godessalthena
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2021 18 November :: 8.35am
:: Music: baroness
first inside show since the pandemic started and it was hopping
very small crowd very intimate and very bad ass
I'm glad we went, it was just what we needed
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 3 November :: 9.14am
what's your favorite pass time?
mine is sleep
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 21 September :: 10.35am
another rejection.
we get what we deserve.
trash deserves to be burned
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 20 September :: 1.26pm
I just want to hear back about this job
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 29 August :: 12.45pm
:: Music: sleep
an open letter to the people in my life
spinning in place, hurdling thru eternity, being painfully aware of the absurdity of life, and consciousness..
I'm thankful I'm on my journey with the people I am. even if we haven't actually met. it means so much that you all joined me at one time or another. if you're still with me or we've had to say good bye... you changed my course, and I'm grateful we touched each other in some way.
life is so precious, and fleeting, and absurd, painful, frustrating, beautiful, ephemeral... I know I'm ungrateful and thankless often, but I do appreciate the little time I had on this planet, and all the people who have made it possible.
sincerely - thank you
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 2 August :: 10.49am
things can't be perfect all the time, that I know.
I will not say one word, I'll just hang around... I won't annoy you at all. when you move out I'll stay until I'm thrown away . but then it won't matter.
sometimes we just have to let some things go.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 2 August :: 6.43am
all my dreams are dead.
I'll never afford a nice house, or a yard.
I'll never have that high paying job that will grant me a lil financial independence.
I'll never achieve anything.
this world is beyond fucked, and everyone has their heads in the sand.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 15 July :: 12.12pm
broke my first bone today... in my right foot. being a clumsy dumbass.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 11 July :: 8.05am
when you can't shake the feeling that you're a stranger in your own body
unrecognizable feelings and ideas, who am I, what am I doing. in the immense weights and hopeless nights.
the absolute absurdity of life, emotions, memory... ultimately we are all forgotten, like we never existed.. consumes me every waking moment. I see all the colors, but I don't even know if I'm seeing them right
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 10 July :: 8.36am
it's been a year since his dad passed away.. time fucking flies and drags at the same time. this is going to be a rough day...
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 26 June :: 4.21pm
when your ex's oldest brother passed away before he's 35.... what do you even say?
my heart is broken.. fucking what the fuck
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 12 June :: 1.42am
I hate when a bunch of drunk assholes show up at 1am and start shouting in my home while I'm trying to sleep.
no I don't want to come out there and talk to drunk people who won't remember the convo tomorrow.
I went to bed TO FUCKING SLEEP
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 4 June :: 6.43am
"When it feels scary to jump, that's exactly when you jump. Otherwise you end up staying the same place your whole life. And that I can't do."
- j c chandor
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 21 May :: 8.47am
I hate that feeling of being needed, but taken for granted.
like y'all don't really need me despite how much I do for you.
and I'm left holding that short straw in our life dingy, the next to give my body for nourishment. and unlike the plane crash in the Andes, there is no gratitude. just more fucking trash.
I'm sinking to the bottom, and as I look up to the fading light, I can see the last starlight I'll ever see, into the crushing depths. to feed the bottom dwellers or maybe just feed some scavengers.
and just never be found or thought of again.
I am dead inside
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 20 May :: 7.22am
"you just seemed so honest, but sexy"
is honesty not normally a sexy trait...? oh craigslist you confuse the heck out of me haha
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 11 May :: 8.28am
this extreme tiredness doesn't seem to want to leave
but I'm so damn tired
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 6 May :: 9.35am
everyone I love seems to be drowning in alcohol
and they are too drunk to admit they need to change anything
and literally every serious topic is a joke
please just stop lying to me...
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 17 April :: 9.46pm
had a really good birthday, just feeling pretty good about life when not looking at the parts I don't like.
it's going to be hard going back to work on Monday...
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 3 April :: 10.44am
when you realize you've become a shallow dish of the great lake you once we're
drying up like a river in california
molecule by molecule you've been dissapating into thin air
and everyone can see straight through you and none of them like what they see
vacuous space where a heart used to be, cold fingers, clammy hands, glass eyes and plastic beads for stuffing
you become one with the icy artic winds blowing over this fucked up landscape. a numbess enters you, fixing to your very core. labored breathing and far away eyes, trying to capture the warmth from you nostalgia.
just another deep emptiness of a human. wasting polluted air, generating more filth and trash. a creature so utterly lost from their home, trapped in artificial mazes of their own creation. dizzying and pointless, their minds grasping at foolish ideas of gods and cosmic flow.
when we all truly know what we come from and what we return to... endless quiet nothing. no sun, no water, no breeze or bushy trees bowing in the wind. just the end. the nothing. the nowhere. the deepest sleep.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 30 March :: 6.56am
so excited for birthday plans I could explode!
visit em in seattle
go to the actual ocean
staying in a fancy condo
sushi with the bestie
a whole week and change off work
oh I forgot... and getting some ink done
and the dogs are getting groomed
ahhh cannot wait
ugh so so ready for a break
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 23 March :: 9.02am
sometimes I worry I'm broken
cuz I can't cry anymore
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 25 February :: 6.32am
next month is unofficially 11 years with my employer.
11 years of misery, but I'm still here.
1 left me love |
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 21 February :: 12.19pm
I'm just so BORED
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 9 February :: 7.48am
I hate when shows are cancelled with no resolution
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 1 February :: 8.13am
:: Mood: crushed
had to quit d&d because someone was being paranoid that I was trying to get him killed and fucking tried at me for how I play the game.
if it was the first time is be like whatever, even if it was the 3rd time, but this shit has been going on at least a year and I'm fucking over it.
I'm not really used to people hating me like that for no reason. I'm not great at the game, the rules are convoluted and boring, I just wanted to role play. but I couldn't even do that without someone always talking over me.
just like in my real life. I'm so fucking boring people can't even wait until I'm done talking before they start their own story.
I'm so boring even my bf constantly ditches me.
I'm literally the most boring doormat. you just want me money and my effort, you don't want ME.
it feels like no one wants me.
rejected toy painted with lead paint
repugnant petulant
MUNDANE, MOROSE, TEDIOUS, DULL, DISAPPOINTING, CHUCKLEHEAD dumb ass bitch.
I hate every day.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 29 January :: 11.47pm
had to quit d&d
I'm bummed
but I'm done wasting my precious time off dealing with that asshat.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 27 January :: 8.25am
in my freshman year in college I had a lot of feminine issues and saw SEVERAL doctors
but the one I remember the most was the one that handed me a mirror and let me watch the exam and told me what I was looking at.
that woman made a fundamental difference to my life, and I wish I could thank her. I hope she's alive and well and doing well.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 22 January :: 1.19pm
I'm starting to feel like there are only like 5 people who would call me a friend.
the rest are just people I interact with occasionally, for 5 years, we can't be friends.
I just can't fucking make friends.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 19 January :: 8.31am
:: Music: smashmouth Lord help me
smashmouth and cake always remind me of better times. I've been looking back more and more at my experiences, and I feel myself slipping away into a lethal kind of nostalgia.
I miss the friends I used to have.
I miss giving a strong impression of a sense of self.
I miss having fun.
All I really want are more people I can laugh until I cry with.
leave me love
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godessalthena
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2021 13 January :: 3.16pm
what ever happened to ska?
remember the mickey avalon concert where we met?
and that birthday party. all those birthday parties.
I miss you friend, I wonder where you disappeared to, why you ghosted me, and if you're still doing alright.
I hope things are good for you. you deserve the best
leave me love
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