fly defiant

2 Nachrichten | und was sagst du dazu?

:: 2017 7 April :: 5.42pm

happy birthday to me
vacation's all i ever wanted
vacation got to get away

:: 2017 2 April :: 7.00pm

Godzilla

:: 2017 1 April :: 4.01pm

I am not better than anyone else on this planet. All humans are living on the same Earth. We all have different shades of skin, different beliefs, different incomes and educations and dreams, even different tastes in music. But we'll all be carbon in the end, floating on the same little rock, circling the same little star, in outer space.

You're not better either so stop using slurs and stop expelling hate and stop acting like you're more important.

Have a little compassion for others.

:: 2017 31 March :: 11.09pm

shit shouldn't be this fucking HARD

my chest contains a heavy stone, where my heart used to be.

some days feel like heavy clouds trying to choke any semblance of joy out of me.

i always have been and always will be worthless.

life is pain. we are all alone. no one will every really understand us. nothing really matters in the end. when your flesh is burned or buried. to be eaten by worms or breathed in by animals. but you will be dead.

:: 2017 31 March :: 8.36pm

i still have as much of a clue as to what i'm doing with my life as i did 10 years ago.

absolutely no fucking clue

:: 2017 31 March :: 10.20am

women are a commodity not people
women are a natural resource, a status symbol, a toy
women owe men for everything men do for them
they are only worth the sex they give freely
and if they try to take some power back by charging for sex they are vilified
women aren't people
women are tools to use in the gratifications nd fulfillment of men

if you treat us nicely, we owe you sex
if you buy us dinner, we owe you sex
if we are nice and friendly to you, we owe you sex
if we smile in your general direction, we owe you sex

if you rape us and ruin our lives, you shouldn't be punished because you have your whole life ahead of you
if you rape us and make us pregnant, we have to keep the baby with no support from you because we should have made better decisions with our bodies
if you rape us and we speak out, we are the whores who asked for it

but yeah, women have it pretty good. we have the power. we are in control.

but of what?

we are brainwashed from an early age that we aren't anything but bitches and hoes.
we are told we can achieve anything, but we are never treated equally
we are looked down upon
we are too emotional
we aren't strong enough
we are too shy
we are too outspoken

we are told to blaze our own trail, but if it isn't in high heels and full make up, you don't want it
we are told to shoot for the stars, while we are locked in cages
we are told to be ourselves and unique, but are shamed and scorned if we do not conform to the status quo
everything is quid pro quo for us

of all the jobs i've had, the one i stayed at the longest is the only one i haven't been sexually harassed at. it is one of the main reason i have stayed here this long.

but all of this means little or nothing to a majority of men. they don't see the problems because they don't have to wake up and hope they aren't assaulted, discounted or ridiculed because of their gender. ignorance is bliss. and no one wants to walk a mile in stilettos.

:: 2017 16 March :: 7.41am

i gave my everything

to all the wrong things

:: 2017 10 March :: 10.49pm

am i depressed or am i happy?

im paranoid

:: 2017 10 March :: 5.14pm

every visit to a doctors office simply reaffirms the strong loathing and detestment i feel for the medical profession

:: 2017 8 March :: 9.23pm

yeah......... but why?

:: 2017 7 March :: 10.23am

endlessly behind at work makes me feel anxious

mandatory overtime makes me mad

i just want a legitimate day off

2 Nachrichten | und was sagst du dazu?

:: 2017 2 March :: 10.24pm

go see logan you won't regret it

:: 2017 1 March :: 8.05pm

i need to get some ear plugs for jams

because i already am half deaf i don't need help the rest of the way

sometimes the guitar teacher comes. she hasn't really played electric before but her and juanholio are pretty fairly matched when it comes to general skill and knowledge

he gets a special glimmer in his eye when she comes over it's cute

i hate how hopelessly hermity i am. but making friends is hard and talking to strangers that could turn into friends is the terrifying.

meh

:: 2017 26 February :: 9.01am

I had a PTSD flashback last night. Accompanied by long-lasting ticks and about 3 lbs of tears.

That is the first time I've experienced something like that... it was very frightening. It's difficult being out of control of your body and emotions. I really need some help with this. I can't wait to see my therapist tomorrow.

:: 2017 19 February :: 9.27pm

All day has been a painful memory. Tearful moments of wishing things were different than they turned out to be. It's not gone and will never be gone.

My family was here at least. At least they were by my side. That's all I need. I can count on them. It feels so good to just be myself at least with three people on Earth... and a puppy, of course. Judgement-free.

Love and respect and home is all I need to feel right now. It's a big bandaid that's stretched over a deep wound that doesn't seem to heal. One half of the bandaid slips off and support is the adhesive that secures it again. My family is everything to me.