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:: 2005 21 February :: 9.51pm
:: Music: The Shins-New Slang

This weekend has been amazing. I don't want to go back to anything but you.
Why are our futures so predetermined? We may not think they are, but the basis of them are.
I was thinking the other day. Now that I have a job, I will never be without a job until I'm old. At least, in the sense of "working". I will be working my whole life away. Why?
I miss being a kid. I miss my family. My parents left not even a full day and I missed them so much. Not only because they were actually gone. When they're home they're gone to me too. If that makes sense. And it won't be long before we'll be seperated even more. And then by death. And now I think it's too late.
This weekend has been so interesting. I love waking up to you. You are my best friend. And I love you. And I always fucking will.

:: 2005 15 February :: 1.14pm

Work tonight. It'll probably be a short night. It's a Tuesday. Although it still amazes me how many people go out to eat on a Tuesday/Wednesday night. No one eats at home anymore? SO MANY PEOPLE. Yeah I'm going to go sleep now.

:: 2005 13 February :: 10.38am

Wow. You are the most wonderful person.

:: 2005 11 February :: 10.20am

Driving on the road to home, a few cars back maybe three in front.
I don't know, all I know is we are going way too slow.
The guy in front takes a left, the others follow I am left alone.
Maybe this will be the day that I'm going home.
And I feel lonely for the last time.
Walking on the road to home,
I take three steps and I fall backward five more.
I want to stop building up these walls between us.
The walls of pride, the walls of pain.
Break through these and make me whole again.
I cannot wait to be with You Lord Jesus.
And I feel lonely for the last time.
See the walls, see the walls come crashing down around us.
Now we...now we are together.
And feel lonely for the last time.

:: 2005 7 February :: 3.47pm

Onions smell awful!

:: 2005 6 February :: 12.59pm
:: Music: I Am Revenant

So where should I go to die?

:: 2005 1 February :: 12.24pm

I need to get better. I need to stop counting hours and minutes.

:: 2005 31 January :: 1.57pm

Here we go again.
Relentless.

:: 2005 26 January :: 6.12pm

With only an empty glass on the table
No one home.
This place has long been abandoned
Windows covered
Doors are clearly busted
Cold air seeping in through cracks from...
everywhere.
A whisper comes from behind
Or was it the wind?
A few steps to the left...
Creak.
A few steps to the right...
Creak.
The floor caves in.
Darkness again.

:: 2005 26 January :: 6.06pm
:: Music: Jackson- All the Way

Mom found out more information I already knew.
I don't know. Keats doesn't look at both sides of things, so I had to.
"A thing of beauty is a joy forever: It's loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness; but still will keep a bower quiet for us, and a sleep full of sweet dreams and health and quiet breathing."
Well, what about pain, Mr. Keats?
I think
"A thing of pain, it lasts forever: It's damage increases; It will never pass into nothingness, though some will go on with their lives; but still will keep your sleep alive and full with dreams stricken with painful reality and dreadful images. No quite breathing."

:: 2005 24 January :: 10.21pm

Mishy, you should call me. I miss you and want to hang out sometime. I don't really have a car but there are always ways around that. Give me a call sometime 636-8324 or my cell phone 231-349-6263. I don't have your number anymore. I miss you love. +

:: 2005 24 January :: 6.58am

Oh my gosh. Not feeling so good.

:: 2005 23 January :: 2.59pm
:: Music: The Pixies

In this land of strangers...There are dangers...
Sometimes I get the feeling the world is ending. Right now. Instead of dying, we're stuck here. Like in "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner", maybe we as cursed as the crew of the ship: Life-In-Death.
Working, slaving for money to buy things that don't matter to anyone but us. Things we can't take with us. Spending less and less time with the ones who truly matter and more around people at work and people at school and people who don't understand. I wish I could spend every morning and every night in bed with you. I don't want to have to wait. Why is life about rushing? Why is life all concentrated around time? And money?
I'm starting to think people have their priorities all screwed up.
And they like it that way.

:: 2005 23 January :: 2.51pm

I can't believe that happened.
I'm sorry.

:: 2005 19 January :: 12.32pm
:: Music: Alexisonfire- Accidents

I just need someone to say it's going to be okay. Even if it's not right now. I know some things are okay. Some things are better than okay. You still care, right? You are the best.
I am still sick. It's been about 3 weeks now. I have to go back in 2 weeks. No school today. It's great. I'm just reading and lounging.
But the awful thing about it is, I can't enjoy it. I'm always counting how many hours I have until I have to leave for work. Most all the girls there are wenches. "Oh my gosh, she told him I kissed another guy! It's all her fault! He'll never talk to me again! But I was wasted! It doesn't matter!"
and they all have the "I'm so hot" attitude. And they're all bitches to me.
The guys are all extremely nice. Girls suck.
I worked with Juan and he makes things a lot easier. I don't feel so stressed out. He helps me and doesn't make me feel stupid. Girls were ringing in stuff that hadn't been on the menu for a year. And I didn't know how to make it.
I need to stop thinking about work. And I need to do better in school. It seems like I don't have time because I always get home late and am too tired to do it.

I just want to be done. Dad is talking about moving again. We actually found a house. It's in Kent City though. I don't know. It's nice.
But I just want to be out. And done with school. And married.
I changed my mind. I don't even want to wait until I'm out of college.
Anyway, dad is leaving soon I should go see him. And talking about all this work stuff is giving me a headache. How do people deal with all this crap???

:: 2005 19 January :: 12.23pm
:: Music: Social D- Angel's Wings

You say you're down on your luck
Hey baby it's a long long way up.
Hold back now, Hold back your fears
You say you're really down and out
And you feel like there's no way out now
Let go now, Let go your tears

How many times have you asked yourself
Is this the hand of fate now that I've been dealt?
You're so disillusioned
This can't be real
And you can't stand now the way you feel
I don't care about what they say
I won't live or die that way
Tired of figuring out things on my own
Angel's wings won't you carry me home

And when you're down on your luck
Hey baby it's a long long way up
Hold back now, hold back your fears
And when you're really down and out
And you feel like there's no way out now
Let go now, let go your tears

And when you're down on your luck
Hey baby it's a long long way up
Hold back now
Hold back your fears
And when you're really down and out
And you feel like there's no way out now
Let go now, Let go your tears

I triumped in the face of adversity
And I became the man I never thought I'd be
And now my biggest challenge
A thing called love
I guess I'm not as tough as I thought I was
I don't care about what they say
I wanna marry you some day
Gonna wake up
It's a brand new day
Angel's wings gonna carry you away
Angel's wings gonna carry me away
Angel's wings gonna carry us away

:: 2005 18 January :: 5.40pm

Ctrl Alt Del...

ehh, why not...

Esc!

:: 2005 18 January :: 9.45am

Gosh. IDIOT!
I'm at school now and I don't even have to be here until 10:55. GOSH. What am I going to do until then? Goin' to the doc today. Checkin' stuff out. Goin' to work today. Gettin' bitched out.
YAY! Fun and wonderful times await.

:: 2005 15 January :: 9.46pm

theres nothing more than this...
I am the only one to blame for this; somehow it all ends up the same. Soaring on the wings of selfish pride, I flew too high and like Icarus I collide. With a world I try so hard to leave behind, to rid myself of all but love, to give and die. To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves; More deeply than the oceans, more abundant than the tears of a world embracing every heartache. Can I be the one to sacrifice? Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow. Take my world apart. I am on my knees. Take my world apart. I�m broken on my knees.
All said and done I stand alone amongst remains of a life I should not own. It takes all I am to believe in the mercy that covers me. Did you really have to die for me? All I am for all you are because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart. And I pray.
I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost. I wipe away the crimson stains and dull the nails that still remain. More and more I need you now, I owe you more each passing hour. The battles between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago. So steal my heart and take the pain and wash my feet and cleanse my pride. Take the selfish, take the weak and all the things I cannot hide.
Take my beauty, take my tears and my sinful soiled heart and make it pure. Take my world, it all is yours take it now, take it now. To serve the ones that I despise, speak the words I can't deny. Take my world apart. And watch the world I used to know fall to dust and blow away. I am on my knees. I look beyond the empty cross forgetting what my life has cost. Take my world apart. So wipe away the crimson stains and all the nails that still remain. I�m broken on my knees.
Steal my heart and take the pain. Take the selfish, take the weak and all the things I cannot hide. Take the beauty, take my tears, and take my world apart. I am on my knees. Take my world apart. And I do pray, and I pray, and I pray. Take my world apart. I am on my knees. I�m worlds apart.

:: 2005 15 January :: 3.52pm

Hmmm. I am so stressed out. Just go.
I feel like my stomach is turning inside out and double-knotting. So?
Blah. Bye.

:: 2005 14 January :: 12.01pm

20 more minutes... I think I will take a survey and bore you all!!!! Bwahahaha.

[randomosity]
Created by thetoasternetwork and taken 5551 times on bzoink!
What's a weird fear you have that no one else probably does?	Crashing a car in a lake and drowning in it.
Is not Jon Stewart great?	Is Jon Stewart not great, well, he is great.
What song are you listening to?	nothing. everyone's loud in the library
Best face wash/acne fighting product?	mary kay 3-in-1 cleanser
How loud do you sneeze?	not too loud
Do you like your handwriting?	not when i'm in a hurry
Ugliest color you've ever seen?	puke greenish/yellow
Does having matching socks matter to you?	most of the time, yeah
If you were in band, what would you call it?	Enemies Like These
Last time you were on a plane?	when I was 7, alaska
Have a digital camera?	nope
How big is your TV?	mine isn't too big.
Have you ever heard of Mystery Science Theater 3000?	nope
How many pillows do you sleep with?	5
sXe.. good or bad?	GOOD of course
Most annoying commercail ever?	there are a lot. i think the carrot top/mr. t commercials are soooo annoying!
Lamest pick-up line ever?	haha aren't they all? isn't that what makes them funny?
Dumbest song ever?	the macarena
Worst way to die?	burning
Who's the funniest comedian?
Ever been in a car accident?	not really
Ever had braces?	twice
Do you know HTML?	nope
What's the most useless class in school?	hahaha
Best Jones Soda flavor?	green apple/fufu berry
Something you collect?	everything!
Something you're allergic to?	now...latex
Something you wish would die?	annoying people
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

now I have 5 minutes left.

:: 2005 14 January :: 11.56am

Competition=tiring. Blah.
V=mean
School=dumb.
Work=painful.
Back=hurting bad.
Next hour= pizza
Me= happy.

:: 2005 13 January :: 12.32pm

Oh my goshhhhh. I don't know....today is going crazy but cool. I am actually not stressed but excited. But I am worried about something else. Casey call me!

:: 2005 11 January :: 4.09pm

I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I hope I get married. That would be cool. There is a lot of growing up I have to do though. Like responsibility. Speaking of which. Within the next few months, I might be out on my own. Well, technically. Richelle's brother and sister-in-law and their two kids are moving out to California,(which makes me sad), but they think that they are coming back so their letting Richelle rent it out, there's four bedrooms and I get one of them. I'm so excited. I finally get to be out on my own. I want to say that no one has any idea how bad I want to get out of here, but I'm sure you all probably know, you all have the same dream, so I'm just gonna hope that you share in my joy of escaping. I still haven't found a job yet but I have found a few things that have opened up. Like Mr. Pizza. Well, Things are starting to look up again, and I know He told me they would. Just to those who doubted me, I hope you see the glory behind God now. He doesn't lie. well, until next time.

:: 2005 11 January :: 12.51pm

If there was just some way I could be around you all the time and never have to work that would just be great. You know?
And I would cook, too.

:: 2005 11 January :: 12.27pm

Hmmm. So. Saw a dead body last night.
In other news...side still hurts. Weird.
Feeling odd.
Work tonight. Tiring.
Must
Stop
Typing
Fragments.

:: 2005 10 January :: 6.18pm

This was a very unproductive day.

If anyone knows where I can find a car for $30 or less, please let me know. I am in desperate need of a job. Not alone for money, but also my sanity. Thank you.

:: 2005 10 January :: 1.53pm
:: Music: MCR- You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison

NOW
But I can't.
And I don't know.
How we're just two men as God had made us.
Well I can't.
Well I can.
Too much too late.
Or just not enough of this.
Pain in my heart for you dying wish.
I'll kiss your lips again.
They all cheat at cards and the checkers are lost.
My cellmates a killer.
~~~~~~~~

Hmm. Today went pretty fast. YAY for chinese. And Becca. And ACF. NAY for homework. Crap. Speaking of.

:: 2005 9 January :: 10.00pm

Please don't think I'm weird for writing so much unspecifically.
I love ya.

:: 2005 9 January :: 9.41pm
:: Music: Benton Falls- Sad Like Winter Leaves

Why did I do that to myself. Now my heart hurts like nothing else.
DELETE

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