::
2004 7 March :: 1.55 pm
:: Mood: in love
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!! *tear*
wow, that was beautiful. i'm going to go cry now. but don't worry, they're happy tears. AHHHHH YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!
right then. *tries to control herself*
so last night was the koinonia murdery mystery party. unlike at concert choir camp, we actually finished it. (it was the same deal though, completely confusing and taking 4 and a half hours to finish. okay, well we had a course of dinner in between each round, but still!) funny, talented people we have in our church!!
chuck, virginia hebel's husband, came up to me and asked how 'the world famous clarinetist' was. he's so nice! i love that man! (virginia and chuck met for the first time in their high school marching band...:0D)
served communion to mr. shaull today. now that was strange. also ended up holding hands with him for 'shalom.' hrm. it's kind of cool.
wow, i cannot believe how affected i am because of the beauty of this one person. i'm seriously all teary-eyed. I LOVE THEE!! wow. i really, really do.
sing to me |
::
2004 6 March :: 10.28 pm
:: Mood: HAHAHAHA!!
:: Music: ...IS LIFE!
now read the directions!
this is very important. in order to fully understand and relate to the hilariousity that lies before you, you must read these things in order.
1) read the entry below.
2) read this passage below.
3) read the replies to that entry.
4) go to my friends page and read nicole (iwishtobemilkywhite)'s entry that is in the form of a conversation with me. *there are two. read her titles. (one says, read the entry BEFORE this one. do so. then read the entry above it.)
5) GO CRAZY LAUGHING!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!! AREN'T WE GREAT??
LbBabe127: i hath posted and replied
LbBabe127: and my reply was extremely insightful
LbBabe127: so analyze it carefully
Horseeyoregal: i shall
LbBabe127: there may be hidden meanings
LbBabe127: for it is very deep
LbBabe127: and.. meaningful
Horseeyoregal: i hath replied
Horseeyoregal: wait
Horseeyoregal: i hath replieth
Horseeyoregal: in equal meaningful garble
Horseeyoregal: equally*
sing to me |
::
2004 6 March :: 9.19 pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: I LOVE MUSIC!!!!
laaaaaaaaaaaa lalalalaaaaa la LAAAA!
wow today was cool. COOLCOOLCOOLCOOLCOOL!
"Is that a choir I hear, singing the praises of God? No, the lord God himself is exhaulting o'er you in song. And He will joy (oy....oy-oy-oy) over you (oo-oo-oo) in song, and He will joy (oy...oy-oy-oy) over you (oo-oo-oo) in so(ooo in a disonant chord) (changing to make it major-ooo)ng. (and later...lalala) Put on that garment of praise, as on a festival day, sing, oh daughter of Zion in jubilant song!"
now isn't that great? in fact, it's SO great, that the 'is that a choir i hear?' has been my welcome message on my cell phone ever since i changed it from the 'boo! i KNOW i just scared you!' that ali programed into it earlier in the year. great chords. ya know, i guess i don't give jerry due credit sometimes. and the musical for this year (and auditions are when?? ha who knows) looks to be pretty good too. i guess church choir isn't ALL bad.
but, i have to say that it IS bad compared to EVERYONE AT THE FESTIVAL TODAY!! AHHHHHH!!! i sat down and seriously thought: now this is the closest to heaven it can get. okay, so maybe i was exaggerating just a bit. especially because my feet were in excrutiating pain. but WOW was that fun!! (i hope all of you upperclassman are touched at the honesty, simplicity, and open-hearted joy that music still brings to me. especially all of you negative-thinking mainstreeters. not that any of you read this. but IF YOU DID...)
i was talking with rachel after cc yesterday afternoon, and we've decided that: 1) i must stop being cute, intelligent, and ambitious. (apparently that's very attractive.) and 2) i must stop smiling.
why? I'M SICK OF UNWANTED ATTENTION FROM THE OPPOSITE SEX! (and yes, the fact that i used the word 'sex' WAS to get the guys to read that.)
wanted attention? now THAT'S another story entirely. but ummm...yeah. gosh, there really isn't anything more annoying and regretful when you realize what you had with someone (or a group of people...in fact, a group of people is often more powerful) that you don't have anymore for whatever reason.
wait. there is. potential. now THAT (and i'm surprised at how many people so quickly agreed with me on this at lunch the other day) is awful. i don't think i need to expand on this. both incredible potential and lack of potential (both of which are quite different in the eye of the beholder and in the eye of the observer) are extremely annoying. they really are.
so yeah. the festival was extremely enlightening and SOSOSOSO WONDERFUL! and was the guy not cool? he was SO cool! oh, and MAIN STREET: I LOVE YOU!!! *mwah!* bravo! GROUP HUG NOW! I LOVE YOU ALL! (some more than others...*wink wink* hahahaha oh wait, i was trying to be mature...)
oh well, maturity's gone out the window. just look at this conversation i'm having with nicole!
LbBabe127: thank you
LbBabe127: i need to be holy fucked
LbBabe127: teehee
Horseeyoregal: ha
Horseeyoregal: oh it'll be holy with him
Horseeyoregal: i bet he's GREAT in bed
LbBabe127: hahahahaha
LbBabe127: i love how we talk about this as if we're totally not virgins
Horseeyoregal: HA
Horseeyoregal: oh yeah
Horseeyoregal: cuz we so AREN'T
LbBabe127: you bet
LbBabe127: i mean i've had sex... uh..
LbBabe127: erm... a lot. hm.
Horseeyoregal: yeah...that one time...
Horseeyoregal: that was...almost like sex...but not...really...at all...
LbBabe127: hahaha
LbBabe127: exactly!
Horseeyoregal: can i put this in my journal?
LbBabe127: i mean, he winked at me
LbBabe127: and everything
i hope you enjoyed that.
OMG GUYS!! THE ALMOND WALK-A-BOUT IS TOMORROW!! little known fact: (shhh, it's a secret) I won the walk-a-bout medals EVERY YEAR from kindergarten to 6th!! from about k-4th, it was the top boy and girl in the GRADE. from 5-6 it was by class. by about 5th grade, it was 30 miles in 7 hours or YOU LOSE. well, that's what it was to me. i LIVED for that walk-a-about. became the bitchiest little elementary school straight-A student EVER to walk the planet (har har, that's sort of punny, right? just a little? sheesh, well I thought it was creative. lol :oD)on the walk-a-bout day. i didn't stop for ANYTHING. oh yeah. hard core walking, that's what it's all about!
but in life, MUSIC is what it's all about. and expression. and love. and happiness. TO LIFE! *fiddler on the roof music plays as the computer screen fades to black*
...and this is March 5, 2004, at 9:40 PM in the life of Melissa.
2 songs |
sing to me |
::
2004 4 March :: 2.55 pm
:: Music: Janet Jackson-Together Again
my new philosphy (that's a great song!)
i've been kind of hesitant to post recently... for some reason it's bothering me that i cannot possibly mention all of the events that have changed me in some way that happen on a daily basis. (woo, that was sort of a run-on.) i just feel like i don't give people enough credit for their impact on my life. i really, really am thankful for all of you.
sheesh, the momentary lapse of cold, windy, rainy, grey days has sure messed with my hormones...
so. concert choir is going well. i'm REALLY liking the power and skill of everyone around me. it motivates me to do better, and it is kind of a nice thought that there are like 75 other people that are also singing at the same time as me in case i mess up. *sigh* i am SO ready for spending the next 3 and a quarter years doing this. singing, that is. it was funny, i got all emotional during my bio presentation today. (about singing...) i kinda babbled on about how singing deals with physical, mental, and EMOTIONAL aspects of life. went a little overboard on the emotional...see what i mean about hormones? well, marcella said she thought it was really good, so i'll trust her on that.
random note: i was talking with de a while ago and today i TOTALLY saw what she meant. omg it's sooo cute i cannot even describe it. reminds me of me. awww!
and yeah, i am the strangest person when it comes to guys. honestly, the majority of the time recently, they've meant about a 3 to me on a scale of 1-10. and then i pass someone or other in the halls and it shoots up to 15 (again, out of ten) for like 2 hours and i just go crazy thinking about how mature, friendly, talented, ambitious this person/these people are. hmm. right. and then a guy called me last night (won't mention anynames coughYOUFLIRTTOOMUCHcough) and yeah. my priorities are still the same. funny, one's like mentoring the other right now. HUH.
nice weather. seriously.
who got a 93% on her math quiz after getting a 42% on the other one?? MEEEE!!! this doesn't exempt me from being screwed for the test tomorrow...but yeah. that was GOOD.
i'm getting a little fed up with the impersonalization of AIM. (was that a word? i'm not sure.) expression is just SO limited through wording sometimes! i feel like half the time my mood would completely change my outlook on what the person is typing. and then sarcasm can't be expressed...seriousness is hard to decifer...
tomorrow should be muy muy interesante. and just plain FUN. HECK YEAH! (that's my good christian way of saying it. HA.) *does a little dance*
ya know, i've been doing that a lot lately. just bursting out with some funky, random dance moves. must be the weather. (that's my new excuse, similar to the mrs. olsen's 'i'm pregnant, i can't correct papers' excuse.)
i'm taking history of art AP. and that is that. whoo.
cc in half an hour. should be interesting. second to last rehersal before the festival (not counting tomorrow lunch)
sing to me |
::
2004 1 March :: 9.16 pm
:: Music: the E.T. theme...it's really good!
i think it's time for an update. shall i?
well, it's been a week since my last entry. that's a long time for me. i just felt, out of respect, that i should keep that up for a while. there is a time when we must move on, though. and so i have. so, some recent events:
*happy birthday rachel!! we are all soo beautiful.
*played soccer with a bunch of people on saturday at egan. fun stuff!
*i've been having GREAT horseback riding lesson recently. i get really focused and then just perform really well.
*got another 'you need a better clarinet, you're not a beginner, you need a better instrument to carry out your potential' speech from my clarinet teacher. still thinking about that. i really think my heart is waiting to rediscover the oboe, though.
*alice? yes? no? maybe? i don't know. can you repeat the question?
*insane amounts of concert choir. (actually, i really don't know what i'm talking about. but it often feels insane to me.)
*i can be really easy in my mind. (right, that made sense, no? haha. make of it what you wish.)
*thinking about the friendships you've had in your past is comforting, but painful.
*i am quite possibly screwed in math, bio, english...etc. and then sometimes i feel like i can do it all no problem. the mind is an INTERESTING thing.
*my words were said (as well as my name given) at robbie's memorial service. i was very honored to be a part of it. wonderful service, full of closure. probably the most compliments i've gotten on a piece of writing in a long time.
*held hands with mr. shaull during 'shalom' today. it was kinda cool.
*heehee. i have a fan club. :0D
*festival friday!! eeeee!!! cooooool!
*possible camp unique emergency. hrm.
*i've been known to watch the history channel. oh lord.
so, are you fed up with the stars yet? haha. it's been a while, forgive me. je t'aime. et je l'aime. those are my beautiful, philosophical words for you.
great week. thank you.
4 songs |
sing to me |
::
2004 23 February :: 10.05 pm
in tribute to robbie
our youth group memorial service for robbie was very nice. for once, i really am struggling with how much needs to be shared about my recent experiences. i have never felt this kind of greiving that comes from someone familiar taking themselves away from us.
we shared memories and discussed his life. the hard part about it was that it wasn't a story of a successful, polite, friendly person. we laughed at his somewhat malicious intentions for our haunted house a few years ago, and struggled with remembering his interactions with each of us.
i had written a few pages about what robbie meant to me, and surprised myself by cutting in after about fifteen minutes of laughter and light hearted memories. i HAD to let it out of my system.
my voice faltered as i began the first paragraph. i shed a few tears as i read the first page. by the end of it, tears were streaming down my face, and i couldn't stop them.
i was the first to cry.
i would not be the last, and i would not be completely stable for the rest of the evening. there was a long silence after i read. one of the youth councilors started up the dialogue again by reading something he had written. we shared guilty feelings and tender emotions until about 7:50 (as chris so thoughtfully pointed out to us as the question 'so what do we do now?' was presented.)
we are going to make a tribute, a lasting recognition of robbie. maybe a collage, we're not sure yet. but something for the family, and something to put in the stuart youth center to remember him by.
after our ending prayer, stephen (the director of children and youth ministries and the pastor presiding at robbie's memorial service) called me over to him and asked me to sit down. he asked if he could borrow what i had written, (he figured it would be too much to ask if i read it at the service) but wanted to include some of it in what he was going to say at the service. there is no guaruntee that my words will be quoted at his formal memorial service on wednesday, but i am truly honored that he asked me if he could quote from it.
i think i'd probably rather not talk about it at school, but, as always, if i bring it up, i'd appreciate it if you would listen.
i might bring a copy of my tribute to robbie to school. it's an internal struggle whether to let people read it, and spread some memories of robbie to people who didn't know him, or to keep it sincerely private within my church family and parents.
his memorial service is this wednesday. i might be pretty...thoughtful and unhappy this week. i'm finding it harder to cope than i thought.
for all of you contemplating suicide: please, please don't do it. it's not worth it to realize how much you would be missed after you are gone.
"I hope that somehow he will realize that his life had meaning, and that even though his presence was usually unwelcome and bothersome, his lack of presence will be forever remembered and mourned." -the last paragraph of my written tribute to robbie
11 songs |
sing to me |
::
2004 21 February :: 7.12 pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: DCI Finals 2000-Phantom Regiment
AHHHHHH!!!!!
i want marching band. and you. WAHHHHHHHHH!!!
i'd also like to get my math homework done...but really, i'd rather fantasize about marching band and touring in europe.
sing to me |
::
2004 21 February :: 9.28 pm
:: Mood: sympathetic
*i really don't know if i could take the emotional strain of being a psychologist. i don't know how to become unattached to the situation i'm trying to "solve" (well, council and talk to the person involved or whatever.)
*one of my greatest pet peeves: people assuming things about your relationships (or, as brian would say, "close friendships" because i've never experienced a "relationship") GRRRRRR!!
*national honor band. OMG I WANT TO DO IT NEXT SUMMER!! omgomgomg it looks like so much fun! next summer, i am applying. definitely.
*woah there. got the city of los altos rec. dept. activity guide today. they spelled monologue m-o-n-o-l-o-g. and umm...ahhhh!! that's all i have to say about that.
sing to me |
::
2004 21 February :: 9.26 am
:: Mood: awake
romance movie marathon madness!! (and being single.)
so last night nicole and i had a girl's night out. (which is funny, because the only time we were actually out, it was for flamingo flocking. but whatever.)
i highly reccomend that you read my friend's page and look at the deeply profound philosophical thoughts written in nicole's latest entry. (okay, just thought of something. doesn't philo mean love? well it does. WAAAHHH!!)
our little romance extravaganza began with pizza and 'who's line?' very sexy. wayne brady...YUM. singing...EVEN YUMMIER.
then...hiding out in the stuff room and moaning for a bit. now THAT was fun. the internet and moaning...oh baby. (no, we weren't masturbatnig to porn, and you know that!! i can't believe you'd think we'd do such a thing... no, but really, we were moaning because of away messages and profiles and stuff. not porn. although the internet IS for porn. lalala...okay, being sidetracked. stopping.)
then hershey's kisses and 'breakfast at tiffany's'. not such a great movie. sorta boring, really. but we had chocolate!! and 6 different messages in the little kiss wrappers!! amusement.
then more hiding out in the stuff room, more moaning, and changing into our undercover clothes. and looking oh so sexy.
then flocking. it was almost too easy. no one walked by outside windows, nothing. a car drove past (eek!) and some couple walking their dog walked by, but it was okay. oh, and they had motion sensor lights, but yeah. minor crisis when we didn't have enough legs. (lol) had to go to sherry's house to pick up some extras. but yeah. a very uneventful flocking.
came back, watched the end of ocean's eleven, when i uttered my famous quote of the evening about it NOT being george clooney, but the burger looking yummy. lol.
(breif break for nicole calling me during her interact 'save the library' thing. THE MTN VIEW DRUM MAJOR (the one with the HOT HOT HOT BROWN CURLY HAIR!! AHHHH!) is there!! and he knew where springer was!! AHHHH!! incredible hotness. oh baby. MAN, THAT GUY IS HOT. )
right, so anyway, we finish ocean's eleven and then...probably more moaning, and then...
...ice cream and sex and the city!! yay!! and privacy!! yay!! 60 grams of fat in one container of ice cream and eating it ALL! and really crappy plotlines of an R rated sitcom!! (or is it a sitcom? i really don't know the technicalities of tv shows.) but yeah. basically it's about 4 friends who live in the city and their sex lives. they have new boyfriends and have sex with different people in like EVERY episode. it's kind of funny. we watched 3 or 4 episodes. it kind of gets repetitive after a while. they just sort of hook up with guys that are wrong for them, end up having sex, and then dumping the guy (or being dumped.)
then night-night time (except not) and talking for 3 hours. let me tell you, talking for 3 hours does a body good. especially between 12 and 3 in someone else's house. good conversation. and it wasn't entirely guy-centered!! (well, mostly...) we also dealt with personal issues with morale and physical relationships. and stupid guys who think that maturity is when a girl isn't afraid of doing stuff with guys. (which, we concluded, is FAR from the truth.) okay, so that has to do with boys. but we DID discuss television affecting the upbringing of kids and what is suitable for people at what age. good conversation. oh, and we talked about how you can get so close to a group of people (for her, drama, for me, marching band) and feel so comfortable around them, and then, when you don't have that forced interaction (her play ended, and drama doesn't start up again until the musical, and for me, marching band season ending) all of that closeness just dissapears. and how much that SUCKS. i cannot tell you how many times i find myself thinking about all the fun times we had in marching band, and all the cool people i got really close to, and how now we're just...back to almost-strangers again. it's pretty sad. :0(
then sleep.
and then morning. nicole had the 'save the library' thing for interact, so we had to get up at like 7:30. (hey, that means i got about 4 and a half hours of sleep!) then cheerios. mmm...ya know, it's been forever since i've had cheerios!
and NOT getting dressed. and going to hillview to find out that it started at 8:30, not 8. but have no fear, STARBUCKS IS NEAR!! so we went to starbucks. and i sat in the car with roswell. (seeing as i had my pink flannel eeyore pj's on and a sweatshirt and no bra. HA. i suppose you didn't need to hear that...)
but mmmm...hot chocolate. and then home. *tear* oh well, home's not so bad. *hugs computer* haha.
might be going to see the perfect score later today, and then dinner at that hawaiin place in milpitas. YUM. and then...(possibly before?) helping nicole figure out what to wear to the valentine's dance to night. (yes, pinewood has a valentine's day dance. we need a valentine's day dance!! *thinks to herself* wait...no we don't. that would be depressing.)
so when are you all coming back from disneyland/maui/skiing? you lucky people, you!
well, i'm off to...well...do math homework, i think. fun stuff.
4 songs |
sing to me |
::
2004 20 February :: 3.18 pm
:: Music: Blink 182-Adam's Song
Horseeyoregal: i love him i love him i love him i love him i love him
Horseeyoregal: i love him i love him i love him
Horseeyoregal: HE'S SOO PERFECT
LbBabe127: do you love him?
Horseeyoregal: AHHHHH
Horseeyoregal: YES
Horseeyoregal: he's SOOO SEXY
LbBabe127: nice
Horseeyoregal: AND COMPASSIONATE
Horseeyoregal: AND I LOVE HIM
LbBabe127: wait.. do we want romantic comedy or just romance?
LbBabe127: sorry to spoil the mood there
LbBabe127: lol
haha. yay for romance movie marathons!!
oh, and my ucla sweatshirt came today! yay!
and i have to go ride in the cold, wind, rain, and mud!! not yay! (but it probably will be yoyish anyway...considering it's horsebackriding...)
and i finished my bio notes!! AN ENTIRE CHAPTER!! huge yay!
and...everyone still has their problems. but, in the song of the second clumsy custard horror show's curtain call: 'ob la di ob la da life goes on!'
2 songs |
sing to me |
::
2004 19 February :: 10.33 pm
:: Mood: helpless
:: Music: Beethoven-Moonlight Sonata
why?
2 drug addicts
3 cutters
2 eating disorders
2 clinically depressed
2 suicides.
i never thought i'd know this many people with such serious problems in their lives. i'm so lucky to be as happy, safe, and healthy as i am. i just wish i could do something to influence the lives of all the others i know who aren't as happy as i am...
sing to me |
::
2004 19 February :: 6.42 pm
:: Mood: confused/depressed/shocked/scared
oh my god
the associate pastor of my church just called my mom. a boy from my church committed suicide.
i...don't know what to think. i can't believe it. i didn't know him very well at all, but i knew him well enough that i would say 'hi' to him at church and stuff. it just makes you think about why someone would do a thing like that. the suicide rate for this area is so unbelievably high...especially in teenagers. *sigh* for not knowing him very well, i am seriously affected by this. suicide is a very serious problem. i just can't believe someone i know...
word of the day: spleh. (as uttered by nicole as we were talking about rocky horror, hot guys, and sex. actually, it was about the need for a serious, compassionate relationship going out the window and just wanting sex. but yeah. it's a cool word.)
okay, still feeling depressed. not cool. shouldn't society be partly to blame for all of these high school suicides? too much pressure in school with academics, too many stupid, bitchy cliques out there, ruining people's social lives...distant school councilors and feeling uncomfortable getting help...friends (and here I am to blame) who feel like their friends with drug problems, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, cutting, and other serious problems would be mad at them if they told someone to make sure they got help...
what is teenage life coming to when so many people feel so overwhelmed that suicide is the only way out?
sing to me |
::
2004 19 February :: 3.36 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
oowwweee
my mouth hurts. a lot. i was really bored, so i decided to listen to some classical music. (i always feel like i'm actually doing something useful when i listen to classical music instead of doing homework...) i came across The Second Suite for Miliatry Band in F (the one that symphonic band is/was playing) and about 5 minutes into it...WOW. BEAUTIFUL OBOE SOLO!! so i just HAD to go practice.
and now i'm sore...very, VERY sore. it got to the point where my mouth muscles just like randomly gave out in the middle of high notes...very frustrating...made me feel like i was a beginner again. and the sad thing was...i got tired after like 15 minutes worth of playing. that's what i get for abandoning it for...*calculates* about 6 months. *tear* It's not fair!! i WOULD play the oboe, but i don't have a band to play it in!! i miss it...it's so much prettier than the clarinet...more classy, nicer sound...
I MISS YOU, OBOE!! namely, the one that charlie has right now. he deserves it, i mean, he's actually PLAYING the thing consistently, but...but...i miss it!
sing to me |
::
2004 19 February :: 10.48 am
:: Mood: dorky
LOOK! I'M PEANUT BUTTER!!
 I taste like Peanut Butter.
I am one of the most blendable flavours; I go with sweet, I go with sour, I go with bland, I go with anything. I am practical and good company, but have something of a tendency to hang around when I'm not wanted, unaware that my presence is not welcome. What Flavour Are You?
|
if i wasn't peanut butter, i'd be alcohol. the only thing it said for alcohol was like 'mmm...beer'. eek! and...*sniff* am i really not wanted? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!! *bursts into tears*
don't mind me. i'm strangely hyper and I NEED A MONOLOGUE!!
*go to my friends page and look at nicole's last entry (as well as my 2 replies...lol) it's pretty darn funny. especially that i was talking about peanutbuttertoast (i STILL don't get the buttertoast reference) and now i taste like peanut butter. mmmmm...peanut butter.
sing to me |
::
2004 19 February :: 11.00 pm
:: Music: You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown-The Kite
where is love?
where is love?
does it fall from skies above?
is it underneath that willow tree
that i've been dreaming of?
okay, so we all watched the OC right? (the masses: right!) were we all yelling at the tv (in my case SCREAMING and then hacking miserably becuase i'm still sick) when marissa's mom (wait, that was marissa's mom, right?) kissed her ex?!!? i mean, we all saw it coming from the episode 2 weeks back, but STILL!! OMG!!! my mom kept telling me to shut up but then i was like 'MOM, THAT'S LIKE YOU KISSING ****!!' then she rightfully freaked out. yeah. not cool. ick!! and what was with summer and marissa like whipping off their shirts and being like 'DO ME NOW!' ??? that was a little woah there. and yeah. marissa and ohcrapiforgethisnamenow NEED TO GET BACK TOGETHER NOW!! it IS cute that him and that other girl did musicals together, though...
but still!! ugh. valentine's day...oy.
sing to me |
|