:: 2010 13 April :: 5.35 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Imogen heap

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2008 9 June :: 10.46 pm

my life in a shoe box
Sometimes we are so alone and need someone so bad and then the phone rings. Someone wants you there to make you forget the loneliness thats surrounding you like a cold winters air. Its astounding in this moment how even if you're crying the hardest you ever have how quickly the tears shudder and disappear. Even more so its crazy how soon they return once you're alone again. You can be vulnerable.
Your pining for the right person but will even except the company of the wrong in the absence of hope and faith. We dream forever of who we want of the knight in the fairy tales who we need to come and sweep us off our feet. The man who can charm us and who knows us completely. He's perfect and not for lack of flaws. He is perfect because he's all you'll ever need nothing more nothing less. He is and he lets you be, be exactly who you are all over. Its crazy but some never find the person who can just let them be. Who accepts them for who they are and loves them unconditionally. Its sad we spend so much time pushing away people; analyzing so deeply as not to get hurt. In the end we're responsible for our own pain and suffering. We perpetuate the cycle by allowing the behavior to become habit. We expect to be hurt and believe that its normal. We fall into some deep depression everyone seems to have some unless persciption to cure. They don't understand the guilt. They can't see through my window. I have let the dust settle to hide me from the world. I built a fortress around my heart and detached myself from everyone. I know no closeness. I know not how to need, only what I want. So they say I'm selfish and the words haunt me. The world once again pushes me further into recession. A darkness I think can become no more empty after each pull. Pieces of me drift away forever blackened. I am not who I once was, my smile is false and easily shaken. My anger is easily arosed. I have been let down entirely to many times that no amount of certainty and trust could waver my paranoia. But maybe its not to late maybe someone will see what lies beneath. I'm ever hoping always waiting never swayed. I'll wear my heart on my sleeve I'll take the pain. As they say the price of admission is worth the ride.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2007 19 October :: 4.29 am

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
someone just fuckin kill me take a gun to my head
blow the shit of the world that plagues me there to
smitherine and fuck this shit to hell i can't deal i just
can't take the stress the pain the fault the strain you
make false sorries flase promises aand all this bull
shit i just want it al to end more than anything i wanna
escape what i can't change myself i need a way to get
away from everything that hurts me and causes me to
fall to tears leaves me broke and tattered wasted
drunk to the point of no return take what i owe and leave
me all alone by myself that how im happiest in my misery
i want to breathe i want to be set free but your endless
anger is over taking me fuckin up everything and every
last piecet breaking my spirt and thing i regret just won't
stop flowing from my mouth i miss everything back home it
was easier there where i had everythign i loved more than my life its self and now im here all alone on my own wanting to let go of everything.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2007 16 October :: 4.20 am
:: Mood: crushed

a girl like me
Its kind of hard for girl like me to admitt when i've been wrong. It's kind of hard for a girl in my position to sit and carry on as if nothing ever happened. I look out and speak up. I say what I think and watch as the reactions aren't what I planned for. I know you think i stand for nothing more than tomorrows arguement. But you should know what I said was never meant to hurt you. If you took it to heart i wish i could take it back. If you learned from the start and knew all along than why would you carry on.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2007 26 August :: 3.39 am
:: Music: Underoath a moment suspended in time

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2007 21 June :: 7.13 pm

Everything Falling Down
Some people forget what it was like to be a kid I'll always remember what it was like before I was tainted.... People always want to take credit for your good attributes and say it was conditioning, but your bad just seem to be you natural flaws. You got that way all on your own if its negative, but if its positive it's good raising. They can't accept because of their ego that maybe they had negative impact on another individuals life. I know at times I'm not the best person and people constantly say take responsiblity for your own actions .... well i wonder then why they refuse to take responsiblity for their actions. I never met anyone in my life who wasn't a hypocrit. Who did not make wavers for themselves that they wouldn't make for others. I have never met anyone who didn't take out the things they hated about themselve on someone else. I have never met someone who hasn't lied to me. I have never met someone who truely loved me. I have never met someone who could save me. I have never had a true friend. I have never met someone who didn't try and buy me. I never met someone who didn't compromise their morals. I have never met someone who didn't hurt me. I never met anyone who supported me. So I'm wondering have you? I didn't lie when i said i was different I raised myself mostly I was always alone even in crowds. I was always treated as less than human like i didn't have feelings. It's alright that you don't care cause I have dusted my knees off before and stood up all on my own. I stopped waiting along time ago for someone to catch me. I've tried my hardest to go out of my way for people. I don't know when i gave up or when i lost my sweet nature. I only know that I refuse to let anyone bring me down to take my will to live... So many hurtful words have been shot in my direction its anyones guess how I manage to stay standing. So I cry I'm entitled. I have been taken advantage of a thousand times. Waked all over looked at like dirt. Fucking look at me I'm the epidomy of dirt in your eyes. I don't know what you see did you forget that. I really don't give a fuck anymore. Its not worth the tears in my eyes its not worth my heart on the floor im refusing to love anyone forever more.... until I find someone who proves their worth I'm closing that single solitary door. I'm turning out the lights and closing out the world ....

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2007 2 May :: 9.53 am

life lesson part 2 million
21 days in counting for seniors and the prom is three days away. Last minute preps are everywhere and my life is in disarray. I have detached my self mentally from any and all opposite sex relationships they have become shallow. Theres no depth and nothing, but superficial conversation. I'd rather not get close right before I leave home to anyone that has the possiblity of mattering. I just haven't got the interest. Kyle did me the favor of telling me that I should no longer hook up with Luke, so for some reason I have listened. It's crazy but I half way care that I'm not talking to him(Luke) when I see him, but when hes not around for long enough I just forget. Don't get me wrong he crosses my mind every now then, but for the most part I'm carefree. I know what I am to him(Luke) and what he is to me. Then again sometimes I wonder what things could have been like if we had given them a chance. I haven't moved on to something new but I hate that feeling of being a possession that comes with being a girl. As if he feels he owns me and he won't get hurt. No, thats the femine job to bow and feel pain in the face of a man. I'd rather not yeild to anyone. I'd rather erase my feminity and be secure knowing theres a million others out there who can satisfy my needs. There no reason to mourn the lost of someone although no one can replace that persons place in your life, you can always meet someone to to fill the void. While I think I want someone else every now and again I feel no point in pursuing. Theres little time and nothing here, but fuck ups, liars, and sell outs. I know what I want and what I deserve and I also know I have yet to come across it. All my life I've known one thing is true you can't wait for prince charming to come knocking on your front door, But as true as that statement is this one follows "theres no harm in looking, but theres safety in waiting." I have recently discovered this fact of life. I should have waited for so many things that friends tell me make me the person I am. I'm the one people look to for advice because I seem as though I have been there and I already know. Although in many cases they are right because I'm not the type to walk from any situation empty handed. I feel as though my mistakes are my plagues. They are what cause my father to view me as faulty and my mother to see as less than her dream. They are the things that make me feel as though the life experience wasn't worth the pain. Learning the hard way when I should have known all along makes me wonder why I didn't listen to my parents longer. Why I didn't hold out on my peers pressures longer. Was I happier? Would things be better if I chose another path? I completed the goals I had intended to with bumps. Who hasn't had bumps from one thing or another in their life? So did I succeed or fail...pass or flunk? I'm moving on to a new part of my life and throwing out the junk. I'm going to recreate myself as the person I want to be in life there's always second chances its hwat you do with this chance that counts. Maybe I will find some innocence there and the common sence I one had to stay away from common threats.....

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2007 20 March :: 8.04 am

You don't know what I see
WEEKEND CRAZ!! Friday i finally give in and stop playing hard to get two weeks ago and look where it gets me. Right back here where I was before pushing to close when I know I about to wak away. Parties Pools Steam rooms and boys. This week the boy I'd been seeing lately and I were extremely distance things change I know they do. Once you yes you lock yourself into it... They think they got you on a leash. Fortunately for me I stil realize I can have what I want and that doesnt necessarily mean him. I'm not stupid I party with the girls just as hard as anyone. I go to school and get my shit done. In the top 20% about to graduate accepted to two unversities in the states. So I don't need him to know I matter. I'll make it and guys like him will always be around they are something sure but girl like me are never a garuntee. We have places to go and people to see. Thing around us constantly changing cause we are competing against the real world not stuck in some immature fantasy. Realistically speaking we see what's thee and not just what could be there. I look at him and i see the things he hides and doesn't say. I see things like pain and can't help but to think thats what makes him stay at a distance. They all want to put up some front like eventually someone isn't going to see through it but the best thing is just not to let them know you have them figured out. Like when he says he doesn't care even though its not that he doesn't he just doesnt want to. Defense we all play it and its easy to see why. No one wants to get hurt. You don't wake up in the morning and say I'm going to break down my walls today and let everyone see the reall me. Honestly we all want to be complicated and different unique, but yet still fit in with the rest. Finding our own little puzzle piece place. Part of a whole but the one special piece that finishes it.

Lingre Party at Audra's what a night I won't get into details that will remain in my memory.
Luke's Party Crazy aparently I can freaking drink pass out and wake up 10 minutes later ready to go. I can do the dd and walk out ready to party again in fact i think virtually impenatratable right up until you say thre words "I Don't Care." so non shalantly. It rolled off your tounge like the syllables had been there all along like You never looked at me long than you should have looked. As if you didn't hold me closer than I really wanted to be held. It stung like the kisses you gave me but I resisted even though I wanted to kiss you too. Now I wonder why I seems you get what you want and then walk away. You say all the right things do all the right things waste time and yet you just count the numbers at the end of the day meaninglessly. Significance I guess means nothing to you. Importance must not phase you. Recognition is something you only do when it surves a purpose to you to do so in your opinion. So if you don't care than I never did either.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2007 13 February :: 9.42 am
:: Music: none

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2006 19 November :: 11.18 am

Sometimes im so confused
I look at you and I see me comparitively,
nothing like you, the lives we live
so differently
You say the past is where I'm at you don't see
I live, I let go, I move on, but deep down
inside you see what I'm holding onto
and in those ways we are the same.
You react in annoyance when I wish you
would just calm down.
Examine the situation
something sort of perfound, but I guess we just
aren't there yet.
The place where we can be okay
and just break all the walls away saying things
honestly, the things that need to be said.
I belong on a stage for all the times I play pretend
as though i don't see where your life will end.
My life is a fasade the one I tell my friends, but its get
worse when I reach the memories that truely hurt.
The ones I have blocked out for all eturnity and when
its all over I'll do the same with this and it won't be
even a helucination that plagues me.
That's how life is to me a theatrical performance some die, some
cry, some laugh and giggle, but most of all we lose
the innocence we had when we were little.
That trust, that love of life, the twinkle in our young eyes
becomes dull when all the vails have been lifted and
we see reality.
Innocence is bliss and I wish I
could trace back my foot steps to the days when smiles
never faded for long and tears could be cured with hugs
and kisses.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2006 9 November :: 1.40 pm

life




I spent so much time looking for something worth the time I took. Instead I found someone who I'm with but I'm not sure I'm in love with. He's a great guy but is he for me thats the constant question I'm facing. I look ahead I look behind trying to find something of a past or something along the lines of a future. I'm always dragged back to the past

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2006 20 September :: 12.56 pm
:: Music: none

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2006 9 August :: 10.05 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: girls just wanna have fun

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2006 2 March :: 6.03 pm

..........
when the words hit my throat to finally touch my lips and leave
my mouth they are completely my own not
original necessarily but in every words theres
little pieces of me that still believe in all the things
yet to be conceived and i'm still waiting for every
word to be realized and patronized by someone
else even though they may understand their words
are still little pieces of them interpreted differently
by all thats imaginary in me and so i say
still to fantasy watch and look about you see what would
still be there with out you if your face had been erased from the
history books and if your words were like stories in
childhood fairy tales modeled after all the things you've said
and wrote could you be denied all the credit

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2005 3 November :: 9.43 pm
:: Music: jumping sky scrapers

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2005 3 November :: 12.36 am

went back along the starry night into the flight of dogish men and
beer and wine when things were fine and i still didnt know the rake of rainbows and still of rivers far and wide when they would try to hide the life and lies of fire flies all burning in the night skies and i cant escape this i can only get over it i wish i was still defending and it feels so good to finally say no again to be just your friend i should have stayed away but i just couldnt help but stop to play its just this time i got caught up in the game and all this shame will never bring you all the pain i had hoped it would it just brings on a bigger burn for the girls who use to be good ..and if i could stop my self from thinking insticnt and memory would still bring me back to you so sin and scurry books and boggle no sense cause still i say science .. keep your goggles close you have even begun the examination yet.. dont fret in the morning i will be gone and only notes of memories will be left behind.. did you hold on to them did you hold on to the still of the beating the pulsing the organ of my blood did you keep tight all you had to offer on this lonely night cold still in your shirt and in your pants im warmer now than ive ever been why cant i leave you in the past my friend..im hoping if i hold on by this invisible thread for long enough and suppress my lonelines and jealousy for long enough you'll come back to me.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2005 2 November :: 11.59 pm

your worth a life i take, to a bed that i make, in this grave i have laid my soul down in over and over watching as each time the body fell differently like the lightening in the storms with the coldest rain .. but i watched at the end as he would until each day came crashing down when this life could end so soon alone on the mountain high and cold with out another to hold with out some one who knew just how it felt to be you... its not knowing but knowing how to express these thoughts to describe them so perfectly that the one you call ur true love can almost feel them too

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2005 2 November :: 11.29 pm

yea i always say the most out there things no one gets..it just me and while talking to my ex i go all emo... i really can'ty help it i watch him having so much fun and thinking.. that used to be me...and now i feel empty like no one and nothiung can fill that space he lefT... and some how i wish he felt the same but he does..... not for me but fo some other girl.. not worth his time if she cant see what hes worth....maybe she will realize one day like i did how much hes worth...


<3june

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2005 19 October :: 8.12 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: none

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 19 December :: 6.10 pm

crazy word crazy life

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 8 November :: 9.27 pm
:: Mood: lost and lonely (emo....)
:: Music: none just my own voice

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 26 October :: 12.39 am

Writers blocker
Wash the sleep away,
theres a communication boundary
here on paper
kick the writers block to the curb.

Aware now that i'm alone,
dancing all on my own,
words in my mind
find me here meet me here they say.

So will you come someday,
to take me far away,
and wash the sleep away,
to give me a chance.

Where do the reasons lead
you next into my mind
your going to leave me
believe me i saw it coming.

No explainations needed
i will be just fine
dont even look back
you'll scrape me with your eyes.

Theres a pain in my
cheeks from kissing you
my heart leaks from missing you
your so lucky you dont even know.

You say your allowing me to grow
but all your really doing
is causing a communication
boundary betweeen you and i.

Its not like you gave me warning
You told me walking hand in hand
you can lie to my face,
you can lie to my touch,
but you can not lie to my heart.

Here on paper i put it down
how you hurt me
caused me to drown
somewhere i can't be found.

Friends and family say
a piece of me was lost
i never thought you'd turn out
to be the lost and found.

I kicked my writers block to the
curb just like you
this is where i lie and say i'm over you
but this time its true.

1 ~*::star | ~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 17 October :: 12.06 am

freaking guys
and this morning when i woke to a lonely room with out you
i almost cried myself back to sleep i almost drifted as i read
on paper what was left of your heart you said you had mine i thought everything
was fine it turns out i was wrong and you loved somebody else and it didnt
even matter that you left with my heart in your hands you were
always a thief but this time you took something more meaningful to
me than money so now im left here wondering what to do im so
lost with out you i gave up my friends i gave my family i gave up
everything that meant something to me just to be just to be by your
side i didnt wanna have to hide behind lies anymore so i left walked
out my front door my dad call after me screaming you dirty whore
but that memory is nothing more than a day in the life of me i tried
so hard to make you happy i guess i didnt succeed so now i pled to make
a change so now i hope this empty feeling leaves my empty body soon
i hope to god the heart you stole from me soon returns happily so i can move on
from this loss the cost was to much im so afraid to fight the feelings left here for
you cause one day you might decide to return to me one day just to be just to be
by my side once again so now i start my life over from here i knew
you were to good to be true its ok cause i just wanted to fuck you just to be just to be
dirty.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 16 October :: 2.23 pm
:: Mood: accomplished

i noticed all the changes my friends are going threw. i know they are older i understand the facts soon i will be going threw the same changes. im so scared. its stupid really. i have been told i think to much, and that im crazy but if thats true then why am i always the one being asked for advice rather than others i know. i see all this and i realize one thing we all die yeah everyone knows that but did you ever think how much you don't do that you wish you had i hate living my life regreting what coulda shoulda woulda but fear keeps me from making things happen so i use the excuse everything happens for a reason but i dunno maybe everything happens because you want it to because you need it to. I think how many times i have given up exactly what i always asked for out of purely just not knowing. i just want someone to care someone i need to care is that wrong i just want one thing in my life to stay the same. i just want one person i wont want to walk away from i wont want to leave me. im never looked at as that type. im not looking for riches or fame im not looking for the world. im just looking for a change that wont change the way one person feels about me i guess thats what we are all searching for.....

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 11 October :: 9.19 pm

i like this kid named weston.. but i'm so close to being over him..if he doesn't care than why the hell should i wait around here..it's not worth it right.. i spend time at thinking about so much...it's driving me crazy..i he doesn't care im just gunna walk away..its just i have good times with him..and hes different hes the type of guy i want but its like its not all it was cracked up to be.. cause it feels like all he wants is my vagina..

2 ~*::stars::*~ | ~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 27 September :: 7.42 pm

personafication
as i walk hand in hand with forgettfulness
i wait here for a purpose i wait here for a
reason why no answers are left for me no
questions good enough it seems and dreams are only memories of a past life time for me.
i listen closely i feel you mostly inside me next to me awaiting the shock i'm in service i'm aware now that your there now i'm not shaking i'm not faking a life that i call my own im not alone.
you feel the hair standing up all over your body and the burn inyour throat and you know and you know, its me again clearly standing there confusion everywhere holding hands with scarifice.
pleasure is just pain in decuise its sin in my religious pride i don't get the luxury i'm torn everyday between the smile that i wear and the feelings that are really there and you have no idea you look at my body as if you could threw me.
she said she said she was never beautiful she believe every word and they all did too and she lost herself and her confidence and she lost love for herself and she lost every piece of self worth in her whole flushed with half n half she would just laugh and laugh because they never really knew her.
so now laying next to chances i passed up im trying to pretend that im interested in all those who misjudged me then im trying to let go and just pretend like they could one day know me they all show me i learn from them back stabbers heart breaker love makers they all teach me of what i could never have or be im not the average in this humanity.

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 23 August :: 9.20 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

you look at me with eye that could see my whole world... a forest of trees describes me on my knees crying out confusion... crying frustration... living here it seems you know the way to please me ... im shedding all my skin its wasted away on me im so thin now... lost another pound depression puts you there on this diet you shouldn't try it... i don't show emotion alot but in this song i wrote for you i make an exception... i'm not hard i have rigded ends that is all... and you it all about me... you see clearly they tainted... im not all i appear to be popularity was never my thing... i'm not afraid to me i'm not afraid to emotion i'm not afraid to make feel for the first when your around me... but i guess afraid to come and see... your just hardcore now for me... im not pretty im not stupid i'm not here to play cupid... i just know where i belong in the shadow in the dust writing my of hopeless lust... i'm write this for you just for you because you knew me in my own disgust... it look as though our memories are haunted deary and all and they fall i realize i'm unafraid for i'm haunted too... haunted with all that i left here waiting for you.

don't you wish you could escape just become invisible just take the shape of
another human being just for a day just to know what there life was like just to fit
just to make it just to know for one day
how it felt to be accepted just to understand what they go threw every day don't you ever
wonder what its like to be me on the
outside looking in on how everyone
else fits in i wonder if i do or don't i don't
try to but i wonder what it would be
like if poeple didn't look at me with such
distance if they knew the common grounds
we walk on. it like im a zoo animal and everyone is always staring wonding when
i will do something interesting or something
they can laugh at. im wondering to when
people will recognize how excluded and shy i feel i wish i were still open unafraid... i wish i didn't feel like i changed like i lost all confidence it hard to regain.. and i'm sick of this emo shit so im signing off....
long time no write love ya all june

~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 23 July :: 2.00 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: the song i'm writing

1 ~*::star | ~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 14 July :: 1.56 am

HEy everyone who decide to read this! It's been two weeks for me and chet. I miss him so much. Ne wayz yesterday i saw the movie the notebook. It was a good movie it really moved me ....lol to tears no joke. I am really freaking bored... oh yeh i dunno if i mentioned it but i went to the beach with nikki barbara kristin harold bryan and scott good shit and some crazy stuff happened ... I'm really trying to quit smoking this time around and drinking ... I'm rolling friday and saturday.... and jamie and i are no long talking which i don't (really) give a fuck subtract the really.....i'm completely and totally over her..... laura and i are no longer talking cuz she a liar and a whore and she fucks with peoples heads she selfish and bitchie she treat people like shit aspecially jamie ....which for the record the relationship btw us is over but i will always care about her... me and kristi aren't friends nemore and surprisingly i don't care cause if shes gunna stop being my friend over stupid shit then she isn't a very good friend ne way... cause she knows i would never do that shit to her but w/e it was good to see her one last time.....god fucking damnit i'm just such a bitch to everyone aren't i i give them chance after chance and then they burn me i try so hard to be freaking nice but i always get b/s from people saying i have an attitude which isn't true i only have an attitude with people i don't like and i usually don't like people at first that something they have to learn... i'm a person with feelings i dunno if you people realize i'm not stone you keep throwing punches my way and theres gunna come a day where i won't make a come back i will just give up ... like i did on jamie like i did on laura like i did on kristi you think i lost you guys i didn't i just discarded the waste in my life the people i was wasting my time with i still love kristi and jamie i always will as friends but hey ... they lost me forever as a friend they just fucked it ... you wanna think i did but i did nothing wrong i told the truth i was there i made mistakes but i admitted it and said sorry ....you ask for good friend but you would rather be around drama and shit you would rather have enemies.... those people never cared about me it was all a bullshit game .....so fuck em all.... ne wayz chet i miss ya i heart ya hope too see you soon stay safe... muah ....

i love ya all no matter what i say or do....
i'm sorry if i fucked ne one over....
cause ya know i'm just a lil fuck up aren't i???

6 ~*::stars::*~ | ~*::shooting stars::*~

:: 2004 9 July :: 8.12 am
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: nun t.v

~*::shooting stars::*~