:)

:: 2015 9 January :: 5.13am

the key to happiness involves two things:

1. invest in yourself. love yourself like you'd love your one true love. if you wouldn't do it to them, don't do it to yourself.

2. invest time in those who invest time into you. there are a lot of people vying for your attention, and not all of them will give you the respect you deserve. be a little choosy with your love, because the people you choose to love act like a mirror for how you love yourself.

I've learned so much since I started therapy. and not only learned, but held accountable for implementing and following through on these changes.

I also have become more and more convinced that karma is real. you get out of life what you put in, so I've been trying to avoid doing thing I wouldn't want to happen to me. and fighting for truth, love and justice.

like j says, there are going to be good days and there are going to be terrible days. it's impodtnat to remember that pain is temporary, and letting things go feels so much better than holding on when it comes to things like hatred, pain, jealousy, worthlessness, hopelessness, or revenge.

growing up hasn't really been fun, but with the tools I've aquired, and the skills I'm strengthening, I know my future will be much more fun than it was to get to this point.

p.s. I've lost 10lbs since November :D

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spud

:: 2015 8 January :: 11.17pm

well, i bought stuff. still waiting on the motherboard and ssd to come in the mail, but...

this is what's going down. hopefully it's awesome.

i'll probably post pics after. because, you know, that's a thing people do.

edit:
i should clarify. i had a pretty good christmas, financially speaking. so, this little guinea pig is going in my dad's ancient gateway atx case, to be used with the projector in the basement as an HTPC.

i will be continuing to shop around, now that i'm starting to learn what it is i'm looking for, and how much shit is going to cost, to build MY pc that will hopefully last a while. so, this is essentially just a practice build for me to bloody my knuckles on. that way when i drop some more serious money on hardware, i'll feel more confident in my decision making process.

as a sidenote, i have really enjoyed doing the research on this project. even since i ordered the parts, i've learned a lot more about the various parts. it's a happy accident that some of the things i ordered fit together as nicely as they do. and there are definitely a couple of things i picked which are less than ideal, now that i look at it. i guess that was kind of the point. but it's been really nice to be able to dig into something like this, and gain a better understanding of how these things work. also, useful knowledge for future times. i will probably never be a "computer guy," which i'm really okay with. just like i will never be an auto mechanic. but it's fun to be able to work on my own toys. and feel like i could actually have a conversation with someone about it and not be totally lost.

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godessalthena

:: 2015 6 January :: 9.26pm

a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day turned into......

the best mental health day taken in a long time <3

much needed pb&j time completely recovered me. and helped me realize that it's okay to have bad days, as long as you give them the opportunity to get better.

I am eternally grateful to have an amazing support system. and I'm so glad Alexz and I were able to become so close! I would never have imagined!

:)

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godessalthena

:: 2015 6 January :: 11.44am

life is too long to be good.

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godessalthena

:: 2015 6 January :: 7.47am
:: Mood: cynical

sometimes, I just need to hear I'm not worthless.

and yet no one seems to be able to say it when I really need it.

I just want to feel like I'm not an insignificant speck of shit on a cold planet hurtling through a vast empty cosmos.

but that's all I am. and that's all I'll ever be, and it hurts.

there is no such thing as love, or happiness, or futures, or magic, or faeries. there's just a supermassive black hole slowly eating anything and everything that it touches. I can see it as it pulls me in, and I am completely powerless to stop it.

"And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

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godessalthena

:: 2015 5 January :: 6.10am

another Monday. finals week starts tomorrow. but at least the stupid holiday season is over!!

it's my moms birthday today. I made her a hat. she hates her birthday, but hopefully this year is bearable!

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godessalthena

:: 2015 1 January :: 9.31am

this year, over all, sucked. but there were a few good parts. a lot of healing and growing.

hopefully this year will be better. and doesn't fly by.

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godessalthena

:: 2014 28 December :: 8.27pm

so many things about now. I don't even know where to start..

what exactly is "living" at 26?

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godessalthena

:: 2014 20 December :: 1.53pm

can I just go crawl in a hole and die? maybe in a whole where other disgusting filthy stupid losers have died before? that'd be great...

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godessalthena

:: 2014 20 December :: 7.43am

South Park, on my second bowl, made Alfredo. not even 8 yet.

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godessalthena

:: 2014 19 December :: 6.13pm

this week fucking sucked. outside of the awesome gift I got! I'm just really fucking bummed out and sad and feeling like a disgusting failure. a total joke.

what the fuck am I doing.

why?

just fucking why.

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godessalthena

:: 2014 19 December :: 5.39pm

I was going to do an actual update.. but then I played with bitchelle until my fingers hurt and I feel a lil better.. so I'll save the update for later

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godessalthena

:: 2014 17 December :: 6.57am

I feel like shit today. like that feeling were you are right on the edge of nausea.

I just want to go home a cuddle with my puppies.

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spud

:: 2014 16 December :: 5.26pm
:: Music: foo fighters - sonic highways

I CAN HAS COMPUTER?
so, i'm thinking i want to build a pc.

i've been studying up on stuff, and it seems simple enough.

that being said, the selection of parts available is pretty overwhelming, so any input or suggestions are welcome and appreciated.

this is not a gaming pc, as i'm not a gamer. i would be using it for interwebs and itunes, primarily. normal home computering stuff. about the only thing i might consider doing with it that would demand higher performance is digital audio recording, and even then, that wouldn't really be too strenuous.

i want it to last me a while, so upgradeability is a consideration. if i can get away with replacing a couple components in the future, as things become obsolete, i would much rather do that than replace the whole thing. i don't want to spend top dollar on the absolute latest and greatest shit, because frankly i don't need it, and would be pissed off in a couple years when it becomes dirt cheap. but i also don't want to totally cheap out and get junk. there has to be a happy medium in there somewhere.

i'm thinking an APU makes sense, so i don't have to get a separate video card. i'll probably go with an amd processor, since i don't want to pay intel prices for something with comparable performance.

i like the idea of getting an SSD for the OS, and then having a separate HDD for cheap storage.

i know absolutely dick about motherboards, other than they need to be compatible with the processor, and accommodate whatever crap you're adding on.

RAM: 8GB should be plenty, yes? not sure how much speed i would want. probably just match to the top end of whatever motherboard i wind up with?

PSU: i know it's important. ummm, modular? wattages? i have no idea. again, i'm not gaming, so it shouldn't draw too much juice. just something solid to get the job done.

i'm not overly concerned about peripherals. i'm sure i'll be able to piecemeal that stuff together.

i'm thinking i could get a secondhand case pretty easily. i don't give two fucks what it looks like. just as long as it has enough space for everything, and enough airflow to keep things cool. maybe i'm wrong on this, but it just seems like the easiest place to cut costs. also, fans?

i am planning on going with windows. i'm on XP right now, but support has ended. have i mentioned my laptop is gonna be 10 this year? i didn't like vista at all. 7 was good. i haven't used 8 or 8.1 yet. traditionally, it seems like every other version is good, while the alternates suck a bag of donkey dick. so, that would mean 8 was all shitty, but 8.1 is probably okay? i don't know. this is why i'm asking. if they both suck, i'm okay with just putting 7 on it. not sure where to get a product key on the cheap, but i don't really want to pirate a bogus one. meh.

so, that's where i'm at.

thoughts? feelings? PLZ HALP.

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godessalthena

:: 2014 13 December :: 8.19am

we have to call in some heart investigative team

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