godessalthena
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2018 20 November :: 3.31pm
people talking about quitting facebook like it's a drug
"gonna try to stay off for a week"
"two months without facebook!"
but we are treated weird for breaking up with zuckerberg
fucking junkies fuckin sheep fuckin head in the sand ostriches
THEY ARE USING YOU LIKE THAT SHITTY EX YOU HAD
1 Nachricht |
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 18 November :: 4.36pm
ugh can someone like please tell me why Britney Spears is so wonderful
cuz she's like A #1
kinda like a certain Smitty Jagerwerbenmanjensen. you know what they say about him.
anyway, I just gotta keep dancing til the world ends.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 9 November :: 6.42am
making people happy cry on their birthdays is one of my all time favorite things in the whole world
I love birthdays. I wish they turned it excellent more often. I wish everyone could have at least one perfect day a year and god damn it should be your anniversary of existing.
this birthday will be good.
happy birthday sweetheart
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 7 November :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Dawn golden
Well, I know I'm hard to take
And my bones are calling out your name
While I beat your cold windows
Break the locks on the gate
While I try to forget
I used to be something great
Because you're all that I, all that I want
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 27 October :: 8.42pm
not gonna lie, I do sometimes regret getting this sleeve
but I mean, what's the point of commitment if not for the follow thru?
I just wish it was always cold outside so I could hide it when I don't feel like being seen.
1 Nachricht |
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2018 15 October :: 9.50pm
"Unfulfilled expectations of others" - the sole source of my unhappiness.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 15 October :: 9.40am
I just want to connect with you, but I can't find any words, and I don't know what to say.
I feel like every day I'm drifting further away.
"I'm slipping out of your hand while you'll stay put in mine"
2 Nachrichten |
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 4 October :: 7.35pm
attempting to bottle things up better like everyone else
it's hard and makes people think there's something wrong with me
maybe eventually they will forget I was ever another way
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 4 October :: 5.30am
bjorne is the most cuddly first thing in the morning it's the best
this morning he let me rub his head and ears and then cuddled with me. then Dad got him but it was just so sweet
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2018 30 September :: 3.16pm
I feel pretty damned overwhelmed.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 26 September :: 9.50am
training 30 people worth material I created myself.
so fucking nervous
1 Nachricht |
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2018 20 September :: 5.53pm
I don't like my job.
I've given it some time. I don't like my job.
It's just okay. It doesn't pay me what I think would be suitable to drive out there every weekday. Maybe if I had 1 more dollar an hour...
It doesn't really feel "beneath" me but I feel like I was lied to. They said it wasn't a call center. It basically is but with email, and I learned just today, some phone calls (usually if you're speaking to someone who is older who doesn't really get the point of email).
This company has acquired so many other companies in the past that their system is pretty screwy. There are tons of ways to get the information you want and they try and teach you all of them, rather than just teaching you the one, most efficient way. I get that some people might like to do things differently but if they just start at the job, surely the most efficient way is the better way for them to learn on?
My coworkers and bosses are dope and the environment is dope. Everyone has been super welcoming and they feed us all the time and do fun events like picnics and water balloon fights and egg races... But they don't like marijuana at all as they're not based in Washington. They drug test more than once and it's not a good idea to talk about with coworkers. That's something I don't want to jive with.
I probably could stay there for a long time. I probably could stay there the rest of my life and I'd earn enough to live in the Spokane area. But I don't want to. Because it feels pretty soul-sucking... They lied about it not really being sales too. I am doing support but if there are opportunities, we should be up selling. There are competitions to up sell. I don't believe in the work. There's nothing positive or helpful about my job other than I make people more money. I don't feel fulfilled.
They also do charities. Yesterday was my best day at work so far because a pet rescue was there and they had doggies and kitties. And after 30 years I finally have figured out my dream job - rescuing and rehabilitating dogs. Can I do that? I doubt it. There's prob not enough money in it to live on. I'm going to try to look it up though. See what kind of non-profit funding I can find.
So anyways, I am going to start looking for something else. But the only thing that's bad about a full-time job is that you don't have any energy to do things like looking for a different job in your off time.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 20 September :: 7.34am
:: Mood: curious
who even reads this
I found this in a post from 2006. please please please if you read this fill it out, I'll reply and fill one out for you. no judgement
Two things you wonder about me
1.
2.
Three Things you like about me
1.
2.
3.
Two of my best features
1.
2.
Two things you don't like about me
1.
2.
Three words that describe me
1.
2.
3.
One question for me (ask away, i will answer honestly)
1.
13 Nachrichten |
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2018 19 September :: 6.37am
I don't get sick very often, but I've some how caught a cold and I feel like death
balloon head sinus pressure head ache stuffy runny nose huge cough and mucus in my lungs
ugh some bring me soup & cuddles
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2018 18 September :: 9.42pm
When you're young, you find all these people to do things with. Your parents might set you up on play dates. Eventually school leads to more friends and you are able to get along and live your life with others.
At some point you realize all those people hate you or worse, don't think about you what-so-ever.
Sometimes I think about what would happen if I died unnaturally... If I was attacked and murdered or if I committed suicide. I think about how those people might think of me, at least for a little bit. But then I remember that they wouldn't be thinking fondly of me. They would either pity me or they would use my death to impress others. "Oh woe is me, my 'friend' is dead. Please give me attention." Then in a few days when that attention has run out, they'd go right back to forgetting I existed.
I have been forgotten maybe 5 times by this group of people that I see every week. 5 times that I know about anyways - there are probably far more.
Then all those other people I was thinking might be my friends are really only acquaintances... friends of 'friends'... or 'friends' I had when I was in high school. People who continue not to think of me.
I think about the people I've called my friends before. I constantly think about them. I wonder how they are doing. Sometimes I'll ask them. When I do, they give me short answers and don't ask me any questions. Or, I assume they don't want to hear from me because they haven't said hello to me in the last 5 years.
It's not other people's jobs to reach out. It should be mine. If I want to see someone, I should reach out. I did that for a long time. I was the only person who contacted the people in my life for months and months. And then I stopped. I stopped being the only one to work for it. And you know what? No one messaged me. No one texted. No one called. No one attempted to contact me in any way. Except for 1 person...
There are maybe 7 people I would say that have reciprocated anything with me in the last few years. 1 of those people manipulates me and makes me feel bad to no end. 1 of those people only ever talks about herself and has used every opportunity to make every event we've ever had together about her. 1 of those people has stopped talking to me full-stop for no reason I have caused (and people say no reason when they don't know but I know that it's no reason because the last couple convos we've had have been just fine). 2 of those people have not hung out with me unless I have initiated it but they sometimes will text me and of course will hang out with others. 1 of those people has severe social anxiety so we barely hang out. I don't blame her for this because she can't help it and she has always tried to check in with me.
And James is the 1 person who has consistently tried to actively be in my life... out of any of my friends. The only one who has called or texted or made plans with me on a consistent basis.
We're old now. It's harder to be friends with people because we don't see them every day at school. People have things that stop them from spending time with you like children or work or distance. I hate feeling like the victim of circumstances that are no one else's responsibility.
But when we collectively talk about plans as a group and you're the only one who isn't invited on a day that was not planned, intentional or not, it fucking sucks.
I have my parents here. I have my boyfriend there. I have my brother there. Anywhere I am, I will miss someone. Anywhere I choose, I'll be lonely.
und was sagst du dazu?
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