*~*I am the prize at the end*~*

2 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?

:: 2005 14 March :: 11.40pm

Well, I'm feeling a lot better about this break than I was a few days ago. Friday night I was really torn up about it. But, as Spock teaches... pain is a thing of the mind. The mind can be controlled.

I applied for several summer jobs today, and will canvass the local mall tomorrow. Friday I have two more to handle. This should put me where I want to be goal-wise for apps.

I also have a new gmail account, and I do think I like it.

In RPish news, I'm finally getting around to a sketch of my latest character. (Latest to RP, but she's one of the characters I made over Christmas break, so she's been around a little while.) It's a little more anime-style than most of my other drawings, simply because it's too small to work in the amount of detail I prefer to include. At any rate, when she's finished, I'll let you guys know. It will be on my DeviantART with the others.

I'm proud of my characters. I've neatly avoided the angsty bishounen stereotype as best I can. My characters do not brood or angst if there's any way around it. Usually there is.
I'm trying to cover as many D&D alignments as possible and still roleplay the characters well. It's a little difficult to roleplay a chaotic neutral character, but once you've done lawful evil, chaotic good and true neutral, it's the logical next step.
I'm considering getting involved in at least one board RP this summer. RPGWW (my choice forum of consistent awe-inspiring RP) has pretty high standards, and I'll be interested to see where my characters fit in with the existing population.

Anyway, enough rambling about my characters I suppose. You probably don't want to hear any of the specifics. Just thought it had been a while since I'd rambled for you fine folk.

10 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?

:: 2005 14 March :: 3.14pm

Maybe if I fall asleep forever, Keith won't hate me anymore.

Maybe if I fall asleep forever, my mom won't have to worry about me.

Maybe if I fall asleep forever, I won't feel sick over this.

Maybe if I fall asleep forever, everyone will be happy with eachother and themselves.

I kind of doubt the last one. I know I don't stunt EVERYONE's happiness or desired self-esteem levels.

But I do feel sick.

And I do feel like Keith hates me.

And I don't want my mom to worry.

My head hurts.. and I'm almost looking foreward to my math homework.

I wish you could hate me so dying would be easy.

I didn't want to cry, but I did.

I didn't want to yell at my mom, but I did.

And now.. I hope I digest myself in a pool of my own barf.

3 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?

:: 2005 11 March :: 10.06pm

The time before I have to go up to my parents' house is always the hardest. All I can think about is how tired I am of being lonely and separated from everything I care about. I hate that I have no choice. I have to go because I need a place to stay this summer.

But I hate it. This is the time before I've resigned myself to it, when I feel most separated from Brian... like a child locked out.

I'll sleep in our bed alone tonight. Then I won't see him tomorrow. Or the day after. I won't be able to call him either, since I don't have a calling card. I technically can't use IM.

I'm tired of being alone. I don't want it anymore. I know once I get up there I'll realize how stupid this all is, how little it all matters. Once I get home I won't be capable of hating anything.

Suffice it to say, I miss Brian and it's only been a few hours. I've gone longer without seeing him when I'm working. But at least then I knew I could go back to my room with him and that everything would be okay as long as he was there to make me happy. Now... I can't see the reason why. I'm leaving him for a week and I don't feel like I have a good reason to be so unhappy again. I don't want to go back.

Could you on this fair mountain leave to feed,
And batten on this moor?

I hate it. I hate being there, and I hate the person I have to be just so that I can stay here. I hate myself when I'm there, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. It doesn't do me any good to care.
For the next week, consider me as good as dead.
Have a lovely spring break everyone. I'll see you next Sunday. I'm leaving someone else in my place until then. She can deal with all this foolishness.

2 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?

:: 2005 11 March :: 9.42pm

Dance the night away by karchan85
Name
What you Look like
The Music DDR
Quiz created with MemeGen!

4 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?

:: 2005 9 March :: 10.44pm

Senki is a genius.

:: 2005 8 March :: 1.38pm

I might foam at the mouth, but just present me with some little toy, give me a cup of tea with sugar in it, and I shouldn't be at all surprised if I calmed down completely, even be deeply touched, though afterwards I should most certainly snarl at myself and be overcome with shame and suffer from insomnia for months. That's the sort of man I am.

You see, people who know how to avenge themselves and, generally, how to stand up for themselves--how do they, do you think, do it? They are, let us assume, so seized by the feeling of revenge that while that feeling lasts there is nothing but that feeling left in them. Such a man goes straight to his goal, like a mad bull, with lowerd horns, and only a stone wall perhaps will stop him. (Incidentally, before such a stone wall such people, that is to say, plain men and men of action, as a rule capitulate at once. To them a stone wall is not a challenge as it is, for instance, to us thinking men who, because we are thinking men, do nothing; it is not an excuse for turning aside, an excuse in which one of our sort does not believe himself, but of which he is always very glad. No, they capitulate in all sincerity. A stone wall exerts a sort of calming influence on them, a sort of final and morally decisive influence, and perhaps even a mystic one. . . . But of the stone wall later.) Well, that sort of plain man I consider to be the real, normal man, such as his tender mother nature herself wanted to see him when she so lovingly brought him forth upon the earth. I envy such a man with all the forces of my embittered heart. He is stupid--I am not disputing that. But perhaps the normal man should be stupid. How are you to know?

-Dostoevsky "Notes From The Underground"

8 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?

:: 2005 8 March :: 12.28pm
:: Mood: Congested o.o
:: Music: Thank You for The Venom - MCR

FCAT anyone?
I stayed home today.. 'cause I would of been in my third hour for four hours instead of just one. I wasn't missing too much today, either, I think I'm fine at home.

Except I have to clean.

And take care of my sickley old mother. Poor dear. I guess I don't mind running up and down the stairs, we'll just call it an involuntary work out.

JJ is sick today, too, poor kid. And I.. I have the SNUFFLES! T.T

So yeah, great fun in my sickly house.

Ooh! I went to Ren Fest on Sunday! And Diego's party on Saturday was an EFFING.. BLAST! AMANDAAAA! Where the hell were you?!?! Your camo-man was there! And in a TOGA, even!

P.S. Diego already had Sex Dice =p

Since I'm a horrible friend, I wait until the last last LAST possible second to get some one a present, so before his party, Melissa, Dylie, my mom, JJ, and I ran to CVS/pharmacy to get him a present. We picked out a lovely easter basket that included candy and a jump rope (xD) and found some 90% off Valentines stuff, THUS!!! We bought 6 pairs of "love cuffs" (cheap-ass shitty plastic hand cuffs.. they're red e.e;) for NINE CENTS EACH! YESSSS!

We bought each one we could find! It was so funny xD Amazingly awesome, too. So we gave him the easter basket and a pair of love cuffs (even though he already has WAY better ones xD)

Anyways, the party was fun, Ren Fest was KILLER! How is it NOT cool to wander around a bunch of people dressed as pirates and faeries and the like? If you found some reason for it to be not cool, well.. you're not cool. I'm sorry. =p

Yuh.. all's good.

It's only Tuesday...

I have some homeworkey things to do that I didn't do last night.

Fun pants.

My nose is stuffy.. T.T

<3

"If this is what you want, then fire at will"

:: 2005 6 March :: 11.55pm

I need to sink my teeth into this spicy chicken sandwich before they turn around and devour my brain.

:: 2005 6 March :: 11.52pm

I've been thinking... it feels good to have a planet. A good feeling of security. I like knowing I have solid rock beneath me all the time. Of course, I get creeped out when I think about the fact that that rock is floating on a magma sea. Like 'Waterworld' only instead of floating on water, everything floats on Hell. Sucks. But, on the up-side, it seems to work... so I'm all for it. Go magma!

:: 2005 6 March :: 11.47pm

MALLORY!!!!

I know you read these from time to time....
If you read this entry, email me.
I know you are not a fan of the weblogs, but I need a way to harass you online more effectively. I have one invite code to give away, and if you're interested, it's yours.

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

:: 2005 6 March :: 8.56pm

7 Chose the right path.People | Do you think we decided right?

:: 2005 3 March :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: Ecstatic
:: Music: Los -- Rammstein

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm FINALLY.. OFF.. MY PERIOD! YESSSS!!

Just in time for the effing weekend!

~mini-score dance~

GER NIGH!

<3

:: 2005 2 March :: 9.41pm

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