sometimes my husband talks in his sleep. I've never been with someone who does it so regularly.
sometimes he's very angry saying "fuck" a lot. but last night be was talking in a cute baby voice saying something I couldn't understand but it sure sounded sweet and happy. it was the cutest thing.
he's just so adorable. I am lucky all those other ladies were too stupid to realize what they had.
our baby turns 7 months this week. she is almost walking, and says "hi dada" when her dad walks into the room. she also calls grandpa dada (dad looks just like Grandpa haha) she has one tooth out and a second is coming right now.
and I FINALLY feel like she loves me. and trusts me. and isn't just trying to placate me so I keep her alive. she loses her shit if she can't see me. she wakes up at night and won't calm down unless I pick her up and rock her on my shoulder. she crawls to me and looks to me for reassurance.
she naps in her crib. she loves eating chicken. she is starting to giggle. she is just so freaking cute and amazing and I am just blown away by her every day. I love her so much, and I just hope she's always happy. she just lights up the whole room.
I am still waiting for him to decide to run for a third term. And find myself reminiscing about 10 years ago when I thought, "The guy from the apprentice? Surely they won't nominate HIM. 'YOU'RE FIRED'? That will never happen."
Joke of the day:
What do you call a mouse that swears?
- A cursor
Most of the time I feel like the future is stupid. Every time I have to download a new “convenient” app full of broken code that barely functions. Every time I have to pump my own gas, then “see cashier for receipt.” Every time I fill a cart with groceries, then empty the cart to scan those groceries, then load them back into the cart, then empty the cart into the van, then load them from the van into the house. I’m sure the store would make us stock the shelves too if they could figure out how to market it as a convenience. Even more disappointing is the number of my peers who don’t seem to realize the dystopian hellscape in which we find ourselves; giving our worst jobs to actual humans and working them into exhaustion, all while investing absurd amounts of profits into training artificial intelligence to make art. Humans and machines are optimized for very different tasks and it seems like somewhere along the way the powers that be got it all mixed up.
Still, I have to have hope that we can do better in the future. Faith that there is a bigger cosmic plan in play. And trust that the majority of people are doing the best they can with what they have; that not everyone is an unconscionable shitbag.
So, as the world feels like it’s going down in a blaze of glory, be sure to love the ones who are close to you, let them love you back, and give everyone a lot of grace - including yourself.
I got a dad joke page-a-day calendar for Christmas. Today’s joke is:
What is corn’s favorite holiday?
- New Ear’s Day!
… Now I’m left to wonder how many of these jokes were written by AI
I am so thankful and grateful and just beyond in awe of this process.
but man do I feel lonely and isolated.
and the closest therapist in network is two towns away. and there's only 8 for this whole metro area. I haven't reached out yet, idk who to pick.
I've lost 15 lbs in a month and a half. ultimately I'd like to lose a total of 100, but baby steps is where I'm at. I think I'm definitely looking better. soon I'll be able to fit into my pre-baby clothes. my lightest weigh in was 227, I'm at 242 right now. slowly but surely. all this Halloween candy doesn't help... we only had 5 groups of trick or treaters! super lame turn out.
we are sleep training the baby right now. it is exhausting but I think we are making progress. she's so smart and strong, she just amazes me every day. now if only we could get baths to be fun.
to complete it all I need is a prescription of Xanax for this intense morning anxiety I feel for no specific reason. makes me want to jump out of my skin and run away.
my baby loves dancing to old house music. she can't dance on her own but she loves when we make her dance. she's so fun
yesterday we got her frenulums in her mouth cut. she seems to be doing okay, definitely is eating the bottle better... been too scared to try to breast feed her though, maybe I'll try late today haha
it's been over 100° every day for the past few weeks here. I want to go out and walk but it's just simply too hot for me. I had heat stroke once as a kid and it was fucking awful. I don't remember there being multiple weeks of this weather before... I hope it's not like this forever.
an assassination attempt and a withdrawal due to mental deficiency. what the fuck is going on in America?
thanks for your support friend, it's very a wild ride. we are now a week and two days old and getting into a rhythm. still feeling exhausted and working hard to get my milk to come in..
it's hard not to feel like a failure even though it's common to have a hard time breast feeding. is just the rejection when she refuses me. but that's okay. she's a person and likes what she likes haha
she's really very precious, and not very fussy at all. she hates being cold and hates having a dirty diaper. she's eating really well and has a cute lil belly now.
