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2005 22 May :: 12.00 pm
I love you
Nonsense...
Read more..
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 21 May :: 4.32 am
I'm sitting next to Nick and he's the most awesome person in the world, not just because I'm sitting by him but just because he is.
And I heart LOVE him.
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 20 May :: 2.15 am
I'll say it straight and plain,
I know I've made mistakes
I've always been afraid
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 20 May :: 12.09 am
I am very lucky.
And very very blessed.
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 15 May :: 11.18 pm
I've always wanted to be part of the big brother/big sister program and just hang out with a kid.
Because I love people and I love helping people out.
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 15 May :: 10.42 pm
I'm high enough from all the waiting to ride a wave on your inhaling.
Yeah. I'm really excited about Cedar Point tomorrow. Maybe I'll ride more than one roller coaster and not spend the entire duration flirting with a good friend this time around.
Katie, you and I need to hang out. I don't have exams on Thursday so Wednesday's my last day. You should just spend the night lots all this week or something so we can have some major girl time.
Anyway, Nick's sexy and I love him.
I love you all.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 15 May :: 1.43 pm
Roly poly fish heads are never seen
Drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants
With oriental women
Yeah
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 8 May :: 3.31 am
Prom was wonderful.
It felt just like falling in love, again.
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 6 May :: 8.04 pm
I hate being home alone.
There's no one to stop me from thinking.
Always the first star that I find |
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2005 4 May :: 10.38 pm
:: Mood: upset
I guess I'm just now putting things together.
Jess isn't just someone I know, she's a friend.
And that wasn't just anyone passing away, that was her mom.
A sister, a mother, an aunt, a daughter to someone.
Not just a nobody.
But a person with ties and loves and family.
She has people who love her. Who cried because they missed her.
She's not just a paragraph, she's someone to a lot of people.
She's younger than my mom.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 3 May :: 10.10 pm
Nothing's changed. I still love you, oh I still love you.
Who said I'd lied because I never...
I'm proud that I'm taking this well. I'm not jealous or any of that crap.
Sadly, I'm excited for Saturday.
Ha. I re-read Nick's comment. I sort of breezed through it last time. He sure can be mean when he's upset and I'm a "priss". I'd cry if I thought we were actually going to break up. I love that man, even when he's angry. And especially when he's not. Speaking of which, I wonder if his mom got ahold of him...
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 3 May :: 11.12 am
reality is thus
All this week, we have play practice from 3:30-6:30, on stage.
It's AP test week.
Friday is no pants day.
Saturday is prom.
Next week, Thursday, Friday and Saturday is the play. For real.
The week after next, my parents are going to be in Las Vegas.
That's my last week of high school.
On the 16th, my physics class is going to Cedar Point.
The 19th is our last day of exams. I don't think I have to be there.
The 26th is graduation.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 3 May :: 10.49 am
:: Music: There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths
If a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.
Take me anywhere, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.
Lately, I've been distant from my life and the stuff going on in it. It just felt like I was watching someone make my decisons.
Last night, I called Nick and he told me that Jess' mother had a heart attack and passed away on Sunday night.
And I was yanked back into life.
I felt horrible because Jess isn't really my friend. I've always had this fear that she hated me. She dated the same guys I did, broke up with the same guys I did. I feel horrible because, since she isn't really my friend, I can't really be there for her. I can't help at all.
Nick came over last night and later he left to go see Jess and help her out. I wanted to give her something, anything, to help out a little bit. Or to prove that I didn't hate her, that I loved her to death.
I gave him one of my daffodils, the biggest one, to give to Jess.
Most of the others had shriveled.
She isn't supposed to go through this yet. She's a teenager, for goodness sake.
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 29 April :: 5.39 pm
I'd just like one day, one night even, where it's just you and me. For that entire time. No going to Ben's before or after. Just us.
Maybe prom'll be that, I don't know.
But I never get just you.
Like now. Like yesterday. Like everyday.
I never get you.
I get you then we go to Ben's. I get Ben and you. I get Ben and you then I get just you. I get you and then I get Steve and then you leave or then I get Ben and you. But I never get just you.
Ben's doing his own thing, why can't you just let him do it? He has other friends he wants to hang with.
Let this be an opportunity for us to be together. I will not have time next week. You work tomorrow. Neither of us ever feels like, or is allowed to, do anything on Sunday.
Next week, I have practice until 6:30. Then I'll go home, eat, relax and do homework. I'll have you Saturday, and maybe I'll be lucky enough to have just you, but I doubt it.
I get the whole balance thing, I get that we have "forever". But I'm not living in the future, I'm living now. We're not in forever. We're in the now. I'm not going to be there for you then if you can't be here for me now.
2 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
::
2005 28 April :: 10.07 pm
I wish I could just live with a bunch of people so I could always be with them.
My family, Katie, Nick, Ben, Kelly. It'd be awesome.
I just miss them all too much sometimes.
I went to the variety show today and for some reason, right in the middle, I thought about the fact that at some point, my mom is going to die and I'll have to be strong and not have my children see me cry. I don't know if I can do that. I love my mom so much. She's totally the best. On Saturday, she'll turn 48. I want to get her something but I can't think of anything that's enough for her. I don't have any money either.
I love you all.
1 You are my satellite |
Always the first star that I find |
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