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Hell

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:: 2016 11 June :: 2.43pm

it's like a constant reminder of how broken I am..

why did so much bullshit happen to me?

why was I such a victim?

and why am I still paying for it now...

klara committed suicide last Sunday.. I can't even begin to fathom that family's pain. how they continue to survive is so deeply moving.

I could never inflict that kind of pain. as much as I hate where I've been and where I'm going, I am so terrified about what's after that this isn't so bad..

I just.. what to know why. and it's something I will never know.

it sucks when the people who have caused you the most damage are the ones who know you best...

:: 2016 8 June :: 7.18am

visited J's new digs yesterday. have to say I am extremely envious.

it's on a little lake out in Cheney. absolutely picturesque. I saw a heron, a bullocks oriel, and so many red winged black birds. I need to get some binoculars!

she has some goats living out there with her. they were the fuckin cutest. they kept staring up at us in the trailer bleating. they all have unique voices.. there's a screamer and meek one and everything in between!

we watched what about bob and pigged out on junk food. I have the biggest mosquito bite on my forehead, it gets and is making me feel kinda sick, but omg we could not stop laughing. I looked like a unicorn at first. now my face is just deformed and swollen.

going back out on Sunday, can't wait!! I missed the other side of my bestie sammich.

:: 2016 7 June :: 9.18am
:: Music: coheed & cambria

pull the trigger and the night mare stops

:: 2016 2 June :: 12.01pm

yesterday was my 6 year work anniversary.

me, Samie, Torie, Zuzu, Morgan and Juan all had sushi at sushi.com.

Juan brought me some cupcakes from a local bakery.

we went to the Monterey, it was me Torie Samie Chris and Juan, we ran into Raymond and it was a nice low key time.

today I left work early.

it's so insane. 6 years has flown by.

:: 2016 28 May :: 9.27pm

there's just somethin in the way he laps my tears away

the concerned look the warm tongue

cuddles and kisses, just what the dr ordered

I love Bjorne. I wouldn't give him up. not for everything in the whole world

1 Disobeyed | - No -

:: 2016 28 May :: 8.35pm

how can I trust you when I can't even trust myself

:: 2016 24 May :: 10.01pm

Juan like my belches because they are deep and full

Ashley likes the sound of my voice because it is soothing

I reeeeeally hope Juan and I start a pod cast.

it would be how you say uh-maze

:: 2016 23 May :: 10.20am

why ARE there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?

:: 2016 17 May :: 10.06pm

loyal dog met my parents today and spent time in my home on my couch watching my tv and enjoying my world and it was

simply

the most MAGICAL thing

he made me a mix cd every song was love and passion

we checked out guitars and he fell in love
everything just fell just right just where it belonged

am I an animal in a cage?

if I am, do I even care?

he feels like home, and all I want to do is come to him.

:: 2016 14 May :: 2.39pm

a muse is a beautiful thing

:: 2016 13 May :: 6.04am

got my eyebrows done for the first time in over a year....

and god damn do they feel strange.. but they are also on fleek.

1 Disobeyed | - No -

:: 2016 8 May :: 8.39am

I don't particularly believe in souls, spirits, ghosts, etc..

but I sure do see them often.

:: 2016 7 May :: 8.30am

the best thing about my man is its like dating John Mayer B B King Prince Mac Demarco and Snow Patrol all at the same time

I feel so vital

:: 2016 5 May :: 2.29pm

comparison will always beget misery.

:: 2016 1 May :: 2.05am

so drunk

punk/street kid life

not for fucking me

:: 2016 29 April :: 8.17pm

even though I fucking hate driving being in my car is the only place I feel completely at home

:: 2016 29 April :: 6.06pm

I know it's a little late, but happy birthday grandpa. I miss you so so much.

:: 2016 26 April :: 6.46am

I wake up every morning exhausted with ridiculous tummy cramps. I make at least 3 browns every morning. I think I'm dying.

:: 2016 23 April :: 8.51am

he is my Juan and only <3

:: 2016 23 April :: 7.49am

do men experience emotions differently from a woman because we are different or because society tells us we are..?

1 Disobeyed | - No -

:: 2016 21 April :: 9.42pm

Do not commit the error, common among the young, of assuming that if you cannot save the whole of mankind, you have failed.

- Jan de Hartog

:: 2016 21 April :: 7.07pm

sitting waiting to see my first comedy show..

saw someone at work who recognized me..

I feel the strong compulsion to get wasted. I took a Lyft down here.

Juan is more than despondent about Prince's passing.

we are about to go off the rails on a crazy train in these... last days of April... bahahaha

:: 2016 19 April :: 9.51pm

<3awad

I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.

- Pietro Aretino

:: 2016 16 April :: 8.07pm

all I do

all I do baby

is keep lettin you down

:: 2016 15 April :: 7.45am

there's never any certainty
but in my avoidance of the fluffier of feelings
their memories are just out of reach

I want to pour my heart out
to put it in clear glass for you to see
but these fears keep holding me from losing myself

my heart tugs me towards you
a scrappy loyal dog from the opposite side of the tracks
two fiery hearts waiting to combine

but what if the fire dies out
what if the fuel starts to fail
what if these embers are meant to waiver
and the world is a pail brought to douse us

oh but sugar pie honey bunch.... you know that I love you?

:: 2016 11 April :: 8.53am

I don't normally get so anxious for my birthday
but this year is going to be different
I wonder if anything special will happen?

:: 2016 9 April :: 6.27pm

jammin with two cool dudes

breakin the law and grinnin my ass off

laughter fillin up the room and the sky

I guess dreams really do come true

:: 2016 8 April :: 9.57pm

VACATION'S ALL I EVER WANTED

:: 2016 8 April :: 7.50am

just gotta make it thru today and then helloooooooooo 9 days of freedom

I am so fuckin excited

:: 2016 2 April :: 5.16pm

all aboard the edible express.

next stop: fuck your couch.

1 Disobeyed | - No -

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