godessalthena
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2023 18 October :: 12.52pm
"i love you much (most beautiful darling)
more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky
—sunlight and singing welcome your coming
although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
noone can quite begin to guess
(except my life) the true time of year—
and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing (or glimpse such
sunlight as will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each
nearness) everyone certainly would (my
most beautiful darling) believe in nothing but love"
-e.e. cummings
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2023 22 September :: 9.22pm
:: Music: Queen- I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies/ You're so self-satisfied, I don't need you
I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self-satisfied, I don't need you
I've got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free
I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love
It's strange but it's true, yeah
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh, how I want to be free, baby
Oh, how I want to be free
Oh, how I want to break free
But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without
Living without you by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows, got to make it on my own
So baby, can't you see?
I've got to break free
I've got to break free
I want to break free, yeah
I want, I want, I want, I want to break free
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2023 17 September :: 1.41pm
everything is going so well
so why do I feel my soul imploding
my whole life no one ever wanted to listen to me, trust me, have faith in me.
how do I earn those things? I am at the end of my rope.
1 Shot |
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2023 6 September :: 8.11am
my husband and I have been trying to conceive
I've had at least 2 chemical pregnancies. it's been heartbreaking, and difficult not to think there's something wrong with me.
but since I am considered geriatric in terms of womanhood, it will probably be a very difficult journey.
not sure I'm ready, but my husband is the most amazing man in the world and with his support I feel like I can accomplish anything.
1 Shot |
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2023 19 August :: 7.01am
it's all burning down.
and I'm going up in smoke right with it.
I can't express the depths like I can't express these breaths.
I am a fundamentally damaged person, and maybe I'm broken completely?
what good am I, anyway..?
2 Shots |
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2023 24 July :: 2.45pm
been sitting back and watching the flux of the universe
ebbing and flowing, bringing bounty and ruin
through the chaos, bubbles form in the matter
sparking a sense of organization and meaning once lost on me
despite the constant flood of bad news and terroristic acts, my heart has found a raft in his love
weather beaten and storm torn, I still feel stunning and resolute when his baby blues rest lovingly upon my corpulent frame
I just want to be better every day to make him proud of me, because I want to be proud of me, because I believe in the him that believes in me
we are all living on a spiral, and instead of out, I am lovingly spiraling up
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2023 7 July :: 2.03pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
I am now a Mrs! we eloped on Tuesday because the small group we invited to the ceremony started getting very... selfish? so we just did our own thing. we had sushi at our favorite restaurant and everyone got along and had a beautiful time.
the fire pit and patio are huge successes!! we have had 4 fires so far, and I just can't get enough toasted marshmallows. our butterfly garden is starting to really take off, but some critter keeps coming in at night trying to fuck shit up!
also finally losing weight. my last day at work is the 14th and I already feel like this huge weight is lifted off my back....
next on the agenda... buy a house so my disabled friend can live in it and get out of the shitty section 8 housing complex she is stuck in. this has been a dream for a very long time, and my partner is completely on board with the idea. having an actual partner who always meets me at least halfway is just... remarkable.
I didn't think life could feel this good. I just hope it's not short lived. I know this marriage will take a lot of work, but he's worth it.
I could just pop, so happy.
3 Shots |
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2023 24 June :: 10.03pm
:: Music: Taylor swift- you need to calm down
Mom, I am a rich man.
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2023 24 June :: 9.59pm
:: Music: Fall out boy- this ain't a scene it's an arms race
At night we're painting your trash gold, while you sleep/ Crashing not like hips or cars/ No, more like p-p-parties
I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care which side wins
Long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
I'm not a shoulder to cry on, but I digress
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I wrote the gospel on giving up (you look pretty sinking)
But the real bombshells have already sunk (prima donnas of the gutter)
At night we're painting your trash gold, while you sleep
Crashing not like hips or cars
No, more like p-p-parties
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
Bandwagon's full, please catch another
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah, whoa oh oh oh whoa oh
All the boys who the dance floor didn't love
And all the girls whose lips couldn't move fast enough
Sing, until your lungs give out
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (now you)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (wear out the groove)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (sing out loud)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race (oh, oh)
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate yeah
I'm a leading man and the lies I weave are oh so intricate
Oh so intricate
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2023 11 June :: 8.19pm
:: Music: Panic! At the disco/ viva Las vengeance
I don't want to be anonymous/ but I don't want to be you...
hut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Hacking at my feed, act like you are me
No one really cares (really cares)
Nothing's really real, no one really feels
Nothing to declare (to declare)
I don't wanna be anonymous
But, I don't wanna be you
In a city full of promises
Nothing rings true
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Giving up the key to paint a masterpiece
What am I doing here?
Stuck here in the weeds
On a road that leads
To nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere
To nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere, to nowhere
Shut up and go to bed
Viva Las Vengeance
Shut up and go to bed
Viva Las Vengeance
Shut up and go to bed
Viva Las Vengeance
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Shut up and go to bed
She said, "Viva Las Vengeance"
Every moment is a replay
I'm being buried alive
Didn't wanna kill the DJ
But it can't hurt to try
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2023 26 May :: 10.27pm
life is a rollercoaster ride that you are either too short or too tall for.
my heart is the fullest it's ever been. I finally feel optimistic for the future. I finally see there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
plans for a hummingbird garden and a fire pit are coming together. the big day is set for the end of next month. I can't believe this is real life. I feel stupid for waiting so long to reach out, but I love the whirlwind I'm wrapped up in.
1 Shot |
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2023 21 April :: 9.29pm
:: Music: Panic! At the disco- this is gospel
Don't try to sleep through the end of the world and bury me alive/ 'Cause I won't give up without a fight
This is gospel for the fallen ones
Locked away in permanent slumber
Assembling their philosophies
From pieces of broken memories
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds
But they haven't seen the best of us yet
If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is gospel for the vagabonds
Ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards
Confessing their apostasies
Led away by imperfect impostors
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart
Don't try to sleep through the end of the world and bury me alive
'Cause I won't give up without a fight
If you love me let me go
If you love me let me go
'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
And truth be told, I never was yours
The fear, the fear of falling apart
The fear of falling apart
The fear, the fear of falling apart
(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
(This is the beat of my heart
This is the beat of my heart)
The fear of falling apart
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2023 20 April :: 11.19pm
:: Music: Bleachers- I wanna get better
I miss the days of a life still permanent
Hey, I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room
Calling my name and I follow just to find you
I trace the faith to a broken down television and put on the weather
And I've trained myself to give up on the past 'cause
I frozen time between hearses and caskets
Lost control when i panicked at the acid test
I wanna get better
While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines
I was losing my mind 'cause the love, the love, the love, the love, the love
That I gave wasted on a nice face
In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet
Counting seconds through the night and got carried away
So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars
Hey, I wanna get better!
I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
I go up to my room and there's girls on the ceiling
Cut out their pictures and I chase that feeling
Of an eighteen year old who didn't know what loss was
Now I'm a stranger
And I miss the days of a life still permanent
Mourn the years before I got carried away
So now I'm staring at the interstate screaming at myself
Hey, I wanna get better!
I didn't know I was lonely 'til i saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
'Cause I'm sleeping in the back of a taxi
I'm screaming from my bedroom window
Even if it's gonna kill me
Woke up this morning early before my family
From this dream where she was trying to show me
How a life can move from the darkness
She said to get better
So I put a bullet where I shoulda put a helmet
And I crash my car cause I wanna get carried away
That's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself
Hey, I wanna get better!
I didn't know I was lonely 'til i saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change
I wanna get better, better, better, better
I wanna get better
Point and Shoot
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jedibumblebee
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2023 18 March :: 10.22pm
:: Music: Fall Out Boy- love from the other side
We're told we gotta get ahead, yeah No matter what it takes But there's no way off the hamster wheel on this rat race I'd never go, I just want to be invited, oh
Model house life meltdown
Still a modern dream let down
It kills me, you know I'm dying out here
What would you trade the pain for?
I'm not sure
We were a hammer to the statue of David
We were a painting you could never frame and
You were the sunshine of my lifetime
What would you trade the pain for?
This city always hangs a little bit lonely on me
Loose, like a kid playing pretend in his father's suit
I'd never go, I just want to be invited, oh
Got to give up
Get the feeling, get the feeling
Don't fight it, fight it
Sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse
And I just about snapped
Don't look back
Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand
Love from the other side of the apocalypse
And I just about snapped
Don't look back
Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand
Generation sleep, I'm falling in and out of love
I'm getting that tilted feeling out here
What would you trade the pain for?
I'm not sure
Nowhere left for us to go but heaven
Summer falling through our fingers again and
You were the sunshine of my lifetime
What would you trade the pain for?
We're told we gotta get ahead, yeah
No matter what it takes
But there's no way off the hamster wheel on this rat race
I'd never go, I just want to be invited, oh
Got to give up
Get the feeling, get the feeling
Don't fight it, fight it
Sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse
And I just about snapped
Don't look back
Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand
Love from the other side of the apocalypse
And I just about snapped
Don't look back
Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand
I saw you in a bright clear field
Hurricane heat in my head
The kind of pain you feel to get good in the end
Good in the end
Inscribed like stone and faded by the rain
"Give up what you love"
"Give up what you love, before it does you in"
Sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse
And I just about snapped
Don't look back
Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand
Love from the other side of the apocalypse
And I just about snapped
Don't look back
Every lover's got a little dagger in their hand
Sending my love
Sending my love
Point and Shoot
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godessalthena
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2023 6 March :: 5.14pm
I hate these chronic feelings of being completely unimportant
Point and Shoot
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