importance
i sat at home last night, well actually, i lay at home last night and i cried. boy did i need that cry! it was this song and it just set me off you know? when im alone i don't smile, i realised this when i thought about it, i smile all the day though, except when im alone. i was also thiinking about the fact that i have so many people in my life. every single person that is in my life is important to me in some way. they are all the most important people in the world. to me. then i thought that if you asked any one of these people who the most important person to them in the world is and none of them, not one, would say me. my mother would say one of my sisters if asked which of her daughters was most important, my father would proberbly say himself, my sisters, when asked which of there sisters was more important, would say each other, why wouldn't they? im not there real sister, im only half. my friends all have someone more important to them in someway, not that i blame them, im hardly anything special, its just that when your body is racked with sobs and your thinking about these kind of things then it really tears you apart you know? the one thing that i really wanted to do last night, at about midnight, after i had been crying for about 15 minutes, was to go out side, like i alsways used to as a child, and sit on the pavement out side, feel like i was the only person in the world, stare at the stars and open my soul. i couldn't do this. it was raining, while that would normally not bother me, i went outside and looked up, the stars were hidden. gone. had been taken away. so instead i went back upstairs got back into bed in my damp nighty which was later thrown out due to the feeling of suffocation, and lay there. this of course let my mind wander free and all i could think of was how alone i was. yellow was cluched to me as hard as i could grip and by the end of the night he was pretty soaked through. hes the only one that ive ever felt comfortable with. the only thing in the world that has ALWAYS been there for me. i was thinking seriously. i can't think of the past, i cant imagine the future and the present seems like tourture. i don't want do die. i do fear death but i don't want to carrie on this wat either. i want something to change. i guess that its me that does have to change. but whant into? my chiildhoods gone. im not an adult yet. i dont know how to change. i dont know what to do.

Can I?