It takes people time to learn what's right and wrong, to learn how to be a better person. For some, it takes longer than it does for others. That's what life is. It's a journey. It's you, being put in tons of different types of situations so you can grow and improve and change.
I'm resolving to accept this process. For most of my life I've heald a grudge. A grudge against this person or that person. A grudge against those who I perceived to have slighted me. A grudge against my past, my future, the whole world - the world that wronged me. I am ready to shake that grudge off. I am ready to let go of that deamon, hate, that has been eating me alive for all this time. I don't want to be angry anymore. I want to be happy. I don't want to harbor so much resentment, mostly for people who don't even think of me. I want to embrace the love I feel every day from those who show it. I want to hold onto the good in the world. I may not be the smartest person or the most beautiful person or the richest person or the best mannered person, but I am a great person. I am a good person. And I definitely have the best family in all the world. I have the best support system I could ever have - with a family willing to help me in any way possible every day and wonderful friends that warm me with their company and smiles and hugs everytime I see them. That is love. I know the truth in that love. I feel excited for the prospect of improving. I feel ready to accept this new, interesting challenge and greet it with a heart full of love. I welcome all the joy and laughter, singing and dancing, friendliness and opportunities this new outlook on life will have.
Quickly as a child I learned to be humble and gracious when accepting my achievements. It has taken me a very long time to feel as though I've accomplished anything. But I have. I have a great living space that I can afford by means of a very cool job at a world-impacting company. I have all the world resting at my feet and I cannot wait to see where it will take me :) i treasure this realization very deeply and hope it carries me to a realm of personal understanding and acceptance.
How are you supposed to meet new friends and enjoy new things when all you like to do is sit at home and binge watch Netflix and play old school video games?
i was listening to let's go crazy today. it made me wonder what if this is heaven? and where ever we came from before was much worse? we just don't know the difference.
tried to bleach some chunks into my hair, but the developer i used wasn't a strong enough level, so it barely did anything. ill redo it in a few days, but i'm upset i damaged it for what is virtually nothing.
all i know is that this four day weekend will taste even better than my bacon dinner. so so so ready to not be at work for a while. it seems like i never get enough time away.
Early, early in the morning
It pulls all on down my sore feet
I want to go back to sleep
In the motions and the things that you say
It all will fall, fall right into place
As fruit drops, flesh it sags
Everything will fall right into place
When we die some sink and some lay
But at least I don't see you float away
And on split milk, sex and weight
It all will fall, fall right into place
puked everywhere
can't stop this stupid fucking coughing
food hates me
ran out of aleve, birth control, clean undies and clothing all on the same day out of town
i just want to roll over and give up
It doesn't matter if I'm holding one or looking at a picture, when a baby looks at me I have this strong desire to safely grab it and hold it to my body and encase it in my arms and just love and protect it. At times I feel like I wouldn't be a good mother or I'd regret all of the time and energy it would take, but this instinct tells me that is not true. Every time I'm with Xander I want to shower him in kisses and affection. I want to make sure he's cared for properly and not ignored or pumped full of sugar by his parents. I want to have a child so badly. I want to love someone so completely that my life finally makes sense. It definitely would be easier with the right partner but honestly, I could do it all on my own. I could. I will.
i guess someone's wildest dreams came true.. maybe it was profectic?
either way i love riding the green pony. i love every single thing about it.
well.. other than the cartels..
i also love yokai watch. maybe a smidge obsessed.
i haven't crocheted in weeks. maybe that's why i'm in a slump.. but i finally have halloween plans im excited about!! and a cute costume if i can find the dress..