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cait0880
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2003 14 June :: 12.31pm
:: Mood: Bored
:: Music: The veggie tale movie on in the other room
This thing seams stupid, yet to hard for someone stupid like me to do
Pick a band and answer only using that band's song titles.
Sublime
1. Are you male or female?: wrong way
2. Describe yourself: Had a dat
3. How do some people feel about you?: Total hate
4. How do you feel about yourself?: Poolshark
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest? Saw red
6. Where would you rather be?: April 29th 1992
7. Describe what you want to be: Hope
8. Describe how you live: What i got
9. Describe how you love: Romeo
10. Share a few words of wisdom: Same in the end
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cait0880
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2003 13 June :: 7.29pm
:: Mood: wow im bored
:: Music: Sublime :)
Did you ever have one of those days...those days when it seams nothing goes your way
Alright so today i woke up went to my last day of schoool :)....now normaly this be a joyfull day but for some reason today was one of the worst days ive had in a while...nothing at all went as planed. Alright so today 1st period i feel all icky and sick and i look down at my arm and there are really tiny red spots. so i ask to go to the bathroom. i go and i look for more of them. they turn out to be covering my face, chest, sides and uperback. it totally sucked. so then i had to deal with that all day. i go home and im on the computer so my brother goes cait let me burn a cd and i said no. so he like cryed to my mom and thought it be cool to bring up the fact that he found some reallly super old stuff in my room. (ive been clean for about 2 months) so my mom and dad totaly flip and shit and then i cant go out becasue they have to go to some stupid thing. So i think well..lou can come over now. but for some reason he cant. i dont know maybe he just didnt want to waste his friday night alone with my in my stupid house. Now its only 7 and im soo bored and it reallly sucks ....i feel like shit
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cait0880
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2003 9 June :: 2.52pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: The Boucing Souls
I cant wait till schools over.
So today i woke up total out of it because i was so freakin tired. I dont know why since i went to bed a normal hour. Anyways i got ready for school and ya know went there. So lets see this morning Al covered me with Soda....well not covered more like covered my sleve. Either way it still sucked. So i was kinda pissed about that. !st period i almost passed out because i had to watch people cook, me being in a cooking class and all and tommorow i have to take my "final" its more like my group cookling while people watch. god i hate that class. So lets see i had my enlglish final which was really essay i just need to look some stuff up since we have 2 days to write the essay i already know whats it on so i can look up authors and stuff. Nothing great reallyl happen after that. i feel asleepin in bio....as peter teased me with a bag of cocaine. but then peter total suprised me, now it may have been the coke talking but all the same it was so unpeter like and made me think maybe he isnt all bad. i go "peter wanna sell me some" and he said "no i want you to stay clean" i was happy he said that cause i was really thinking about buying some. thank god for peter. for once haha. soo anyways James anoyed me alll global period. i wanted to smack him, which i think i did. we told the kid ryan we have 3 sums and asked if he wanted to join. he left us alone after thatn. went to lunch claire was sitin on the floor. i wanted to go kicked her in the ugly face. ugly ugly bitch....shes even uglyer then me. which i fiind amazing. cuz im pretty not so good looking. anyways made them take me outside so iwasnt to smack her. thats pretty much it....okay day i would say?
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cait0880
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2003 8 June :: 7.36pm
:: Mood: hungry?
:: Music: loud ass fucking TV
The weekend...
Lets see
*saturday
it was a valley steams night. went there watched allys friend who looks like willy wonka dance it was funny. wathced her play then went to some kids house.
*sunday
I woke up bright and early and picked up lou so we could walk for something in my gym. we ended up not walking with the large group and siting at a park till i felt it was the right time to get pick up
i went home and showerd then we went to smithtown day it was a nice day. i got pictures it was fun it was nice just siting around in the parking lot and i had lots of pez. we sat out and ate like half of the 30 dollors worth of food we had,...oh yea im so dumb i thew a bottle on the ground and it brusted and coveded me and 2 cars...one car with an open windown....and i was so wet haha
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cait0880
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2003 7 June :: 9.45am
:: Mood: mad?
its early
Ah so last night i went to mayers house, after chasing my dog for about 30mins. So i get there and stand out side for a little while ringing the dooor bell. No one came so i listened till there stoped playing and hit it again really fast. His mom came final, i went down stairs....Fingers, Lou. Rios and Jillian. They played like 4 songs then we went upstairs and just sat around till Louis mom came. We went to the mall and i went with Jillian to get a bag while mayer and lou went to get "something"....found them then went to get a ring for my nose and saw Galler...i didnt get a rign cuz it was to much money...so then we started walking to borders....but they wanted to go to toys r us....so we went in me and lou and lost them. So we kinda just sat around, talking and watching the hommies kids .... and im sure everyone has the own little thoughts on what "goes on" with me and louis buts its okay cuz nothing reallly doess...its really me beating him ....which should stop soon cuz i feel kinda bad.....so we went to borders and then fingers took me home
Today is Jillians birthday and she is havin this thing at her house....i wanna go cuz she is a cool girl and i also know how it feels to have no one show up on your birthday....it sucks....but i might have to go to valley streams...which can be trouble...ah we will see
Happy birthdat Jillian :)
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cait0880
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2003 5 June :: 9.00pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Sublime
Rage.
Alright im not really in the best of moods right now. I total want to beat the shit out of this girl, shes pushed me the the limit. I am such an angry kid, so crazy things are going though my head. Things like i want to stab, kill or just at least make this person bleed. I want them to feel the pain i felt. I want to make them suffer, and cry. I want them to understand why there wrong. I want to keep them from ever fucking with me or anyone i care about again. I want revenge i guess you can say. Im evil arent i....
Ive been thinking about Kris alot more then ever. I think about what hes brother said, and how happy he made me. I rember how i could say one word and he would laught cause we had stupid "jokes" like best friends do. We where so close, i loved it. I feel like i didnt only lose a boyfriend i lose a best friend, someone who was a very huge part of my life. I miss this kid, i really do. Sure he cause me pain, made me cry and want to kill him but the truth is i cant help but love kris. He is great to me and i see him so diffrent them anyone. Im sure there are a million other guys that are just as or even more amazing as Kris, but i dont think i could ever feel as confortable with anyone as i do with kris and thats the most important thing. I could say anything, do anything and just total be myself. It was like i was with somone ive known my whole life. I know i have that with other people....or another person but i just dont know Kris is the one i want, and i just wanna say i miss him.
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cait0880
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2003 2 June :: 10.26pm
Kris's Brother makes me happy a little
MrLunt135: your brother is a dickface
Mystic Spiraler: Why
MrLunt135: cuz.
Mystic Spiraler: other than the given reasons
MrLunt135: word on the street is he cheated on me with that bitch claire
Mystic Spiraler: No.
MrLunt135: No?
Mystic Spiraler: Word no the street is: Theyre only making up stories because he isnt here any more to coreeect them, think about it.
Mystic Spiraler: *on
Mystic Spiraler: Theyre pushing you.
Mystic Spiraler: He didnt cheat on nothing.
MrLunt135: yea but she said he kissed her.
MrLunt135: i hope so
Mystic Spiraler: He was fucking obsessed with you.
MrLunt135: hows that hahah
Mystic Spiraler: Gimme a break. He misses you more than me.
MrLunt135: Does he really miss me?
Mystic Spiraler: Yeaj
Mystic Spiraler: *yeap
MrLunt135: did he say that.
Mystic Spiraler: Yup
MrLunt135: wow that makes me feel 100times better.
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cait0880
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2003 2 June :: 9.45pm
:: Music: SUBLIME!
My family, are crazy
Anyways my mom is being total stupid today. She wouldnt get off the computer for me and now i didnt finish my english essay, so i said fuck it. I was standing behind her saying "get off mom...please!" and i just wanted to punch her in the back of the head so hard. I went to a couple times but just slamed my fist into my hand hard, to get some rage out. I went and sat with my dad, scream at her to get off. Alot of angry built up so i grabed my arm, so hard that i think i brushed it. Im such an angry little girl. I dont get it, its not for show or for laughts. I really cant controll it. I need to get my rage out in a better way. Maybe ill just beat the shit out of someone useless, someone who i really hate and is hated by everyone. Im not going to say any names but i have a few people in mind. I feel like i have so many problems. Im useless, not good at a thing. Im an ugly short and stupid girl. I have no one and i never smile. I feel total betrayed by my boyfriend who i thought i loved, and hope i can forgive. I know trusting someone is very important in a relationship, but isnt forgiveness equaly or more important? Is he past forgiveness? Are the lie to much? I dont know what to think anymore. I really need people to tell me what they think. Mostly i total hate being told how to think or how other people think but for once id love to know what other people would do. Is cheating somethign you forgive and forget. Is lying okay if it was only ment to keep you and who ever together? Someone show me the way. I need help. Im lost here....
*Cait*
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cait0880
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2003 2 June :: 2.59pm
:: Mood: Like shit. Like always...
:: Music: Sublime :)
One of my mice died.
Oh well so moose died. kinda mad. but i think lou said he get me a new one. but he doesnt gotta. but if he does it will hopefully be a girl. cuz i got a boy one. and that mean babies
Anyways...i feel like shit...i feel so upset. i cant get over Kris and this clarie shit.
I wish i had nothing to worry about.
I wish it wasnt on my mind all day because i swear its all i think about.
I wish i was total carefree and happy.
I wish i understood why he did this.
and why i still love him
I wish i could move on but i dont want to.
I wish i could see him
I wish i could just be with him so i could get this all straighed out.
I wish people would shut up because i hate that there right.
I wish i was dead.
I wish some people who die.
I wish i wasnt crazy
I wish everything in my life didnt suck so much
I wish i had someone. or something to make me smile
I wish i wasnt such a loser.
i really hate the thought of him with someone else. i reallly hate to think that he lied to me and that i can never trust him again. I hate to think things will never be the same. I hate him... or at least i should
i hate myself i guess
ah i know im stupid...but fuck you
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cait0880
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2003 31 May :: 11.44pm
:: Mood: ah u know sucky
:: Music: AH none
Tonight sucked.
So Fingers got me we went the mall. found louis and rios. i was cold so we went inside and walked around for a little looking for a movie for rios. then we went towards boreders but iwanted pez so we stoped at toys r us. they didnt have pez and party city would have been next but toy r us sucked us in so and the rain made not wanna walk. saw joe link hes a silly kid. then went to boreders and dave siad something to be about useing lou or something. then lou and me thought we would stay away from each other or he did. i got kinda upset and it kinda ruined my night. he left with rios and me and fingers just kinda sat around. he came back we talked. im still kinda hurt but its cool drove him and rios home
the end..
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cait0880
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2003 31 May :: 12.23am
:: Mood: okkay
Random
So today when i found out about kris i was totlal crushed. I reallly didint think he would do that to me. i didnt think he was like that. It kinda makes the whole time i was going out with him seam like shit. Who knows who else he kissed. I reallly thought he cared about me. I really thought i couldnt lose more hope but now im total lost. I want to talk to him SOOO much i just want to hear it from him. It makes me sick thinking about it....makes me feel like i was use.
Did Kris even like me? or was it that i could buy him cocaine.....am i crazy for thinking that?
It kinda felt like it did when he left, just not as strong. When he did it was the weirdest feeling. I felt nothing, no emotions. I didnt smile or frown i just felt nothing. I didnt eat i didnt sleep and everything set me off. I went weeeks with crying out of no where. I just want him back soo much! YES EVEN AFTER I FIND OUT HE CHEATS AND LIES. Everyhing made me think of him then still really does. i bet i say the word kris about 100 times a day and hold back sayin it 100 more. hes always in my head. it may be about how much i miss and love him or about a good time and its sometimes even about how he really was....he cheated on me thats sooo wrong in my world. Yes i did cheat on one person in my life. Curry. But really come on that wasnt real. he got paid and i didnt really like him or pretend to. Kris told me he loved me and i was the 1st girl he really liked. he told me it would be nice to be with me for a long time.
Where these all lies?
I really miss him and i hate this feeeling .
i feel lost. total alone and like such a loser....useless....
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cait0880
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2003 30 May :: 11.45pm
tonight was alright
so i met lou and fingers at Sports plus. then we walked over to borders and they said they where going to this kids party. everyone was there. i didnt want to go and i didnt really think i could. so louis stayed with me. they left then nicole canme talked to her then we saw kerrr and bri. o felt i was pretty nice to them. so went to the mall walked around saw people. then mike asked me if i wanted coke. as much as i wanted to say yes i didnt for louis and im glad i didnt. anyways thats pretty much all we did. saw carols ? hes funny haha thats it really
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cait0880
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2003 30 May :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: fixed?
:: Music: birds
Problem Fixed. total fixed. everyone leave claire alone. i handled it without beating
MrLunt135: I would like to talk to you about this. because its really dick to hook up with someones boyfriend. i hear you only did it in the beging. i wanna know the truth because this isnt all your fault i blame kris also. and dont go around saying oh he liked me not her. because kris might have cheated on me but i know he liked me cuz if he didnt he wouldnt be going out with me for a year. so tell me what happen here.
Auto response from RaNdUmB ChiCk: im at school and im kinda dressed like a whore((not rely but its ok)). why? because i normally dont and becuase its fun. hehe. sarah mite be doin it too. :-)
RaNdUmB ChiCk: ummm yeah we have kissed. and i only did it cuz u were such a bitch to me. and u know what. u shud be so much more pissed at him because he wanted to like have sex and crap. he wud be like ohhh do it with me, i know wut im doing. its askward for the first time blah blah.
MrLunt135: and when the fuck was this?
RaNdUmB ChiCk: like nov-dec?
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i wud be like nahhh im good.
MrLunt135: i dont think he wanted to fuck u
MrLunt135: and if he did.
MrLunt135: he was using you.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: ok? u dont have to believe it. i rely dont care cuz i didnt do it. i wudnt fuck sum1 while they were going out with sum1. i wudnt fuck anyone period right now.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: no shit. i know he liked me but he loved u so he would obviously be using me
MrLunt135: well u still kissed my boyfriend
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i didnt care, its not like i like(d) him
RaNdUmB ChiCk: ok?
MrLunt135: when did u kiss him
RaNdUmB ChiCk: first off he kissed me all the times. i dont make the first move.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: with anyone
RaNdUmB ChiCk: well we did stuff like the 1st week u were going out but i didnt kno u were going out and he didnt know if it was offical
MrLunt135: your a bitch. kris was the only guy i ever really loved. and thanks to u. im total lost now and i feel like shit. u ruined me
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i ruined u?
RaNdUmB ChiCk: dont let a guy control ur life. they come and go
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i mean we're fucking 15 love is basically non existent at this age
MrLunt135: ive been with kris for a year
MrLunt135: im 16...
RaNdUmB ChiCk: a yr?
RaNdUmB ChiCk: ohhh srrry.....16
MrLunt135: yea a year almost.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: almost
RaNdUmB ChiCk: yeah
MrLunt135: yea?
MrLunt135: have u ever had someone for that long?
MrLunt135: i doubt it
MrLunt135: and what did you cheat on Greg also.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i went out with a boy for 11 months in 7th grade
RaNdUmB ChiCk: no i didnt cheat on greg
MrLunt135: You dont even feel bad do you? u dont understand at all. i love kris. but now i dont even know why i bother staying true to him while he is awya
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i dont feel bad because of all that shit you pulled with me and that screen name that one time
RaNdUmB ChiCk: u knew for a fact that wasnt me on it but u just wanted to be a bitch
MrLunt135: I didnt know how would i?
MrLunt135: so you kissed him to be a bitch
MrLunt135: or cuz u wanted to
RaNdUmB ChiCk: mostly the first one. i mean kris isnt bad looking but i had no attraction towards him
RaNdUmB ChiCk: if i like him that way i would have went out with him when he asked me out this time last yur
MrLunt135: yea he isnt really good looking....
MrLunt135: i dont blame u totaly
MrLunt135: i did ask him one time
MrLunt135: and he lied right to me
RaNdUmB ChiCk: he told me he told u
MrLunt135: he didnt
MrLunt135: if he did i wouldnt be mad
MrLunt135: its just the being lied to part that makes me mad.
MrLunt135: He didnt even care he had a girlfriend.
MrLunt135: hes a dick..
RaNdUmB ChiCk: no. he was really into you
RaNdUmB ChiCk: and still is prob
RaNdUmB ChiCk: like he would talk about you a lot
MrLunt135: i dont understand why he did it then
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i guess for a while because me and him were really good friends? i duno
MrLunt135: im sorry i yelled at you. i didnt know what to do with my self. i only found out thie moring. thank you for telling her the truth.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: i dont like to lie thats why. and im sry for yelling at u too
MrLunt135: i was just really upset. i keep finding out lies about him while he is gone and i dont know who to take them out on since he is away.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: well if u want u can yell at me. haha i wont get mad.
MrLunt135: if people say anything to u tell them to talk to me ill fix it such as jon i was just asking him if he thought it was true. same with peter.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: okay. and same with you. if people say nething to u tell thjem to talk to me lol
MrLunt135: yea i was just mad. and if anything kris is the ass here.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: yeah. but i know therte was no1 else
RaNdUmB ChiCk: and its both mine and his fault
MrLunt135: i just wish i was told. so i could have yelled at him. a long time ago.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: it was just stupid kisssing. nothing more. it ment nothing. to either one of us.
MrLunt135: the kiss didnt bother me.
MrLunt135: the other thing did
RaNdUmB ChiCk: the lying
RaNdUmB ChiCk: well did u ever ask him flat out?
MrLunt135: i really did.
MrLunt135: i asked him if he cheated on me with you.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: ohh i never knew u actually asked him
RaNdUmB ChiCk: well then he just made 2 stupid mistakes. beside that he was like rely rely rely into you
MrLunt135: yea i did. and i also heard u guys did more a really long time ago like everything but sex
RaNdUmB ChiCk: yeaaa. but u 2 werent together then.
MrLunt135: ok alright
MrLunt135: then i dont care.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: it was early summer
MrLunt135: a kiss is nothing. its a kiss.
RaNdUmB ChiCk: yeah
MrLunt135: well thanks see ya
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cait0880
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2003 30 May :: 2.40pm
alright so i found out he cheated on me when we 1st started going out im total pissd but i still love him sadly. and as for claire shes dead once lou lets me fucking go. and i dont know who left to comment cuz who ever did it didnt click on the link they went right to it
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cait0880
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2003 30 May :: 10.52am
:: Mood: Betrayed
:: Music: Kids. teachers. ya know school
wow. im so mad. so upset? soo i dont know how to feel who o blame and what to do
Alright so today in english stupid me went to read her journal and i saw this comment (which can be found bellow) it total made me feel sick and total lost. i didnt know what to do. i wanted to cry but i was in class. i dont know to thank this persom? or beat the shhit out of them all i know is i feel total sick
but im in 5th period and this social worker just came to get me so im guna so...ill write later i guesss...
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