::
2003 7 December :: 8.13pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: the ataris, the saddest song
I remember waiting for you to come remember waiting for you to call waiting there to find nothing at all so I pretend im doing all I can and hope someday you'll find it in your heart to understand why
i have controversial thoughts about weekends, of course they are an intended break from the harshness involved in reality but they seem to have morphed into a time lacking motivation, a time when you have that one person on your mind continuously and you cant concentrate being without them... or maybe im the only one like that :/
this weekend was the highly respectable west coast dance explosion convention workshop and competition, muchos enjoyment there, [& it was at Harborside... ahhhh the memories], though i am deadly tired and will be out of it tomorrow... speaking of tomorrow
::
2003 7 December :: 5.36pm
:: Music: dashboard, rapid hope loss
thanks for waiting this long to show yourself, because now that I can see you I dont think you're worth a second glance...
So much for all the promises you made
They served you well And now you're gone and their wasted on me
So much for you're endearing sense of charm It served you well And now its gone and you're wasted on me I guess that all youve got is all you're gonna get
So much for...So much more
i have started this entry an unmentionable number of times, but each time i have deleted the select text as for no one to read what i had to say... im bundled in a hoodie currently, reading various journals of those who i wish i knew better, of those who i want to talk to, of those who i want to become friends with :/
onto the past week though, thursday i didnt attend school, i awoke in the dead of night shaking uncontrolably for at least half an hour before i sat up and became sick, not too pleasant of an experience, it seems as if i am always becoming sick, it takes me quite a length of time to overcome most sicknesses, thus i slept in until noon then completing multiple homework assignments
the weekend you inquire? more in a later entry, i need to complete this economic paper that i have to be focused on to understand
::
2003 7 December :: 5.29am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: here without you
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight it’s only you and me
i got that outta haileys jrnl.. it, i dunno... reminds me of stuff...
i talked to reid for almost 2 hours already... i felt soo... i duno... greatful that i have a guy like him in my life..i still dont understand how i got him...
maybe kim is right.. i just am a ugly bitch.. i dont kno..
i hate when people bring me down to their pathetic level...
it juss... makes me wanna scream..
ashie tauht me how to make stuff bold.. i was very happy lol.. im wearin the outfit i think ima wear tomorro.. but i duno.. i dont feel so..... i duno what the word is..
reid has to work tomorro.. does that figure... every year my brithday sux.. tomorro will really suck..
::
2003 7 December :: 2.56am
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: whats love
1 more day till muh bday.... im not sooo happy about it anymore.. yeah i am because i getta wear sum new clothes.. but i think thats it......
lsat night me and amanda got into it... she was crying so i went online n read her online jrnl at livejournal.com....
she saw me.. and so she ran upstairs, screaming.. she went in my rooom.. took my other diary.. and ripped it to shreads.. i was fine.. nothing major.. then she went into my room again and tried to rip up my other one.. i pinned her against my bed.. she pulled like a chunk of hair out n it hurt... n like punched me.. i was juss holding her down.. she stood there after i let her up and cried... i wanted to kill.... then she called my dad.. he didnt even get what she did to me cuz she didnt tell him.. but i got in trouble n she didnt.. what a bday pres. huh?? started crying and i had ashie over.. so she helped me.. then we picked up all the the pieces.. n we taped them back together lol...
i juss got home from an sga thing.. im so drained.. im gunna go...
::
2003 6 December :: 4.43am
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: my sunshine
i dont kno... im really mad at nick... amandas old bf..... he ruined her 16th birthday... he broke up with her the stupid fuck... my mom sadi she was up crying at 3 in the morning over the fucker... thats the 3rd year in a row her birthday has sucked... the first 2 were cuz of me wearing her clothes n me and daddy fighting... and then nick.. i mean it was her sweet 16... sometimes i wish i could be in amandas place.. just so she wouldnt be so sad all the time..
i rememebr when i used to cry and cry and i thought nothing would ever be right... it seems tahts how amanad is... i kno i dont act like a great sister to her... but i dont kno.. i dont kno how to act since were soo different.. and seh thinks im anorexic n a slut.. she needs to get to kno me better.. im not either of those things... i dont want to be either of those things.. im trying my damndess to gain weight.. im juss not gaining any...
for some reason i feel.. empty... i think im jus tired since i talked to reid forever.. ash is coming over in about an hour... oooooooh god im tired n juss.... BLAH!!
oh yah
i talked to erika kinda.... the tohe rday..
shes like.."why are u talking ot me"...
everyone thinks i hate them... im the kinda person who cant hate someone... sooner or later i just get over what anyone did to me..
kim greenwood tho..if she kisses or touches reid again im going to fukn blow her brains out.. i cant stand the bitch.. the thing that gets me tho is he LETS her kiss him... thats what REAAALYYYYYYYY gets me... oh w.e... he talked about last night having a baby agin.. i dont kno im WAY to young.. can he really love me that much??
im going to wait off on sex.. n if he cant understand that then all he thinks of is what i look like.. personally, i think im the ugliest thing livin n breathin...
i need to talk to reid.. he makes me feel so much better...
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
When you're not happy
My skies are grey
You'l never know, dear
How much I love you
So please don't take
My sunshine
Away
Hello..
Tonight ash is coming over. her n i havnt chilled since well... like 2 months before i moved! My birthday is on monday... 2 days.. i was really excited but well.. now im not.. its weird.. last night i went out for food... at carabbas.. it was really good.. but yeah that food doesnt agree with muh stomache all tha time tho..buts its ok..
i talked to reid last night for a long time...
he told me ALOT of stuff and i duno... im happy he told me.. but i duno. i love him to death. he actually had me crying last night because i tol dhim so much stufff...
someone posted in my journal about my icon being so dramatic n suicidalish...i mean
people need to read muh jouranl.. thouraouglt to find out... ill write later.. dirty dancing is on..
Lauren
::
2003 5 December :: 3.35am
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: Cant hold us down
HEY!!!!!!!
today was a nice day at school considering a i slept SOOOOOOOO much tODAY!!!!!
my birthday is in.............. 3 DAYS!!!!! monyda!!!!!!!!! I CANTTTTTTTTTTT WAIT!!!!!!! Hummmmmmmmmm Im tired.............. me n reid are ok.... still havnt REALLY seen him.. but talk to him alot.... i guess that can count for sumpfin cant it?????
were going out to dinner tonight for me n mandas birthday... HOOOORAY!!!!! i might have ashie over.. her n i havnt done anythin together since well...... highschool.. lol...
i talked to emily last night... i seriously thought she was dead.. its such a relief to kno that shes ok..
my journal was messed up yesturday.. haha im trying to get windows XP.. so yeah im out!
LuV aLwAyS
LAUREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
2003 3 December :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: jimmy eat world, ten
I can't bring myself to say it's my own advice I need, nowhere and then nowhere, we need poison sometimes, so take another drink with me, blame no one, look in my eyes and blame no one...
Its going to get worse before it gets better...
You can't always be down or out. But if you try you won't be found. You can't always get what you want. That's for sure
i really have nothing to write of :/
only one thing on my mind as i type, that i cant be proven wrong, but no matter... maybe it wasnt meant to be proven wrong
ohh im listening to my personalized LaunchCast Radio and i am infatuated with sugarcult! currently, their song lost in you found on the start static cd is playing... and im loving every moment of it!! even better, chris has juss signed on! and to think i was having a could-have-been-better day! doesnt have to end that way i suppose :)
"You must remember this, a kiss is still a kiss". Your romance is Casablanca. A classic story of love in trying times, chock full of both cynicism and hope. You obviously believe in true love, but you're also constantly aware of practicality and societal expectations. That's not always fun, but at least it's realistic. Try not to let the Nazis get you down too much.
::
2003 1 December :: 4.23am
:: Mood: naughty
:: Music: what these bitches want from a nigga
Hola!
Omg! ok
lets see here
on saturday.. i saw reid at the mall!!!!!! luckyyyyyyyy me. it wasnt that long tho :(... ive beeeeeen talking to him tho its soooooooooooooooooooooooooo great.......
on sunday, i went to burger king to film our video for english with liz n lauren and well that was a different kinda story lol...
ok well lauren was like an hour late.. we got kick outta burger kind because this one lady was being such a bitch.. then we were going to film outsdie of burger king n the camera died...... omg my mom is such a bitch,. she started FLIPPING out on me saying that i was going with someone else and that i was lying abotu where i was gong and who was going to be there.. so i gave liz the phone n liz said sorry but the camera died n my mom said.."thats ok i just dont trust my daughter"
ok thats pathetic she said that to a total stranger... well a stranger to her
i was like BITCH!!!!!! i hated her ....
then we went to dinner lst night. i was very quiet... i had those things in my stomache again. damn they hurt.. but i mean they went away pretty fast so i guess i sholdnt be complainin.
alright now to the sweet part of my thanksgivin break
on sataurday night i was talking to reid from like..... 10 till like 330 lol.. it was so great
n e way
we were talking and he said.....
"i love you so much"
"yeah me too"
"you know... i love you so much id get you pregnant just so i can always be with you"
"wow thats pretty creepy but thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me"
omg then he went n told me sum other stuff..... haha cass i know i said i wouldnt write that in here but its sooooooo sweet n its on my mind cuz i juss got off the phn with him!! hehe
i have all county auditions tomorro. im sooooooooo nervous....... haha i took my test today on it.i really didnt do that bad beleieve it or not...
im getting my birthday outfit tonight!!!!
omg its soooooooooooooo adorable. you have no idea. i cant wait to wear it on monday!!!!!!!
7 days!!!!!!!
i lUv YoU!!!!!
lAuReN!
I've been waiting a long time for this moment to come im destined for anything...at all Why Am I Here? - One of Life's Basic Questions
This is one of four fundamental questions of life. The other three being, "Who am I (what am I worth)?"; "Where did I come from?"; and "Where will I go when I die?" Every thinker who has ever lived has considered one or more of these questions at least once in their life. It is best to consider first, "where did I come from?" The answer to this question relates directly to the other three. There are only two solutions to this controversial question. A third possibility has never been conceived. The implication is there are only two real solutions to the other three questions as well.
Why Am I Here? - Two Worldviews on the Answer
What you believe about this question depends on your worldview of history. The two worldviews are Special Creation (Somebody made everything), and Naturalistic Evolution (everything made itself). Either Someone made the universe (space, time, matter and energy, with all of their complexity, all the laws, such as gravity, inverse squares, cause and effect, thermodynamics, etc.) or nobody made the universe. Prior to the 20th century, it was debated whether or not the universe was eternal. 20th century science confirmed that the universe indeed had a beginning. So how and why did it begin?
Why Am I Here? - An Evolutionist's Answer
If Naturalistic Evolution is true, you are here for no reason at all. You serve no purpose. Your every action is futility. You will cause no lasting effect, and your life is utterly meaningless. Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you die. "Where did I come from?" Everything -- you and I are the result of random chance. The universe is a cosmic accident. "Who am I (what am I worth)?" You are a bunch of random chemicals that came together by chance. We are individually worthless. You are nobody important. If you can't survive by your own strength and cunning, it would be best if you died quickly so that you will not use up valuable resources. "Where will I go when I die?" You will be recycled into a worm or a plant. This philosophy is reflected in the actions of some of the world's most notorious evolutionists. Hitler orchestrated the Holocaust in the name of evolution. He was determined to kill everyone who was not Aryan (generally, blonde haired and blue eyed). Aryans, he thought, were the most evolved and should not have to share the world's resources with any inferior animals (the rest of the world's population). Stalin, a communist (communism being a political philosophy founded upon Naturalistic Evolution), murdered between 60 and 100 million people (the exact figure is uncertain). Pol Pot, a strong believer in evolution, murdered half of his country's entire population. These men were strong believers in evolution and survival of the fittest. If Naturalistic Evolution is true, these men did nothing wrong. If Naturalistic Evolution is true, these men are basic role models.
Why Am I Here? - A Creationist's Answer
If Special Creation is true, you were created for a purpose. You should endeavor to fulfill this purpose. The obvious first step is to discover that purpose. "Where did I come from?" You came from the Creator. You are His creature, and are subject to His authority. To deny His authority may have serious consequences. "Who am I (what am I worth)?" The Creator values you individually. You have worth to Him. If someone harms you, they are accountable to Him, to whom all things belong. If you harm yourself, you are accountable to Him, to whom all things belong. "Where will I go when I die?" You came from the Creator. When you have served your purpose, or are no longer able to serve your purpose, it follows that you will return to Him from whom you came.
Am I Here? - What Is Your Answer?
Your answer to this question depends on what you believe. Both worldviews are contrary to one another. One is true, and the other is false. Whether you've thought about it or not, your choice of an answer carries enormous ramifications. It would be best to consider all the evidence before making either decision. Study the design inherent to all things. Does it imply a Designer, or incredible chance? Study the personal nature of human beings. If you were created, it follows that the Creator is a personal Being. What do personal beings desire above all things? Personal relationships with other personal beings. On your deathbed, will you surround yourself with your material possessions so that you may say farewell? Or will you surround yourself with those whom you love most? Are your memories filled with objects or sharing those objects with others? "Why are you here?" What is your answer?
::
2003 30 November :: 2.38pm
:: Mood: satisfied
:: Music: yellowcard, october nights
Light will creep in soon and I still haven't slept a wink, I wish the sun would hide its head so I could watch you dream some more...
awoke with a smile on my face and thoughts of the previous day captivating my mind, i laid in bed for hours thinking over the occurences even before debating when to stand upright...
yesterday was by far the day that exceeds all others, spent the day at chris's house and nearby park, it was the first time we had been together for such a duration after getting back together... its great now that i can be with him again and not glance from afar, even after being together for six hours we couldnt be seperated on the internet last night :) we watched the matrix reloaded, this time i was awake to appreciate the intelligence that went into producing such a film, and talked for hours... i love how comfortable i am around chris!
earlier this morning my mother n i decorated our favored christmas tree with the gorgeous assortment of ornaments collected over the years... sentimental moment! we are disembarking for lunch soon enough, the last day of thanksgiving break this would be...
::
2003 28 November :: 6.37pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: third eye blind, crystal baller
It's the way that he makes you feel, It's the way that he kisses you, It's the way that he makes you fall in love...
awoke at daybreak to venture to ft. myers beach for the remainder of the day...it was the absolute perfect day for the beach, not overcast nor deadly hott n tonight there is a dramatic coldfront sweeping across our region thus the next few days would be chilly! all in all today was the perfect day :)
of course we feasted at the greek resturant at time square... what would a day at the beach be without a chicken souvlaki pita?? after laying out again for long enough after lunch, we went for an icecream cone, another favorite at the beach... then trekked along the pier admiring all the scenery :) hehe! i love how the beach has such abstract entertainment, from mimes to one man bands to sand sculptures, there is never a dull minute at the beach
i took this picture.. gorgeous isnt it? we were at the beach until sunset... plentiful photo oppurtunities there, we looked like tourists alright!
now back home i am dead
the sun has gotten to me :/
::
2003 28 November :: 4.31am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: what would you do
oh i dont kno.... it was so great the bigging of today... iw as soooo looking forward to seeing reid....... but that didnt happen.. im so sick of waiting. i want to see him. i need to see him. i want to be there every night and morning and just look up at him..
he told me that when i go over.. hes just going to hold me.. and kiss me like i have never been kissed before... he said he just wants to be with me... and nothing else...
oh he means so much to me... i cant stand it...
i feel like crying
i have all day since i realized.. yet another day will go by before i see him.. im beinging to think i will never see him
he means os much to me
he has kept me sane through the past week
i need to see himm
i really need to see hi m
its killing me
i feel soooo....
i dont know lost
it feels like i lost everything..
i talked to him forever today kinda.. hes always at fucking work
he needs to fucking quit work. thats all he ever does
work work work work work!
hes 17 for gods sake. he should stop... enjoy life alittle n only work like.. part time... to me, hes full time to that damn jasons delly. just about EVERY night hes at work until 9-10 o clock...
wow im starting to cry..
can a guy that i juss started talking to 2 weeks ago really make me feel this way??
i wish i understood life a little more. i wish i understood why alot of shit happens... but i mean.. im not that lucky
i knew something like this would happen
i knew somethign would get in the way of our relationship.....
i cant let it
im not going to....
i need him in my life
he seems to be the only thing that i care about right now
he has quieted so many of my fears
and made me look up to my dreams..
ill write later.. i need to go help my dad
give me a call... pelase
560-2738
Lauren
::
2003 28 November :: 9.03am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: With out you
Hi. my stomache hurts really bad. when i was on the phone with reid last night this pain just shot threw my stomache. it hurt sooo freakin bad....... ohwell.....
i was going to go shopping today... you kno for all the "early bird" sales because its the biggest shopping day, but i had a fever and a headache.. i think im getting sick
i cant get sick
im supposed to see reid..... i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to see him... we talked alot again last night..... about like everything.... again. i love having someone like that in my life.....
he has turned ita ll around..... i havnt had any time to think about bad stuff... onnly good. i love how life looks up. its the best feeling in the world!
my dog is looking at my like im possessed or something..... hmmmmmmmmmm oh welll...... i get to put up my christmas tree today.! every year i have this one tree that only i put up and it looks like a Charlie brown tree! its so cute. i put rainbow lights on it n stuff. its going to be the onyl christmas tree upstairs.! im kinda mad... we have usually like 5 trees in our house. this year we only have 3 :'( i think ill have to live cuz the 2 trees that we got rid of went to people that didnt have a treee. i think ima lil greedy :'(
nicola asked me what i watned for my bday ((thats in 10 days)) n i really have no idea. i think i dont kno because i dont care abotu it! ill write later!! mom comin in tha room
::
2003 27 November :: 8.51am
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: american pie
Hi!
today was actually a pretty good day. today was thanksgiving. we went over to grammy n pappys hosue. it was nice... i was swimming like the whole time tho lol......
i finally updated my backround ont his thing... it took me long enough to figure out but hey! its lauren your workin with! actually cassie is the one who told me how to do it or i woulda bin a dumb one n not have known. lol.....
NeWAY
the rEAAAAL reason im wrigin is to inform you
REID LOVES ME!!!!!omg .... he said that to me lsat night.... we tlaked for 2 hrs n 8 mins..... omg i love him soooooooo much!
i was sooooooooooooo happy... i told him ALOt about me... that only a couple people know...... then he told me alot about him. it juss makes me soooooo happy
OOOOOOOOh reid juss called........ i gotta call him back at 9 01 tho... because then its freeeee....... lol..... ok i gotta walk my lazy ass upstairs!!!!
MUAH~~~~
i love when life is actually going my way!!!!!!
56-2738
LaUr!
::
2003 27 November :: 5.58pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: dashboard confessional, the best deceptions
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights, and the cool guys that you spent them with, well I guess I should have heard of them from you...
here i sit with the LaunchCast Radio playing monotoneously on my desktop, though i am subconciously blocking out every verse, i have too many things clogging my mind now... but i love this site, you can choose which artists to play on your own station, where the music listens to you, i highly recemend you to take a look
onto other things...
thanksgiving was replenishing! my mother has for as long as i can remember made the best dinners, particularily the gravy :) ohh its to die for! it happened to be juss the four of us, as it has always been, sitting around the candle lite dinning room table clanking the crystal stem glasses containing champage during cheers... mmm!
havent talk to much of anyone today :/
i still have the picture taken at the olive graden of chris n i before homecoming on my bulletin board overlooking the desk... its nice to look at every now n again, brings back good memories, im glad we are back together, i didnt like being apart from him... didnt seem right...
::
2003 27 November :: 1.06pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: phantom planet, hey now girl
And I remember how you used to smile or how hard you used to try, It's in your eyes and I'm in a trance, A winter chill next to a spring romance, I stopped you just to say it...
last weekend i could be found in orlando at the Tremaine Dance Convention n Competiton held at the gorgeous Renissance World Resort, here the studio took home one 1st, two 2nd's, and a 3rd place trophy for our choreogrpahy... later that night jordyn n i went to our hotel room while our mothers still watching the competition, later did we learn... before the confusion, we had the best pillowfight down the whole 7th floor, locking in and out of rooms and down the glass elevator trying to escape discovery, i loved every minute of the convention and cant wait until nest year!
the last day of the weekend was spent in a groggy whirlwind of dancing, driving, and sleeping... after finally retiring to bed around 1am, i was out of it the next day, fortunatly though most of the day was spent driving back home reviewing the events of the weekend and contemplating over the newly bought clothing... overall i most enjoyed doug cauldwells class, his has always been my favorite :)
cant remember too much of monday, so onto the day that will remain as a stressful arrangment of happenings... im not too sure i want to type of all the things that blew me away, i will regret it later on, but im not too sure on where i stand as of now, i know that i did what i could but i tend to have second thoughts.. which i really shouldnt because this is all that i have wanted and more :/ , i juss need some form of assurance... but i have already gotten it, yes i cant look past it as i did in the past
burnout now is how it always ends for me
unfortunatly forever n today
<3
Hi!,
Today i read like a bajillion other peoples journals! i dont feel like my life is a total pointless thing completely anymoer!! haha. i talked to reid... hes with ryan today :'( i was supposed to see him today and fuk in the pool. lol. ((Jusssssssss Kiddin)) He didnt get his liscense cuz his mom was a bitch n didnt wanna stay forever at the DMV.... i need to take a drug n alchohol test lol.... i still needa... hummmmmmm at least if they did like take a pee sample i wouldnt have anything to worry about !!
Im trying to put music on this god damn journal thing. its juss not working n so im pisse.d i have like this one song that sumerizes my life down to a T. haha that rymed.
I cant wait till friday!!!!! reid said hed pick me up even tho he didnt get his liscence..... he cant get it until tues. due to the holiday!
i snuck amandas cell last night to talk to him. i needed to talk to him....hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i think im obsessed.. but then again.................. im not!
my birthday is in 12 days!!!!! i cant wait.... i have an all-county audition on ummmmmmm tuesday i think at cypress...... its kinda a waste of a night but what the hell. who cares?
im going to update you later. im still trying to change my journal to make it look cooler.
Love Yah!
MuAh!
::
2003 25 November :: 10.18am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: i dont give a fuck
wow! this thing is sooooooooooo cool.! haliey..... oops spelled name wrong but oh well taught me how to do this!!!! hheheheheh. anyways, i neeeeed to talk to him. i might go with him tomorro i cant wait.... i kno def. on frday ima go ovre his house. im so exceited.! ig ot my cell taken away lol i was on the phn wtih reid!
i fell asleep on alexs shoulder.. ooooops
i got a 96 on my bio test! things are actually starting to go well for me...!!!!!!! im happy. the thing someone posted really pisses me off..... arent i allowed to ever be happy and have a melodramatic thing anyway???? hmmmmm oh well well im a get in trouble if im caught on this late i lvoe you
call my cell even tho i might not answer
560-2738
,¡i|¹i¡¡i¹|i¡,
`'¹li¡|¡|¡il¹'`
::
2003 25 November :: 7.46am
:: Mood: rejuvenated
:: Music: blink 182, im lost without you
I swear that I can go on forever again, Please let me know that my one bad day will end, I will go down as your lover, your friend, Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin...
You are all over the board
You're a natural born trouble-maker. You hate authority and do everything you can to get around the law, or in some cases, break it. Naturally stubborn, you hardly ever sway once a decision is made. Your nature is fiery and courageous, and always out-going. You love attention and usually have kinky fetishes you're not afraid to explore. People either love you or hate you.
::
2003 23 November :: 4.40pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: phantom planet, i was better off
I thought that I was better off, I was wrong, I am where I don't belong In a flash, I am gone...
so here i am again, finding myself opposing the computer screen debating what few thoughts to type... in a following entry i will write of the weekend, but time is limited due to my going out!
in relation to the last entry, a comment was posted that seemed to be unfocused on the subject matter of the entry, maybe you assumed the entry was about austin... but it wasnt... it was about you, you're still going to read this and assume this is yet another lie, arhum... which it isnt, the part about not wanting to hurt others feelings was directed towards you, i know you dont want me to but i do :/
::
2003 23 November :: 4.18am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: bruised and broken
HeyHeyHey!
im in a luvly mood this afternoon!
my bedroom is finnnnnnallly put together!!!1 we finished today... well this morning.. ivve been sick all weekend but thats okay because i had nothing better to do with my life so i went to bed lol all of yesturday. today i did alot of running around with the church so im kinda tired.
i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALYL like Reid.. alex's friend. i dunno just something about his personallity i just cant get over. we talked for over 3 hours last night and finally got off the phn at like 3 am... it was sooooooooo great. i have had him on my mind all day long.
i want him to call me
i cant stop thinking.. i wanna go out with him really bad
i never knew he went out with noelle stilson.. that was a shocker for me
hes gone out with sooooooo many of the so called "popular" people so thats why im wondering why he wants to go out with me..
he gets his liceence on... wednesday... sometime in the morning and wed. is the first of 5 dfays for thanksgiving break.
oooooooooh i need to talk to him....... i love his personalyy. he cares soooooo much for people... and thats the biggest thing that i look for in a guy.... whether they actually care or not
alex doesnt he told me... so yeh im kind over that guy........ humm
i havnt felt this sincce uhhh....carlos?? lol
but its different. now i cant wait for him to call me. i need him to call me or itsl ike... something is missing its so weird. im not even goin gout with the kid..
i dont kno if he wants to be more then just friends tho... thats the thing. i think he does because of alot of what we talked about which was about everything under then sun.. its soooooo... AHH i just have butterflies in my stomache when i see on the caller id that its him.!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im going to call him
i love you!!!!!!!
MUAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!
LAUREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::
2003 21 November :: 5.11pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: american pie
hi!
i finally got the comp. im moved in! i have been for like 2 weeks. its sooooooo nice to have my own room. you have no idea about how much i missed. it . the sucky thing is tho is that i dont have blinds yet so yeah i gotta get changed in my closet. hahaha
yesturday was my concert. hehe it osunded sooo bad all me n nicola did was laugh becyase we sounded dthat pathetic,. haaha.i spent like the WHOLE time after schooool with alex. it was nice
but amanada wants on.. ill tell you more later
Lauren
::
2003 21 November :: 8.07am
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: three days grace, everything about you
Everytime we lie awake after every hit we take every feeling that i get but i haven't missed you yet…
This will be the last journal entry before the weekend to Orlando
As I type, I am in business n tech class, but I completed the typing project before the rest of the class, enabling me to type yet another entry :)
This weekend is going to be muchos fun!!! By the way, who posted the comment entitled “gone all weekend”? I think the reply was posted by jordyn but the first I have no idea, because the people I usually spend my weekend with are going up too :/ onto other things, though
A couple things to glimpse over…
I know I always over analyze things, which I really shouldn’t because the answer is right is what I had assumed from the beginning, but being me, I have to look at the situation from assorted angles to eventually realize the first was the right one… :/
Is the first look always the right one though? Is your first opinion always the one to follow? My first opinion on some things that I have recently been reviewing was much different from what I think now, if I had gone with my original thoughts, I never would have had the chance to experience what I have, I would have restricted myself from something so great… I realize this is vague but I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by stating what I originally was repelled by, but now that feeling has reversed, I am now engrossed
i dont know you anymore, wish i knew what's wrong, cant we try to slam that door, start a brand new song...
the best day i have had in a while
no solitare reason made the day what it was, but the synopsis was great...
after school, which went surprisingly well, i left for publix to expirence the holiday festivities taking place... we go every year and have so many sample sof egg nog we are sick in the bakery deparment :/... i was with jordyn when we were enduldging in egg nog icecream when the lady said she could remember making her own eggnog... then i questioned if she had churned her own butter too... that was the highlight of the event... that and the cute boy bagging at line 6 :)
afterwards, my mother n i went to applebees which was intruiging... i love talkign with her, and i found out quiet a lot also... i seemed to be the source of information when all along i thought it was someone else :/
this weekend will be spent in a whirlwind at the tremaine dance competiton, highly respected, results will be posted in the entry to follow
::
2003 15 November :: 4.33pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: three doors down, here without you
A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face, A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same, But all the miles had separate, Th
i was listening to here without you in the car yesterday and the song is stuck in my head... but im not complaining, i adore this song :)
I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
but tonight it’s only you and me
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never knows what you're going to come up with next; this creates great excitement and arousal never knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end in a kiss as great as your mystery.
::
2003 15 November :: 4.15pm
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: all american rejects, happy endings
life itself isn't measured in in the number of breaths you take... but rather in the number of moments that take your breath away
Your soul is bound to the Burning Rose: The
Rapture.
"I go where my heart beckons me, and I go
with my head high. But sometimes, I get a need
until I bleed so my heart swims above my
head."
The Burning Rose is associated with passion,
intensity, and desire. It is governed by the
god Eros and its sign is The Flame, or Physical
Love.
As a Burning Rose, you can get lost in the moment
if you let yourself. You are a very physical
person, be it in relationships, work, or play.
You may be driven by your hormones sometimes,
but you know it's because you have to follow
your instinct.
i have a bottomless pit of homework and declared that i was taking a short break to update my journal and take a solitary quiz, as i did, the results are posted above...
yesterday was indescribable, i dont even know what to write about it... humm... i was thinking not too long ago about how superb of a time i had at homecoming then that led into thinking about how much i miss chris, but its over now and i shouldnt still be attached, maybe this is why i am typing that, if someone reads this it provides more incentive to dettach, should i need incentive? do i need to dettach? maybe i need to do something else... something unsaid... :/
to vent on earlier events, on wednesday the english teacher accused me of plaigerism on an analytical paper discussing "story of an hour"... she stated that there was no way i could have written this and that it would affect my IB status, thus she sent my paper down to the IB coordinator to run through this program that checks for any resemblance of previous literary works, it turned out negative, and i was congratulated on my work by the coordinator, but i doubt the teacher will mention her wrongdoing to me, not saying that accusing me was wrong, because im sure it was a general precaution, but she was wrong for threatening my IB status and not giving myself the chance to say i was innocent...
::
2003 13 November :: 9.06pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: good charlotte, the modivation proclamation
I'm paid to smile, now I'm on trial for what you think I said, But I never said that everything would be ok, And I never said that we would live to see another day...
the previous day i sprained my ankle at dance
so the remainder of the week will be spent limping down the vast hallways of ft. myers senior high school :/
tomorrow im having several people over to watch 28 days later and hang out over at my house! that will be grand... hopefully :)
its kinda novel though, because chris is coming over and i dont know what to make of that, jordyn has told me different conversations she supposedly had with him but they seem to be all lies, but there was one inncident on monday that i think was an unspoken instance of wanting...? for lack of enhanced vocabulary, we both knew it, nothing had to be said
you will deny it though, debating the thought never occured to you but i beg to differ, it did cross your mind and you did it on purpose, which i love! or maybe it juss did happen to be a coincidence, althought doubtful, very doubtful...
