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Toki

:: 2004 8 August :: 6.03pm
:: Mood: Done with this

:-\
Ok. I just want to say. I probably won't have many real updates anytime soon. Well, not any emotionful ones. I think I'll stick with the surveys and random entries.

This journal, as much of a blessing as it can be, it has brought me down ten times as much.

I'm trying this not writing thing. See what happens.

I can't keep focusing on my emotions and stuff right now. I'm not trying to avoid reality or any of that shit.

It's good to talk about problems, but focusing solely on that is bad. ::nods::

I love all you guys. ::hugs::

Ok..Shower time.

-Patrice

X marks the spot


Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 7 August :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Prayer- Disturbed

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I really needed that scream.

Im starting to realize its pretty near impossible to be happy.

I don't try to make others unhappy...i hope you all realize that.

I never make decesions with out thinking about how it will affect others.

Sometimes you just have to do something for yourself though don't you?

But when you make decisions in hopes of making yourself happy...the misery of others can destroy you alone.

I am sorry that I am not exactly the person you are looking for.

I am sorry I cause drama...because I am definitely the only one who does it you know?

I am sorry that you may think I only think about myself.

I'm sorry I am going crazy and that I am dragging you down with me.

I am sorry I am falling apart and taking it out on you.

You never should've met me. It only brought pain.

I am so sorry for everything.

No sarcasm there.

2 Pirates | X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 7 August :: 2.00am

I can't be online right now. All there is on this computer is IMing and journals. So not many mood improving things. Just had a good conversation with the Keister. Emotions suck. Especially when you can't control them. And you don't even know why you're thinking them. And the only reasons you come up with only make it worse, because why would you flip otu abotu such small things?

So seeing as A) It's late at night. and B) I'm alone. It's best that I'm not online.

I will be awake though. Because I'm just insane.

uuumm...yes. Bye I guess.

X marks the spot


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 6 August :: 5.12pm


1 Pirate | X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 6 August :: 12.42am

Im tired. But sleep doesn't look like it'll happen anytime soon.

I honestly feel kinda crappy right now. Not a bad night, just bad thoughts that won't leave me alone.

Reality finally catching up with me I guess. I kinda just want to disappear.

I know I shouldn't though. Because reality will always be there, no matter where I run to.

Trying to find quotes from Thoreau. Something I read a while back that kind of relates. But it's not working.

Want to hear a funny story though? So Jackie was over. And my sister was being..weird. So we, well I, attacked her with shaving cream. Then she came back with shaving gel. Lol

You'd be surprised how far the gel shaving stuff shoots. :-) Good times.

I haven't laughed that hard in ages.

It was cool.

Just be careful. It's a bitch to get out of the carpet. :-)

I got ten cigar boxes today. They're really pretty. I just need a use for them now.

I'm only working one day this week. :-( Poo. This week is shaping up to be very bad. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens.

Poo on a big fat hairy stick.

Ok. Good bye.
-Patrice

2 Pirates | X marks the spot


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 4 August :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Enya

Fucking relaxing bath...
im gonna pop mr. bubble's bubble

set fire to burt's bees hives

shoot dove

put venus in a good fly trap

and rip apart all the water molecules in the universe.

yes.

my bath sucked.

i inhaled bubbles.....and it hurts like fuck in the bronchial tube...

then i got soap in my eye from burt's bees...

the water wouldnt get hot...

the other day i cut myself with the razor

and im cursing dove although its done nothing but run out on me.

not to mention, my brother walked in on me...it wasnt that bad ::shrugs:: although i think i would have preffered someone else...



anyway.

ive been a real basket case this week....i cleaned the whole downstairs

Mood swings like CRAZY!

Attracting the male more

and crazy driving

yup...im not even gonna bother writing about today...its not that intresting to anyone but jen...and she was there...

basically i felt like a little kid all day...

1 Pirate | X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 2 August :: 1.06am
:: Mood: ::shrugs::
:: Music: Five For Fighting

My eyes hurt. I'm really not all that tired. Just very...___________......if that makes sense. So not good, not bad. Just kinda here.

Jill's was rockin' awesome. Party. And it was a party. Haha. Woo. :-P

I feel stupid updating everyday. Who reads it anyways? Who really cares what pointless thing is going on in my life or what sad stupid thought I'm thinking today??? Um. Yeah.

2 Pirates | X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 31 July :: 12.50pm

Do you know what would be fun? A machine that erases your mind. And clears out every bad thought and just leaves the good stuff. I would like that.

X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 31 July :: 11.37am

"When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time."

I should really shower soon. I don't know when I'm leaving for the Jillian's. And I still need to pick up my senior picture outfit. I'm excited for tonight. and Tomorrow. It should be fun.

And I'm gonna be in a good mood. I'm gonna be happy and smiling. Because who wants to hang out with someone who's always pissed off? It gets boring. and annoying. So :-). Okay people. Bye.

-Patrice

2 Pirates | X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 29 July :: 11.20pm

I'm doing my nightly update. Not much to say. Learned to knit. Finally watched West Side Story. Saw Farenheit 9-11 with Sarah. It was fun. Then yeah, I'm here. Dreading my final and planning on sleeping really soon. Good night.

X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 29 July :: 12.20am

Entry From Work Today
So I wrote this at work today. Stupid me left it in box. Manager found it. ::shrugs:: Nothing harmful. Just yeah, have to post it. That's why I wrote it.

Mood: Bored

I'm writing this on a piece of paper. I'm at work right now. I'll probably type this up later. Why? I'm kind of slightly optimistic right now and I figure it'd benice to see me not totally out of it. So this is me- now. At 5>24 pm in the box office. Bored mindless. I'm glad I'm working though. And actually getting piad for beingbored. Instead if just getting a headache from the stupid computer screen. That's all I'd be doing now anyways. My knee hurts like hell. Thanks to The Moore ::hats off:: :-P You poo. Whatever though. It was an accident.

So. I should have ditched school today. I was incredibly crabby. I was about to cry because I didn't understand damn unit pricing. Sorry about that Jillian. So yeah, I went home and slept. And slept.
I had to be at work at 3. Had insane dreams about cars flipping over and being late for work and the such. Then when I really woke up, it was 2:45. But good ol' me managed to get there by 2:56 when I realized I still wasn't awake yet. I mean, not all the way.

A 30 year old just was hitting on me. Jokingly, I hope. He asked me how old I was. And when I got off work. I was just..ummm...sure...yeah. You know me. I was scared.

So yeah...apparantly the security camera was unplugged the whole time. He came in a yelled at me. Oh well. It happens. Yeah, this kid dyed his hair pink. I think it was supposed to be red, But not. Ha.

Ok. I don't know. There's onyl so much you can think abotu when you're in a plastic cage.
______
So yeah. I wrote a poem thingie too. But no one reads my creative stuff. Don't want to scare you.

Yeah, my mom got tickets to see Fiddler friday. She didn't tell me until today. When the schedule came out. And I'm working. I hate it. I could ask her to switch the days? I don't know. Just. Gr.

-Patrice

"No matter how many times you wash a turd, it's still a turd."

X marks the spot


Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 28 July :: 7.12pm

QUIZ!
[x] Part 1 -- The Basics [x]
What's your name? :::Jackie
Birthplace :::Hereish
Age :::17
Age you act :::Can be either older or younger
Current location :::Here, in front of my computer
Eye color :::Blue
Hair color :::Blonde
Right, lefty or ambidextrous? :::Right
Zodiac sign? :::Scorpio
Height? :::5'4'' ish
[x] Part 2 -- Describe... [x]
Your heritage/nationality :::I'm American... Part Greek though
Your hair :::Its long...and blonde...layered
Your fears :::Being alone, getting hurt... i dont like germs...
Your perfect room :::Eh dont care too much
What you practically do in a day :::Camp, come on the computer, watch Degrassi, then usually hang out with someone
[x] Part 3 -- What is/are... [x]
Words you overuse :::Lately, a lot of bad words... Um... You tell me.
Phrases you overuse :::I know theres tons...but i cant think of them right now.
Your first thought when you wake up :::Shit...another day..can i stay asleep? Dreams are so much better than real life
Your greatest accomplishment :::I guess im not in a good enough mood to think about good things
Something you want to do :::Get out of this country, help the world, be happy.
[x] Part 4 -- This or that [x]
Pepsi or Coke :::Neither
McDonald's or Burger Kings :::McDonalds
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera :::Eh... I like Christina's voice
Chocolate or vanilla :::Chocolate
Adidas or Nike :::Um? Adidas
Black or white :::Black
Bills or Coins ((Think $$$)) :::Bills
Burgers or hot dogs :::Cheese Burgers
Egypt or France :::Hmm... Both...i really want to visit both
Rock or rap :::Rock
[x] Part 5 -- Do you...[x]
Smoke :::no
Cuss :::yes
Sing well :::Doubt it
Sing in the shower :::Yes
Talk to yourself --a lot-- :::not usually....
Believe in yourself :::Nope
Like taking these longass surveys? :::nope
Play an instrument :::nope
Want to go to college? :::Yes
Want to get married? :::not sure
Want to have children? :::yes
Think you're a health freak? :::Yes
Get along with your parents :::No
Get along with your siblings? :::No
Think you're popular :::No
[x] Part 6 -- In the past month have you..[x]
Gone out of state :::yes
Drank alchohal :::no
Smoke :::yes
Get high :::no
Done any drugs :::no
Eaten an entire box of oreos :::no
Been on stage :::yes
Gone skinny dipping :::no
Been dumped :::no
Dyed your hair :::yes
Stolen anything :::no
[x] Part 7 -- Your friends! =D [x]
Craziest :::Can I skip this section? I think i will
Loudest :::
Most shy :::
Blondest :::
Smartest :::
Kindest :::
Best personality :::
Most talented :::
Best singer :::
Most ghetto :::
Drama Queen ((or King XP)) :::
Pain in the ass :::
The one you just want to strangle to death ((Homer Simpson style)):::
Funniest :::
Best person for advice :::
Dependable :::
Trustworthy :::
Druggie :::
Most likely to end up in jail :::
Person you've known the longest :::
[x] Part 8 -- The Last... [x]
Last dream :::Last one i can remember...was the one where 2 of my friends almost let me drown when we went rafting...then they ditched me
Last nightmare :::Above
Car ride :::driving home from work?
Last time you cried :::Yesterday...camp, home, Brittany's car, concert (in the seats) then concert on the blanket
Last movie seen :::Bourne Supremecy
Last movie rented :::Mystic River
Last book read :::Hm wow...don't know
Last word said :::Don't know..havent talked out loud for like an hour
Last curse word said :::Damn it.
Last time you laugh :::Last night talking with Scott
Last phone call :::About an hour ago
Last CD played :::Audioslave
Last song you listened to :::What You Are
Last annoyance :::My mom
Last IM :::Q
Last weird encounter :::Dunno
Last person you hugged :::Neil last night
Last person you yelled at :::My mom
Last time you wore a skirt :::A few days ago
Last time you've been evil :::Last night? Only because i was angry/ upset
Sarcastic? :::I don't know that im all that sarcastic anymore...but probably a few times today
Last time you fought with your parents :::Today
Last time you wished upon a star :::I'll do that tonight
Played Truth or Dare :::Long long time ago
Spent quality time alone :::Right now...i guess
[x] Part 9 -- I swear this is the last one! -- Randomness [x]
Are you talking to someone on AIM :::Not anymore
Do you feel lonely :::Yes
Ever TP'd someone's house :::No
How about egging someone's house :::No
Do you not like dislike not like me? :::Huh?
Ain't Eminem and 50 Cent just fine? :::No
Yo Momma :::No yo Momma!
Ever been so hungry you felt like you could eat the person next to you? :::no
What do you think of George Bush? :::Ick
Any secret fetishes? :::...
Do you like to wear chains? O_o :::no
How many languages do you speak? :::1
Damn.. are your fingers tired? Cause mine sure are! :::no
Glad this is over? ((Say yes and I'll stalk you =P)) :::not really...on to the next one

Bored? ((Over 100 questions)) brought to you by BZOINK!

2 Pirates | X marks the spot


toki

:: 2004 28 July :: 1.03am
:: Mood: Ummm...

I need to sleep more. I think that's my problem.

I've been an idiot. Letting stupid things get me angry. Thinking stupid thoughts. And I'm so pissed off at me. And many other people too. It's just...I'm losing all my patience and I can tell that I'm going to just explode soon. The next thing that pisses me off..and boom. Fun, eh?

I don't know anything right now. Just...gr. I wish I could write in more detail, but you'd think I was stupid. So here is where I quit.

The concert was overall pretty fun tonight. Talked to Brittany. Which was fun. I haven't seen her in like 2 years. So yeah. Good times all around.

Poo. Ok. School tomorrow. Bye.
-Patrice

1 Pirate | X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 27 July :: 12.31am
:: Mood: meish

So yeah, I don't like reality. And that's as far as that subject goes.

Happy Birthday To The Pants!!! He's a whole 18 years old. Gasp-p-p-p....

So I worked today. He told me to go home at 8, but I wanted to work more. So I asked to stay. I ushed more. Found $2.49 on the floor. woo.

Called my mom and told her to pick me up 45 mins past when I was really done. Tehehe, I'm a bad child. Oh well. Then sat. Talked with people. and yeah. Ok. Project time. Night.

X marks the spot


Toki

:: 2004 26 July :: 1.55am

I'm a terrible person.

Screw it. What can I do about it now?

X marks the spot

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