toki
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2005 10 November :: 10.54pm
:: Mood: depressed
remember when saying you felt depressed made you a target for days of yelling? Yeah, I'm glad people are calmer now.
Anyways, I'm insane. I think about the future too much. Blah blah, what else is new.
Now I have to think about my test tomorrow. Poop.
1 Pirate |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 9 November :: 10.41pm
i know if you're reading this, you're sick of hearing about justin. because i almost am.
kristen does not see the appeal in him. understandably. the thing about spending a lot of time with someone is the fact that you can pinpoint perfectly what his or her biggest issues are.
Justin's issues:
I. CONTROL
there is no doubt about it; he wants to be in control of the situation and the people involved because if he's in control, then no one can make him do anything.
II. DENIAL
he claims he is one way, and is definatly another. classical idenity confusion.
III. SUPERIORITY
most people work themselves up in competition; there is the all out defeating someone, and the sabotaging their progress to fuel your own. he's the second one.
so, with all that, the guy that spoke at the school a few weeks ago said that first there is infatuation. then there is the problem discovery and that seems to be the stage within which i am.
i got some pants and boots and so that's happy. ama go to kohl's tmro though to exchange the pants (they're too big).
4 Pirates |
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toki
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2005 6 November :: 12.17am
My flowers still haven't died. It's been a long time.
That's a good thing.
1 Pirate |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 3 November :: 12.02am
earlier:
im in the library and on a high up chair. that means my legs are dangling. i feel so helpless.
i met with my advisor. he told me waht classes to take. i also talked to my history teacher. he told me what books to look at for my paper. i have another paper due, too, in harlem art and lit, as well as a presentation. so ill do that. i have a quiz in japanese too. i also talked to keri, my mentor. we're seeing the changling on the seventeenth...it looks really good.
i wrote out a sheet to give justin in junction with his chalked up driveway. that'll be fun too. but its a lot of time that i dont seem to have...:) oh well. ill get it done. i will.
now:
we just left baker's square from having dinner with our boss. it was interesting. justin has huge acceptance issues...he doesnt know how to accept something he doesnt believe. he thinks that anything he doesnt believe is wrong, with which i dont agree. but well discuss that, no worries.
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toki
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2005 30 October :: 11.11pm
Soooo tempted to go am AIM. I must CONCENTRATE. Not working. -.-
The world is against me.
Rather over-dramatic, no?
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mudpiegrl
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2005 29 October :: 2.06am
:: Mood: disappointed
Today was bad, and I know that’s no excuse, and so I’m sorry. I mean that with all sincerity. I know you don’t understand though. I wish you did.
You don’t understand the fact that your existence has been an experience like that in Alice in Wonderland.
At first, I curiously peered into the hole that stood before me. The cave was dim, but soon, sunlight came and I could see the cloudy room. The haze blurred my vision so much that I bravely took a step blindly. I assumed it would be a short fall: that what would come would not be a fall at all, but a decrease in height. I thought I would merely be standing in a puddle of water. I found I was wrong. I began to collapse quickly, and the hole lightened up, but only to the depths that I had fallen. A few times, I questioned my journey and grabbed hold to my slimy surroundings, gripping that which was trying. Reassuring myself, I allowed my swollen fingertips to loosen and plunged hopelessly once again. I rejoiced in the freedom of the descent upon release, which was quickly passed in the monotonous hope of a malleable landing. Of course, at the times of greatest hope, the light dimmed darker and I feared that I would not land, but stop falling and find myself shouting in fear at the roots of a tree, being awoken in a real world. However, the plummet continued and still does. I fear the light will dim once more and I will feel only a miserable rousing from an enchanting dream of tumbling freely.
2 Pirates |
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toki
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2005 28 October :: 1.02am
I'm getting a D in theatre. O.O
Only because I haven't shown him proof that I saw Charlotte's Web. Hopefully that brings it up.
:-\
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mudpiegrl
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2005 27 October :: 12.05am
:: Mood: content
today was one of those days where i almost planned to loathe it, but it wasnt as bad as i thought, but, because of the expectation, i came out in the end saying, "today was not so great".
i met my mentor today. she's just as i pictured her. take a moment and picture someone from this information only:
Keri Walters
Dance Advisor
that's it. How do you picture her?
she's young, with straight blonde hair, thin, but not sickly, and happy.
so she's pretty cool and next wednesday am meeting wiht my advisor to sign up for classes next semester...
then the next wednesday am going to a play with her. so it'll be fun.
in other news, i got called into work today around five, when i still hadnt reached vernon hills. three people called off, probably for a party. so kristen and i went in, and although we said six, we had just begun eating at five til, so didnt go in until six forty or so. well, some mistake that was. the parking lot was packed, which it has never been since we opened. so we really were needed.
the reason that sucked was because there were things that i was so excited to do that i was planning what to do first on the train instead of sleeping! i wanted to write on justin's driveway in chalk and carve pumpkins with kristen and go to caribou and study and do my artist's statement. but no. "oh, could you come pick up everyone else's slack because you're really the only one who realises that 'job' means responsibility and commitment." grr.
yesterday we met the french kid/"king". i think we scared him. kristen told kirk's girlfriend like this:
"We were told to enter the house. so we did. we were greeted by a guard. the moment was tense, and then, when the guard realised we were okay, our hands were licked.
"Then, the next doorway brought us to yet another, who was seated at a table eating [broccoli and cheddar soup]. 'The king is upstairs,' he said in the most monotone voice.
"At the bottom of the stairs, we were once again greeted by someone, who exclaimed, 'hey, guys! he's in the bathroom, i think. wanna play with the psp?!'" {this is enthusiasm you can only imagine...}
"And after about twenty minutes of waiting for the King to emerge from the bathroom, we realised he was in his room, sitting on his throne!
"So, we went in. We said, 'HI!' and then said, 'BYE!' and left."
It could be summed up no other way. ah, kristen. making everyone laugh. :)
2 Pirates |
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toki
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2005 26 October :: 11.56pm
:: Mood: Not Very Shiny
:: Music: Rent- Goodbye, Love
Crisis Averted.
Music has been restored to my computer. Thank God for the restart button.
I don't want to wake up tomorrow.
And that's about all.
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toki
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2005 25 October :: 11.04pm
To No one
To You: Do you ever really hear what I say? Or is it that you just don't care?
To You: You promised me you'd never do it. You promised. Looks like you're just like the rest of them.
To You: I'm sorry. That sucks. Move on.
To You: Don't worry, I still know my place.
To You: Stop trying to sound smart. You're just making yourself out to be an annoying dumbass.
To You: What's really important in your life right now?
To You: I don't talk to you because I don't like being yelled at.
If you think it's about you, it's not. Probably not about anyone who reads this. Maybe. yeah.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 25 October :: 3.03pm
This is too right:
Virgo
The sign Virgo is symbolized by the Virgin.
Your sign's element is Earth. Virgo is ruled by the planet Mercury.
You enjoy helping others and being of service. Virgo is shy, and prefers working behind the scenes. You are highly discriminating and a bit puritanical. Virgo is intellectual, critical, fussy, shrewd, logical, methodical, practical and has teaching ability. Virgo can lack confidence and needs constant reassurance.
Possible negative aspects of the sign Virgo:
You can be highly critical, cynical, sarcastic, unforgiving, nervous, self centered, and ridden by fear. You may also have a tendency to be unfaithful.
This is interesting:
Virgo Compatibility with Capricorn
Both of your down-to-earth signs are responsible, hard working, devoted, loyal and stable. You are each stubborn so you will have to work on that. Neither of you wastes money and you will both probably have good jobs. Savings is important as you have similar goals for your money. Being earthy, the chemistry between you is awesome - as I am sure you will have already noted. You have similar ways of showing displeasure (the cold shoulder treatment). If you do not hit it off right away or otherwise find yourself alone - don't worry - the next time you see each other everything will be fine. The chemistry, you know. It is a good idea to compare your rising sign to the rising sign (or Sun sign) of the person you are comparing yourself with. This will give you a more detailed overall picture of the relationship.
oooh...
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toki
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2005 24 October :: 11.08pm
:: Mood: Worried
I feel really rushed right now. I wish I had time to slow down and not make this decision. It's too hard. Things need to just slow down. I'm serious. I mean, it's only my future we're talking about here. Not that that's important at all.
:-\
I need to talk to Ryan. He's about the best person to talk to about these things. He's surprisingly un-biased. And that's cool. Plus he's much more level headed then I am.
Damn me being a girl.
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mudpiegrl
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2005 23 October :: 12.04am
i have found salami. life is good.
i just returned from a really fun wedding. i think lauren and maria and kristen are my favourite people to work with. lauren is a bit of a tomboy and hates pink just as much as me lol. maria and kristen are just so playful that it's hard not to have fun with them. none of them are chastising or restricting; just act as equals, even though they're ten times more expirienced.
and i decided ama ask justin out. but in time.
1 Pirate |
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mudpiegrl
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2005 20 October :: 1.38am
people are incredible hypocrites. understandably, one can trust in another until that trust is broken. but when one is angry at another for breaking the very same trust barriers as they have done, how can they be angry at the one to whom they told it.
i am not going to lie and tell them im sorry, because im not. its not that big of a deal to anyone else. he was right; i am souless.
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toki
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2005 19 October :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: exhausted
Puzzles
Today went pretty well overall.
We bought a puzzle! It's so exciting. We're already like an old couple. Sweet.
Then I talked to him about stuff. Which was nice. Because I actually talked. I've tried starting that conversation a half billion times and I actually did it this time. Yay?
Anywho, Patrice is happy, but can't keep her eyes open. Her Mom is making her take the driving test tomorrow, even though it's obvious that I'm going to fail. Oh well. I'll find some way to convince her. Hopefully. Plus I realllllly don't want to start paying for gas.
Poooo on gas.
And that's all. Nights.
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