..My Uncle Sam is doing it and he's been a type one diabetic with a pump for 20+ years..and for the first time he's lowering all of his meds! If that doesn't convince my mom I don't know what will..makes me nervous. ugh. Off to work... :/
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2011 11 November :: 9.17pm
Three man and...
Ice.
Luge.
5 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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