Toki
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2004 1 February :: 6.56pm
:: Mood: blank
I'm mad. The hot water in my house is dead until wednesday. I think I'm gonna take a shower now. It'll only be colder later. :-\ Gaaaahhhrr..I'm gonna die...Ok Wish me luck. Why couldn't this happen over the summer? Atleast it would be semiwarm in the house...but noooo...Damn this house. I hate it. Grrr...Ok...to that shower...then to homework....then maybe food...No superbowl tonight. Oh no...how sad.
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Toki
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2004 31 January :: 1.15pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Floggin Molly
Yeah...so overall, I kinda liked yesterday. School was kinda..errrr...but we went to Jill's after and that was fun. We played animal crossing, planned our weddings..which was fun...then we ate and no one cried...O.o and we watched Spice World. Which is the stupidest movie I think was ever made. It's a freggin our long and nothing happens lol. So one second they're dancing with guys wearing man thongs in Italy and then next thing you know, an alien is grabbing scary spice's boob. O.o;; It's kinda weird. I mean, I was like 9 years old when I saw that! No wonder I'm so corrupt now.
So I was thinking...you know how teh spice girls were all about "girl power"? So they were supposedly all "yeah feminism...girls you dont need guys to be powerful" But they still dressed all slutty and stuff to grab the guy's attention. And they're always actign so..stupid...like "i'm a girl, i can't do that...blah blah blah...watch me be a stereotype..." Isn't that the exact opposite of girl pwer? I thought so. No wonder there are so many girls walking around now all slutty and such. They got embedded in their mind from these type of girl groups that you can be a strong individual who doesnt need a guy...as long as you reveal half your skin and walk around like a skank. ::nods:: I mean, truely, have y ou ever once looked at the spice girls and said "wow, now those are feminists..." Noo, Grrr... it makes me mad. If you're gonna be all feminist...then be al teh way not sending mixed messages to formable young minds.....Gahhhhrrr ::rant stops here::
So you wanna hear why I'm going crazy?? Ok..here it is.
Ok..so i got home and i couldnt sleep, so i watched a movie..and it was like 12:15 and my door bell rings and i got so freaked out, cuz everyone was home already and who would come to my house at 12:15..ya know? So i go upstairs with a stick to hurt them if they tried to kill me lol..and i looked through the window and no1 was there...i didnt check to see if a car was there...butno1 else in my house heard it and i know it happened tho...cuz the dog heard it...cuz she was barking...so someone drove up and rang the doorbell and its freaky.
Ok...my dad's here with my lunch... I want food...mmmm foood!!! See you people later!
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mudpiegrl
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2004 30 January :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: *ringing in my ears*
I’ll write about the concert later cuz it’s nearly time to leave but im tired as fuck (it’s really fuckin tired sandy) lol but my back hurts and my neck and im tired cuz jen couldn’t sleep so she talked (am not shur if it was to herself or to us after we started trying to go to sleep) *still love ya jen* okie one minute…bye!
2 Pirates |
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Toki
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2004 29 January :: 5.30pm
Ok...No one that I know of is planning on suicide...neither am I. I just read this. and it's smart. I don't know. I liked it, so you read it.
You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out.
Fine--but before you kill yourself consider these facts:
Suicide is not usually successful.
You think you know a guaranteed way?
Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But, both his arms are gone.
What about jumping?
Ask John. He used to be intelligent , with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain- damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.
What about pills?
Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.
What about a gun?
Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide.
You might too.
But...
Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job- -but SOMEONE has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned?
Your father?
Your mother?
Your wife?
Your son?
The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.
Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now.
You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police.
They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.
You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it?
Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later.
And we'll work with whatever you have left.
please take that and put it in your journal/diary/ or whatever.
2 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 26 January :: 9.04pm
Q and stunkel have taken up residence in my house...i think ill die now...not really, they arent that bad...i think its more to show off when theyre being insane...theyre actually pretty cool...later...
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mudpiegrl
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2004 26 January :: 5.21pm
:: Mood: awful
:: Music: "we are under a winter...um...storm advisery"
pudding
i made pudding. chocolate cherry!
im eating the whole bowl
then ama do some hmwk
then ama call jen and were going to paint patrick...then ill come home and do more hmwk...cuz guess what guys
im doing it
amazing i know. im st ill eating pudding...
ooh empire commercial is on.
my head really hurts.
okie...bye...
2 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 24 January :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: cell phone rings
stunkel and Q
im not really annoyed...cept theyre playing with cell phone rings...were waiting for the chinese food...star search is on...i watched big fish...its really good! it made me smile and cry and jen, do you want to see the butterfly effect with me? okie thats all for now...i forgot what i was going to say...lol Q plays drums for a band htat contains kurt, shavel, devon, fritz, and farrell. lol...i laughed...
3 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 24 January :: 1.54pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: tv movie music
dream
so i had a dream. you know how you have deja vu dreams? well i had one of those a long time ago...where i was in an elevator with two other people and i just knew the elevator broke and i was going to die. but that was it. i just knew it never happened. last night i had a dream and i was eating something with shrimp in it and i left the table and took the plate i think to go to a hotel room and i was eating it with my fingers. i got in the elevator and the door closed and it started going and i realised it was the same as the dream before so i threw down the plate and screamed (or maybe it was in my head) we're going to die! the elevator stopped and fell. i was in it until it was almost to the bottom and then the view was from the top of the shaft and i saw the elevator smash on the floor...which is weird cuz if you know anything about elevator shafts, they usually go a floor lower than the last floor, not just stop on the floor, unless of course it ended a floor before the one it landed on...i dont know...well anyway. somehow i ended up out side of the elevator and sort of wondered what happened to the two guys (there was one on either side of me and the one on the right had a business suit on that i ruined with the shrimp) but the floor was cold, white and empty...i tried to hold on and when i was about to give up, a man and his two little girls came. i knew them, but i was still a kid so it wasnt my husband and daughters. i erm...cant think of word. well i dragged myself toward them and the little girl sat next to me. i told her that i needed help, because you know, it wasnt completely obvious. so i ended up in a hospital bed and my mum and the nurse were in there and my mum was catering to me like she always does when am sick. everyone was there. my friends i noticed patrice and jen and sandy...but everyone else had their back turned. one day, i was laying in the bed and i heard the doctor say soemthing to my mum and i didnt like it. i waited until they were gone and went out. i went down the hallway which looked oddly like a white vernon hills high school hallway with lockers. i dont know what happend after that...the dream is diminishing from my brain.
1 Pirate |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 22 January :: 6.05pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: "soundscapes" from my satellite provider
turnabout
this whole turnabout thing is pissing me off. ive got to talk to neil...maybe we'll just go by ourselves.i dont want to go to an italian place and i know im going to lose that battle. jill wont go if its crazy, jackie wont go if patrice doesnt go and the person patrice was going to ask (or so said jackie) just got asked. why does this cause so much shit. why cant we all just ask who we want and go in groups of four! ::hff:: my dress is pretty tho...that im happy about. and ill smell nice (ama take a shower) thats always a good thing.
5 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 22 January :: 12.57am
oh fuck. i forgot waht i was going to type in here. ooh yea thats right! um...i probably already talked to you about this, but eh. i think that i want to major in psychology and minor in scenic art....thats theatre art and psychology without a double major! woo! now to find a college that does that...
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mudpiegrl
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2004 21 January :: 11.55pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: david letterman
turnabout
so seeing as everything is already planned (rarr) my mum is trying to plan everything and arg! shes making appointments and i had everything all decided and now shes confusing me and i dont know what to do and now im getting frustrated. so i tried to decide on a hairstyle...and cant. can you help me?
my favourite
pineapples!
i think it looks cool...
this ones pretty
a load of different things the sixth row to the ninth on the left i like.
eh thats it. if you guys like anything tell me! please!
3 Pirates |
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Toki
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2004 21 January :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Times Like These
Sheep and Goats
My journal's kinda dying. I didn't want it to, I promised myself I would keep it up until atleast I graduated high school. And I'm deteremined(took me a while to think of the word) to keep this. Wooooo...damn crew ending as soon as I get energy. I'm like woosh right now. I wanna talk to everyone and be all WOOOSH LOOK AT ME I CAN TALK! Ahhhhh I'm so bored.
So we made sheep today at crew. And they're all designed to look like people. It's soo funny!! Those damn fuzzballls on the damn sheep though. Theyre so hard to carve. Especially in the pink foam, even though the white stuff is messier, its easier to make small circles on. Damn fuzzies on damn sheep.my finger is like raw from using that sandpaper. Clean up your mess...damn that song. And the badger song...they never leave your head. Hmmm...Nicks' being weird. People are actually talkign to me online. Its fun. Mike, Melanie, Wender, and Nick. Its the most IM boxes I've had up in forever. Ahh! Jorie's online...she should IM me..::nods:: that'll be FIVE CONVOS!!! YAY!! SHE IMED ME!!!! :-D Why isn't danielle online? That butthead. I need to send her a purple seamonkey...I'm making it now. People stopped talking. I'm a butthead. I'm mean. I'll apologize. Ok. I finished the seamonkye for danielle...ill send it to her now. wooo! You guys wannna see the monkey?? If you ask, I'll send it to you. I think I should sleep now. Get ready for another *fun* day in patrice land..Woooo...closing remarks....turnabout sucks. Goodnight.
~patrizzle
2 Pirates |
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mudpiegrl
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2004 20 January :: 1.25pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: ::chit, chat::
ooh...has been time...
Hello to you all…ive been really hyper lately…and jen has been bugging me to update so I figure I should. I kinda miss this journal; no I haven’t moved on or anything its just the computer holds less entertainment than it once did, owed mostly to the fact that my computers don’t fucking work. So sandy…I reset it. ::hug:: how did he find it? I asked jill…
Jen got a hamster! Her name is GODIVA MILK CHOCOLATE…we think shes pregnant. I want a doggie. But I don’t have a doggie. Last night I watched independence day at neils…he watches that movie soo much its like me and harry potter holy geez…I mean…cheese and rice! Lol (see just married) ooh I watched loads of movies which I put in here…I shud probably finish telling you about theatre fest, but another time. Um…last night I was playing with neils cologne cuz he has adidas, tommy, and calvin klein and I wanted to smell them all…well I sprayed calvin klein on him cuz he already had some on and he wasn’t going anywhere so it didn’t matter if he smelled too much…and then I put tommy on a Kleenex and just about died cuz it was so strong at first…and I got up to get the adidas and opened it and it poured on me! Eep! Cuz it was a pour top rather than a spray bottle and I didn’t know that so I smelled like sweet shit all night and bahhhh…so I don’t like that one that much. Its good he uses calvin stuff that’s my favourite…but I think he smells better by himself anyways………eeehh…that sounds wrong but you all know what I mean. My eye hurts. Its being weird.. like watering and heating up and shit its strange
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so I tried to change my gym because they only have the option of weight training and team sports every other day. Plus I’m not amazed at the people in there. I love Katherine but I don’t really know tim or tiffany and jackies changing and goli’s there too but I didn’t find that out until I had already decided. So I went to mrs. Firnbach to change it and she said that shes not supposed to but shell talk to bauer. And then told me to go ask bauer cuz there was time left in the period. So I wnet and she asks “why” and am like eep what to say?! “because I don’t know anyone” “too bad, youre going to have to make some new friends” ARGG!! ARG TO YOU BAUER I DESPISE YOU! Okie so caps lock off…
I passed art. I got an A on the final even though I did something totally different than the assignment. It was supposed to be a campaign poster to campaign yourself for president. I campaigned a neighbourhood watch act lol. Okie well…I passed all my classes, the real ones all with D’s how lucky. I passed. That’s sad when you can say youre lucky with D’s. ::hug:: to everyone who is either having a bad day or just feels like a hug! Adios.
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Toki
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2004 19 January :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: exanimate
:: Music: Michelle
Turnabout is soonish
It's been a while since I wrote in here. Lotsa stuff going on. I'm talking to my stalker boy from last summer right now. I don't like him. He's really nice but then he starts acting like an ass and being all "Are you a lesbian? Are you a virgin?" and I'm just like....Grow up. Please. Whatever, I probably won't see him ever again. We aren't going back this year, NC instead. Kinda mixed feelings. No juke box :-( No good fudge :-( but NC is awesome, so I'm torn. Yeah.
I was bored today. My mom woke me up at 10:30 and and said I had to watch Joey, but I had crew. So she said she'd hurry back and take me a little late. She came home at 3:30. It made me kinda mad. I don't know if I even want to do crew for this show. I'm starting to hate it. I hate him. I understand if there's no props for this damn show but the least he can do is tell me that there's nothing for props now instead of pretending like he's "still thinking" or "still discussing with Freichls". For this show all he's doing is having the crew make the props and all that stuff. I'm ok with that. I love set crew. Just fucking tell me instead of leaving me here without knowing what the hells going on. What would happen if I just quit crew? Not quit, just became a nonfrequent crew person like everyone else? If I stopped devoting my life to something that doesn't even need me?
Okay, less serious issue. Turnabout is coming up soon. Should I go? I kinda want to, cuz most of my friends are and it'll be fun but it seems stupid to go without a "date", and I don't have anyone I could ask. Cuz yeah...I'm me. If I had a friend willing to go without a date, I would do it. Or if I was friends with a guy well enough to be like "lets go.." "Ok". But if I ask anyone it'll be all GASP! Ya know? I can't explain it. All my friends have dates...even if they haven't asked yet. And I don't know what to do. Or I could go see LoTR again...hm..
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