bathtub gin

:: 2005 27 October :: 9.25pm

Jabberwocky should be made into a musical. It'd be awesome.

:: 2005 27 October :: 3.34pm

I'm sick.

Someone should come over and make me soup and baby me.

I love you all.

toki	:: 2005 26 October :: 11.56pm :: Mood: Not Very Shiny :: Music: Rent- Goodbye, Love Crisis Averted. Music has been restored to my computer. Thank God for the restart button. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. And that's about all. martini?

Blackcandynecklace

:: 2005 26 October :: 9.29am

I'm back, and just as fucked up as i was.

:: 2005 26 October :: 2.49am

I am an insomniac. I hate this. I dont sleep till like 3-4 am basically every night. I go to bed and i cant sleep for an hour. My advice 2 y'all is do not pull an all nighter it sucks the next day.

:: 2005 25 October :: 11.04pm

To No one
To You: Do you ever really hear what I say? Or is it that you just don't care?

To You: You promised me you'd never do it. You promised. Looks like you're just like the rest of them.

To You: I'm sorry. That sucks. Move on.

To You: Don't worry, I still know my place.

To You: Stop trying to sound smart. You're just making yourself out to be an annoying dumbass.

To You: What's really important in your life right now?

To You: I don't talk to you because I don't like being yelled at.

If you think it's about you, it's not. Probably not about anyone who reads this. Maybe. yeah.

:: 2005 24 October :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: Worried

I feel really rushed right now. I wish I had time to slow down and not make this decision. It's too hard. Things need to just slow down. I'm serious. I mean, it's only my future we're talking about here. Not that that's important at all.

:-\

I need to talk to Ryan. He's about the best person to talk to about these things. He's surprisingly un-biased. And that's cool. Plus he's much more level headed then I am.

Damn me being a girl.

5 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2005 21 October :: 6.07pm

I got into a car accident today. I'm fine, the woman I hit is fine, my car was fine, her car was fine. Right now I'm in Kalamazoo visiting Katie. I'll be home on Sunday sometimes. Um. Something.

Oh, Jessa, when are you moving? Are you working at that bank yet?

Have a nice weekend. I love you all.

3 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2005 20 October :: 7.42am

Last night, I was watching Lost and there was a frost advisory warning that popped up and proceeded to scroll the counties that were affected across the screen. This wasn't neccessary because they had a lutle picture of the counties in west Michigan and the ones with the warning were colored blue.

Anyway, they were showing some flashback from the Korean chick so of course they were speaking Korean. With subtitles. And the warning only came up when they were talking, with the subtitles at the bottom.

So, for a while, you had no idea what was going on.

:: 2005 19 October :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: exhausted

Puzzles
Today went pretty well overall.

We bought a puzzle! It's so exciting. We're already like an old couple. Sweet.

Then I talked to him about stuff. Which was nice. Because I actually talked. I've tried starting that conversation a half billion times and I actually did it this time. Yay?

Anywho, Patrice is happy, but can't keep her eyes open. Her Mom is making her take the driving test tomorrow, even though it's obvious that I'm going to fail. Oh well. I'll find some way to convince her. Hopefully. Plus I realllllly don't want to start paying for gas.

Poooo on gas.

And that's all. Nights.

5 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2005 19 October :: 8.27pm

Free Tibet... I'll take it!
Look who's back, back again...
Read more..

The Dalai Lama is going to speak at Stanford in November. Oh, how I wish one day that I might be able to see Tenzin Gyatso! Either way, you can watch his lectures at Stanford live(!) on their site. So it's a nice alternative.

There's a Free Tibet group in Michigan called TIBETmichigan. Starting on Sunday, October 23, they will show Tibet-related films every Sunday until January 29. You need to RVSP [re(accent?)spondez s'il vous plai(with-a-hat)t] to attend but it would be an awesome thing to go to. It's on Monroe Center, too so it's not too far away. You know what? I will go. If anyone wants to come with, call me. Here is their calendar and here is the event.

I love you all.

P.S. French is the most beautiful language. Songs in French are the most beautiful songs. This is not open for debate.

:: 2005 19 October :: 6.30pm

This is the cutest thing. Ever.

:: 2005 18 October :: 4.20pm

Girls are bitches.

:: 2005 18 October :: 2.14pm

So last week, because of budget cuts, three people at work were laid off. And I mean people, not student workers, people who had worked there for 5 - 30 years.

There were two people laid off in the Registrar's and Advising office, where I work. One was the receptionist, Michele, with whom I worked and loved to death. She'd been working there for four years. Her daughter works on the floor above us. One advisor was laid off, I didn't know her very well. Across the hall, in the Registrar's office, the person who handled all the graduation stuff was laid off.

They said they chose to lay off the people whose jobs could be taken over by others.

So it was really sad on Thursday, when they told everyone what happened. Since both offices are run entirely by women, everyone was crying. Even today, people were still upset. And they had reason to be. They are all very close, throwing parties for birthdays and parties for holidays.

So that's what's been happening. It's been upsetting because everyone feels guilty that they still have a job. Especially the student workers.

I love you all.

toki	:: 2005 18 October :: 2.16am I wish Ryan Hoffman was awake. It'd be nice to talk to him right now. martini?

toki	:: 2005 16 October :: 1.11am :: Mood: exhausted :: Music: Serenity Soundtrack My Logic Apple cider = Amazing Work = Way too long Patrice = Tired Therefore, Patrice = Calling in sick tomorrow. martini?

5 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2005 15 October :: 4.25pm

Why should you go to Aquinas?
This next week, all week, we have no school. That's right, a week-long fall break.

:: 2005 13 October :: 12.56am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Audioslave

I wish I wasn't so difficult to understand. I wish humans that humans never needed sleep. I wish that I could stop time. I wish I knew what I wanted.

Yep, there you go. My three wishes. I added one. Deal with it, bitches.

-.- zzzzzzz

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep

I don't want to wake up tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to stink like Templeton's egg in Charlotte's Web.

Okay, really really really not looking forward to tomorrow. Fuck. Okay, one more wish:

I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up until Friday. Tomorrow will be a total waste of a day. Just like every day for the past who knows how long. I really don't feel I'm really Carpe-ing the Diem. And that makes me terrbly sad. I hate that things are so hectic that I can't to take time to simply SEIZE THE DAY! And to make my life extraordinary.

The second part probably won't happen ever. To be extraordinary, you hve to have something special. You have to know what you want. Me? I just suck.

Dead Poets Society, why do you let me think that there is more to life then this? This is all we have. There is nothing to seize. There's no time to seize it. Only time to work. And sleep.

And that is what I'm getting to. Sleep.

I'm changing the quote...

Carpe sleepem
Carpe Workem

And Jorie, don't try to tell me the real latin. Those just sound funnier. I like it. ::nods:: I like funny. So if you do, I will kill your polar bear. I'm serious.

Right now I am off to CARPE SLEEPEM!

See, I guess I'm seizing something now. And that's always good. Makes me feel better already.

Boy, do I love sarcasm.

:: 2005 12 October :: 8.00pm

Happy anniversary, sirrah!

:: 2005 11 October :: 11.55pm

Boys
I'm havin guy issues and i dont even have a boyfriend. Im not sure whether this will be super long or short but ill try to make it quick. I know im not super hot or the type of girl who gets all hte boys but I hate boys who call/txt but when u do they dont respond. Total bs. W/E im pissed. At the same time i did do that to my creepy 29 yr old stocker (guy from lst yr) so i mean i understand but still. GRRRRRR. Im usin my friends comp and her roommate its dying so im gonna go and let her sleep. bye

yasamin

:: 2005 11 October :: 1.24am

What to say? I'm going to fail my history test. And you know what else? Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn.

You know I've never seen that movie? Hm. Makes me feel almost wrong for quoting it.

Well once again, I don't care. You know why? Because...

I'm a leaf on the wind...Watch how I soar.

Take that, bitches.

I miss Wash.

3 three drinks behind | martini?

goose

:: 2005 10 October :: 8.26pm

My parents are watching Wan Helsing...that brings back soooo many memories. Many good and many bad...but overall its a happier feeling reflecting on the experience

:: 2005 9 October :: 10.30pm
:: Mood: blank

Blah blah some old speech blah crap blah
Being a woman sux0rz.
Being hormonal sux0rz.
Thinking with your amygdala sux0rz.

I love you all. I hope you're doing okay. I know I'm not home a lot because of school and stuff but I still have my cell phone. So if you want to talk about anything ever (I don't care if you want to tell me how hard you gave it to those hookers last night, tell me ALL about it) call me. Tell me what's going on. Tell me how much you miss your dog (which I swear was ~~NOT~~ BLACK, Kelly). I don't care what you want to tell me. If you want to talk: I'm here.

:: 2005 9 October :: 2.10am

You probably think you're better then me. You don't want to admit to, but I know you think it. It's constantly ringing in the back of your head. Look at that girl. Look at Patrice. Got into every fucking college she applied to, but still is slaving away at CLC. And do you know why?! I'm a fucking chicken. I can't commit myself to anything! I can't decide something like this and stick with it. It scares me. I can't do it. And so I'm here, being the townie I always knew I was going to be. I work at a fucking movie theatre. I see people from VHHS come to see movies when they visit home and they go.."Oh so where do you go to college?" Oh, CLC. How's that? Why? Because I'm a dumb shit. That's why. I'm a fucking dumbshit. And there's really nothing I can do to change that. I know how you look at me. The same way I looked at people like me before. The same way I looked at my sister. And I deserve every bit of it. I deserve it.

You know what? Take your fucking perfection. Go to your prestigious schools that no one else can get into. Win all the fucking awards you can in high school. Be honor thespians, All State musicians and theatre people. Graduate with honors. See if I fucking care.You deserve it.

You know who doesn't? You know who ends up at fucking Rivertree the rest of her life? You know who's going to completly throw every possibility of success at risk just because she's scared shitless?

Yep. I'm not going to deal with it anymore. I hate who I am. I hate most of where I am right now. I hate what I look like and what I wear and how I act.

I only have one or two people who don't mind wasting time with me. And I hate myself for that too. Because it's my fault that I have no one else. I love them, but it's all I have. And I know it's my fault. And I hate myself.

I go to CLC. I was just anouther sheep in the flock. I'm nothing different. I'm just a dumb shit.

I just want to do something special. I want to do something worth telling other people about. I want to be worth something. I want to do something, but I can't think of anything.

I just can't do it anymore. And that's that.

:: 2005 6 October :: 6.02pm

Yea. I have nothing to do. I am fasting i get to break my fast until like 6:30 so i just a chillin. Im gonna go for a book now in the library. THis library has like half floors its weird.

:: 2005 6 October :: 1.37pm

Nerdiness
OMG bio is so cool. Yea total nerd moment but all the bones and hwo they fit and work together is like super amazing. Totally pissed at the fact that i had the lab after the class. Cuz if i had it before i might have stayed awake during the lectures cuz its cool. Like how top bone (i would know the name if i stayed awake in class) weighs more than like ur femur cuz it has to be stronger to protect the brain. Its cool shit. Now i have to go study for chem which is not cool. I hate that class. But w/e.

3 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2005 6 October :: 6.02am

I think that doing our French project last year (the second fairy tale, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, not the first) had to be one of the best times in my entire life.

And up until three seconds ago when Nicole reminded me of it, (Je suis un ninja comme Jackie Chan, WAH-TAH!) I had totally forgotten.

4 three drinks behind | martini?

:: 2005 2 October :: 4.10am

i hate being hungover. Its a bitch and a half. im not drinkin again.

:: 2005 2 October :: 1.52am

Hello.
I guess I should tell you about school, now that I have time.

College is the best thing that I have ever encountered. (Next to Nick, of course but normally I don't call meeting Nick an "encounter".) All of my professors are nice (even though my I&E prof channeled Mr. Watson yesterday), none of my classes are lectures and I haven't slacked off as much as usually. School is so much fun. My friends are awesome to just hang out with, all the clubs I'm involved in are either on topics I really care about or things I'm really interested in and the girls outnumber the guys 4 to 1.

My French professor is also the Spanish prof. She speaks French for the entire hour. At first, I was really afraid of that class but as it got going, I realized that we aren't learning anything. Then Shayne and Nicole told me that Mrs. Dudka is pregnant and on bed rest again so they aren't learning a thing either.
My English class (I&E) is okay. It's really a waste of time but since I didn't take the AP test and it's required...I'm trapped there. The prof, Dr. Dawson, is a hippie.

My PE/Health requirement (Nutrition, Exercise and Stress) is just that, a requirement. I'm trying to get it out of the way so I can be happy an unhealthy for the rest of my life. The prof also teaches the pilates and yoga classes at Aquinas so of course we had to do those things. Pilates smurfing sucks.

My math class is alright. I hate math. I hate algebra. My prof is pretty awesome and nice. She also explains things very nicely. I understand most of everything. Mostly because I've learned it all before and it's pretty much remembering. I hate factoring.

At Aquinas, freshmen are required to take this Intro to Information Literacy class that teaches you how to use the library and research things for papers. It's actually kind of interesting and fun but I'm a dork. The professor is the co-director of the library and, for some reason, loves me to death.

My web page design class is great. It's all done in Frontpage so even if I didn't know how to insert pictures, I could find out in less than a minute. The professor wrote the first college textbook on HTML and is pretty "hip". He grows all of his own fruits and vegetables, his house is run on his own generator, he loves spelunking and he cannot remember any HTML. He loves cars and music too. Pretty cool.

My friends are awesome. I met my friend Jeremy at orientation. We usually eat lunch together. Sometimes his sister, Elysia, comes along. She's a junior and transferred from Saginaw Valley State University. They're from Caro, some small town on the other side of the state. Shayne used to eat with us but now he's too cool. He's in my I&E class though so it's okay. I see my friend Emily once in a while. She's in my French class and in both SAC and the radio station club. She rocks. And she's beautiful.
Life's going pretty alright too. I got a job on campus at the registrar's office. I only get about 10 hours a week so I was thinking of maybe getting a weekend job too. We'll see. The only sucky part is that we work during all breaks. Which means that I don't know if I can go see Katie anymore.

Nick and I are doing great. We keep running into these crappy things (that I bring up because it's my job to over think everything.) but we get right through them. We keep talking about getting married eventually or living together next year. I hope it happens eventually. It'd be nice. Nick's a really nice guy and I hope he sticks around for a while longer. We're coming up on sixteen months. It's awesome!

On Wednesday, I got up the courage to drive myself to school. Ever since then, I've been driving everywhere. I love it and I never thought I would.

Anyway. Life is awesome. School is awesome. Yeah, I'm stressed and worried about a bajillion things but I'm having fun and growing up. That's all I wanted. Hopefully I can start going to church again. I keep wanting to but I make a thousand excuses every single time.

I love you all. I hope everything's going great for all of you. I miss you, Kelly, come home sometime. The rest of you all need to come home too.

:: 2005 30 September :: 10.15am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: You Oughta Know- Alanis Morissette

I feel sick. I hate my mom. I hate my dad.

Does anyone see any wrong in Ryan and I sharing a suitcase? My mom was flipping out because he'd see my underwear. But suitcases have pockets. And I could put them in one of those...and he would have no reason to see them...

Then I got the lecture on how I look. I don't look nice. I look dirty. ??? I don't get that. I don't get how I look dirty. My clothes aren't the kind of clothes that get wrinkly. And she kept refering to this one shirt that was wrinkled once last week. Then she flips out about my work clothes, but its work! And I don't have to look like uber nice there. I mean, we're always cleaning and getting into dirty stuff. It makes no sense that she flips out like that. No sense at all. And my hair. Because I don't take time to wear it down, and instead just throw it in a ponytail, that makes me dirty. O.o;; I just don't have time. Holy hell... I don't know what to do. I don't mind how I look at all.

So, question two, do you think I look wrinkly and scummy with my hair and clothes?

Then of course I got yelled at for my weight gain. Awesome. As if I'm not freaking out about it already.

I figured out that if I eat 1,200 calories everyday for 3 months I can lose all the weight that I want to. So, definitly getting on that after I get back from vacation. Hopefully it works. I'm tired of being told by my mother that I'm fat. I need to be like Amanda and Gabby. I know she compares me to them. I don't get why she won't admit it.

Anyways, scared to death of Arizona. Parents. Major Eeeeep.

If I survive, I'll see you all when I get back.