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m&ms487
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2004 24 May :: 6.45pm
:: Mood: listless
So many things have changed these past few weeks. I'm growing up, and my parents don't like it. I have a boyfriend, my driver's license, a first chair, a beautiful piccolo, some fake tanning lotion, and a straightening iron. There is no telling what kind of damage I could do with all those combined. Everything is going so fast, yet, not fast enough it seems sometimes. I've done things in the past weeks that I didn't think I could ever let myself do. It's a changing time, and I realize it. It scares the hell out of me. I don't want to end up like some of the people I know, and yet I find myself doing things, and thinking of them at the same time, knowing exactly where my actions could take me, into a place, into a life, that I don't want to go. I've been living for the moment, not really planning ahead that much, which is dangerous for me, because when I get to a point in time that I haven't planned for, things can get hectic, and I find myself lost, and unprepared. I think that's one of the things I hate the most, being unprepared. It shows a sign of vulnerablity.
Today was the last monday of my sophmore year that I have to be in school. It was so difficult to play in first hour, and then to react to everything else the rest of the day. It was a long long long day. Mrs. Dolbee gave out "The Grapes Of Wrath" today, I believe I'll be starting that tonight when I go to bed. It'll give me something else to dream about, too, not that my dreams lately have been all that horrible, either, they just make me think to much sometimes, and question the big picture. Sometimes I don't want to think, i just want to go along with everything. I just want to get by.
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m&ms487
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2004 24 May :: 4.11pm
:: Mood: confused
I'm guessing that it's never going to get easier.
eh.
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m&ms487
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2004 19 May :: 8.34pm
I am 67% pure.
*jingles keys* I have my driver's license as of 3:30 this afternoon. Other than my instance of depressive thought this evening, the day is going quite well. We even had a tornado drill during 6th hour. That was good. Very good. I got to see Rueben, again, very good. My room is fairly clean, and I have small amounts of homework.
I'm feelin' summer commin' on.
heehaww.
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m&ms487
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2004 18 May :: 2.39pm
And then I'll get through today, and I'll get through tomorrow, and the next day, and then the next. An endless circle of survial. For what point? I"m not exactly sure, but if the journey takes me this long, I can't wait to see what's waiting for me at the end.
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m&ms487
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2004 16 May :: 9.21pm
:: Mood: loved
Just a day/Just an ordinary day/Just tryin' to get by
I don't think you understand how much this is driving me crazy. I bet it's driving you crazy too. It better be.
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m&ms487
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2004 16 May :: 5.29pm
:: Mood: bouncy
Gunny: Don't taint our Rueben
Rob: ..just...don't whore him up too much
Charlie: Girls are evil. Rueben's a nice guy.
*giggles* But I'm a NICE girl. I would never do anything like THAT.
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m&ms487
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2004 16 May :: 11.52am
:: Mood: content
I kept waking up and thinking you were still there last night. It was disappointing to roll over and find just a pile of blankets.
Band concert today at two.
Come watch me dance and fall on my ass.
-michelle-
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m&ms487
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2004 12 May :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: drained
I've learned so many things in the past few months, about me, about others. I happy that I have that chance. I'm happy that I'm still here, and I can look out the window into the shrouded light and green, and new life, and I can take one moment of happiness, and make all the other mistakes and bad things go away. Maybe just for once, but once is enough to realize it.
In other news, rueben and i are going out now.
heh, not much more needs to be said about that.
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m&ms487
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2004 12 May :: 7.05pm
:: Mood: content
*There is a folder sitting on Babbit's heater with a picture drawn on it*
Bill:Hey, look, someone drew a picture of Hitler on their folder!
Me: Actually, I think that's Mr. Babbit.
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m&ms487
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2004 11 May :: 8.48pm
| What is your favorite.. | | gum: | Orbit-the green kind | | restaurant: | i don't know | | drink: | Smoothie...hehe | | season: | Summer | | type of weather: | Sunny and 62 degrees | | emotion: | Elation | | thing to do on a half day: | Go to value land with lisa.... | | late-night activity: | hehe....need I say anything here? | | sport: | Tennis | | city: | Charlevoix | | store: | Bath and Body Works | | When was the last time you.. | | cried: | Last night | | played a sport: | When i played tennis with lisa a few weeks ago | | laughed: | Talking with my brother before he left for work a few hours ago | | hugged someone: | This morning. | | kissed someone: | not for a while... | | felt depressed: | Two minutes ago | | felt elated: | This morning at approximately 7:21..heh | | felt overworked: | Right now | | faked sick: | I don't. | | lied: | Umm..can't say, but it was about an hour ago... | | What was the last.. | | word you said: | no | | thing you ate: | tooth paste..didn't really eat it, but, yeah, that dental hygene is a must | | song you listened to: | Sway by Vanessa Carlton | | thing you drank: | Water | | place you went to: | School | | movie you saw: | Some movie about cloning on Lifetime this afternoon, right before the documentary on Hitler | | movie you rented: | Final Destination II...eh...blood, icky | | concert you attended: | Does my flute choir concert count? if not...Fuzzy Logic at the Kent on Halloween | | Who was the last person you.. | | hugged: | Rueben | | cried over: | ...someone being mean to me. No names. | | kissed: | ex boyfriend | | danced with: | Shae | | shared a secret with: | Jessie, of course | | had a sleepover with: | Jessie | | called: | Jessie | | went to a movie with: | Jessie | | saw: | My mother | | were angry with: | Charlie | | couldn't take your eyes off of: | heh.....they know who they are | | obsessed over: | I'm thinkin' we all know... | | Have you ever.. | | danced in the rain: | yes | | kissed someone: | yes | | done drugs: | yes | | drank alcohol: | yes | | slept around: | no | | partied 'til the sun came up: | yes | | had a movie marathon: | yes | | gone too far on a dare: | no | | spun until you were immensely dizzy: | all the time | | taken a survey quite like this before: | yes |
The Favorites, Have-You-Evers.. and Last Times! Oh, the variety! brought to you by BZOINK!
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m&ms487
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2004 11 May :: 7.35pm
:: Music: ordinary day-vanessa carlton
Smells....yummy stuff.
I'm thinking that I just put on some sweet pea hand lotion, some strawberry lip gloss, and my hair smells really good.
*shrugs*
eh, what can ya do?
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m&ms487
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2004 9 May :: 5.06pm
That was the best weekend I've had in so long. I love being sixteen and I love having parents who understand, well, most of the time.
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m&ms487
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2004 6 May :: 5.40pm
Jessie is making me tell you this...
Last weekend Jessie spent the night to come to my flute choir concert. That night, we were lying in bed and we were about to fall asleep. All the sudden, my leg twitched! I kicked the wall really really hard. It was so FUCKING hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing!
So there is my random leg twitching story for all of you to review, good day.
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m&ms487
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2004 5 May :: 7.33pm
Damn it, nothing is going right..and your happiness is making me sick, really. Just...i don't know...go away.
Can i cuddle with you or something....?
:(
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m&ms487
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2004 5 May :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: content
I took my nail polish off.
It almost seems that teacher have such a strong distain for senioritis, they give the rest of us PILES of homework that isn't humanly possible to complete. Example: I had 4 hours of homework last night. Did I do it? Only the important stuff, because, i wanted to bath, to eat, oh, and maybe, relax......
Anyway, they're just gonna have to deal with it. It's the end of the year, we have 19 days left, and half of them we won't be doing anything anyway. We just need to be done and out of here, everyone wants to be, and I wouldn't mind it, except everyone's attitudes are just going to shit, and everyone's getting bitchy, and pissy, and being jackasses....
And don't get me wrong, it's catching, it includes me.
-michelle-
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