jaganshi
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2005 16 May :: 6.26pm
Sitting here listening to music. What right to I have to be so profoundly unhappy?
There's nothing wrong with me. Nothing is being done to me. Just the same thousand petty torments that fly below my radar.
Even my repression isn't perfect.
I should not even be writing this. But then, why do I continue? Ah, the questions. *muses* I'd say that I'm probably writing because I'm doing the elevator-button thing. If I keep pressing the button, the elevator will go faster. If I keep writing, someone will log on and respond. The logic is roughly as sound.
Meh. Resume stoicism.
3 Chose the right path.People |
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Jaganshi
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2005 16 May :: 5.23pm
Home sucks. All of them. If they didn't, no one would leave.
Read more..
1 Chose the right path. |
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Jaganshi
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2005 16 May :: 5.23pm
Well. I was reprimanded for something interesting today. You know those picture holder things with the weighted base and a clip on a flexible wire? The clip holds the picture, and the base says something like "Butler Fall Ball 2004" on occasion?
My mother threw both of mine out, and told me never to bring drug paraphernalia home again. When I had no idea what the hell she was talking about, she told me she found two roach clips in my boxes from college. When she described those, I tried not to laugh at her, but I knew that laughing would only make it worse.
She told me that even though she knew I didn't know what they were (because God forbid they be for photos), if the military ever found out that shit was in this house, Mitch could be court-martialed. She said that she didn't tell Mitch what she'd found, she just threw them away. But if he'd known, he'd have been pissed and would have kicked me out of the house. (Which is just her trying to give us a common enemy to get me on her side.) Right.
"And it's not because we don't love you or anything like that, but we can't have these in our house. Don't ever bring drug paraphernalia home again."
"Wait, what? Where did that disclaimer come from?"
"Well, I don't want you to think that we don't love you or I'm just being mean about this, because I know that's how it must seem."
"Well, at the beginning I thought you were accusing me of smoking pot, but after that... that wasn't the conclusion I came to."
"No. I know that you aren't into all of that. [author note: Feel free to cast detect bullshit right about here.] But I was there in the 60's and 70's when all these came out, and that's what those are."
"Okay."
"Just don't bring drug shit home ever again."
Seriously. For fuck's sake.
Read more..
9 Chose the right path.People |
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Jaganshi
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2005 15 May :: 7.54pm
I'm considering doing one of those 'friends list cleanout' things.
So, if you still read anything on this blog, kindly post so I don't accidentally delete someone who might want to read the odds and ends I post.
9 Chose the right path.People |
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Jaganshi
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2005 12 May :: 4.29pm
This is all such a waste.
My mother is making me leave the house at night when they go to bed. I have to go out to my room now no matter when they retire. Don't get me wrong, I like living in the pool house. But I can't be online at night now without making a huge production out of it, and she bitches if I'm 'on that computer all day just like Mitch. I fucking hate that computer. All he ever does is play that game and I never see him and nothing ever gets done and I'm so fucking sick and tired of it." This goes on for another ten minutes until she gets tired, has something else to do or finds something else to bitch about.
Also, she bitches if I go out to my room to play final fantasy. That should tell you how hard up I am for effective escapism up here. Mindless repetitive leveling-up is preferable to anything else going on.
This is just such a waste. Where are those people who enjoy their vacations? Where are those people who look forward to going home from school so they can relax? Where are these people and why aren't any of them me?
We went shopping for food yesterday for four hours. Four hours of her bitching, both of them dithering about and Mitch wandering off because he doesn't want to be around her any more than I do. That kind of shit just drains the life right out of me. People wonder why I forgo emotions up here. I just don't have the energy for any of it. This is the kind of thing that saps the will to live right out of me until I'm just waiting for something to happen. Waiting for a good day, waiting for an open argument at least, waiting to be hit by a car. Anything.
Such a waste.
5 Chose the right path.People |
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2005 12 May :: 3.21pm
:: Mood: Dead
Vanity.
I was in the car and hoped desperately for an epiphany.. but my hopes were in vain.
I dreamed wildly of a world with out violence.. though my dreams were in vain.
I wished silently for everyone to realize what they were doing.. alas, my wishes were in vain.
But I have learned today that I'm afraid to die.
<|3
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2005 2 May :: 5.11pm
:: Mood: A bit stressed; Special
:: Music: From First to Last
xDDD The lyrics to Emily
Smiles and her laughter
It's the only thing that I've been waiting for a time
Regardless of our distance and our hope... grows greater
Trapped by pretty eyes and letters for all time
... the only thing that I've been waiting for.
I hope it's something worth the waiting
'cause it's the only time I ever feel real
Thunderstorms could never stop me
'cause there's no one in the world like Emily
She's simple yet confusing
her sparkling eyes make me weak in my words, the tremble
days seem like years in this month of December
the winter coldens me for I have yet to sleep
and never will I give up trying 'cause you're everything to me
I hope it's something worth the waiting
It's the only time that I ever feel real
Thunderstorms could never stop me
'cause there's no one in the world like Emily
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LMAO! It's an actual song! Ahh! I love it! XDD
I feel special now
<3
3 Chose the right path.People |
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jaganshi
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2005 30 April :: 7.13pm
Soul Caliber II!
I beat the game for the first time. With Ivy.
I've never beaten a video game before. *beams*
6 Chose the right path.People |
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Jaganshi
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2005 28 April :: 9.56pm
I'll be spending eight weeks this summer at an NSF-funded archaeological field school. They only chose 14 people, and they picked me.
Also nice is the $300/week stipend. 300x8=2400. That's a lot of money to take off of next year's college costs. That may just save my ass. It might get me ahead enough that if I keep my wits about me, I can stay ahead of my bills.
Fantastic. Also, Strawtown, IN is a hell of a lot closer to Dayton than MI is. Closer to Brian=good.
4 Chose the right path.People |
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0x-FwAh-Em-ChAn-x0
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2005 28 April :: 10.17am
:: Mood: Flustered
The fight
o0p5 y3r d34d: And why aren't YOU at school?
o0p5 y3r d34d: And why aren't YOU at school?
o0p5 y3r d34d: I asked first.
o0p5 y3r d34d: I asked first.
o0p5 y3r d34d: LIAR
o0p5 y3r d34d: LIAR
o0p5 y3r d34d: AUGH! You're.. an imbecil!
o0p5 y3r d34d: AUGH! You're.. an imbecil!
o0p5 y3r d34d: No, you are!
o0p5 y3r d34d: No, you are!
o0p5 y3r d34d: NO YOU ARE
o0p5 y3r d34d: NO YOU ARE
o0p5 y3r d34d: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: I SCREAMED FIRST
o0p5 y3r d34d: I SCREAMED FIRST
o0p5 y3r d34d: NUH UH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: NUH UH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: NUH UH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: NUH UH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: Well I'm gonna go.. talk to Weston!
o0p5 y3r d34d: Well I'm gonna go.. talk to Weston!
o0p5 y3r d34d: NO I AM
o0p5 y3r d34d: NO I AM
o0p5 y3r d34d: YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM
o0p5 y3r d34d: YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM
o0p5 y3r d34d:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
o0p5 y3r d34d:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: <<; Get outta here!
o0p5 y3r d34d: <<; Get outta here!
o0p5 y3r d34d: No, you get outta here!
o0p5 y3r d34d: No, you get outta here!
o0p5 y3r d34d: You filthy animal!
o0p5 y3r d34d: You filthy animal!
o0p5 y3r d34d: AH! No I'm not!
o0p5 y3r d34d: AH! No I'm not!
o0p5 y3r d34d: GRAHH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: GRAHH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: SHUT UP
o0p5 y3r d34d: SHUT UP
o0p5 y3r d34d: You suck at life!
o0p5 y3r d34d: You suck at life!
o0p5 y3r d34d: NO YOU DO
o0p5 y3r d34d: NO YOU DO
o0p5 y3r d34d: OH MY GOD, YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE!
o0p5 y3r d34d: OH MY GOD, YOU ARE INSUFFERABLE!
o0p5 y3r d34d: I HATE YOOOOU!
o0p5 y3r d34d: I HATE YOOOOU!
o0p5 y3r d34d: No, I hate YOU
o0p5 y3r d34d: No, I hate YOU
o0p5 y3r d34d: No I hate YOU
o0p5 y3r d34d: No I hate YOU
o0p5 y3r d34d: No I hate YOU
o0p5 y3r d34d: No I hate YOU
o0p5 y3r d34d: GET OUT OF HERE
o0p5 y3r d34d: GET OUT OF HERE
o0p5 y3r d34d: PSH!
o0p5 y3r d34d: PSH!
Then I tried to block that ho, but it didn't go over to well..
Yeah..
BAI! ^^
4 Chose the right path.People |
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jaganshi
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2005 24 April :: 10.26pm
For Caro
Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it Geronimo. When you're in love, you'll jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won't care -- screaming 'Geronimo' the whole way down.
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Jaganshi
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2005 24 April :: 12.28am
I should never take just one or two shots late at night.
Get all melancholy.
1 Chose the right path. |
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Jaganshi
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2005 22 April :: 5.10pm
Apocalyptic Hail
Recently (in the last few minutes) 1/2 to 3/4 inch hailstones created whiteout conditions on the Butler campus for about fifteen minutes.
There is now about an inch of rolling ice on the ground in seventy-degree weather.
This has been your latest weather update from FUCKING INDIANA! Damn the weather here is odd.
Last night the thunderstorms were so loud they set off car alarms. -_-'
3 Chose the right path.People |
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jaganshi
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2005 22 April :: 11.21am
If Butler were Mainframe.... I think we all know who I'd be.
Not even a question, is it?
Though, I'm probably closer to Sprite Hex than original viral Hex, now. Brian fixed my mask.
"I simply adore children. But I could never eat a whole one."
1 Chose the right path. |
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jaganshi
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2005 19 April :: 9.44pm
Panzer Cardinal Selected as Pope
http://www.guardian.co.uk/pope/story/0,12272,1463902,00.html#article_continue
Profile: Joseph Ratzinger
From Hitler Youth to the Vatican
Bavarian who deserted Wehrmacht was a liberal but turned to conservatism in face of 1968 student rebellions
Stephen Bates and John Hooper in Rome
Wednesday April 20, 2005
The Guardian
Joseph Ratzinger was not always considered a reactionary. Born in 1927 in Marktl am Inn, the first German pope for nearly 1,000 years comes from the country's traditionalist Catholic heartland, Bavaria.
His father was a police officer from a family of farmers whose career suffered because he refused to become a Nazi. The young Ratzinger served briefly and unenthusiastically with the Hitler Youth and later with a German army anti-aircraft unit guarding the BMW factory in Munich. He says he never fired a shot.
Article continues
Ratzinger has defended himself from criticism of his war record by claiming - not strictly truthfully - that he could not have avoided military service in the circumstances. Others did and maybe he could have used his training in a seminary to dodge the call-up.
But there is no doubt that his heart was not in his military service and he deserted in April 1944, ending the war in an American prisoner of war camp.
Ordained with his older brother, Georg, in 1951, Ratzinger was a liberal theological adviser at the Second Vatican Council in Rome but became a conservative after the 1968 student movement prompted him to defend the faith against secularism.
In his autobiography, he wrote how he realised he was increasingly out of step with his fellow Germans as early as the 1960s.
"I found the mood in the church and among theologians to be agitated," he recalled. "More and more there was the impression that nothing stood fast in the church, that everything was up for revision."
He has written a number of books and within hours of his election as pope yesterday, several leapt up the Amazon bestseller list, including Salt of the Earth, The Ratzinger Report, Introduction to Christianity, and his memoirs, Milestones, which cover his life until 1977.
It was in 1977 he became archbishop of Munich and a cardinal. He was one of only two cardinals in the conclave that ended yesterday to have been elevated by John Paul's predecessor but one, Paul VI.
In 1981, Pope John Paul called him to Rome to take over the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. It is the department that was once known as the Holy Inquisition.
Ratzinger's defence of conservative orthodoxy has been part of his job. But it has not made him popular, especially in more progressive corners of the faith.
An opinion poll in the German newspaper Der Spiegel found opponents of his election as pope outnumbering supporters by 36% to 29%.
It was an open secret before the conclave that all but two of the German bishops were opposed to his candidacy.
In western Europe and North America, in particular, there is an acute perception that the church is losing ground and needs to reinvigorate its flock with a less uncompromising hostility to the outside world.
In Latin America, he disciplined the advocates of "liberation theology" and cracked down on Asian priests who saw non-Christian religions as part of God's plan for humanity.
Before the death of Pope John Paul, his theological watchdog spoke passionately of the need to clean up the "filth" in the church, an allusion to successive child abuse scandals involving clerics. His remark held out hope that he would tackle vigorously one of the church's most pressing problems.
However, he has himself been accused by campaigners of shielding a prominent alleged paedophile.
The softly spoken Bavarian, who is an accomplished pianist with a fondness for Mozart, turned 78 last Saturday, but is in apparently excellent health.
Three years ago, he became dean of the College of Cardinals, a position which made him the key figure in the interregnum between popes and enabled him to exert immense influence on his fellow cardinals as they prepared to choose the next pontiff.
At Pope John Paul's funeral, he impressed his listeners by deftly balancing solemnity and populism in his homily. He drew roars from the crowd when he pointed to the window from which the late pope had delivered his blessings, saying: "We can be sure our beloved Pope is now at the window of the house of his Father and he sees us and he blesses us."
Days later, he seized the initiative again at the mass immediately before the start of the conclave when he inveighed against the moral relativism of today's society. In what was seen by Vatican insiders as a blatant campaign speech, he warned the church to withstand the "tides of trends and latest novelties".
Clearly, his fellow cardinals were listening hard.
But when looking at his life so far, it is hard to know which is more memorable: the things that have been said about Ratzinger or what he has himself said.
Five years ago, a former colleague in the theological faculty of Tübingen University, Hans Küng, whom he banned from teaching on the church's behalf in 1979, described a document published by Cardinal Ratzinger's department in the Vatican as "a hotch-potch of medieval backwardness and folie de grandeur".
He was referring to the document Dominus Jesus issued by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in Rome, which, in highly unecumenical language, described other Christian faiths and world religions as "deficient or not quite real churches". When the Lutherans complained, the future Benedict XVI dismissed their objections as "absurd".
Another liberal Catholic and former priest, the late Peter Hebblethwaite, called him "the big, bad wolf of the new Inquisition ... For some, the thought [of his becoming pope] is just too terrible to contemplate. To have him as pope would be inconceivably divisive, runs the common wisdom."
It is not just people who do not believe in Roman Catholicism who attract the new pope's ire. Four years ago, he wrote that rock music was "the expression of elemental passions which, in the big musical festivals, have taken on a cultural character, that is to say, [the character] of a counter-cult, opposed to Christian worship".
Only this week, he declared that "having a clear faith based on the creed of the church is often labelled today as fundamentalism. Relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along by every wind of teaching, looks like the only attitude acceptable to today's standards."
Small wonder that the 78-year-old German has won nicknames such as God's Rottweiler and the Panzer Cardinal. Even Corriere della Sera, the voice of the Italian moderate right, which is normally deeply respectful of the church hierarchy, recently labelled him "Cardinal No".
For the past 24 years, he has headed the Vatican "ministry" responsible for defending and enforcing Catholic orthodoxy, particularly in the world's theological faculties.
Ratzinger once denied being "the Grand Inquisitor".
However, under his guidance, the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith has issued a stream of hardline instructions and rebukes.
The hand of the new pope has been seen in most of the more reactionary proclamations made by the Vatican in the final years of John Paul II's papacy, as his health waned.
They sometimes took away the breath of the more progressive elements in the church: from denouncing homosexuality as intrinsically evil, to suggesting that parishes should limit the use of female altar servers and choristers.
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