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2003 30 December :: 4.11pm
I think my tolerance levels are dropping, at a rapid rate. I just can't stand a lot of people, places, things. I always find something about it to annoy me or make me feel guilty or think something not nice. Why oh Why?
Oh, yeah, that's right, because I'm a freaking mental case, I forgot for a second, sorry.
So I went shopping today with my mom and grandma. I got some new shirts and pair of shoes. I got a basket to put all my perfume and lotion and crap in, because I will probably never have to buy any of that again, I have so much.
I need to clean my room again. I can't stand to see it messy, but when I think about doing it, I just don't care anymore.
Maybe I'll go pop in an exercise tape and do that for a while....I've started lifting weights again..lol, yeah, 8 pound dumb bells, I have to do so many reps to get tired, it takes a while, but they still work.
I got 100 minutes of tanning time as one of my Christmas presents, so I don't completely fry on the band trip (florida). I'm starting Friday, and since I am a redhead...and have blue eyes (hey, you think I have "fair" skin?), they're going to start me off at...guess how long? 2 minutes. Yep. And I'll probably burn and freckle even after that. oh well.
I got this really cool lotion when we went to Bath and Body Works today. It's all shimmery and it's Freesia, but it smells a lot better than freesia...anyway, it makes your skin REALLY soft. Mmmmmm.
Oh, and we went to the Empire Buffet...because I love chinese food. It was really really good. I'm such a nut...I love scallops and fried rice.
..xx..vv..xx..michelle..xx..vv..xx
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2003 26 December :: 4.41pm
Blue Light Special: Jokes of the Week
There were two old men sitting on a park bench.
A blonde woman walks by. One old man says to the other one "ever sleep with a blonde?"
The other old man says "many a time. Many a time."
A brunette then walks by. The old man says to other. "Ever sleep with a brunette?"
The other old man says, "many a time. Many a time."
A redhead walks by the old man says to the other, "ever sleep with a redhead?"
The other old man says, "not a wink."
===================================
Redhead - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Redhead
Symbol: RH
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: It's debatable, some say Adam, but we now know, that only God could
discover something so perfect!
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in
Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties
1. Surface usually covered with minimal painted film. As a rule, not necessary.
2. Boils at everything, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
5. Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties
1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
4. Reactive in liquids, even more, increased activity when saturated in alcohol.
5. Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
6. Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can greatly improve hormonal levels.
3. Can warm and comfort under certain circumstances.
4. Incapable of cooling things down, when it's too hot.
Tests
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.
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2003 24 December :: 10.01am
Things I know after last night:
1. smoking is icky
2. I am NOT a lesbian OR bisexual (i knew that before, but, yeah)
3. How a twelve year old can be horny beats me.
4. I'm starting to highly dislike Christmas music
5. You can fit AT LEAST 4 teenagers in the backseat of a small car.
6. It's really cold outside on the night before the night before Christmas.
7. I will never do anything that I don't want to and I have the ability to stand up for that right.
8. I did absolutly nothing illegal!
ok, go me, whatever. Last night I played at Big Boy, Christmas carols and such. Then I came home and my parents were having their "friends come over and eat and drink a lot and make lots of noise" christmas party. And our house is small. I went out and sat in the car with Kristen, Kristen and Matt. fun stuff. That was a horny group right there. Anyway, the last person ended up leaving around midnight and then I stayed up and watched part of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I love that movie. The umpaloopas are sexy. ;).
michelle.
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2003 21 December :: 6.16pm
:: Mood: okay
It's pretty cold in this corner. Yup, it is. Well, let's see. Yesterday I went and played Christmas Carols at Great Day with some other people to raise money for the band trip from around 10-2. That was....interesting. My cheeks really hurt at the end.
I went shopping with my dad today. It was.....good. We didn't fight, he didn't yell at me. I think that's the first time in a long time. I got the rest of my Christmas shopping done, and i helped him shop for my mom. Of course I wrapped all the presents, just like every year. It took me an hour, lol.
I think my brother and I are going Christmas shopping Tuesday...for him.
I think I'm back. For now. Thinking...not thinking....different things at different times help. I always wonder just how to get back to that frame of mind that I search for so vainly, and then when I find myself here, I just hope that I can stay here for a while. Anyway, it's just a bunch of crap. Just in and out of reality.
crap. crap. crap. crap. crap. crap. crap. crap. crap. crap.
Huh.
michelle.
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2003 13 December :: 4.52pm
| +*+ Essentials +*+ | | Name: | Michelle | | Age On Your Next B-Day: | 17 | | B-Day: | December 4th | | Zodiac Sign: | Saggitarius | | +*+ Your Room +*+ | | Color of Walls: | pink (bad mistake in the fourth grade) | | Computer?: | yep | | TV?: | yep | | DVD Player?: | nope | | VCR?: | yep | | Phone?: | of course | | Bed or Futon?: | bed at home..futon at the lake | | Twin? Full? Queen? KING?: | Twin..my room is really small | | +*+ Beloveds +*+ | | Book: | Sing down the Moon and Island of the Dolphins | | Colour: | purple/blue/yellow/black | | Year In School: | NONE OF THEM | | Friend: | Jessie | | Sport: | I don't really like sports...but if i had to choose i'd pick tennis | | Smell: | when your clothes come out of the dryer all warm ( you know what I'm talking about....it's clean) | | Magazine: | uh.....national geographic maybe? | | Lotion: | calgon "Turcoise seas" | | Body Spray/Perfume/Cologne: | Not sure..anything that smells clean | | Beverage: | hehe..smoothies | | +*+ Cronies +*+ | | Secret Keeper: | Jessie | | Good Listener: | Sam and Jessie, Jill | | Trustworthy: | Jessie | | Good Shopper: | Laurel | | Best Personality: | Hmm...jessie again? | | Best Athlete: | Laurel | | Best All-Around: | all of them | | Most Honest: | Jessie and sam | | Liar: | Uh...you know | | Betrayer: | again..you know | | Lovestruck: | Laurel | | Moody: | all of us | | Morbid: | Hannah and Jill | | Drama Queen: | Sam (but not in a bad way) | | Annoying: | uh.. | | Dork: | Jessie, jill | | Intelligent: | Jessie | | +*+ Your Family +*+ | | Like 'em?: | sometimes | | Brothers?: | 1 | | Sisters?: | none | | you like your parent(S)?: | sometimes | | Why?: | because sometimes they can just be...weird. | | Oh...: | k | | +*+ Misc +*+ | | like to shop?: | yes | | Colour of Backpack: | purple | | Brand of Backpack: | i don't remember | | Email Address: | m_campbell87@hotmail.com | | AIM ScreenName: | don't have one | | Burn CDs?: | yes, of course | | DL Musak?: | yes | | Awesome-est Site: | woohu.com and emotiondump.com (not that i'm partial or anything) | | Did You Like this survey?: | yeah | | Why?: | I actually got through it without hitting the ENTER button and fast tracking myself to the html page | | Oh...: | k | | What Kinda Comp/Laptop you got?: | hp pentium4 | | niiice...: | uh huh | | Ciao: | good bye. |
Time Passer brought to you by BZOINK!
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2003 9 December :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: bouncy
...X...PEP BAND TONITE...X...
yep yep. fun fun.
MUAHHHAHAHAHHHAA.
I get to be silly. hehe.
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2003 8 December :: 3.36pm
I'm probably being stubborn.
I'm probably just trying to make people mad.
I'm probably just asking for it....
but....
I choose to abstain from this activity that so defys what morals i have left.
It's so fucking stupid.
Yes, that damn career thing that 'mandatory', i'm not missing a damn class to go figure out what the fuck I'm "suppose" to do for the rest of my life. I'm only fucking 16, i don't care, and i certainly don't want to put myself in a box with a nice little bow and send myself down the road of adulthood. Thank you very much, but i would rather shoot myself that go through and hour of that boring shit...
besides, i don't believe i should interrupt my inept education for something so stupid.
thank you and good night.
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2003 6 December :: 7.54pm
I feel...not good.
my tummy hurts.
i'm cold.
i feel like a puddle because of my cold medicine.
i'm going to have a midlife crisis in another 20-30 years.
I'm not blonde even though i act like it.
this pizza tastes odd.
i think i'm thirsty
thursday was my sixteenth birthday. when i got home there were two guys here that were working on our well just outside of our kitchen because it was sorta screwed up. There was this one guy who was blonde and had a really nice ass. Everytime i went to the kitchen to get a glass of water or wash my hands he was looking at me through the window smiling. he was friendly ;).
i think i've finally realized that i'm a red head and i'm not normal. it happens.
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2003 3 December :: 7.33pm
my birthday is tomorrow...ya me!
..x..THE CHICKEN AND THE EGG..x..
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
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2003 30 November :: 9.49am
I'll be sixteen thursday. I once went to a funeral on my birthday, I think I was 11. Hm. Seems like a long time ago. In another sixteen years i'll probably be a house wife with four kids, a nosy mother inlaw, a useless college education, a husband who works all the time, and sagging boobs and wrinkles, and i'll only be 32..... But hey, sometimes the worst situations are the ones that mean the most.
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2003 29 November :: 10.37am
Uh huh. that's about it.
:(.
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2003 21 November :: 5.02pm
One extreme to the other. I need to be by myself for a while..i think...i don't really know anymore...ANYTHING AT ALL. anything.
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2003 20 November :: 3.44pm
To start off with a couple of absolute truths...
A boat on the water has not sunk
A lone man is in the company of none
For one to cry, tears must flow
One who is blind cannot see
Your body is your own flesh and blood
Your lifetime exists from the moment birth to the point of death
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NEWS OF THE WEIRD
Loren J. Adams, 40, was convicted in Indianapolis of distributing obscenity in May, based on a business venture that apparently emanated from his admitted interest in watching scenes of bestiality. Not only did Adams' Web site offer videos of people having sex with horses, snakes, etc., but Adams at one time offered to rent out his 3-year-old Great Dane, Tyson, for others' sex videos. (Tyson was removed from the home, and Adams still faces a civil charge of animal cruelty, according to a September report in the Indianapolis Star). [Indianapolis Star, 9-18-03]
On Oct. 29, thousands of rush-hour riders had to be rerouted on New York City commuter trains as firefighters tried to free Edwin Gallart, 41, whose arm got stuck in one train's toilet when he reached in to retrieve his fallen cell phone. (Ultimately, the toilet had to be ripped out.) And the next day in South Philadelphia, a 25-year-old man who had apparently been indecently exposing himself to girls and women in the neighborhood for several weeks, tried it one time too many and was chased by "20 to 30" girls from St. Maria Goretti High School, caught, roughed up, and held for police. [New York Times, 10-31-03] [Philadelphia Inquirer, 10-31- 03]
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So...why does everything have to be like this...becuase people are
FUCKING IDIOTS!
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2003 20 November :: 3.26pm
| What is my full name?: | Michelle Marie Campbell | | What Grade am i in?: | 10th | | How old am i?: | 15 | | whos my bestfriend? (guy): | Aaron | | Whos my bestfriend? (girl): | Jessie | | Where do i live?: | In this fucking small town | | Who do i hate?: | myself right now.... | | What do i consider myself as?: | you don't even want to start | | DO i smoke? :) (both): | no.. | | Who makes me smile the most?: | aaron | | Where do i go to school?: | CSHS | | Whats my cats name?: | don't have one | | Whats my fav. band?: | Depends on the songs....but No Doubt is definately up there.. | | Am i in love?: | The question is..: What is love? My answer: Don't know..never been there. |
xxMyLastSerenade's Untitled brought to you by BZOINK!
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2003 18 November :: 9.13pm
:: Music: Linkin Park- Numb
Good song...even better video....
"Numb"
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertow)
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
[Chorus]
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Tired of being what you want me to be
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2003 18 November :: 5.32pm
A total of one month(s) today. Oh boy. It doesn't seem like it's been that long...but i've been happy...which is more than i can say for the rest of every thing else.
I can't wait until tuesday when we go bowling...ahem.....
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.
Talked for a long long time yesterday. i don't want to admit that it's getting worse, but it is. and i can't stop it. *sighs* i wish i would have done something earlier.
but for now...it's what i have to work with, so i will...like i always do..
i hope everyone is taking good care of themselves...my 'motherly' instincts are kicking in...
*gives 294887 people hugs and a glass of milk and a cookie*
Lots of love,
Michelle
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2003 16 November :: 7.06pm
I'm starting to think that i'm the one that's right, and they are all wrong. Why can't I do everything that I want to do? Why? Because you don't want to take the time out of your day to recognize it, or because you're afraid that if i fail, I'll blame it on you? Well, I blame you for not giving me the chance....you told me i could be anything...you tell me that every day...i can do anything as long as i do it good.....but all that is just words that are washed up on a beach like a perfectly round stone.....washed over a thousand times....but really not meant for anyone to take.
But now i see, that the world doesn't want me to do all this either. I can't do what I want right now, and then everything that i'm doing right now drop and come back to later...because then people might think less of me...they might think i'm not who they think i am...and i think that scares people. I think that scares people a lot...not being able to label you and put in a box and place you on the shelf where you will sit and collect dust through your life. They don't like people who refuse to be put on the shelf.
I don't think I'm strong enough to go against it....but at the same time...i don't know how i can't not be. I want to do EVERYTHING! I want to find out EVERYTHING! I want to expirience EVERYTHING! And if that hurts me in unimaginable ways...then so be it..because i already hurt...and you can't see it either!...because if you never let me go now....you've lost me forever.
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2003 16 November :: 6.26pm
:: Mood: content
Yeah, so this whole Reubin/ Brittany/ Liz thing....seems to be an intricle part of the whole Cedar Springs High School sub culture. So, as everyone else, here are my feelings on the subject:
I think that it's about time for reubin to be having some social fun. Even if it is with a freshman, she might be an air head (that's what i've heard, i don't really know..so don't hold me to that PLEASE) but at least she makes him happy. She might just be searching for an upperclassman, or maybe her and reubin are just on that weird wave length that not many people are on...
Liz: I know that you are deeply offended by this relationship. All i can say is that I'm sorry. The only true way to make sure someone knows you like them is to flat out TELL THEM. Some people just aren't good at getting hints (this include me and other famous people..lol).
Bottom line: IT'S JUST HIGH SCHOOL. YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR CHANCE LATER IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT....AND THERE IS A REASON WHY THINGS HAPPENED THIS WAY!
so...there is my two cents worth....as far as brittany and reubin....even if they are a freshman and a senior...they are still human beings that are capable of making their own decisions.....so let them be. For you doubters...be consoled that it will all work out in the end.
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2003 12 November :: 4.35pm
I can't help but smile when I think about the things i know you don't want me to know. You make me so happy. I don't know what i'm going to do next week. I will miss you.
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2003 11 November :: 4.32pm
:: Mood: cranky
It's not cool, it's not fun. It's hell. Thank you, but i prefer to take my chances else where.
Over this mountain, who knows, there could be another mountain on the otherside. But i'll never know unless i try..right? yeah..that is if i can make it over the first mountain first. ehhhh.
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2003 9 November :: 6.36pm
Vanessa Carlton- Along for the ride
I felt...normal today. It was so weird. Is it right to have normalicy be not normal because i don't feel normal all the time...then whatever i'm feeling every other time is normal...right? Yeah. Whatever. I felt like i should. There. that works.
I can't wait to go to school tomorrow, but i'm dreading it just the same. I have to go back to the pressures and maybe the questions and i don't know what to say, I guess it'll just come to me or something. All i know is that i have something else waiting for me there that makes it worth it to get up in the morning ;).
I 'cleaned' my room today. It's a half clean, but i rearranged my bulliten board and put it in a different spot, and painted it, too. I put up my palmistry poster (the one i made last year) and once i get all the old pics from my locker of my great grandparent's, and i attatch them to my poster, i'm putting my family tree poster up. I also hung this one picture of polar bears that my mom bought from the dollar store for the frame, but it wasn't the right size. What can i say, i'm cheap. I don't care, these kind of thing help tell me who i am because obviously i'm having problems figuring it out for myself and the more i reflect or meditate on the situation, the worse it becomes. That's how i got from point A to here. Hmm. Next stop...that would be point B...leaves me in a wood box under some dirt. Hopefully not that soon..although it's almost been a preoccupation these past few days. Mortifying i guess.
Random topics and my feelings on them:
Dictionaries: only useful when you want to know what everything means to someone else.
Grass: It lives, it dies, some people won't let you walk on it, to others it makes them happy. It's green. It's nice to lay in it in the summer times under the shade of a tree with a slight breeze and the person you like laying next to you sharing the moment.
Ideas: One of the broadest spectrums. Ideas can be anything you want them to be, but they are truly ruined when you speak of them and they are cut up by the limitations of those around you.
Geese: they are loud. the name involves a lot of e's. I think they like corn.
Fire: Excitingly bright. Can be harmful, but only if touched. It can be soothing, the source of life, or it can burn you...kill you.
That's the irony of most things in life. The more of it, the more it can kill you, the less of it, the more it kills you. But hey, guess, what, in the end....YOU DIE!
.....yeah...some people think i'm crazy, but ehh. it's normal for me. just think of the things that i haven't said yet....
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2003 1 November :: 1.36pm
:: Mood: drained
Last night was great. Jejuan...you really need to get a guy...i can't have you licking me, that was just..wrong. LOL. Fuzzy logic was awesome last night. and jenny, i'm so happy for you!!
I wish some other people could have been there, but i guess we'll make up the time sometime else.
I hope nobody got in too much trouble last night!
Lots of luv,
Michelle
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2003 28 October :: 7.18pm
Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive. ~Author Unknown
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2003 27 October :: 5.10pm
its getting cold again. everything is cold. so cold.so very cold.
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2003 24 October :: 3.42pm
hehe. hmm. I think i'll have to teach him. It was ok. but, it could be better...room for improvement...i like that.
Well, football game tonight..last time i march the show of my sophmore year! Yay! Marching band had been hell and fun this year. All the same...i miss it when i'm away, and hate it when i'm there. Whatever.
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2003 23 October :: 4.42pm
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 23 October :: 3.35pm
Bruised and broken
Beyond recognition
Tattered and torn
With no hint of regression.
==========================================
All that i can say is that it's gonna hurt. (this sentence is unrelated to the previous verse)
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2003 22 October :: 4.36pm
:: Mood: indifferent
It's a good thing that he's warm, because i'm usually really cold. Works wonders.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This has been one of the weirdest weeks of my life.
===========================================
Shit happens.
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2003 19 October :: 7.47pm
Operation Journal Change is complete. New colors and font and picture. Oh, by the way, those who get my picture, it's not on there because I miss THAT, it's there because it makes me remember what i felt like, before. I need to remember that..too. And, it also matches my journal colors somewhat. So, if you want to check out my new journal because you are reading this from a friends page, then you can go to http://www.woohu.com/~m&ms487 or, it will just take you back to exactly where u are!
I hope everyone has had a good weekend. I know mine was good.
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2003 18 October :: 11.43pm
:: Mood: tired
Today was a nice day. Yes, yes, it was. It was a year and 10 days..and now, i'm back at it, lol. It's so nice to have a guy that will actually do things with you...really, it is. Anyway, today we had band competition at Jenison, we took 4th out of 8 in our class. Pretty good considering i wasn't really expecting that. It was really really windy, tho, during our performance...the tubas almost fell, and my hat got turned sideways, lol.
I went to a party tonight. Omg, they're a bunch of potheads...lol. It was actually pretty boring..so now i'm back home. Writing this. I need to sleep.
Michelle
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