said what I needed to say, without being overly cruel about it.. it felt good to get it off my chest. for some reason, though, I didn't feel the sense of resolution I was hoping for afterwards. hopefully it comes later.
have the day off cuz I was going to go to a concert last night, didn't end up going because my spine hates me, but I am still going to keep the day off I think. have secret plans for the Xmas tree (which is still up btw)
I want to repack all my stuff, but it is going to be boring and slow without company (and probably why I did such a shitty job in the first place). want to donate what I can and just pare down my shit. clean my nest of a room... I miss having friends who come over.
I've been bad about yoga. it helped a lot when I was doing it, then I got this new schedule and it's been difficult adjusting. plus I've been eating a lot of dairy and that does not help either.
anyway, I'm happy feeling glad I've got sunshine in a bag I'm useless, but not for long the future is coming on
Money may be the husk of many things but not the kernel. It brings you food, but not appetite; medicine, but not health; acquaintances, but not friends; servants, but not loyalty; days of joy, but not peace or happiness. -Henrik Ibsen
rewatching JoJo's bizarre adventure because I remember next to nothing about the first season and after watching a bunch of round about memes I had to watch it
each of our hearts contain reminants of super Nova
each of us has a yearning to be part of something greater than the whole
each of us are alone burning out our fires
until we, too, erupt into bright fireworks of destruction
where did all my ambition go? why does a career change terrify me so much?
I hate the company I work for, but I make a buttload of money doing something I could literally do in my sleep. and occasionally I get to really help people, which is the best and most rewarding part of the job.
I try to frame it positively, I try to be thankful I have a job that does give me a full time consistent schedule, with good wage, ok benefits, and I literally only have to go into the physical office 1 time a month. in the big scheme of things I'm very fortunate... so why do I feel so empty inside?
is it just because it's a job? or is it because every other year i give 120% and then get reduced to the same number I got when I gave 60%... I get disheartened. I want to be challenged, I need an occasion to rise to. otherwise I just coast. but my current boss sucks at employee development, she's new, it's ok.
I just hate insurance. I hate corporate America. I hate big business and big money. i spend a third of my time doing something for something I despise to my very core. maybe that's the problem.