fly defiant

:: 2023 24 July :: 2.45pm

been sitting back and watching the flux of the universe

ebbing and flowing, bringing bounty and ruin

through the chaos, bubbles form in the matter

sparking a sense of organization and meaning once lost on me

despite the constant flood of bad news and terroristic acts, my heart has found a raft in his love

weather beaten and storm torn, I still feel stunning and resolute when his baby blues rest lovingly upon my corpulent frame

I just want to be better every day to make him proud of me, because I want to be proud of me, because I believe in the him that believes in me

we are all living on a spiral, and instead of out, I am lovingly spiraling up

3 Nachrichten | und was sagst du dazu?

:: 2023 7 July :: 2.03pm
:: Mood: ecstatic

I am now a Mrs! we eloped on Tuesday because the small group we invited to the ceremony started getting very... selfish? so we just did our own thing. we had sushi at our favorite restaurant and everyone got along and had a beautiful time.

the fire pit and patio are huge successes!! we have had 4 fires so far, and I just can't get enough toasted marshmallows. our butterfly garden is starting to really take off, but some critter keeps coming in at night trying to fuck shit up!

also finally losing weight. my last day at work is the 14th and I already feel like this huge weight is lifted off my back....

next on the agenda... buy a house so my disabled friend can live in it and get out of the shitty section 8 housing complex she is stuck in. this has been a dream for a very long time, and my partner is completely on board with the idea. having an actual partner who always meets me at least halfway is just... remarkable.

I didn't think life could feel this good. I just hope it's not short lived. I know this marriage will take a lot of work, but he's worth it.

I could just pop, so happy.

:: 2023 26 May :: 10.27pm

life is a rollercoaster ride that you are either too short or too tall for.

my heart is the fullest it's ever been. I finally feel optimistic for the future. I finally see there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

plans for a hummingbird garden and a fire pit are coming together. the big day is set for the end of next month. I can't believe this is real life. I feel stupid for waiting so long to reach out, but I love the whirlwind I'm wrapped up in.

goodbye

:: 2023 6 May :: 5.21pm

:: 2023 6 March :: 5.14pm

I hate these chronic feelings of being completely unimportant

:: 2023 1 March :: 10.35am

I am just a piece of shitty trash in the Pacific ocean garbage patch

:: 2022 23 December :: 3.44am

I keep dreaming of us living in different places together.

I dream that you are all torn up, that you're broken and sad.

I hurt for you, with you. I do miss you.

"you once called me forever, now you still can't call me back"

:: 2022 26 November :: 1.35pm

https://youtu.be/iWG6apzIWAk

:: 2022 17 November :: 4.11pm

when every song puts me into your point of view

each tune is a tune i wish I could share with you

but you had to go fuck it all up

:: 2022 16 October :: 7.24pm

words are cheap.

anyone can say "I love you", but not many can show it

did you ever love me?

:: 2022 7 September :: 4.25pm
:: Mood: pensive

When destiny calls you
You must be strong (you gotta be strong)
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

:: 2022 12 August :: 8.48am

things are good, real good

yet I can feel the sword of damacles hanging over me

:: 2022 25 July :: 10.23am

there has to be something wrong with me

:: 2022 9 June :: 6.27pm

having one of those may I please die now days