LindseyEthatsMe
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2003 25 December :: 1.13pm
:: Mood: extremely happy hyper excited crazy
:: Music: warning sign- cold play
christmas finally
wow this christmas has definitely been the best ever. i got the guitar i had wanted plus lessons and a case and strap and picks and an amp- wow that was a lot of 'ands', a new digital camera that is itty bitty- it fits in my pocket, a new cd player that is also an mp3 player, cds, dvds- both lord of the rings! and of course, clothes. i dont think i could have asked for a better christmas- and what better way to spend it than with your family? well im done talking for now... -Lindsey
"piercing pain"
remember the night
when you said the stars
shone like diamonds
as you played with my hair
and told me my eyes
glowed a different shade
of blue
as you kissed me
and told me your
secrets and asked
me new questions
about us
remember when we began
to argue when you
disagreed with the
attention i received
from others
and i told you not to
get jealous as you
screamed hateful words
at me and walked
out into the cold night
alone
can you remember
when we made up
only to argue more and
all the times you were
late to pick me up
because you were getting
stoned
and when you began to
hit me but i excused
it because you were drunk
and you threatened me
not to tell anyone
as you finished your
cigarette
do you recall the nights
i came to pick you up
from the bar
because you were to
drunk to drive yourself home
and our marriage although
new was already
falling apart
and i cried for you every night
and begged you to stop
your bad habits just to hear
you yell at me again
you dont remember the day
like i do
when you were put
in the hospital for drugs
and they asked me if you beat me
and i said no
just for you because somehow
someway i loved you
with more than i knew
and the doctor looked at
me funny as if he knew
my secret
and i left the room until
i knew he was gone
i remember the day
when we all wore black
and i mourned at
your funeral but
breathed a sigh of relief
all at once over you
and you alone
and everything you put
me through
and wished i could have
wasted my time
with someone else
that could have loved me
better.
play me a melody on the piano
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LindseyEthatsMe
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2003 14 December :: 3.27am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: Hands Down- Dashboard
tough stuff that makes you feel all blah inside
okay so this is how my best friend Erica describes her feelings for her boyfriend Rob:
"...I am head-over-heels; cant-sleep-at-night; cant-think-of-anyone-else; in love... everytime i see him, my heart starts to beat just a little faster.. just enough to get my stomach to tickle. then he looks at me.. ahhh. i love it..."
okay so imagine being as in love as that with a boy who doesn't express how he feels, and doesnt really call you, and doesnt know what to do in the relationship because its his first, and doesnt act like he likes you- but he really does- but it sucks because you have to keep convincing yourself of that. and oh i dont know- everyday you wish that something in him will change-even though you love EVERYTHING about him- you keep wishing for just one day that he'll kiss you instead of you him, and he'll look at you with that certain look and you'll get that feeling in your stomach, and that he'll just say something sweet, romantic- for just one day. one day. thats it. and then he could be himself and never speak another romantic word, or look at you in that loving way, or even kiss you perfectly- but you could be happy because you would have the memories of that one day, that one moment that he DID do it, and that would be enough to convince you for a life time that he felt for you as you did for him. that he actually loved you and had more to prove that he did besides the simple words, "i love you." imagine. try to imagine what that is like. when you're so in love with someone and you have nothing more than their words of "i love you" everyday to keep you going, keep you convinced that they feel as strongly for you as you do for them. it's so hard. and it keeps you confused. your brain battles with your heart and you start believing that maybe they just dont like you and the three words they utter so lifelessly and without expression everyday, just might be a lie. and that maybe they're sick of the relationship but dont want to hurt you and end it. you begin feeling like this more and mroe and soon- the happiness of just being with them is gone, and you find yourself longing for them to prove to you some other way, that they do feel for you as strongly as you feel for them. but it gets old waiting for this. and soon you're just - tired of waiting. and soon you just begin to give up- and happiness with them is no longer. imagine that.
play me a melody on the piano
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LindseyEthatsMe
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2003 12 December :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: uriah omen
just shut up
life isnt going so well right now...
nathan doesnt talk much
nor does he act interested.
exams next week.
frankie i miss you.
josh raney it hurts that you are gone
i miss you more than you could know.
too much going on right now.
voice concert tomorrow- very nervous.
band concert on monday night...
we sound bad.
no sleep hardly at all
in a bad mood
trying to do more than i can handle.
friends who hate each other
and im always in the middle
- without volunteering for the spot-
sigh
i'll stop complaining now
and just shut up.
Lindsey
1 piano players |
play me a melody on the piano
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