The Archie and Margaret story...

:: 2004 10 February :: 10.08pm

I'll run in the rain til I'm breathless
When I'm breathless I'll run til I drop
The thoughts of a fool's, kinda careless
I'm just a fool waitin on the wrong block

Once again, these oh so popular words to my ears come into play. But this time I'm walking down that block, and I know just where to end up. It all takes time, but it's starting to come around.

...on another note, hopefully I'll be able to take the motorcycle course I've been wanting to take for some time. Rose's Dad even offered to let me gain some experience on his bike after i take the course, so it wont go to waste...really lookin foward to it.

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:: 2004 8 February :: 6.06pm
:: Mood: I'm in pain

Yesterday was solo and ensemble. Clarinet choir got a superior, as did just about everyone else. That woodwind judge loves atlantic. She thinks our band fell from the heavens. I also went on friday to watch leah and kristen's duet, as well as Tom conducting. I can't make fun of him though, because then I'll lose points. Everyone did a great job. Superiors all around. See you all at states.

Today I decided to actually get some CAS done, so I went down to the Humane Society. I worked from like 10-5. It was fun though, because since I'm 17 I can't be a dog walker, so I have to work in the puppy pen. Yes, "have to." It was fun. Puppies are really cute. There was this little 3 month old border collie, I was so rooting for her to get a home, she was so sweet. I campaigned for her for a while with people, but none of them would take her. Then there was this one guy with his daughter who wanted to see her and he asked a lot about her. Then he told me that he had already filled out paperwork for her. I was so happy. I told him I hoped he'd get approved, and they went back into the office to check on it. Then another family came in to look at her and they left and came back like 15 minutes later all pissed off. They said she'd already been adopted by those other people. Yay! They loved her so much, she was so sweet. So then I just was holding her for like 20 minutes and I was like yay, you have a home now! And then a person came and took her to her new family and they left. I was so happy she got a home, because a lot of people can't handle border collies so they end up in shelters, but these people knew the breed and just absolutely fell in love with her. It was great. There was this other puppy there, who I affectionately named "Little Bit." He was the sweetest dog there. He sat on my lap on the floor sleeping for like an hour. He's so cute though, he's small and brindle. Although, he won't be small and brindle for very long. He'll still be brindle, but that dog's paws are freakin huge. I think he may be part bullmastiff or something. That's why I called him Little Bit. It's funny. This other dog Stella was really cute too. She's a dobie mix, real smart. She loves to play ball and stuff. She liked to sit in my lap too, although not as much as Little Bit. There was also about 10 12-week old puppies that they just found in a field somewhere. They were really cute. Oh, I so found the maternity ward. There was this husky mix who had a big litter, they were adorable. They're not ready for adoption yet, they're only 4 weeks old. They'll go quickly though. So I got a good 7 hours of CAS done, and I am so going back next time I get a chance. That's the best way to get CAS ever.

Chem test tomorrow, that should be interesting. I haven't gotten any work done this weekend at all. Friday night and yesterday afternoon were all at solo and ensemble. Last night I hung out with Leah and Tom, who had NEVER SEEN PIRATES OF THE CARRIBBEAN! I had to fix that.. And then today I spent all day at the humane society. So it was a fun weekend, but not very productive. Tomorrow I have to study for that french essay I'm sure she's going to give us, and I have got to get my proj�t done at some point. If anyone finds any random facts website about Quebec, let me know. I need trivia questions to use. That's about it. I'll update again after something interesting happens..

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:: 2004 4 February :: 10.34pm

My pirate music teacher plays guitar...i soo called that one. Maybe in on of my later papers ill have to insult a band he likes so he makes threatening pirate remarks...only because pirate talk is so cool. Apparently Mr. Perry advises us not to make water balloons with boiling water...but i have a feeling that didnt stop a few kids. nonetheless, im still gonna try the bag-o-water-and-fire trick.

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:: 2004 2 February :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: "Dodo" -Dave Matthews

This is going to be an uber-short entry. Just something I had to get down. Something weird happened...Saturday night? I dont really remember what night it was, but I woke up and remembered a dream. Now, this might not sound weird to a lot of you out in woohu-land, but I have not remembered a dream for about 11 years. I guess I'm just a heavy sleeper, or something. The weird thing about this dream was that it wasn't all weird and dream-like. It wasn't the boogeyman chasing me or whatever the hell you want to think of in dreams. It hit a little too close to home. Well, I guess that makes sense, being as it is in my head and all, it just struck me by surprise, caught me a bit off guard. I'm not really going to go into details of what it was, mostly because there's like one person who would understand it at all, but it was a sort of counter factual history of my life. Remember that counter factual history was way way back in hall's class when we talked about that article "Was America A Mistake" and it was like if Colombus had not discovered America and you draw it out all the way to like World War II, or something like that. It was kind of like at a crucial point in my life, this is what would have happened had it gone the other way. Don't worry guys, it makes sense in my head. Maybe that's why it's so weird, because it makes sense. Dreams aren't supposed to make sense. Damn, where's Amanda with my psych interpretation.. o.~

Although, you know what despair.com says... Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.
Oh, my bad, different kind of dream.

I just finished my second ToK essay. It's really weird. I think maybe I should have taken Gabe's advice and smoked pot before I wrote it. That's apparently the best way to get into the ToK vibe. Wouldn't surprise me. But my essay stretches a little to actually answer the question. I kind of went off in a tangent and let myself go. But that's what we do in class, and she encourages it, so I figured it'd be okay to go off a little in my essay. We'll see when I get it back, I guess..

I've not a whole lot else to say. I did not mean to be sitting here typing this for this long, as I still have to do my chemistry homework, take a shower, and maybe perhaps someday get to bed. I slept all friggin weekend and am still exhausted. This is starting to concern me. : \

I found out that even though working at family fun day doesn't count for CAS (damn them and their religion rules) it still can count for NHS. So now all I have to do is actually tutor, and I'm good for that. SHF, on the other hand... I really need to get crackin on this projet thing. I've decided to do a board game, but have no idea how to do so. If anyone knows anything about board games and/or Quebec, please lemme know ASAP.

I have a test tomorrow in Music Appreciation over at PBCC. It shouldn't prove to be too difficult, although I have not studied at all. I'll bring my notes to school tomorrow so I have something to do in chem. That is one boring class. I'll tell ya, I have no idea how I stay awake on even days. I go precalc, english, chem, ToK. Then again, I don't remember the last even day I did stay awake, so forget that.

Ok, I'm gonna check out. This is not as uber-short as I had anticipated it being, but hey, now you have something to do instead of homework. Later.

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:: 2004 30 January :: 6.39pm
:: Mood: Still not quite 100%
:: Music: "So Much For The Afterglow" -Everclear

Not much to write about, really. I've had an okay week. Monday I went to school, I think. I don't really remember. Tuesday I felt like crap so I skipped school. I woke up at 3:20. I was still a little tired from being up till 4 sunday morning I guess. Yeah, so I was still feeling crappy on wednesday, but dammit, I paid 10 bucks to go on that field trip. It was interesting though. I was kicking ass in asshole on the bus until krystle stopped playing. Then I lost a bunch. Then we got off and went to the rehearsal. It was pretty boring, and Michael Tilson Thomas is, um, interesting.. After the rehearsal we were just kinda set loose on three blocks of south beach. That was fun. We grabbed lunch at a pizza place and got some gellatto. We were in this other store thing and we saw Michael Tilson Thomas in there. Leah said hi, and then he just kind of stared at us and left. We told mr. Lerner afterwards and he's just like "Yeah, he's got issues." There was also this really hot guy who played triangle in the new world symphony, but then we found out as we were leaving that he smoked, a total turnoff. So that kinda ended that. The tympanist that they had was FREAKING AWESOME!! I have never seen anyone like that. Crazy. Yesterday was a half day. I went to school, came home, slept, then worked from 7 to 12:30 and went to bed. Today was about as interesting as yesterday so far. Tomorrow is family fun day. I'm working, for a reason I have still not figured out, since it doesnt count for CAS hours. Atleast, as Tom said, I'm not going to hell, because this has to count for something. So someone please show up at family fun day so I'm not so bored. I'll try to post again tomorrow with fun-filled shit about that. Later.

Everything's different
My head in the clouds
I hit this corner
With my foot on the gas
I started sliding
I lose it
Everything's different
Just like that.
Oh my God
Wait and see
What will soon become of me
Frozen heart
Screaming wheels
Does that screaming come from me?
I'm dizzy from all this spinning..

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:: 2004 26 January :: 10.31pm

This certainly doesn't help my case...even though I don't think he wouldve faired too well even with a helmet...

WARNING: EXTREMELY GRAPHIC - I felt sick for about 10 minutes after viewing this:
http://streetbikeworld.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=1291&PN=1

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:: 2004 26 January :: 5.30pm
:: Mood: Still exhausted, but feeling less crappy than yest
:: Music: "What It's Like" -Everlast

In ToK today we watched this video. It wasn't the one about language. It was a new one about perception. It was kinda cool in some places, but when it started talking about evolution of the cortex, I kinda dozed a bit. But there was this one part that was really scary. And I don't mean fake scary like we all say "wow, that's scary" I mean actually disturbing. So sayeth the video, neuron mapping, or atleast a part of it, is finished by age 10. By then you have a complete picture of what is good or useful or not, and, based on experience, unnecessary neuron connections are rejected. That means that your opinion of the world is pretty much set by the time you're 10 years old. That freaked the hell out of me. I don't know that I want the first 10 years of my life to have determined my outlook on the world. That's one of those things that I wish I had never learned. Sometimes I don't like to think about how things are effecting me. Do you ever consciously think about that? Everything that happens, everything people say or do, shapes who you become. That's not really something that I'd like to think about sometimes. Sometimes it's good though, but it's kind of creepy. Stuff that you don't even realize is affecting you is causing prejudice or stuff. Makes me think of all the photographs I saw of Osama Bin Laden teaching eight year olds how to shoot a gun. Or that artwork in Nicaragua Krystle told me about that had a mural of the world with an eagle's claw over it. Or those newspapery-magazine things about who's having who's baby in the supermarket right at eye level for a 7 year old. What has influenced me that I am not even aware of? How have I influenced others that I am not aware of?

I think too much. I've noticed that lately. But then I start thinking about how I think too much. I was thinking on the bus this afternoon, I can't remember what about, when I suddenly like woke up from thinking. I hate when I do that when I'm listening to music. Because whenever I'm thinking I'm not paying attention to anything else, and I mean anything. So I'll "wake up" in the middle of a song, and...I dunno, it's just weird. But whenever I think about stuff, I have to be totally absorbed in it, not listening or seeing anything else. There goes multitasking. I decided that thinking is bad for me. It never leads to anything good, because I never come up with a solution. Or rather, when I come up with a solution, I over-analyze that until I've rendered it obsolete. There's always something.

I also decided that I need to stop friggin living in the future. I hate IB. They're whole thing is like sacrifice these four years of your life so that you can go to UF, just like you would if you weren't in IB. But it will be free, just like if you got bright futures, which most of you who actually get your diploma are smart enough to get from "normal" high school. Pisses me off. A lot of people I can get why IB is good, because they're doing some bs (and I dont actually mean bs here, just couldn't find a good word for it...less rigorous) major. Example: Will is currently taking and honors fireflies course. That's where I can see IB paying off. Because he has been able to BS his way through his first year and a half/two years of college, and is not suffering consequences (atleast none that I know of) for doing so. But me? I'm going into one of the hardest majors/grad school thing that there is. Why?! What the hell is wrong with me?! I am so stupid. I'm going to be in school until I'm like 26. Seriously...that's 9 more years of school. Is that what I want? To spend the next 9 years preparing for some abstract floating goal of eventually owning my own practice? It's just all coming down to crunch time, I guess the pressure's getting to me. It's just I'm getting all this mail from colleges, except for the ones I want to go to.. And I took the SATs, and all that crap, you know. I was talking about it the other night. I know that like I sort of want to go to UPenn, but do I really? If I were to go there, that would be totally starting a new life. That's kind of scary. Like when you're little, you feel like you're never going to get where you are, and now you're there, and it's just kinda like ...shit. What do I do now? I'm not concerned in the least about leaving my family, but the whole disorientation. I wouldn't know anybody or where anything is or anything. But on the other hand, should I just settle for something less? Not that UF is a bad school, because it's not, but doesn't that kind of render IB totally pointless? What am I working my ass off for? When I get to college it's not going to be easy like it will be for a lot of IB kids, I'm going straight into that 19 chem, 15 bio thing. And I don't know any school outside of oklahoma that actually do give IB kids preference. Granted, the program boosts your HPA a little, but drags down GPA and extracurriculars too. You know what? I don't really give a shit. It's months before I have to apply to college, so I'm just gonna make an appointment with Ms. Kelly to ask her about visiting colleges and when I should take the ACTs and worry more about stuff that's happening like next week.

I say that, but you know I don't mean it.

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:: 2004 25 January :: 9.51pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: "Stay (Wasting Time)" -Dave Matthews Band

I cannot remember the last time I was this tired. I was awake for 22 hours yesterday. That's nuts. Then I got 5 hours of sleep and woke up at 9 AM for no apparent reason.

SATs were yesterday. I think I did alright. I'll get back to you in 2 months or however long it takes before they decide to run a piece of paper through a machine.

I don't have a whole lot of stuff to write about tonight. I don't know that I'll be able to make it through tomorrow. Atleast it's an even day. Sleeping through those classes is not real different. I mean, I like Ms. Schilit and all, but her class is SO BORING. I don't think I've ever stayed awake. Last class she talked to us for a freaking hour about why it's not a violation of our rights to make us wear IDs and why it's important. Speaking of which, I must remember my ID tomorrow, I know Mr. Power will check. Someone remind me.

I started out actually writing about something, but I'm tired and have a fever and have not gotten NEARLY enough sleep for a weekend. Doing matrices when you feel this crappy really sucks. I finished the math, but not that english packet. That was gay. IB is gay.

I went to the dog park today. That's always fun. But we went there for like a half hour. It wasn't even worth the drive. If it takes you longer in the car to get somewhere than it does to do what you went there for, it's totally not worth it.

Sorry for the sucky journal entry. I've been awake too much. Or rather, I haven't gotten enough sleep. I'll see most of you guys tomorrow, even though I shouldn't show up. If I don't go tomorrow, Ms youngman and Morgan will both kill me for missing french club and clarinet choir at the same time. Maybe if I feel this shitty in the morning I'll skip. We'll see. At this point, it's about 70/30 that I'm going. Leave me some love.

:: 2004 23 January :: 6.26pm
:: Mood: lethargic
:: Music: Full House theme

Hmmm, I'm not real happy with the way the last entry turned out overall. I'm having a lot of trouble putting things to words as of late. Everytime I think I have this shit figured out though, I realize that all I have figured out is that I don't have anything figured out. And that's about as far as I get. But it's really bugging me that I can't get past this. Something is still bothering me about it, no matter how many times I work it out. I have been so out of it lately. Perhaps it has something to do with getting about 20 hours of sleep this week..

I need to get to bed earlier tonight. SATs tomorrow. Ho hum. I think I'll do okay, I've done a bit of prepping, but it doesn't really matter since, assuming I'm not pulling off a 1600 tomorrow, I'm taking them again anyway.

I like Dr. Seuss books.

I wish I had something better to do. This whole routine of same old same old is getting to me. I need to do something. Hmm, maybe that's it. Don't mind when I randomly drift in and out of understandable-ness. Yeah, I needed to make up a word there. Something is definitely wrong with me. Great timing too! My brain function has decreased the week before SATs! Figures...goes right along with the trend of shit going on.

Today in band class Krystle opened up Adrianne's clarinet and millions of little bugs came pouring out of it. We came to the conclusion that a spider had crawled into the case at some point, laid eggs, and voila! Hundreds of little visitors! It was the most disgusting thing. Well, not the most disgusting thing, but it was really nasty.

I'm tired. And I wasn't tired a little while ago. Just came all of a sudden. Gotta love the nocturnalness.

Damn, this is really getting to me. I usually am pretty good at saying stuff. It's just not falling into place recently. Let's pretend that you have gears, ok? And these gears work pretty well, but something unexpectantly knocks them out of joint. So now instead of fitting together they bump up against each other and can't turn. There, atleast I can describe not being able to describe anything. I'll write more later if I can.

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:: 2004 22 January :: 7.41pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Speaking of candles being relit....

It seems, for the first time since about October, I'm doing pretty good. Yep. I feel like updating, but have nothing to say. I guess that's a good thing?

I have spent the past few days pondering. Don't worry if you don't get this part of the journal. There's only one person who isn't me who should be able to understand it, but you guys can read it anyway. Have you ever just started being happy? Like out of the middle of unhappiness? And you weren't expecting it at all? Kinda catches you off guard. So if you people have been wondering why I have been so...whatever this week, that's why. Not that that makes any sense, that I was weird because I was happy, but you know me, I need to overanalyze everything. One would wonder then why I am no good at ToK.. Anyway, I was just caught a little off guard, as I have not felt this good since September when I was learning something new. If you don't know what I'm talking about here, you clearly have not been watching the game. (that's a bit of an inside joke between me and will) New things seem to make me happy. This is something I have figured out within the past...10 minutes. Learning something new, making great new friends, who knows? Maybe I'll even start eating something new for lunch! Eh, you guys all know that's not going to happen. o.~ I can't totally throw myself off. Look what just a new friend has done to me for this week...imagine what a whole different lunch would do! =-0 lol, if you don't get this, don't mind it, and now I'm going to stop talking to people who don't know me well enough to understand my journal. So...that's about it. Just kind of felt like writing, I guess. Beats the hell out of studying for that bs history dbq tomorrow. Screw that.

This is an unusually short and un-follow-able entry. Oh well, it makes sense to me. I might come back later tonight and add to it. We'll see.

-----> Later

Yay for not being coherent! I have nothing to do right now, besides more avoiding of studying, and I have nothing really to talk about here.

Sometimes things suck, even when they're going well. I can't really elaborate here, because there are too many people reading this, even though there's only like four of you. Do something, just as a personal favor to me. If you read this, leave a comment, even just with your name on it so I know who all is reading this journal. You don't have to have a membership to leave a comment, by the way, just check the anonymous box. It's really important for me to know who is and who is not reading things, because I don't want to post things that I don't want some people to see, and then have them see it. Yes. So comment on this if you read it. You can just leave your name, as I said.

Someone give me something to write about. I want to write something, but have nothing to say, hence the journal about nothing. I blame the typing ADD on the percussion disease. Thanks a lot Leah. Oh, and Tom, you're getting blamed for that too. :oP

This journal appears to be one of those ongoing things that I will just keep adding to as I think of shit to write.

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:: 2004 21 January :: 12.55pm
:: Mood: excited

RUSH will tour in 2004!!
Yep, that's right! Rush is coming back this year! Just found out today. I've waited over a year and finally they are coming back!! Without a new cd, hopefully they will be able to play more of their old tunes, instead of more modern, recognizable stuff. I'll have to keep checking on the exact date they come down here so i can make plans early...im so excited!

:: 2004 16 January :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: David the Gnome Theme Song

Once there was a tree...

and she loved a little boy.

And every day the boy would come

and he would gather her leaves

and make them into crowns and play king of the forest.

He would climb up her trunk

and swing from her branches

and eat apples.

And they would play hide-and-go-seek.

And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade.

And the boy loved the tree...

very much.
And the tree was happy.

But time went by.

And the boy grew older.

And the tree was often alone.

Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy."
"I am too big to climb and play," said the boy.
"I want to buy things and have fun.
I want some money.
Can you give me some money?"
"I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money.
I only have leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy."

And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time...
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
And the tree shook with joy and she said, "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy."
"I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy.
"I want a house to keep me warm," he said.
"I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house?"
"I have no house," said the tree.
"The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house.
Then you will be happy."

And so the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house.

And the tree was happy.

But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak.
"Come, Boy," she whispered, "come and play."
"I am too old and sad to play," said the boy.
"I want a boat that will take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?"
"Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree.
"Then you can sail away...
and be happy."

And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat and sailed away.

And the tree was happy...
but not really.

And after a long time the boy came back again.
"I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you--
My apples are gone."
"My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy.
"My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them--"
"I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy.
"My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb--"
"I am too tired to climb," said the boy.
"I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something...
but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump. I am sorry...."

"I don't need very much now," said the boy,
"just a quiet place to sit and rest.
I am very tired."
"Well," said the tree,
straightening herself up as much as she could,
"well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting.
Come, Boy, sit down.
Sit down and rest."
And the boy did.

And the tree was happy.

:: 2004 16 January :: 8.55pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Three Days Grace

Finally got some time to upload these pictures and whatnot. Don't feel like actually writing an entry though, too much floating around in my head. Too much even to type. But for now, so that you may be in a better mood than I, here are the infamous dog beach pictures.

Not the best picture in the world, but it's still cute. This was right when we got there, as she is still wearing her leash.

This is Sasha, searching for her toy in the water, and having an all-out good time doing it. She loves to swim. I wish we had a pool.

This is like my new favorite picture of Sasha. I'm not sure to what extent you will be able to see it on woohu, but her whole snout is covered in sand. She loved digging around in the sand, so she inevitably got covered in it. Tr�s cute.