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godessalthena

:: 2017 17 February :: 7.01pm

3 out of 4 individuals on the special project team has the favorite animal of a giraffe

coincidence?

i think there's a definite correlation between weirdos and giraffe lovers.

oh and geniuses.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 16 February :: 10.02am

there's a hole in the bottom of my heart
and all my blood is spilling into my organs

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 16 February :: 6.40am

im tired and i am filled with sadness and disappointment with myself

i wish i could erase what happened

i wish i could have been smarter sooner

i wish i hadn't been such a shitty person



being with him makes me feel like i need to forget my past and pretend i was just born yesterday. i don't like hurting him, but i don't like being silent forever.

i just want to give up. it was easier when i wasn't loved.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 14 February :: 6.21pm

i love dog stars they make the commute home even better

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 12 February :: 10.28pm

everything is slightly up and to the left of center

not sure i like it

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2017 11 February :: 3.40pm

Headaches starting. I need iron pills to balance my lack of it this week. Every time it's the same thing - migranes all week long. I need to also get a cast iron skillet. I think i'll make that my plan this weekend.

I also need to clean and get my taxes done. I always get so nervous when I have to take care of them but procrastinate because they suck. Some things make me very much dislike being an adult.

I'm going to talk with my parents when they come over next weekend. I'm getting ill thinking about it. But it's something I have to do... this weekend anniversary will be particularly rough.

I can't wait until it's all over and I can just relax and be myself. Maybe I should take some time off during the transition... I could use some days for rejouvenation and mental health. All this vilification is killing me.

I wonder if I'll ever find something good again.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 9 February :: 3.25pm

we presented our solution and options for moving forward today to all the big wigs

despite our dry run the hour before hand being really rough, we really pulled through at the end

while we were derailed a few times by the attendees that were not the intended audience, the top 2 executives for our department were very impressed and happy with what was presented

it feels so fucking good to have this milestone done

in just 30 days we solved a problem that's been plaguing the boss man for 4 years.

we are the fucking kings and queens of promise

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2017 7 February :: 11.45am

Punch me in the gut just to see if I can breathe.

I'm contemplating something drastic. This choice will affect my whole life.

But I can't keep going on like this.

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 7 February :: 7.34am

going dairy free for 3 weeks taught me my body hates dairy

day 2 of gluten free and it feels like i've been eating nothing but milk and cheese

fml

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2017 5 February :: 10.52pm

I need to change my life.

I am a puppet following a script others have written for my one-man show. The social and societal obligations are overwhelming me and I feel like I'm on the edge.

As I am is not enough for anyone.

I can't be who everyone wants me to be.

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2017 3 February :: 9.13pm

OMG I fucking LOVE Lu so much! She is everything. I am especially stoked for her finishing all my sentences and getting my movie quotes XD

Friends are such treasures <3

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 2 February :: 8.16pm

im mad

but i got some really cute clothes today

im most excited for the hello kitty dress with strawberries and a lace peter pan collar. it is so cute i could die

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 1 February :: 10.06pm

how do you decide when you're ready for kids?

now that it might actually be obtainable, i am getting very cold feet.

my track record is full of bad decisions... is this pontientally one more?

am i parent material?

und was sagst du dazu?


godessalthena

:: 2017 30 January :: 2.57pm

i watched a documentary on netflix yesterday called HOLY HELL and i have to admit it struck a strong resonance with me.

there's one part where they are talking to one of the Buddhafield members and she was crying and just repeating "we trusted you".

and deep inside me i felt this overwhelming sympathy. i know exactly how that feels. when you entrust your whole being to another human. you give them all your love, faith, patience, service, time and energy. and in return they abuse this gift, and they warp it to satisfy their narcissistic megalomania. and you are left feeling empty, hollow and so utterly betrayed.

and the road to recovery is a long one. we all want to be loved and accepted and included so badly, that we allow others to treat us like refuse. we let them take from us to help them feel full, while depleting ourselves. while they full well know there is a hole in their heart and they will never be full.

but they just keep taking until someone finally wakes up.

and it hurts.

but we are not alone in our pain.

und was sagst du dazu?


goodbye

:: 2017 30 January :: 2.16pm

Fuck Donald Trump.

und was sagst du dazu?

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