spud
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2010 27 November :: 3.54am
Stinger hasn't even finished scanning yet and I can tell mom's lappy is pretty fucked. Not because of viruses so much as because she never deletes ANYTHING, and there are a gajillion processes running in the background. I can't see them for some reason, but I can tell they are there, just by the way it's running.
4 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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gillette
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2010 21 October :: 1.10am
feels so alone. with nobody to comfort me or show me love or affection, i'm here, alone, trying to fight through this on my own. i need him to comfort me and tell me it will all be ok, but that will never happen. i can't "change" him. god forbid i ask for love and compassion, or at least a little bit of sympathy. i need him to hold me and tell me it'll all be ok. but he's too fucking cold hearted. and the one person i could go to to pull me through any emotional crisis is off with someone new and it kills me.
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2010 18 October :: 3.59pm
:: Mood: pensive
is that why they say people 'fall' for each other?
journal is going to be 9 years old this winter.
way to be fucking old, journal. you should try harder.
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i keep seeing all these people getting together. i suppose it's all part of the annual cycle. as gunnie said, it's the time of year when i really start wanting a girlfriend.
it seems like summer's all about being single, and going out and playing the field. but now that it's fall, people are all getting ready to settle down and prepare for the winter hibernation. plus i think there's just something romantic about the leaves and the harvest and all that. it's a nice time of year to appreciate the coziness and warmth that can be had in a relationship - especially a fresh one.
the more i see people shacking up (and for the first time ever, my sister is one of them... don't think i haven't noticed that she's been hiding him from the family), the more left out i feel. not that i want to be a part of the herd necessarily, but i like the coziness and the warm fuzzies. and it's really hard to get that by yourself. after all, i should know.
speaking of The Herd; chuck and i have begun writing our Cultural Revolution Manifesto, or CRM. it's currently a very rough first draft. once we do some editing, augmentation, and revisions, i will start posting up the revised copies as we finish them. neither of us is very motivated, so who knows how long it will be. but at least we're getting started.
peace out, mr. j. it's been a pleasure, as always.
p.s. went to visit mike yesterday. he's doing incredibly well, considering that 3 weeks ago he was as good as dead. seems to know what's going on for the most part, but still gets confused occasionally. at least his nurses are cute. that should make things more tolerable.
5 Onlookers |
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m&ms487
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2010 1 October :: 9.38pm
I took the GRE today. The testing center is in the basement of one of the old dormitories at Central. It was weird. And dark.
I earned a 550 on the verbal section and a 480 on the quantitative section. I'm going to take it again in a year if I don't get admitted to University of Michigan's joint PhD program in English and Women's Studies.
1 Onlooker |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2010 30 September :: 4.58pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: The Eels
Just a quickie...
Been busting my ass lately. doing lots of digging, building, chainsawing, etc. at the boss's house. cut down a pine tree with the neighbor here at the house last weekend. busy busy busy.
but i have tomorrow off. i am sleeping in, goddammit.
it feels good to have been accomplishing stuff. and my muscles are really sore, but that should be a good thing, right? right.
last weekend our friend mike was in an accident. he was drunk, supposedly driving home, which doesn't explain what he was doing out on lincoln lake rd. when he was in GR, and lives in Grant. he hit a firetruck, which then rolled down an embankment. but at least he had prompt first aid. he's still unconscious in intensive care, but he seems to have stabilized a bit, and is even improving in some regards. it was pretty touch and go for awhile, and there's still the likelihood of paralysis, and a slight risk of brain damage. i guess at least he didn't kill anyone. it's weird, because mike has always driven drunk. i'm not sure if it's more surprising that it happened at all, or that it took this long. but, if you pray, he and his family really need it. i have been, in my own way.
sorry if that brought you down. just the facts of whats going on.
otherwise, it's life as usual. i actually have a bit of money in the bank, which blows my mind. and it's not a lot. so, i'm just waiting for something expensive to happen. but in the meantime, it feels good to have a little cushion. and gas in the truck.
now, to work on whittling away at some of that money and starting off my long weekend properly....
2 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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rayray
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2010 10 September :: 10.04am
So, I've concluded that watching Medical Miracles or whatever the name of the show is on Discovery Health, is not condusive to a good nights sleep..
There was a woman who was pregnant, but they kept telling her that it was just a cyst.. Well, after 9 months, she indeed had a child. However, that baby had a mass in its stomach that was an 18 week old fetus. It had a head, legs, and arms, with fingers and toes..
Trying to sleep with that in your head, is not easy.. And doesn't help when you already have strange dreams..
4 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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m&ms487
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2010 21 August :: 11.10pm
:: Mood: calm
It's the end of the week, but only the beginning of the end. This is the Saturday before I start my last semester as an undergraduate college student. This was also the first week that I have been on educational leave from The Company since my freshman year of college.
I spent the entire week devoted to volunteering at CMU's band camp: meal set up, instrument sorting, wind suit dissemination, water cooler wrangling, to name a few of the tasks. Tonight, I and several of my Brothers went to see Jeff Daniels perform a concert in the streets of downtown Mt. Pleasant as volunteers for the Red Cross. They were raising money specifically for their infant pantry and I was able to collect the largest single donation: a $100 check.
Standing in the middle of the barricaded road with my Red Cross Volunteer Vest made me think about what I am doing. I intend to apply for a joint PhD program in English and Women's Studies at the University of Michigan this fall (for fall 2011 admittance). I want this degree because I think it will allow me to have a job in the eventual downfall of the University English Department; but the real reason I want it is so that I can understand. I want to KNOW. I want to examine those socio-economic hetero-patriarchal hegemonic power structures so that I KNOW how to turn them in on themselves. I want to expose them and say "AHA! I've got you now!" I want to understand why things happen the way they do so that I can make others understand. I want them to be empowered so they have a chance to make a choice for themselves; to be able to have some semblance of freedom (I know there are several hundred theorists which would, at this point, as if freedom is even possible; Janis Joplin would tell me it happens when there's nothing left to lose).
But, at this point in time, an academic has just so much hold. There is so much to do and not every woman (or man that cares about these power structures-yes, men can be feminists, too) is going to be going through a university class which others like me will teach. What to do? Why aren't there more of us helping organizations like the infant's pantry? Why didn't I know that the Women's Shelter probably needed volunteers? That's how I can start to make a difference.
I was thinking this as I stood there under the street light as the sun began to go down and about one hundred people crowded around the small stage to meet Jeff Daniels. I stood there, holding my donation bucket, smiling as everyone walked past me, guiltily looking away because they did not want or could not afford a donation. I didn't donate any money simply because I don't have any to give; but I have my time. I gave my time and my thoughts and stood there, smiling, hoping that at least each person walking by thought about what it might be like to be a woman or a man going into that pantry, how he or she got there, and why.
Why?
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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spud
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2010 11 August :: 12.51am
let's see....
canoe trip was fun.
cedar point was awesome.
i spent some time today tearing the mower apart, cleaning it out, replacing the fuel line, and then reassembling everything. it still ran like shit, but at least it still ran - i didn't break anything! which also means that it's probably the spark plug. i pulled it and it's pretty well fried, i think. sometimes it's hard to tell with those; they can look all crudded up and still fire okay. but since it's not running and i already checked pretty much everything else on the engine, process of elimination mandates that it is indeed the culprit. a new one will either confirm or deny the theory, at any rate. it's kinda dumb that i tore it all apart, and still didn't fix the problem, but the fuel line needed to be done anyway, so it worked out.
kinda taking a hiatus from the painting thing so i can help watch joe while he's up for the week. i do have to run and put in a bunch of screens at another house tomorrow afternoon. apparently the new tenants really want them. i have no idea if that hare-brained scheme of the hooks and latches is going to work, but there's only one way to find out.
dropped bruce's boat off at van's today. we'll see what they come up with. i wasn't there when he encountered the problem, so i have no idea what might be going on with that thing. invariably, it's something to do with the fact that he's left it sitting in the woods for the last two years, and has only taken it out on the water a select few occasions in that span of time. he's not very neat or clean or proper with that thing, all of which are kind of requisite. outboard motors are notoriously finnicky and demand special attention... which is why his never run correctly.
i did feel really dumb, though. i had to use chuck's truck to tow it down there, since i only have an 1 7/8" ball on my truck, and it's a 2" hitch on that trailer. but chuck's truck only has the round trailer light jack, while the trailer has a flat plug. so i drove it all the way to alpine without trailer lights, because i was running out of time and didn't know what else to do. i just had to get it done and get his truck back to him. after i drop it off, bruce calls to see how i'm doing. i explain about the plug thing, and he says, "isn't the adapter in that orange bin?"
"what orange bin?"
"the one i gave you with all the trailer hitch stuff in it"
". . . oh. that one. yeah, maybe. didn't think to check there."
i get home (sans trailer), and sure as shit, it's sitting right there in the orange bin with all the trailer hitch stuff. i felt like such a dumbass. and driving that thing over there without lights was no treat, let me tell you. people on alpine will tailgate and cut you off simultaneously, without warning; especially if you're towing something. and that's dangerous when they don't have any way of knowing you had to slam on your brakes for smiling Jack Asshole, who realized at the last possible second that this was his turn, so he darts across two lanes of traffic halfway through the intersection. yeah, alpine.
3 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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wraith6699
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2010 31 July :: 7.45pm
Happy Lunghnasadh
Hello again Woohu. Life for me has been hell for the past month. I feel like I've been broken down into my base elements with only myself to look to for re assemblage. It hasn't killed me yet at least. The good news is that I've become a better person because of it. Here's to new beginnings, and the growth that we've seen in the past year. Happy first harvest festival.
1 Onlooker |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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rayray
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2010 18 July :: 10.15am
Only roughly 111 more days..
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spud
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2010 16 July :: 3.03pm
my life right now
A breadth-first search makes a lot of sense for dating in general, actually; it suggests dating a bunch of people casually before getting serious, rather than having a series of five-year relationships one after the other.
3 Onlookers |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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m&ms487
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2010 16 July :: 12.33am
I went to the Roethke House tonight in Saginaw with my graduate literary criticism class. I was so sad to see the state that one of Michigan's best poet's house is in. The Friends of Theordore Roethke (a non-profit) have tried to refurbish and renovate it, but he's not as well known as he should be and the money just isn't there...yet. I'm trying to get some of my Kappa Kappa Psi Brothers together to do a day renovation. It looks like it's a favorable idea. I hope that it helps!
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spud
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2010 13 July :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: BnL - Bank Job
life barrels on.
being single is not all it's cracked up to be. i know i'm pathetic, but it's just really nagging at me a lot lately. but at the same time, it's not good to be desperate. that would be a good way to rush into something ill-advised. i figure if i'm gonna be in a relationship, i would want it to be one worth having, and worth taking the time to do it properly. not that there's a rulebook on how those things work or anything, but i do know that it at least takes time and energy to cultivate something lasting. i feel like i'd probably prefer something with more longevity over something of a fling. even though the fling is less daunting, and could be lots of fun in the short haul.
but enough about that. i can't help but notice that a lot of my good friends keep moving away. which is fine, i'm very happy for them. but it makes me want to get the fuck outta here in a quick hurry. not that i'ma run off to japan or anything, but i really want to do something, ANYTHING to break up the monotony.
get a fucking job, you hippie.
which reminds me, i do have work tomorrow and thursday. hopefully that'll mean some gas in the truck, and maybe some grocery money for chuckles.
the drum lessons have been fun thus far, but i'm not sure how well i'm doing as an instructor, and they're definitely not breaking the bank. eh, whatevs. at least it's something.
oh, other exciting update! i was at becca's saturday night (well, sunday morning) and thrashed my foot pretty good on an angle bracket. considering how deep it is, it doesn't hurt too badly, and i've been fairly diligent about keeping it cleaned out and putting antibiotic ointment on it, but it's still not healing up any too quickly. it's a pain in the ass because it's right on my heel. i have this irrepressible tendency to walk on it. maybe i'll take pictures and post them up for funzies. evidence that i'm a dumbass and a klutz.
1 Onlooker |
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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m&ms487
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2010 1 July :: 3.19pm
Today is the second day of my graduate class. I really like this class and I am one of four undergraduates, the others are teachers and a graduate students in creative writing.
I'm role playing Longinus tonight and I am prepared and ready to go! He is all about the sublimity of poetry and literature.
Working out is going great and I feel like a totally different person!
Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High
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m&ms487
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2010 25 June :: 9.24am
:: Mood: mellow
Summer Session one is done! I earned an A in biology 240 and it put my gpa up .01 to 3.77. Whateve. I start English 535 in a week and a half, but the prof already has us started with stuff. I have three days off next week and I'm sure that I'll be in the library for a while.
It's so weird to think that one year from now I could possibly be somewhere other than Michigan training for Teach for America, or I could be entering my second semester as a graduate student. Weird. Weird.
It's nice having some semblence of a day off. I don't work until six tonight, so I'm going to get up, eat, do some tae bo, bake some cookies, and just hang out with Rueben until I have to leave.
I think it might be summer now.
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