godessalthena
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2019 27 October :: 11.57am
I've been a solid Rock lately but
I just can't right now.my cup is empty, and no one gives a fuck about my emotional needs.
so why do I kill myself caring about theirs?
1 touched my hand |
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 10 October :: 2.23pm
I have a very strong force of chill
people get around me and they just melt into the couch and are comfy
I like chilling, and being lazy, but sometimes it sucks cuz I don't always want to be.
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 3 October :: 9.09pm
I can hardly imagine going to an open casket funeral, but to also dig their hole and put them in the hole you dug?
that is some next level shit. natives don't half ass saying good bye.
I just wish we didn't have to say goodbye at all.
3 touched my hand... |
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 28 September :: 11.00pm
it is such a secret place, the land of tears
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 26 September :: 2.29pm
:: Mood: crushed
https://youtu.be/jWFWazj7Ud8
we won't let you slip away....
but we did.
good bye friend. I wish you could have stayed longer.
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 16 September :: 11.05pm
I hate those God damned electric scooters being used in pitch black by drunk assholes dressed in shades of grey
I have been worried sick about hitting one and then one plows into me! and scoots off into the distance. ugh.
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 6 September :: 8.56am
Prozac has me like
https://youtu.be/0BS5lRJfJgQ
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 3 September :: 7.29am
we are arriving at the final warm days off summer, soon it will be fall and then it will be winter.
I feel like I'm moving in show motion as time hurdles past me.
I don't know what I want. I don't want anything, but I also want it all. I miss feeling like there was real adventure in my life.
maybe there never was. I want to move to a new city and see what different and exciting things I can find. I want to move to the country and never love in a big city again. I want kinda kids, I want to be a kid myself forever.
I honestly don't care, either things will happen or they won't. why fight against the current when I can just enjoy the ride until the waterfall throws us off to our deaths?
that is, if the river doesn't dry up first... like my optimism about the future.
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 27 August :: 8.27am
shake shake shake seniora shake your body line
work work work seniora work it all the time
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 30 July :: 9.35pm
Kind words, kind looks, kind acts, and warm hand-shakes, - these are means of grace when men in trouble are fighting their unseen battles. -John Hall
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 30 July :: 7.05pm
I thought for the longest time capos were called "catbows" and I couldn't for the life of me understand why they were called that
1 touched my hand |
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 23 July :: 10.44pm
being gamey boi with mah boi makes me happy
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 21 July :: 10.24am
I don't think I want this for the rest of my life.
why is alcohol so important in America and why can't they all just stop being alcoholics?
the bathroom still smells like puke.
bleh.
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 18 July :: 6.22am
been feeling a lil better lately, like the dark cloud is passing for now.
if only it would go away forever
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 8 July :: 10.52pm
As a child I was taught that to tell the truth was often painful. As an adult I have learned that not to tell the truth is more painful, and that the fear of telling the truth -- whatever the truth may be -- that fear is the most painful sensation of a moral life. -June Jordan
1 touched my hand |
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 8 July :: 12.53pm
I wish I could have been born a cookie cutter happy robot who enjoyed getting wasted with strangers.
my life would be so much easier.
I wouldn't be losing my job.
I wouldn't feel like I have no friends.
I would be able to just live life with nothing but a smile and a blank mind with nothing in it but me me me
2 touched my hand... |
and tha sun got brighter then
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godessalthena
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2019 6 July :: 7.30am
one friend tries to kill himself and ended up in the ER (glad he didn't succeed, definitely mostly a bad med combo issue.. that stuff really scares me)
another friend trying to kill himself with a failing liver. after spending a week in the ER and being told he can't drink ever again, the dummy never goes to a follow up appointment and is now dying on someone else's couch in the middle of nowhere. like... killing himself with inaction.
it breaks your God damn heart. and you want to help that's all you want to do, but what exactly can one do.. I try to be there, but maybe I'm just not trying hard enough..
or maybe there's no way to stop a train from going off the tracks?
sometimes I feel the same way as them.. the only thing that honestly holds me back is the fear of the unknown of the after. I don't know if I want it to be nothing, hell, or something else. but what I do know is I'm afraid to face all the horrible things I've done, I'm afraid of nothingness, I'm afraid that I won't deserve what I get, that I won't get to see my passed on loved ones again.
I just really hope it's what I imagine it to be, only I don't want to come back this time I just want to turn back into a star and stay there for a while.
fucking plastic.
and tha sun got brighter then
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