bathtub gin

:: 2004 2 September :: 4.39pm
:: Mood: sore

I fell down yesterday in Physics. Hard. So hard that my glasses flew off.

And today I'm sore. Really really bad. My neck hurts, my back hurts, my legs hurt. I just hurt all over.

Yesterday I hung out with Nick, Brigitte and Ben. Nick has to work today, tomorrow and Saturday which blows because I probably won't be able to see him until Sunday or Monday.

School today was kind of blah. We played bocce ball in French 4 but that was the only interesting thing.

I love you all.

There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt. I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now... but I can't help but look forward to where it's going.

Toki	:: 2004 2 September :: 12.22am :: Mood: Not :: Music: Brick- Ben Folds Five I'm a sad pathetic person. Don't ask me why. You know when you feel like you have millions of things to write, but all you can get out is..umm...Yeah. Yeah. -Patrice martini?

:: 2004 31 August :: 8.17pm

I forgot to bring my Physics book home. The homework isn't due until Thursday but I wanted to do it while I didn't have a heavy workload.

Shoots.

I said it yesterday but I don't know who heard it. I made a new layout. RAWK.

I love you all.

Hi, floor! Make me a sandwich! SANDWICH! Hehehehe!

:: 2004 31 August :: 6.23pm

"Oh, don't worry. Most of you will never fall in love. You'll just marry out of fear of dying alone."

Today was better than I thought it was going to be. I was dreading going to school but it was okay.

I'm really tired though.

My mom has this thing with her arm and hand where her fingers will go numb for sometimes a week at a time.

I'll wake up some days and my first few fingers will be numb. Or during the day, my index finger will go numb.

My mom thinks it's either carpal tunnel or the same thing she has, where she kills nerves every once in a bit.

So I'll probably get tested for carpal tunnel syndrome. Right now I'm wearing her wrist thingy and my finger is slowly becoming un-numb.

It's like it falls asleep.

I'm really tired. I almost always am. Ug. I fell asleep on the couch for a few minutes off and on.

And my throat hurts. And my everything is sore. My back hurts, my leg hip joint thing hurts, my arm hurts. Garr. I need sleep.

I love you all.

Toki	:: 2004 31 August :: 1.22am :: Mood: Rebelious Next summer I'm getting a tattoo. Don't know what. Nothing too big. A small one. But I'm doing it. Who's with me? 2 three drinks behind \| martini?

:: 2004 31 August :: 12.35am
:: Mood: blank

Notes adn talks
My brother was like strangly hyper today and forced to stay at home so we talked, i made fun of him. I honestly miss when we used to be able to talk cuz its sorta weird but at times hes not a complete jack ass, i know amazing. Anyway.

Couldnt finish h/w i failed miserably...omg did i tell u, the first take home quiz of the year in bio i lost, yea man, i was so pissed off. I drove all the way home adn didnt find it, i think mr. bomgaars thinks im a complete idiot. Yea it sucks.

I read two notes that i wrote last year, adn they made me tear up. I can't believe im such a sad adn desperate person. one was written for me adn the other one i wrote intending to give to patrice. The incredibly sad part about the two notes is that they are 100% accurate. Like my predictions so came true, that made me even sadder than teh fact that i wrote a note to myself. So my goal is to stop teh process of what the notes said woudl happen. Yea, um makes no sense to u but i wont tell u what was written in the notes b/c one was for me self adn the other one i guess was sorta for me cuz i knew i woudl never give ti to patrice.

Creative writing is going ok, i havent had to share anything in class yet, so thats all good.

Adios amigas

remember life only sucks for a few hours after that it gets fun and then starts to suck again....but the fun part is so worth it. :)

:: 2004 30 August :: 8.42pm

And in case you were wondering, you are everything to me.
I changed my layout.

The picture is from Exploding Dog. It's called but you loved me yesterday!

The title of my journal (But the bars and cars/Won't stop the stars/That shine where I'm going) comes from the song Smile by Jeremy Lister.

The comment links, both of them, come from the song Half of Me is Gone by Jeremy Lister.

I've been wanting to use this ED picture for a long while and I was just in the mood to use it.

Layout will change eventually. Sooner rather than later.

The icon will change as soon as I can make a new one.

I love you all.

:: 2004 30 August :: 4.08pm

It's time for the annual: SUMMARY OF THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL
WOO! So school started out awesome. I got to the spot where we all hang in the morning and Ashley was there. RAWK. All through before school started, I was hugging everyone and shouting hellos to everyone every five seconds.

So we all go to homeroom first thing. We watch some stupid rule video and get our schedules. I got my schedule, gave it a once over to make sure I had the same classes and I noticed that my Conceptual Physics teacher changed.

I was extremely happy to see that good old Mr. Nelligan was my Physics teacher! Mr. Nelligan was one of the two reasons I'm taking physics. The second reason being that the classes go to Cedar Point.

Anyway, the lowdown on my day and impressions furthermore:

First hour, French 4. This class is going to rock. It's mixed, fourth and third years since we only have 11 fourth years and you need 20 to make a class. There are five fourth years. Mrs. Dudka is back too after having her baby and us having five thousand different teachers. I missed her. Plus, Kelly's in that class! WOO! KELLY!

Second hour, Contemporary Literature. I am serious contemplating switching out of this class. The first book we're reading a John Grishom novel. Total bore. I might switch into AP Lit. I'll have to ask Kelly how it is.

Third hour, Introduction to Algebra 2. Mr. Hess sounds awesome. If you do bad on a test and show him the corrections to it, he'll let you retake it and keep the highest grade. Hopefully I might be able to understand algebra. I'm good at geometry, bad at algebra. Really really bad. I have homework.

Fourth hour, Conceptual Physics. Mr. Nelligan! Rhymes with pelican! This class will be fun. I love physics.

Fifth hour, Japanese 2. This class might be almost hard. It's second, third and fourth years all together. There's this David kid who was born in Japan, went to Forest Hills and (according to Wessely-sensei) speaks fluent Japanese. He's a freshmore. I don't know but the class sounds hard.

Sixth hour, General Psychology. This class will be easy as pie. The teacher seems nice. Ashley's in that class!

73h end! This year will hopefully be fun and easy. So far, so good.

Nick works today and Saturday instead of Thursday and Friday. The schedule got switched around or something.

I think that's it.

I love you all.

7 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 29 August :: 7.18pm

I be fat! WOO!
You know those blue jeans I have with the flowers down the side? They're a size 3. They use to fall down all the time but they actually fit now. JOY! I gained weight! I filled in my pants!

I was folding laundry today and Nick called. He was school shopping (even though he's got a week to go...curses) and invited me along.

We went to Meijer's. It was fun. I saw Amanda there. YAY! AMANDA!

And almost everyone Nick knows in the entire world.

I saw some kid from anime club and lots of Rockford people I know, but they don't know me.

Anyway, today has just be a lazy last hurrah. I've done a load of laundry, hung up two baskets full of clothes and I'm waiting for Hannah's stuff to be done so I can wash another basket or two.

It's fun, laundry is. It's a great cure for boredom. I do a load of laundry and while it's finishing up, go eat or go online. Once it's done, I blast music in my room and hang up the clothes.

Do you know that I have more than two pairs of pants? It's amazing!

Anyway. School starts on the morrow and I almost can't wait. Then again, I almost don't want to go. Either way, I'll be in love with it by tomorrow afternoon.

Well, I'll be in love with every class but math. Ugh.

I love you all and I hope your day is going great.

No heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her
And you feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice
Live by every word
Love's completely real
So forget anything that you have heard
And live for the moment now

P.S. The Spill Canvas smurfing ROCKS.

:: 2004 29 August :: 2.29pm

oh btw yasmine is the 521 most popular name. OH YEA!

:: 2004 29 August :: 2.25pm
:: Mood: busy

school
School is ok, some of the classes i thought i could get an easy A in are turning out to be a lot of work...grrr...im updating my journal because i have to write to things (one in french other in english) so i aint excited adn i have to read a chapter in bio and do the take home quiz. i honestly dont want to be stressed out this year, but i might have to be and that is really annoying.

i havent started college applications yet. WHICH SUCKS. stupid senior year.

my family is going to ravina tonight so that means i have to finish h/w before then and me is avoiding it likeits the plague. AIght adios amigas.

Yasamin

4 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 29 August :: 1.22pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Aisle 10 from JSRF

Thanks to Phil, I gots me a gmail account! I heart you, Phil.
It's funny listening to songs for the first time on our surround sound thingy.

Like the songs I downloaded on the computer downstairs. I brought them upstairs and there are parts of songs I've never heard before.

It's like burning a CD with lots of l33t subwoofer bass action and playing on my stereo in my room. There's something missing then but now, something has been added.

I'm doing more laundry today. I smurfing love doing laundry.

I love you all.

:: 2004 29 August :: 8.55am
:: Mood: blah

I have a bad feeling.

And it's tearing me apart.

I'm sorry, Nick. Maybe people are right. Maybe all I am is a heartbreaker.

But I don't care what they say. I love you. I love you and nothing will ever change that.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was up last night. It's long and stupidly complicated. I didn't want you to not have fun or keep Ben waiting.

I'll tell you as soon as I can.

I love you. Everybody.

:: 2004 28 August :: 11.35pm

TOMORROW...
Is our last day of freedom.

I love you all.

:: 2004 28 August :: 11.06am

I wish it was winter.

Or at least fall.

If it's going to be gray, it should rain.

I can't wait for snow.

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive

1 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 28 August :: 12.57am

It's a good year for a murder. She's praying to Jesus, she's pulling the trigger. There's no tears cuz he's not here.
It's me and the moon. And it's so beautiful.

I am a butterfly, you wouldn't let me die.

I've realized that I haven't really written about my life in here.

Everything is pretty okay.

Life is pretty awesome. Sure there have been some roadblocks, detours and speed bumps but I always get right back on the road again.

Today was a very nice day. I took a shower and found out that I really stunk so I apologize to anyone I've seen in the past couple of days. Because I smelled bad.

I learned how to do laundry. It's fun. I'm going to be the best wife ever. I like doing dishes and I like doing laundry. Once I learn how to cook, I'll be awesome. I'll be the perfect wife.

Now all I need is a husband.

Nick stopped by after work. It was 10:15ish. I was trying to explain to Hannah ilovebees.com but I heard a car that sounded a lot like Nick's and stopped midsentence.

Yay! Nick!

Nick's sister wrote a big long entry to me about how I should stay out of her life blah blah blah and I just saw it. Ha. I haven't even bothered to look at her journal since she got all explosive at me. I probably won't read it anymore after this entry. It's sort of stupid. And very teenager. This whole argument has been stupid.

Most arguments are.

Sigh. I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed in a bit. Tomorrow I wake up at 7.

Katie's father has some rafting thing with his work people and she invited me along. They'll pick me up at 11, I guess. I'll be back sometime in the evening. So yeah, I'll be gone all day.

Which blows because Nick has tomorrow off and minus Sunday, that's the only day I can hang out with him before... doomsday.

I'm tired. This was pointless.

I love you all.

anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 27 August :: 7.40pm

I Don't Want To Be Me
~ Amanda Clemens

I'm not feeling so bold
Can't you see I don't want to grow old
And my photograph's an epitaph of parody
I don't want to be me

I'm not feeling so sure
It would help if you offered a cure
If I wait, it's too late for the remedy
I don't want to be me

You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run

I'm not feeling so well
Maybe we could just sit for a spell
And make amends, it depends on my injury
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be me

You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to just run
You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run

I really like that song...it was on Degrassi.

:: 2004 27 August :: 5.43pm

I keep forgetting to say this.
A month or so ago, I was over at Ben's hanging out with Ben and Nick. Nick said I looked like I had gained weight. (Awesome boyfriend, ne?) So I asked Ben if he had a scale and weighed myself.

I weigh 106 pounds. Smurf yeah!

I was wearing jeans and that added something but still.

I weigh more than 100!! w00t!

I love you all.

6 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 27 August :: 1.08pm
:: Music: Through the Years and Far Away from Hoshi no Koe

And I didn't get to say goodbye... I really wish I got to say goodbye...
Jackie's gone.

And so the beginning of the end begins. Or the end of the beginning. I don't know what it is.

But Jackie's gone and we won't see her for a while.

Sigh sob cry.

I miss her already.

I never got to say goodbye.

I love you all.

If I could fly across this night, faster than the speed of light. I would spread these wings of mine. Through the years and far away...

P.S. I made this for Kyle yesterday.

6 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 26 August :: 7.04pm

[random]
I just had the most heavenly tuna melt ever.

[/random]

13 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 26 August :: 2.09pm

Confession
I am a hopeless romantic.

zomg!!1!!1one!11 Please tell me that's a joke. I don't want to live in this world if it's fo' real.

WARNING: I'M GOING TO USE THE WORD "SMURF" MULTIPLE TIMES IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH

eDEN has smurfing METAL SMURFING DDR PADS!!! Smurfing RAWK! Smurf yeah! Who wants to go to eDEN?

:: 2004 26 August :: 11.09am

All you need is love
So.

Tired.

Went to bed at midnight/one.

Woke up at 9.

Tomorrow I wake up at 8.

Saturday: 7.

Sunday: 6.

Monday, school: 6.

Ug.

I don't want school to start.

goose

:: 2004 26 August :: 12.36am

dont care how many days
Going back into the past is bad. There's a reason its in the past its over. But I cant believe it still makes me mad, makes me want to throw up. Finding out things that someone did behind my back that i never knew about...always great im going to be sick now. i cant believe i was so dumb.

2 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 25 August :: 11.47pm

The Red Baron conked out today.

Stalled really.

Nick's thinking that it's the emergency gas shut off thingy.

Nothing big, I think.

No. Nothing big. It's just a car.

Worse things could happen than a car stalling. Worse things could happen.

It'll be alright.

I love you all.

P.S. My mommy threw out my brownies. She said they were too old. I just ate one earlier today. And one yesterday.

:: 2004 25 August :: 12.24pm

SURVIVE EVADE RESIST ESCAPE
Axons went hot again, people picked up.

I've got Jan's story in order.

Blip
Walkaway girl
Hey soldier
Pqi
Stupid cop
Yes or no
Hey dad
Nervous
Law abiding
You knew
(emergency? maybe? her dad said he'd "take care of it")

Jersey's

Dizzy
Escape
Jersey
Reflected
Durga

Guy in restaurant (Kamal?) on phone to Hiroyuki

Parasites
Eyes
Beer

The girl and Kamal... a rough order

Guilty
Meditape
You could
Say something
Message saved
[these last two definitely go in this order]
Tuna
Hi Aiden

We still have ~~three~~ two more to get: ~~you_could,~~ four_goats and pillow. The count is only at ~~87 88 89~~ 94/777.

I love you all.

1 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 25 August :: 10.24am

You could have sex with two people in the backseat of Nick's car.

Not that you'd want to.

So Nick has his car now. It's pretty sweet. And very loud.

It's red, it's German, and we're calling it the Red Baron from now on.

I'm thinking we need to put Snoopy on it somewhere.

I don't know. That was it. I just had to talk about how awesome Nick's car is. I'm tired.

I love you all.

P.S. Jeremy Lister is my new obsession. His songs are smurfing BEAUTIFUL.

sandatthebeach

:: 2004 25 August :: 12.02am
:: Mood: tired as hell

blood shot eyes
First day of school: Yipee.

It wasn't horrible. It wasn't awesome but it wasn't bad either. It was decent. I realized how much I'm gonna have to work this year....because I actually care now. I care about my grades now...I care about getting into college. I want to raise my grades and I'm gonna do it. This year is going to be different because I will actually work and actually care.

Let's see....let's start from the beginning (I don't really feel like reading my book or going to bed).....

6:45 AM - Corey was outside of my house sitting in his car waiting for me to come out so we could leave. It was painful for me...I haven't waken up that early in so long....nor have I survived a day with less than 7 hours of sleep since the school year ended. I was insane in the car because I was really dizzy because I hadn't eaten anything (normally I'll drink some milk or orange juice if I don't have enough to prepare real food because I figure I should probably have some kind of liquid with significant nutrients rather than just water which contains nothing other than hydrogen and oxygen molecules). Also I had gotten 3 hours of sleep so it was insane because the lack of rest wasn't easing the pain in my head.

Corey and I arrived at Stunkel and Q's houses and picked them up and the four of us began our way towards Libertyville to meet Bryan Reid. In front of Reid's house, we met up with Jill, her sister, Patrice and her sister. It was a party in Libertyville at 7 in the morning before school.

Arrived at school.

First period-Phyics with Ravenscraft: Not bad...found that I was in the same class with many many people I knew which is always fun. Dudes...Q is in my Physics...I was so taken back...Someone from our theatre department was in my class who wasn't a fellow Junior!! 'Twas exciting. And Kurt Proepper is also in my class which I was also surprised about.....Matt Smith was also there and Jon Padraja....It was party in Physics class with band people lol. And Ravenscraft seems really cool.

2nd Period-Concert Choir with OC: Choir is so chaotic. It was insane. There are 37 people in choir......no not 3...not 7...but 37!!!! EWWWWWW And OC was having a hard time managing all 37 people and it was only the first day. Oy vey. Moving on.

3rd Period-English Lit Honors with Isabelli: You'll laugh at me...but I was actually nervous sitting there in his class. I was not calm at all...so I decided to make myself appear extremely energetic which turned out to not be a bad idea. I was so worried about getting on the bad side of Isabelli because I've heard so many bad stories about him....I was freakin' nervous sitting there listening to him talk about the class!!! But it turned out to be ok....I survived...and I seem to be on the good side of Isabelli so far...we'll see what he thinks of me a couple weeks from now...I'm gonna look like such a dumbass...we have like the 5 smartest people in the Junior class in Lit. Boy do I feel small....::sigh::

4th Period - Wind Ensemble con Sundell: Band is sweet. Need I say more?

5th Period - Lunch/Orchestra with people: Yeah, I didn't know I was supposed to go to Orchestra so I went to Lunch instead ::shrugs:: Oh well..,.sorry Patrice..I kinda ditched you...I kept walking with Beth who also had lunch at the time.

6th Period - Advanced Math with Healey: Healey's cool. I like him...he doesn't seem like a bad teacher either. I'm not too worried about this class at the moment....why? Well, he's like you're not going to be tested on waht you were assigned the night before...::raises eyebrow:: so math class last year must have been abnormal...we had chapter tests the same week we started it. Naturally I failed and obviously I dropped honors because I didn't like the pace. I'm sorry...I like math...I consider myself to be pretty decent at it....but I'm not a math whiz or that fast of a learner. ::Shrugs:: Just deal.

7th Period - Gym with the gym teachers: I hate gym with a passion. I wanted to take dance class so badly because I actually try and I'm actually interested!!! Grrrr damn you OC and the choir-ness and the physic-ness. So apparently this year, we all have to take fitness tests and based on our scores we get to choose what gym class we take. Bullshit. I'm gonna be like in the hardest working one. I mean....I don't really want to do Outdoor Ed...don't really want to cook eggs all the time....I wanna play some sports....I might not even mind weight training...just don't get me in the pool. I hate the water...so much...there's a reason why I don't really go to the pool during the summer...I prefer just laying in my backyard to tan rather than going to the pool...I really really don't like it. :-P

8th Period - US History Honors with Dircks: So the lady seems to know what she's talking about...that's fine. She actually comprehends social studies...taht doesn't mean I have to automatically favor her. She's so....mean. ::Shrugs:: I'll try and get on the good side of her....yeah, I'll suck up if I have to. She reminds me of Shenk a little...except I liked Shenk better. Haha Shenk--oh man I'm gonna miss her lol good times. Oh btw there are 13 people in my US History class...let's just say...there will be lots of personal attention which means I should probably be prepared and actually speak up (I hate participating in class discussions because I'm really bad at gathering my thoughts and putting them in words and make some kind of sense).

So that was my first day of school. Tomorrow's gonna be interesting. More sitting and more piling of the books. Can't wait. Hear the excitement in my typing?.......That's waht I thought.

Always, Sandy

1 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2004 24 August :: 9.38pm
:: Mood: accomplished

random quiz

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

I so thought i would be a conservative!