Had a great weekend on the west side. I miss my coworkers. It was nice hanging out with some of them at the baby shower. I really miss M most of all, honestly. Every time I talk to M I feel reassured that I was good at my job. If only they didn't leave and could have been in my corner... maybe I wouldn't have left.
I loved driving that little hatchback rental car. It was so fun and fast and responsive to my touch. I love my car, don't get me wrong... I just would love for it to pickup a little faster.
I'm kinda hoping she's kinda underwhelmed with the stuff and then when she comes back she's hella surprised!!
But I didn't want ta make her too sad that we "forgot" her birthday so I'm bringing french macarons and we got her a beautiful card and some flowers... Then on Wednesday she'll have 12 rainbow balloons 2 unicorn balloons and a desk covered in streamers and confetti!
I don't usually go too far out, but we always kinda forget her birthday when she always goes all out for our birthdays... I love her so much, and her family doesn't appreciate her like they should! So I want her to feel appreciated at least once this year!!
I've been sleeping a lot lately, but not the nice restful kind, rather the kind where you just spin all night then wake up 2 hours early and can't get back to sleep.
I'm sad today. I just want to hide under a rock and pretend I don't exist. Hopefully I get an early out today.
My last check was $200 short, which hurt a little, but it's nice not having to worry about rent or a car payment. What are student loans going to do? Rape me and steal my dog? Well maybe with this new president.... Should I worry? Haha
But 2 appointments with my therapist costs about $200 and having so much time away from work has really helped my mental health lately. More than seeing my therapist, so I'll take the loss and mark it as a win.
I just have to say, after spending close to $500 on gifts for my sweetie for Xmas if he doesn't get me a good damned bathrobe for a super late gift I'm going to he so mad.
I hate feeling like a conspiracy theorist but the older I get the harder it is to ignore that every problem in America was and is manufactured by the government/the wealthy to keep the masses controlled, weak and leached of any resources.
Discovering my dairy allergy has been the single most depressing thing that has happened to me in a while.
I miss cheese. And eating food like a normal human being. I miss not waking up to a nuclear holocaust in my GI tract for having some cheese & cream sauce.
I miss cream cheese on bagels
I miss cheese bagels
I miss food.
I had a beautiful day with a beautiful friend, teacher, and mentor. It's been pretty shitty since I got here, but mostly that was fabricated in my head. I love my family and friends. I love that I can count on them for support.
I never needed to come home. I just thought I wanted to. I think I'll do fine here... I just have to change my mindset from feeling like a teenager in my parents' place to feeling like an adult who is still in charge of her own destiny.
There was nothing causing this to happen. I didn't fall on hard times. I was never forced to do anything. I could have stayed there far longer. I could have probably got on the management track. But honestly, I think regrouping and deciding on a different course, one I will enjoy more, is going to be far better for me in the long-run.
There was no doubt, but just to reiterate, I'll be okay.