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godessalthena

:: 2019 29 January :: 7.34pm

can life just be over? I'm fucking sick of feeling.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 27 January :: 1.21pm

remember: you can't hug your children with nuclear arms

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 24 January :: 10.42am

this is just too much

everything is pressing down on me

I can't breathe

1 Nachricht | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 23 January :: 8.07am

a boat toad

tattoo idea: TAX on right knuckles RICH on left knuckles THE on your forehead

alternatively: replace eyebrows with mono brow tattoo that says the same thing


last night I dreamt I cut all my hair off and went back to my typical hair... I was so sad :( I guess I'm not smoking enough weed. fucking dreams.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 4 January :: 10.10am

smoking in my car has to be one of my favorite things.

Gary Numan had it right

1 Nachricht | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2019 3 January :: 10.20am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: city & color

admit, this is never what you wanted
"isn't it great to find that you're really worth nothing?"

i feel this deep, deep anxiety, pain, sorrow and emptiness.

it feels like i'm missing someone i never met. it feels like the hole in my heart just tore a little bigger.

it feels like i'm ripped wide open and everyone can see the wind blow. right through my ribs, right through my heart.

i want to help those i love who are in pain so badly, and yet i'm completely powerless to help ease their sufferings, to help them feel relief, to see they are comforted and know they are loved.

maybe i am heartless, maybe i'm not the best person to be friends with. as someone who thinks about suicide constantly to comfort me against the absurdity and pain of being alive, i understand the desire and compulsion. and as someone who understands, it is so hard for me to stay don't.

but please don't. and if it's too late to say good bye... i just hope you found the relief you were looking for.




this life isn't what i want. i don't know what i want. maybe i do. i just want to feel important.

but i feel like that's impossible. i'll never feel important enough. and the more people i fill my life with, the less important i feel. and the more i want to run and hide and forget i ever knew anyone in the first place.

i didn't ask for life. i didn't ask to be white, or a woman, or pretty. i didn't ask to be born in the 21st century, i didn't ask to be a millennial. i didn't ask to fill the oceans with plastics or the air with toxins. i just want to go back to nothing, back to star dust, back to the earth. to be a tree or a bug or a toad. not thinking, not conscious, not lost in this hopeless endless spiral of humanity.

i am lost. and i just want to help someone else not be so lost.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 29 December :: 10.13am
:: Mood: amused

plays my first game of D&D since I was a young gal

we raced around a mysterious track in fun vehicles

there was so much laughter, shenanigans and tomfoolery and it was everything I needed

thanks Nef for inviting me along and being patient with me! it was an excellent way to spend a Friday night

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2018 19 December :: 5.36pm

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2018 19 December :: 4.44pm

I'm in so much pain. I have to have surgery. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.

4 Nachrichten | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 16 December :: 2.35am

I know somewhere we can trade all our money for a homesick fade to white

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 10 December :: 8.59pm

I'm thankful to have a family who loves me and friends who are there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on or some sense talked into me.

I'm also thankful that while this country is fucked, that I don't live in one that is worse.

things will be okay as long as you keep your head above water, and if you don't, sometimes you come back up.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 December :: 10.59pm

the pebble cannot change the course of a river

all it can do is hope to be picked up and carried for a while

thankful to be part of the journey

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 9 December :: 9.52pm

when every shitty thing you know about yourself is shoved right in your disappointing face and you're forced to smell your own shit sundae

I don't want to wake up.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 December :: 6.59pm

fuck everything

1 Nachricht | und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2018 8 December :: 9.07am

sickness from hell
first time I've been this sick in a few years

every time I swallow I wake up because it hurts so bad. went to the doctor just to be told there's nothing they can do.

just what I needed, another worthless egocentric doctor who can't help. and an expensive medical bill before x mass. woo.

und was sagst du dazu?

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