hmmmm....

oh! the irony! sheesh.

cheperekyllllll!

I WAS A HAPPY CHILD
lucky you. you were what every child should be.
carefree. optimistic. and happy.
what kind of child were you?
(brought you by april)

wow! a survey!

this is the result of boredom:::....

[ Current Clothes ] PJ pants and a hoodie
[ Current Mood ] pheajlky!
[ Current Music ] rhcp-aeroplane, like i said.
[ Current Taste ] diet coke and pop tart
[ Current Annoyance ] i dunno. my brother
[ Current Smell ] *sniff* umm...nothing
[ Current thing I ought to be doing ] um..i should be at play practice, but i skipped it 'cause im lazy.
[ Current Desktop Picture ] a pic of Dani and I at Kevin's party
[ Current Favorite Artist ] hmm, i dont know ...
[ Current Favorite Group ] i'm not sure but maybe red hot chili peppers but i dont know
[ Current Book ] um...all my text books from school and thats about it
[ Current CD in CD Player ] one i burned this afternoon
[ Current DVD In Player ] i have no idea
[ Current Refreshment ] diet coke
[ Current Worry ] hahhahaha. i'll keep that to myself.
[ Current Crush ] that too. even though...hmm no.
[ Current Favorite Celebrity ] i dont know :/

LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] my brother, it was more like a smack, not a touch but whatever
[ You Talked to ] i'm talking to mitch on aim
[ You Hugged ] Roman
[ You Instant messaged ] Mitch
[ You Yelled At ] my brother
[ You Had A Crush On ] hmm..
[ Who Broke Your Heart ] hmm..


FAVORITE...
[ Food ] mashed potatoes from a box
[ Drink ] diet coke
[ Color ] baby blue
[ Album ] probably one of the dashboard ones
[ Shoes ] my brown ones i guess. i'm not a big shoe fan.
[ Candy ] starbursts
[ Animal ] penguins
[ TV Show ] home movies
[ Movie ] the one me and Samm made on my computer :) hhaha
[ Dance ] ?dunno
[ Song ] theres so many, but at the moment 'Jane Says'
[ Vegetable ] potatoes
[ Fruit ] banana?
[ Cartoon ] home movies.

ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ] i suppose.
[ Open-minded ] i think so
[ Arrogant ] no
[ Insecure ] at times
[ Interesting ] not esspecially but thats alright.
[ Random ] sure!
[ Hungry ] not any more
[ Friendly ] i try
[ Smart ] i guess
[ Moody ] yessss
[ Childish ]at times
[ Independent ] once in a while
[ Hard working ] nottt really, but on some things.
[ Organized ] with some things but not everything
[ Healthy ] i'm living.
[ Emotionally Stable ] probably not.
[ Shy ] yeah at times
[ Difficult ] probably
[ Bored Easily ] yes a lot
[ Messy ] sometimes, but other times i'll turn into a neat freak and clean everything.
[ Thirsty ] no
[ Responsible ] probably
[ Obsessed ] with what?
[ Angry ] not really
[ Sad ] not really
[ Happy ] not really
[ Hyper ] no
[ Trusting ] well i think i am and hopefully others do too.
[ Talkative ] with some people
[ Legal ] hmm no
[ Original ] i dont know. i'm me.
[ Different ] sure
[ Unique ] suuurre
[ Ignored ] suuure
[ Reliable ] yes
[ Content ] no
[ Optimistic ] when it comes to a lot of things...no but sometimes
[ Deep thinker ] yes
[ Self-disciplined ] i dont think so
[ Sleepy ] yesssss
[ Lonely ] i'm cold.

5 things that scare you:
1. losing someone close
2. logan m hahaha
3. the direction this country is going
4. having nothing meaningful happen in my life
5. graduating high school...the future

5 things that make you laugh:
1. jess
2. mr jenson!!! hahahhaa
3. people acting stupid for attention
4. sitting in the blockbuster parking lot with jess haha :)
5. memories

5 things you love:
1. my friends
2. music
3. family
4. God
5. peacefullness

5 things you hate:
1. the fact that i'm always getting upset or mad at someone
2. mean people
3. emotions
4. being cold
5. not having a very close family like some of my friends

2 things you don\'t understand:
1. Love
2. the way the world works

5 things on your desk:
1. a cup of diet coke
2. a napkin
3. an empty water bottle
4. a scanner
5. a piece of paper

Right now you are:
1. um...filling this out
2. stressed
3. enjoying this music
4. trying to make a lot of decisions
5. worried

5 positive facts about you:
1. i'm not mean (usually) :)
2. i smile a lot
3. i'm short!!!! ...positive, ha. yeah.
4. i'm caring
5. i'm a compassionate person

5 things you plan to do before you die:
1. be happy with myself, with my life
2. find the person that i'm meant to be with
3. go to Japan
4. be successful- i hope
5. buy a grand piano

5 things you can do:
1. walk
2. complain
3. ride a uni-cycle! ...okay not really.
4. get mad
5. listen

3 Things You Can\'t Do:
1. play sports!
2. be a man
3. fly

5 Famous People You Want To Meet:
1. chris...carra---whatever i forgot, from dashboard
2. i dont really care. i actually dont especially want to meet any famous people

Top 5 songs you think are cool:
I DONT KNOW! there are a lot!

Top 5 movies:
1. ?????
2.
3.
4.
5

Top 5 things you say the most:
1. um, random frusterated noises
2. okay
3. like
4. sorry
5. i dont know

"Jane says.........."


::::: It's not that I am trying to make you unhappy. It's not that I'm trying to only think of myself. I'm considering your feelings, but not really caring. I'm sorry, but that's the truth. But only because you don't understand. No, I do care. I care about your feelings. Of course I do. That's not what I meant. I'm not trying to think of my feelings first. But its just that, it matters SO much more to me, than it does to you. I already know. You may think that you care. But believe me, it is nothing compared to me. You think you care about a lot of things. It's just bull shit. A bunch of false feelings. I already know you. I know how you operate. I know that your feelings aren't real. I know you think it matters to you. But in a month, maybe even a week or 3 days it won't. That's just how you are. But it will matter to me for practically.....ever. I'm sorry, but I can't get over it. Why did you have to get involved in the first place. I mean before you were so mad, and then now it changes. I'm sorry, I'm not saying that what you feel doesnt matter. But you just think you care a lot more than I know you do. Deep inside I know you just want something. But not a specific. So why does it have to be this something. Choose a different something. Please. Because I know you could be happy as long as you had something. So just pick something else. There's plenty others. You know it and I know it. And I know it doesnt seem like it now. But I know how you change so quickly. So in a while, you won't care. But see, if you went for this; I couldn't just be like "okay, its all good" because it really really really wouldn't be. I'm sorry. I can't change the way I feel about things. Believe me I've tried. I've tried just forgetting and pretending like it didnt matter to me anymore. But it's hard to lie to yourself. Please, just don't think I am heartless and uncaring. I'm really not. I just can't explain it to you. But I really think that someday you will understand too. I'm sorry. :::::

i want to say so much right now.



but i seriously have no explanation.

.... for anything at all.

what a jerk. ugh.

and another thing. he's flat out lieing anyway. its so dumb.

:(


i'm no good. .... you know, he just makes me feel really crappy.

i'm sorry... if that helps any.

oh my gosh.

i am WAY too edgy and aggitated. and i really need to get a grip cuz i am acting like a bitch. and...yeah. i'm acting like a bitch. and i need to stop. i need sleep . and i need some stuffy nose medicine. and headache medicine. and i need sleep.

you know. when i was typing my last entry at school today, the librarian lady came and looked over my shoulder for like 10 seconds while i just kind of froze there and then said " that's not a messanger site, is it?" and i'm like "no, its not." ....hmph. okay.

rarr. i need sleep. and i have to BE AT BAND at *7*SEVEN*7* IN THE MORNING!!! GOSH!!!

*cough*


i'm at school.

im sick.

i want to go home

and i want to puke.
:( bleh.

no subject.

*breathe in*

*breathe out*

ahhhhhhhhhh.

:::yeah those little lines. those phrases. those things you say. they work. they do.:::

*sigh* lallaalaala.