It's So Much Easier When Seafoam Green Is In Fashion!

:: 2010 15 June :: 9.37am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Train- "If It's Love"

I finally finished the first draft of my writing sample for graduate school. It's titled _Sister, Where Art Thou?_ and is a combination of feminist criticism, feminist theory, and historical christian texts. Basically, it investigates the question of why there are so few women writers and why, when women writers do first prominently appear in literary circles in the nineteenth century, they were faced with the fracturing of their "womanly" personality and their "authorial" personality. The great thing about it is that I'm sure I can expand on it and perhaps it might be a direction for my eventual thesis.

I purchased a tae-bo dvd yesterday with the intention of attempting it this morning. I've managed to stay at the same weight since my surgery and even bought a new bathing suit yesterday-a size 12. It's definitely odd to eat, be full, and not feel like I'm going to puke. I find myself being a lot less crazy about food and it's definitely a MUCH healthier relationship. I eat what I want, when I want-but I don't eat if I'm not hungry, and I still can't eat that much because of my stomach size. I'm okay with that, though. I can eat a hotdog (with bun) or almost all of fajita size taco in one sitting. It's wonderful!

I'm editing a novel for pay this week. It's going well, and is probably something I would consider doing freelance during graduate school if I can find the work.

A Year Passes

Beyond the porcelain fence of the pleasure garden,
I hear the frogs in the blue-green ricefields;
But the sword-shaped moon
Has cut my heart in two.
-Amy Lowell, March 1917

1 Onlooker | Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High

:: 2010 24 May :: 10.46pm

I am two and a half weeks post surgery and I am doing very well. I've been eating solid foods for about a week and haven't had many problems with my reflux. I climbed a flight of stairs today without feeling like I was going to throw up.

This evening I had dinner with some Brothers and ate asparagus, stuffed chicken breast, stuffed zucchini, and creamy pesto pasta. I still can't eat much because they used part of my stomach for the wrap, but it was so wonderful to eat until I was full without feeling sick!

Summer classes are in full swing and I am enjoying my summer. Back to work tomorrow, unfortunately.

rayray

:: 2010 19 May :: 1.58pm
:: Music: Life After You - Daughtry

I used to think that I was going to be one of those people that lived alone with 50 million cats and grew old by myself.
Apparently, someone else had a different plan for me.
I never imagined myself being pregnant. Always swore it off and said it wasn't going to happen.
And no, I am not that girl that says "OMG! How did this happen?"
But something about being pregnant has changed me, other than the obvious things.
My outlook on life hasn't really changed, yet.
I still think the world is cruel, people are selfish, and I am more scared to raise a child in this world than I am to live the rest of my life in it.

I had to work my way up to taking a pregnancy test.
I was scared for the result, I had my hopes up for both possible answers.
Part of me knew what the test was going to say, but a piece of me doubted it.
Then for the next few weeks, it didn't seem real to me at all.
The only thing different in my life, was that I hadn't had a period and I didn't crave mountain dew.
At my 11 week appointment, the situation changed. I heard the heartbeat for the first time, and my hear grew a million sizes.
I knew it was real, but it still didn't feel real.
Since then, I have had cravings, ripped the ass out of my favorite jeans, cried an immense amount of tears about my pants not fitting, and grown out of all of my bra's in a weeks time.
I am becoming more annoyed with people, and have been having dreams that make it seem like I am smoking crack before I go to bed.

I had my 15 week appointment today.
I heard the heartbeat again, had blood drawn to test the baby for certain things, and scheduled my ultrasound.
Now things are becoming even more real.

I cannot wait to meet this little nugget.
I joke about my fears of ginormous ears, and reddish hair.
Now my BIGGEST fears are, that my child will hate me, be as shallow, selfish, emotional, and messed up as me.
I HOPE that my child is as athletic as his/her dad, as smart/funny as me, but knows that it has a HUGE family from both sides that will love him/her unconditionally no matter what.

I know I can't be a perfect parent, but I just want to be a good one.
I want my kid to understand that it's not always what you have in life that counts.

4 Onlookers | Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High

:: 2010 18 May :: 11.24am

wtf, mate

been feeling really weird and detached the past couple of days. not sure why. been more sober than usual (though still not completely) so maybe that's part of it. also, my dear seester is gonna be sixteen in a couple days. makes me feel fucking old.

also also, still no job. sucks ducks, man. need a job. handyman scheduled me for like 2 hours on friday this week. awesome. there's 10 dollars that i'll see in two weeks. fucking bullshit.

just not feeling very enthused about much of anything in general. would like to be excited about something - anything - soon, very soon.

:: 2010 28 April :: 10.10am
:: Mood: indifferent

The end of the semester is nearing and I am ready for it. These next few weeks are going to be a flurry of activity.

I just finished my last French Oral Exam about forty minutes ago. I am actually sad that I'm not continuing on in French, but I don't have the time. It seems like a waste that I'm just stopping after all the work I've put in over the past two years, but I need to keep going. If I just stopped to work on whatever tickled my fancy, I'd never leave college.

I have to meet with my academic advisor in a few hours to have him sign a modification of my major. I just need him to okay a few switch arounds so that I can graduate. When you sign your major they make you pick what electives you want which is dumb because when you're a sophomore you don't even know what you like and what classes will be offered that fit into your schedule.

I have class at two and three-thirty and get to present a paper on The Role of First Lady shaping policies and attitudes in the United States. After that, I have a review for Ancient Literature and a close reading paper to turn in.

I have a review session for Social, Liberalism, and Fascism at 8pm to finish up a study guide.

Tomorrow, I get to go to the Office of Student Life at 9am to find out if I am in the top ten for CMU Homecoming Ambassador for next fall. Then, it's off to the final Kappa Kappa Psi meeting of the year to finish up elections and install new officers. Finally, I have an interview at the Writing Center at 5:30pm.

Next week I have four exams and the my surgery on Thursday for my acid reflux. I guess I feel a bit indifferent toward the surgery. I've been living like this for so long that I don't really want to get my hopes up. The surgery does work in most cases, but there is a chance it won't. At least it will be a chance for me to relax during my 23 hour hold and get some intravenous pain medication.

Then, in just three weeks, my summer classes start. It's hard to feel excited about the end of the semester when I'm not really going to have a chance to relax; BUT, I would rather be taking summer classes than working at Meijer forty hours a week killing my soul.

Whatever may come, may come.
Whatever will be, will be.
I will keep going, I will survive,
Because all I have is me.

-Michelle

9 Onlookers | Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High

spud	:: 2010 27 April :: 5.19pm i need to go do something. that way, i'll have something to write about when i come back. because, even if i embellish it, my day to day life is pretty bland most of the time. 4 Onlookers \| Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High

spud	:: 2010 24 April :: 1.31pm :: Mood: mellow o rly? i did a thing! new journal stylez for the elite blogging community that is woohu. look at all the pretty colors. 4 Onlookers \| Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High

rayray

:: 2010 10 April :: 6.43pm

I seriously wish naming a child was as easy as naming a dog.
I also seriously think that if I have a boy, he will end up named after a fighter from UFC..
Any suggestions?

3 Onlookers | Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High

:: 2010 7 April :: 1.55am
:: Mood: drunk
:: Music: 311 - Evolver

:: The Insanity

This weekend was interesting. Between an all-night film shoot sound recording and easter with the fam, many an adventure were had.

and suddenly handyman has an interest in my unique skills again. which invariably means carting tools around for bruce all day tomorrow on virtually no sleep, and then cleaning out some gutters in the rain on thursday. hot damn.

had some nice talks with chuck tonight about theoretical physics as relating to music instruction, and hippie philosophy pertaining to government. Verdict: M-Theory and Anarchy, respectively.

and i made friends this weekend. i had a good time, and i think the shoot went well. it was an interesting set to be on, for any one of multiple reasons. regardless of why, i'm glad that i took the opportunity to contribute and take part in the experience. definitely worthwhile, despite the hardships it presented.

i need to quit smoking and start lifting again. and riding my bike more. optimism regarding anything resembling a "beach bod" is scarce, but at the very least, i know i would feel better about life in general if i made the extra effort to take care of myself at least a little. which, unfortunately, includes sleeping. this weekend was fun, but i'd like to feel a little more human again, and be on something closer to a normal sleep schedule. well, here goes nothing... 'night y'all.

:: 2010 5 April :: 12.09pm

I applied for a position as a summer programming intern today at the Chippewa River District Library. I need to get away from Meijer as soon as possible, and December is not soon enough.

2 Onlookers | Rock Children Hold Your Heads Up High

:: 2010 1 April :: 2.05pm
:: Mood: foolish
:: Music: beyonce - single ladies

unixkcd
for self reference: Read more..

guest@xkcd:/$ cat welcome.txt
Welcome to the unixkcd console.
To navigate the comics, enter "next", "prev", "first", "last", "display", or "random".
Use "ls" and "cat" to navigate the filesystem.
guest@xkcd:/$ ls
* welcome.txt
* license.txt
* blag/
* blog/
* fora/
* forums/
* store/
* about/
guest@xkcd:/$ cat
You're a kitty!

:: 2010 30 March :: 2.47am

once upon a time, i used to be fit.

it's hard to really nail down and pinpoint an exact moment, but i'm fully confident it happened. at least once. i often wonder if it will ever happen again.

i think it was sometime in college when i didn't just eat whenever i got hungry. i ate when people gave me food.