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goodbye

:: 2019 11 May :: 6.51am

I don't know why I moved to this apartment. It's empty. It's lonely.

I thought he would be here with me. I craved more so I thought having a place to stay together would be beneficial after the cost of those hotel visits.

Now I find myself alone almost all the time. It's not easy. It does not help with motivation. My depression is sky high and I don't think I can fix it now. Not without him around.

It's Woodinville all over again only this time I can't just drive 10 minutes to see him.


You know that feeling when you realize you need someone just a little bit more than they need you?

1 Nachricht | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 8 May :: 6.43am

update to favorite word list:

skin
mirror
ephemeral
wrinkle wrinkly wrinkles wrinkled

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2019 2 May :: 6.22am

I'm just so tired of the rat race.

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2019 1 May :: 7.59pm

Oh... hello, Depression. You snuck up on me this time. The endless abyss of meaninglessness. The void. That empty feeling you get when xxx blah blah blah words.

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2019 27 April :: 10.12pm
:: Mood: Hiiiiiigh




und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 22 April :: 8.04am

I'm so confused and I'm not sure what to do. I could listen to half of my heart, the other half, anyone of my friends or family... my brain.

I just don't know which to trust. heart and brain have a bad track record. friends and family are selfishly driven.


have an appointment with a counselor on the 10th and starting Zoloft to help with the depression. Doctor appointment on the 14th as well. pap smear (first one since 2015). been putting it off cuz my doctor o
is too young and too cute. feels like getting my hood pierced all over again XD

things will be ok and work out. whatever happens at least I still have myself. right?

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 9 April :: 8.44am

my shiney teeth that sparkle just like the stars on space

saw the dentist for the first time in 4 years, no cavities, and both the hygienist and doctor said they were beautiful! and the receptionist was surprised how fast my appointment went

I would like to than my electric toothbrush and the humble floss. I eat so much candy, and I hardly ever brush, but when I do I floss, and sometimes I just floss and that's it... idk flossing is just so fun seeing the stuff that comes out from in between... and then you brush them and it feels like you can breathe again.

it's like if nothing else is in control, I can at least get really stoned and brush my teeth and feel like I am the one driving the bus.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 7 April :: 9.09am

who's going to hold you as the world falls apart?

no one, apparently.

just freefalling until the ground rises to meet this empty husk.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 7 April :: 8.48am

jamais je ne t'oublierai
this is my whole life...


https://youtu.be/U2WDdccgaDY

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2019 28 March :: 9.25pm



und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 26 March :: 8.01am

for the night is dark & full of terrors

it's true there and it's true here

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 25 March :: 6.54am
:: Mood: exhausted

said what I needed to say, without being overly cruel about it.. it felt good to get it off my chest. for some reason, though, I didn't feel the sense of resolution I was hoping for afterwards. hopefully it comes later.

have the day off cuz I was going to go to a concert last night, didn't end up going because my spine hates me, but I am still going to keep the day off I think. have secret plans for the Xmas tree (which is still up btw)

I want to repack all my stuff, but it is going to be boring and slow without company (and probably why I did such a shitty job in the first place). want to donate what I can and just pare down my shit. clean my nest of a room... I miss having friends who come over.

I've been bad about yoga. it helped a lot when I was doing it, then I got this new schedule and it's been difficult adjusting. plus I've been eating a lot of dairy and that does not help either.

anyway, I'm happy feeling glad I've got sunshine in a bag I'm useless, but not for long the future is coming on



und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 21 March :: 6.01am

I don't feel like your equal I feel like your mom

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 19 March :: 9.41pm

Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel. It brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness. -Henrik Ibsen

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 13 March :: 10.48am

I just need someone to talk to.
but I'm a shitty broken record no one wants to talk to.



I do honestly think everyone would be better off if I was alone. I already feel so fucking alone.

2 Nachrichten | und was sagst du dazu?

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