doin whut com<u>e</u>s naturally

doin whut comes naturally

:: 2018 14 September :: 6.53am

why am I so jealous still of this dude

why can't I shake the feeling the songs are about him

how do I move past this? why am I so insecure?

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 9 September :: 9.15pm

just leave

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 9 September :: 9.28am

I just want to give up. I hate every beautiful day.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 5 September :: 7.51pm
:: Mood: adoring

when baby dog is really happy, she runs around completely nuts around the living room and then bolts away into the kitchen to get a drink and then bolts into the den

my mom squeels with glee every time she does it, and it's always the same adorable sound with a wonderful giggle after and it's just one of my absolute favorite things. it makes my heart sing.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 5 September :: 6.19am

I suck at comforting people

one day down of sober September and I have had no break from an uncomfortable unsettled feeling deep in my stomach, like I ate copious amounts of cheese.

I can do this.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 4 September :: 9.34pm

I'm really fucking sick and tired of being treated like I don't know shit.

I know a lot. I'm smart. I've had jobs in different areas and understand how almost all insurance works (besides life insurance, but that seems like the most straight forward insurance).

but go ahead,just treat me like I don't know anything. it's okay.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 29 August :: 2.12pm

you either are important or you aren't

you either matter to someone or you don't

I'm always in the "not" category

and it hurts, but trying harder just looks desperate, and I don't know how to do less than what I do. I'm just a non entity. I'm fading into nothing. I don't speak I don't care I just feel sad and lonely.

and I know it'll only get worse. I know I'll be the worst mom. I know I'll die in child birth. I know I'll have a miscarriage. I know I'm sterile.

why do I even exist

I am a meaningless creature on a meaningless planet in an infinite expanse of nothing.

how do I fix this?

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 29 August :: 8.24am

why is it that I always manage to convince myself that my bf is gay and in love with another man?????

it happens every time. am I crazy? am I imagining it?

is it just my insecurities about not being a man? maybe I was just supposed to be a man. idk.

life is so confusing.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 26 August :: 12.52pm

this country is so fucking fucked.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 22 August :: 9.45pm

I'm so freaking frustrated I want to scream.

there just no being happy. if I do one thing I suffer in another way.

I need to find a therapist.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 19 August :: 11.01pm

maybe it'll never be enough

maybe it's just me

2 touched my hand... | and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 18 August :: 11.21pm

I know a lot of people hate lap dogs but they are honestly the best

they are perfectly destined to be our hand held best friends

I just want to snuggle my puppies forever

domesticated dogs are just permanent puppies and it's just the best. dogs were made to be with people. out of how many animals in the world dogs are the only one to truly and unrevokably to be our best friend. can you imagine a world without dogs?

it would be a pretty fucking sad world.

not to say other domesticated animals aren't awesome, they just don't hold a candle to dogs. they are the best. hands down.

DOGS FUCKIN ROCK

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 18 August :: 10.19pm

I love being the best

even if it's at something stupid.

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 17 August :: 9.10am

worst timing ever... check
constant ability to out foot in mouth... check
permanent confusion towards life... check

how does anyone actually enjoy this whole "being alive and interacting with other people" bullshit?

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 12 August :: 7.53am

when you can tell your dogs are starting to love you again because you spend more time at home

best feeling ever

working from home is truly so wonderful. I know it's hard to balance working from home and feeling "included" at the office but the two days I go in is just perfect. one day would probably be my preference but eh.

now if I could just get some extra cash....

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 10 August :: 5.53pm

ah fuck it

I'm gonna have a party

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 7 August :: 9.32am

first day working from home was pretty much the most amazing thing ever so glad they gave me this opportunity!

I didn't complain over yesterday. I just felt comfortable

and tha sun got brighter then

godessalthena

:: 2018 5 August :: 10.43pm

even though she still feels haunted

haunted

haunted

and tha sun got brighter then


kissed by the sun, straddled by you,
no deep thoughts running through my brain.
only sweet thrills of happiness
racing through my veins.
<3
lay me on the ground, fly me in the sky.