A long, boring entry.
01/02/2006.
There is nothing that I love more than a sad song or film to make me cry. For all of my self pity and selfishness, you know, I not really such a bad person. There are people in this world that are beyond cruel but I think if I just tried that little bit harder I could be or do anything that I wanted. I love to cry. Just the freedom of being able to let it all out of my over crowded system. The relief of it. I just love to cry. I actually prefer crying to laughing, I’m always laughing on the surface but inside it never means that much. I would love to be one of those people that never laughed of talked until it was needed. That was quiet and mysterious. Well that’s not what people expect from me anymore, and I tend to just follow what other peoples perceptions of me are. I’m the one that keeps the mood light. That always has a whole hearted smile. I’m proud that I have a place, and this is an important one- everyone needs someone to make them smile. Except, sometimes I don’t think I do it very well. And people tend to laugh at me not with me I think. They always think that I’m all out there and that they know me so well. Well, the fact is that no body knows me very well, purely and simply due to the fact that I don’t tell them or show them. I’m fine with this. I would rather just act up to what people expect of me. Am so shy. I get embarrassed easily. I get hurt easily. I guess I’m affected by a lot of things easily, hence why I cry so much in movies. Also I always get totally absorbed in them. I wish I were them and in love with them an them in love with me ect ect. I was just watching a sad movie. If only things were that easy- villain gets killed by perfect superhero that happens to be in love with other perfect person. Cue the line- and I quote “you are so beautiful” *insert kiss here* if only! Like in musicals by the end I always wish that the world were like that and I was able to burst in to song whenever I felt like it, and everyone was a good singer! I guess that I like movies and songs purely and simply because they tale me away from the real world and insert me into a beautiful one.

Can I?