fly defiant

:: 2021 3 November :: 9.14am

what's your favorite pass time?

mine is sleep

:: 2021 21 September :: 10.35am

another rejection.

we get what we deserve.

trash deserves to be burned

:: 2021 20 September :: 1.26pm

I just want to hear back about this job

:: 2021 29 August :: 12.45pm
:: Music: sleep

an open letter to the people in my life
spinning in place, hurdling thru eternity, being painfully aware of the absurdity of life, and consciousness..

I'm thankful I'm on my journey with the people I am. even if we haven't actually met. it means so much that you all joined me at one time or another. if you're still with me or we've had to say good bye... you changed my course, and I'm grateful we touched each other in some way.

life is so precious, and fleeting, and absurd, painful, frustrating, beautiful, ephemeral... I know I'm ungrateful and thankless often, but I do appreciate the little time I had on this planet, and all the people who have made it possible.

sincerely - thank you

:: 2021 2 August :: 10.49am

things can't be perfect all the time, that I know.

I will not say one word, I'll just hang around... I won't annoy you at all. when you move out I'll stay until I'm thrown away . but then it won't matter.

sometimes we just have to let some things go.

:: 2021 2 August :: 6.43am

all my dreams are dead.

I'll never afford a nice house, or a yard.

I'll never have that high paying job that will grant me a lil financial independence.

I'll never achieve anything.

this world is beyond fucked, and everyone has their heads in the sand.

:: 2021 15 July :: 12.12pm

broke my first bone today... in my right foot. being a clumsy dumbass.

:: 2021 11 July :: 8.05am

when you can't shake the feeling that you're a stranger in your own body

unrecognizable feelings and ideas, who am I, what am I doing. in the immense weights and hopeless nights.

the absolute absurdity of life, emotions, memory... ultimately we are all forgotten, like we never existed.. consumes me every waking moment. I see all the colors, but I don't even know if I'm seeing them right

:: 2021 10 July :: 8.36am

it's been a year since his dad passed away.. time fucking flies and drags at the same time. this is going to be a rough day...

:: 2021 26 June :: 4.21pm

when your ex's oldest brother passed away before he's 35.... what do you even say?

my heart is broken.. fucking what the fuck

:: 2021 12 June :: 1.42am

I hate when a bunch of drunk assholes show up at 1am and start shouting in my home while I'm trying to sleep.

no I don't want to come out there and talk to drunk people who won't remember the convo tomorrow.

I went to bed TO FUCKING SLEEP

:: 2021 4 June :: 6.43am

"When it feels scary to jump, that's exactly when you jump. Otherwise you end up staying the same place your whole life. And that I can't do."
- j c chandor

:: 2021 21 May :: 8.47am

I hate that feeling of being needed, but taken for granted.

like y'all don't really need me despite how much I do for you.

and I'm left holding that short straw in our life dingy, the next to give my body for nourishment. and unlike the plane crash in the Andes, there is no gratitude. just more fucking trash.

I'm sinking to the bottom, and as I look up to the fading light, I can see the last starlight I'll ever see, into the crushing depths. to feed the bottom dwellers or maybe just feed some scavengers.

and just never be found or thought of again.

I am dead inside

:: 2021 20 May :: 7.22am

"you just seemed so honest, but sexy"

is honesty not normally a sexy trait...? oh craigslist you confuse the heck out of me haha

:: 2021 11 May :: 8.28am

this extreme tiredness doesn't seem to want to leave

but I'm so damn tired