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2003 13 August :: 10.33am
:: Mood: awake
Well, today was pretty fun. I think for tennis i'm going to be around 10 for the whole year. That's #3 doubles. That's better than last year. I have my test tomorrow. I'm not even done with chapter 12! Oh well, i hope i do really really good. Anyway, i don't want to be stuck with that class all year. We have a tournament at Sparta Friday. Fun stuff. Then the cedar invite on monday, and of course I have band monday night. My summer is over with, but I'm happy that this year I know what's going on and i'm getting good. Well, i hope I have a good weekend. See ya'll later.
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2003 6 August :: 7.23pm
:: Mood: content
I cleaned out my closet today. Yeah, It wasn't many pieces of clothing more than it was the barbie crap I haven't played with in like 7 years (trust me, it took me 2 hours to get down to the "level" in the pile where they were). Total i have 2 trash bags of trash and like 7 bags for the garage sale this weekend. Oh boy.
Oh, and I can garuntee that me, sam, laurel, julia, and amy are all going to get leied this weekend. :). I bought us some leis for the garage sale, well, i mean if you participate for a while.....remember, i do also have face paints...lol.
Anyway, I played tennis today, tomorrow I"m going to one of the clinics, tryouts are next week. I think I'm going to end up somewhere around 10 or 11. I like my backhand, it's pretty powerful.
I had real chinese for the first time that I can remember. mmmm. yumm.
Well, as for the issue that was bothering me in the below journal entry, I've decided just to let things become what they become. I was the one who started it in the first place anyway. Anyway, see ya later everyone.
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2003 5 August :: 6.40pm
:: Mood: crazy
Damn it, what the fuck am i suppose to do now? Damn it damn it damn it.
well, it'll be ok...
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2003 31 July :: 6.23pm
:: Mood: sad
My mom had betsy put down today. She had a stroke yesterday-that's what the vet said. She was 16, so it figures. I will miss her, but I've been made to believe she was a burden in our lives. Nonetheless, i will miss her.
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2003 28 July :: 6.42pm
Ehhh. First day of band camp. Uh, yeah, ehhh. exactly.
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2003 27 July :: 7.19pm
:: Mood: crazy
Wow, last night, well, it was fun. -what does Rob want to do?- Cory's mom. Mmhmmm. lol.
Sam- ROFL IRL?
Laurel- my Hair is so wonderful now. Thanx. The payment was all the cinnamon rolls ;).
Guys- I saw u tube today, that was awesome.
Julia- She's not doing that, my hand's in the way.
Elvia- NO, NO, don't leave me in the water, NO! I'm going to sink with this life jacket on....wait, i'm ok.
Note to self - being as red as a lobster from sunburn isn't exactly a trend.
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2003 24 July :: 7.39pm
:: Mood: blah
The sad part about my life: I'm excited to go to band camp because it's the biggest thing that will have happened this summer. Sad, but true.
This summer has been a good one, not a great one, and definately NOT the best.
The BEST summer would entail these things : Expiriencing new activities (not in the sexual way), learning how to do something good (again, not sexual), and falling in love (well, that could be sexual...).
Maybe 16?
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2003 23 July :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: sad
I'm glad that everyone's life is so happy. I'm running out of time, tho, and I should start doing what I should have started/kept doing a long long time ago. I just need more time to do everything, but it's all coming so fast. I'm not ready, but I don't think I will ever be. I wish sometimes that I could be suspended in a moment of time, so that I could do everything that I needed to do and say everything I wanted to say and expirience everything. I just don't have enough time, and that's sad because I'm only 15. Life is too short to not enjoy it, but sometimes there are other things other than what you want to do that you have to do to make sure that your future is secured.
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Don't ever try to melt chocolate in a microwave, it burns and it smells bad- so much for chocolate covered raisins.
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2003 16 July :: 7.29pm
A Canner Exceedingly Canny
Carolyn Wells
A canner exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny,
" A canner can can
Anything he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can he?"
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2003 16 July :: 7.18pm
:: Mood: normal
If there is one thing that is true, this is what i know it to be: Life is meaningless without interaction between each other. Your sanity is held by the people around you. You can make yourself insane by thinking too much. You can become insane without human interaction, without distraction, but on the other extreme, you can become disfunctional being around too many people for too long. Extremes meet at an equilibrium.
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2003 14 July :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: cranky
Yay! We're gonna get a tube. Woohu! My dad asked some guys at work about them, so that means that he's pretty serious. Woohu. I found my old swimming trunks, too. That way my bottoms won't, uh, yeah.
Anyway, I believe I am one of the only ones that has stayed loyal to woohu. I suppose they are on to bigger and better things, i think. I don't know.
I have 2 weeks before band camp. Band camp brings mixed emotions. Oh well, what will happen will happen. Let's just say I had a "vision" of beating the crap out of someone who bugs me. Oh well, probably will never happen, but it was a comforting thought. Adios.
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2003 13 July :: 6.53pm
A weekend of firsts
This weekend was actually one of the funner weekends- just because it was a weekend of firsts. It was the first time I've ever licked a peep. And I licked 4 and a half of them, not to mention roast them until they got hot and gooey and then sucked it out of them. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Anyway, Sam SUCKLED hers. Really, tho, they were the marshmellow peeps that we roasted over the fire.
Anyway, the other first was tubing, yes, I have been at the lake for 3 summers and this is the first time i have went tubing. And my dad's boat is a speed boat, not a fishing boat, lol. It can haul some ass when it wants too. I flipped the tube once- I didn't even realize i was under the water until i couldn't breath. Anyway, then I couldn't get back on the tube, lol. I was actually tubing in the rain, too- so i couldn't really see, it was funny.
I hope everyone is having a good summer!
Buh bye.
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2003 8 July :: 8.15pm
Got my level 1 license today! Yipee! Actually, it's sorta scary. Anyway, now I can drive "with a parent, legal guardian, or parentally approved person over 21".
hehe
Sunflower seeds I LOVE YOU!
Life is like a bowl of butter
Don't rain on my parade!!!!
Matchmaker Matchmaker make me a match,
Find me a find, catch me a catch!!!!
Love what Gunny did w/ the usernames in the addresses ~~~~~~~ (hehehehe)
hyperactivity is not a crime.
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2003 26 June :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: optimistic
What I want to do
Well, going on vacation tomorrow. Well, i guess up to the lake ;). But i'll be up there for the whole week starting tomorrow. Woohu. Anyway, I've been worrying lately about what i want to do for a living. Haha. Well, here is the list of my top 10(in no particular order, well, the order in which i think of them)
1. Sales person- either door to door or for a really really big company so i can travel.
2. P.E. teacher- I know, i know, i'm not really athletic or anything, but i would be a p.e. teacher just so kids could have a good expirience in p.e. and not have to put up with a p.e. teacher that was a Jock asshole-sorta like what i had to deal with.
3. Teacher - some part of me (obviously not the part that hates school) justs wants to stay in that nice safe environment. Surprisingly, schools aren't the safest place to be.
4. Masseuse- there is this part of me that wants to do this, but then i think about those 400 pound guys with hairy backs......
5. Dietitician- i want to help the youth of america learn how to eat right, now, if only i could say "don't eat cookies, ice cream, and anything frozen or factory processed" and live by it, i'd be just peachy (not to mention eating a lot of peaches).
6. Actress- now i really would love to be in theatre, not to mention movies and such, but really it's an overrated career...really...
7. Proffessional musician- I do have expirience playing in a band. Well, ok, it was a family band, and it's not like i play guitar or anything...and i can't really sing....but you know, maybe some person will discover me or something, flute is a nice fill in...i think the chance of that is 1/1000000000000000000000000, or around in that area.
8. Author- ok, i know, i know, my self discipline is zero, but that's ok, i come across a good plot in that jumble of ganglia called my brain every now and then, but the thing is they don't come by that often, and i lose half of them to short term memory loss, but there's still a chance...
9. Inventor- I would love to invent something really BIG and then lead a life in the lap of luxury for the rest of my life. That would be fun. But, like i said, my ideas are lost due to short term memory loss. Most likely I'd be cleaning the house of a millionaire before actually living in one.
10. Activities coordinator on a cruise ship- I really really like people. Ok, well, most of the time, when i don't want to rip their heads off or yell insults at them for being stupid. But I want to travel. Well, I'd get use to it. But i do love water, well, except for when i'm drowning. Anyway- i think this would be a fun thing to do, and i'd get to see a lot of things!
Well, there is my top 10, there are more, but i can't think of them right now. So what do you think I should do, any suggestions? I would work at NASA, but I would be afraid i would do something stupid and kill people. Example:
Astronaut: Which way do I turn?
Me: Left
Astronaut: Left?
Me: Right.
Astronaut: Right, ok.
*Astronaut and 24 billion dollar shuttle run into a meteor and then collide with the earth causing millions of deaths and torrential floods, tornadoes and lightening storms*
Not to mention left and right are in corralation with an object on earth, and you don't tell people in space to go left or right because there really is no sense of spacial proportions (or whatever, it makes sense in my head, which probably means it doesn't make sense).
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2003 25 June :: 6.47pm
Your tears are bitter sweet,
I know you want me to go.
To experience everything life has offered,
But being away will cost too much.
And life isn't as sweet as it seems
It's a bunch of broken homes,
Underneath intelligent, well spoken children,
And underneath a million smiles and laughs.
It will never be enough,
What i've lost has gone,
And I'll never see it again.
The rain washes away the sand,
But tears don't wash away the pain,
And pain is stained upon the sweet face
Of death.
That tempting sweet face.
But for now i'm here,
And i wish not to be,
But i'll live through it,
Though i wish not to be.
Even if I was a million miles away,
This would all seem the same,
And every day would bring more,
Temptation of what I can't have- to be free of the physical world once again.
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2003 17 June :: 7.26pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I love waking up in the morning to a clear and crisp new world outside. It is very refreshing.
On another idea- you drift through life pretending what you want to be, all the while wishing you were something else. You find love, you lose love. You may be connected to someone by marriage or children, but you are truely alone. Your inner mind can never be shared, because you don't dare trust someone else with what you think, with what you want, say, feel. And in this inner conflict you realize, you are truely alone in this universe, a person on the inside, looking out into what use to be, wanting it, but you can never quite grasp those feelings and ideas you once had, those things you held so preciously close. Everything is lost and it may not be part of your life again. Relish what you feel and think today, for tomorrow you may be changed and you can never feel that way again, even if you wish to.
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2003 15 June :: 8.17pm
:: Mood: crappy
bad bad bad bad weekend. parents are being-well, like they always are. doesn't help. we had my cousins over for fathers day along with my grandparents. wow.
i only have 1 more week of driver's training! yes! classroom time is SO boring, i really learned everything from when we were driving-but oh well.
anyway, i don't feel good and i just want to go die or something. maybe i'll go read my book. i need to put things into perspective really bad. but, the more i try, the worse it seems to get-and nobody is really helping. i hope everyone had a better weekend than i did. some parts were good. other than that-have a good week.
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2003 11 June :: 6.36pm
:: Mood: groggy
First of all - HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jessie! the big 15! joinin the ranks, lol. Oh, and sorry i almost got us killed today too. But i always thought it was cool to have the same birth and death dates, lol. Well, here is what happened- jessie and i tackled high way driving today. Well, she got to drive down to GR, and my turn, i got to get on the highway going south. Well, on my very FIRST time getting on the highway- i was one the entrance ramp, and there was a lot of traffic (well, ok, there was 6 cars in the right lane), but there wasn't anywhere for me to go, except this one spot in front of this suv, so i speed up to like 65, and i'm about ready to merge b/c my lane is running out, and the idiot speeds up so there IS NO ROOM for me to go. I ended up having to go to the shoulder and both me and the instructor had to hit the brakes to stop. The instructor was like "YOU IDIOT!" (to the other driver of course). So, i almost got jessie killed on her birthday, although she almost rear ended a guy, too, but it is her birthday, so i'll let that one go ;). I'm actually having a pretty good week, for all the 'stressful' things i'm doing. Anyway, i'm looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend ;). Everyone have a good week!
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2003 9 June :: 7.27pm
:: Mood: drained
Today was my first driving day. Two things i don't ever want to hear again "tight right", and "drive like in the neighborhood". wow. I even drove up to the lake, pulled in, turned around and everything, then when jessie drove, we stopped at the coral bar for a rest stop, and the instructor's like "now you're gonna have to explain why the driver's ed car is parked in front of a bar". lol.
guys, no hookin up for me, but that's ok, i had to find out, or else i would have wondered. it's better being friends. i need more dumbass friends. yep. i do.
i have to go study for chem. i think i'm gonna do the vocab and review questions for the chapters i need to, b/c when i get done reading a section, i have no idea what i just read. i had hoped i wouldn't have to do anywork, but alas! i was wrong.
Everyone have a good summer vacation. Stay up late and watch cartoons in the morning. It's the only life.
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2003 2 June :: 4.06pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: welcome to the jungle-guns and roses
I can't wait for this week to be OVER. I had my first exam today-speech. I think i did very good. We'll see what grade she gave me.
I am very frustrated right now. I think i almost have people figured out, and then, they go and throw me for a loop. Darn.
Anyway, i really pissed today. I spent my whole lunch hour (yeah, a whole 29 minutes) in the guidance office waiting to ask if i could test out of chemistry so i could take ap biology next year. Damn it. I can, i guess, he wasn't exactly sure, he wasn't sure on all the questions i asked him. So, yeah. I start dt tonight-should be fun. summer. woohu.
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2003 29 May :: 6.58pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: Dreaming of you-selina
what else, my boring life..
Today was a cheery day, yeah. I got my piccolo today! Yay! Brings me back to eighth grade, lol. Anyway, it should be fun to play for marching season. To my surprise the ability came back fairly quickly, it's been a while.
I got my poem for speech memorized. Finally. 5 minutes long. It's my final exam, like 20% of my grade. Fun. I'm giving it monday.
Next week is going to be SO busy. I have exams in every class, i t.a. for my last time, and i start driver's training. Segment 1. Yay. Oh well, it'll be like at the beginning of the year with tennis and marching band...leaving at 6:45 in the morning and not getting home until 9pm. Oh well, then when i get out of school, i can SLEEP! I miss sleep....
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2003 26 May :: 6.42pm
:: Mood: frustrated
The whole weekend went by in a blur. Except last night. That was sorta fun, i guess. Too many people talk to much, nothing happened. I have faces engrained in my brain. I hate that my mom has to grill me for answers at the breakfast table, damn mom, and you wonder why I don't want to tell you why I cry. Not that you'd understand. You're too busy worrying about the other things, and frankly, I want it that way. I don't want/need you in my life right now, you just play dumb like the rest of them, that's what they do, it works for them. It drains me, but it works for them.
Anyway, after all that shit, here was my night: watched matt and jake chop wood. Sat on matt's car with his sleeping bag (i was freezing). Help unload wood. Talk to the adults around the fire about rob and austin's spooning fetishes. Me and matt walk back up to his car, where i am met by sam, we talk for the rest of night.
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2003 18 May :: 8.17pm
So much has happened today, but it doesn't seem like it. When it's over, i still go to sleep in the same place, think about the same things, and it's like nothing has ever happened. Then how do i know it did?
Sometimes I wonder if people think, and if some people did, just how fucked up they would be. They haven't looked at themselves in so long, they wouldn't recognize themselves. are you hiding?
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2003 6 February :: 7.57pm
I'm giving it to you straight...
Veronica lies. Let's put it that way. You know, she turns things around. She thinks it makes her this "great person" and it just makes her look like a bitch.
Ok, I know that Veronica and Kristen and maybe Amy O.(sorry, don't really know if ya were, but just to let ya know, u are not the problem and i have nothing against u) were scared of Jejuan and t.j. and brandon, because they are semi goth and happen to not care about much to do with the public education system. So, I decided, after many lunches split between two worlds, that I should unite them, besides, I'm always one for a good laugh. So, Jejuan and t.j came over and sat at our table for a day. Haha, god veronica couldn't even say hi, Jejuan said "hi" to her and she just looked away and moved her mouth as if to say hi, she was scared, she can't deny it, i know everyone saw it. Ok, the second day. That was t.j.'s idea to come back over, ya know fine, with me, except he got a little more "personal", putting his arm around people, and stuff, and he really pick on veronica, again, ok by me. She deserved it. Ok, veronica also rides my bus, and "supposidly" I told her all these things that she told jessie that i said. About them comming back over to sit with us, I NEVER EVEN SAID ANYTHING TO HER, so how she could have talked for 10 minutes about it, when i didn't even say a word really miffs me. She also always talks about everyone. Anyone who has ever known her should know that she talks behind people's backs all the time. Ok, but get this, this is the BEST PART, she told jessie that she wants to "beat me up", ha, I could hold her down with my pinky finger. I don't have a problem letting out my frustrations on her, trust me, she wouldn't know what happened to her when i was finished. Although, i do try to practice self control, I doubt this will escalate much further. I think we need to catch her in her own deception. She needs to be shown. It's just a bunch of petty gossip that she makes to make her think that people like her. She doesn't know how to handle the real world. She needs to be stopped.
On a happier note, I'm going to swirl, i might ask this kid in my biology class to go as friends, ok, guys, get this, his name is cory.....anyway, i'm trying to get "somebody" for jessie. Hopefully our plan works and all will be well, See ya lata~Michelle
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2003 4 February :: 7.47pm
HEHE, i always like that show, although when i was 7 it scared the crap out of me....
Are You Afraid Of The Dark? Telling ghost stories
that scare the crap out of me is your goal in
life. Please stop, the clowns'll eat me...
What's Your 90's Nickelodeon Show?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 1 February :: 7.38pm
:: Mood: high
I haven't updated yet w/ my new computer, so I guess that's why I'm doing this. I like this computer, it's a bit strange b/c of the windows xp, but we're getting along just fine. Hmm, i got my report card, all A's and 1 A-, a 3.953. Good enough for me. I have to write an outline this weekend, but i'm feeling lazy. Hmm. I think i'm going to swirl, i'm not going to ask anyone tho, nope, I don't do that, lol, besides, i don't have a "crush" on anyone at the moment. Lol, well, it's cold, and i want summer to come. The first thing I'm gonna do when it gets warm enough is take the paddle boat around the lake by the creek. I like doing that. Well, I start Musical Pit practice Tuesday. Should be fun. Our music is fun, parts are odd, I don't appreciate the 6 flats, or the 5 sharps, but I can play them. See ya'll later.
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2003 25 January :: 6.50pm
:: Mood: sad
Liz and I played for solo ensemble today. For all of you who don't know, it's a competition where you can enter as a solo, duet, trio, and such. Liz plays clarinet and I play flute. I'm surprised by how good we did, we got a 2 (they rate people from 1(best) to 5(you shouldn't play that instrument anymore)).
I heard a rumor about *someone* going out of control and making people cry. I think I need to be a little quieter around that *person* seeing how, I am a threat to *them* in some ways.
Now I get to start musical practice for pit until sometime in march. I don't want to go back to school, i don't like it, but I figure, hey, I gotta go, so at least I should do a good job, besides, it gives me something to do, not like i'm going to use a lot of it in my life. I heard you only remember 10% of what you learn in Highschool anyway. Hmmm. I hurt. I think it's time to go sleep, or talk to jejuan, or something......
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2003 24 January :: 4.29pm
:: Mood: cheerful
(had to repost this b/c rob was being an ass and popeiled me)
I had a fun day today!!For band (wind ensemble) we got to go over to Cedar View (4th and 5th grade) and play some songs for them because the 5th graders are going to get fitted for band instruments next week. It's sort of a promotional thing. I got to "demonstrate" the flute, i played a couple bars of "over the rainbow". It was fun, then I didn't have to be back until 5th hour, so I got to go out to lunch with some seniors. It was fun. So, I had a pretty short day. Fun, i guess, solo ensemble is saturday. I think Liz and I are ready, we're gonna practice Friday, so that should help. Wow, i'm gonna go wash my gloves now. lol.
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2003 18 January :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: cold
I just read through basically my whole journal. I've never deleted an entry, so it's all there. I have changed. It's sorta scary, but also, I am so ashamed of some of those entries, but I feel like if I delete them, I'm denying that a part of my past ever existed. I want them there, to remind me, remind me how I can be. It's scary, and the sad part, it was just about a year ago. I cannot even FATHOM how much has changed in only a year. I cannot say the change was good, or bad. Parts were bad, others were purely prideful, but they were all me, and I think that a year from now i will probably look back,and be ashamed of some of THESE very entries. Our lives change, and there is nothing we can do about it. We do things, we say things, and there is nothing we can do about it. It had to happen for us to find out our limits. Some limits will hold, and others will end in total destruction and tragedy.
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2003 16 January :: 7.44pm
:: Mood: accomplished
I AM FINALLY DONE WITH EXAMS!!!!
Yeah! I gave my speech today. I think that'll be a good grade. The subject appealed to the teacher and she said, "if our school still had a forensics team, you would go to state with that speech", umm, sure. Just give me the A, please.
I had to redo my band quiz today too. I didn't do too hot the first time, but the second time I got a 99% after he told me how to play it. I think learning how to PLAY it helped my grade a bit. lol.
I had a biology exam today. He didn't even tell us when it was. I thought maybe friday, I mean, it was either today or friday, but yep, it was today. He said he has been telling our class for a while. Sure, he's been teaching as long as my mother has been alive, I think he should have a GREAT memory.....oh, and he sorta talks like ozzy osbourne. It takes him 5 minutes to say a coherent sentence. That's my "sleepy" class. Hmm, I wonder why.
It was really cold today. I think the bus was about 15 degrees this morning. The heater doesn't really work. I couldn't feel my toes for a while. Hmm. Well then. Have a nice day.
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