goodbye
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2017 26 February :: 9.01am
I had a PTSD flashback last night. Accompanied by long-lasting ticks and about 3 lbs of tears.
That is the first time I've experienced something like that... it was very frightening. It's difficult being out of control of your body and emotions. I really need some help with this. I can't wait to see my therapist tomorrow.
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2017 19 February :: 9.27pm
All day has been a painful memory. Tearful moments of wishing things were different than they turned out to be. It's not gone and will never be gone.
My family was here at least. At least they were by my side. That's all I need. I can count on them. It feels so good to just be myself at least with three people on Earth... and a puppy, of course. Judgement-free.
Love and respect and home is all I need to feel right now. It's a big bandaid that's stretched over a deep wound that doesn't seem to heal. One half of the bandaid slips off and support is the adhesive that secures it again. My family is everything to me.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 17 February :: 7.01pm
3 out of 4 individuals on the special project team has the favorite animal of a giraffe
coincidence?
i think there's a definite correlation between weirdos and giraffe lovers.
oh and geniuses.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 16 February :: 10.02am
there's a hole in the bottom of my heart
and all my blood is spilling into my organs
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 16 February :: 6.40am
im tired and i am filled with sadness and disappointment with myself
i wish i could erase what happened
i wish i could have been smarter sooner
i wish i hadn't been such a shitty person
being with him makes me feel like i need to forget my past and pretend i was just born yesterday. i don't like hurting him, but i don't like being silent forever.
i just want to give up. it was easier when i wasn't loved.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 14 February :: 6.21pm
i love dog stars they make the commute home even better
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 12 February :: 10.28pm
everything is slightly up and to the left of center
not sure i like it
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2017 11 February :: 3.40pm
Headaches starting. I need iron pills to balance my lack of it this week. Every time it's the same thing - migranes all week long. I need to also get a cast iron skillet. I think i'll make that my plan this weekend.
I also need to clean and get my taxes done. I always get so nervous when I have to take care of them but procrastinate because they suck. Some things make me very much dislike being an adult.
I'm going to talk with my parents when they come over next weekend. I'm getting ill thinking about it. But it's something I have to do... this weekend anniversary will be particularly rough.
I can't wait until it's all over and I can just relax and be myself. Maybe I should take some time off during the transition... I could use some days for rejouvenation and mental health. All this vilification is killing me.
I wonder if I'll ever find something good again.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 9 February :: 3.25pm
we presented our solution and options for moving forward today to all the big wigs
despite our dry run the hour before hand being really rough, we really pulled through at the end
while we were derailed a few times by the attendees that were not the intended audience, the top 2 executives for our department were very impressed and happy with what was presented
it feels so fucking good to have this milestone done
in just 30 days we solved a problem that's been plaguing the boss man for 4 years.
we are the fucking kings and queens of promise
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2017 7 February :: 11.45am
Punch me in the gut just to see if I can breathe.
I'm contemplating something drastic. This choice will affect my whole life.
But I can't keep going on like this.
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 7 February :: 7.34am
going dairy free for 3 weeks taught me my body hates dairy
day 2 of gluten free and it feels like i've been eating nothing but milk and cheese
fml
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2017 5 February :: 10.52pm
I need to change my life.
I am a puppet following a script others have written for my one-man show. The social and societal obligations are overwhelming me and I feel like I'm on the edge.
As I am is not enough for anyone.
I can't be who everyone wants me to be.
und was sagst du dazu?
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goodbye
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2017 3 February :: 9.13pm
OMG I fucking LOVE Lu so much! She is everything. I am especially stoked for her finishing all my sentences and getting my movie quotes XD
Friends are such treasures <3
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 2 February :: 8.16pm
im mad
but i got some really cute clothes today
im most excited for the hello kitty dress with strawberries and a lace peter pan collar. it is so cute i could die
und was sagst du dazu?
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godessalthena
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2017 1 February :: 10.06pm
how do you decide when you're ready for kids?
now that it might actually be obtainable, i am getting very cold feet.
my track record is full of bad decisions... is this pontientally one more?
am i parent material?
und was sagst du dazu?
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