I reach for the bottle and disappear

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I reach for the bottle and disappear

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:: 2016 1 July :: 8.31pm

the constant need to prove my capabilities is tiresome. as a woman I feel as though I must always be at my best, always have to prove I'm worth something

i hate that I was born with a vagina. I hate everything that comes with it. that feeling that you'll never quite be good enough, even if you are the best.

so some of us give up.. and are harshly judged. there is no winning. there is no victory. there is no headway. but it's a non issue. we are second class citizens, and our struggles aren't real. they are just some form of hysteria

so get back into the kitchen, kick off those shoes, you're gonna be making sandwiches for a while yet ladies.

2 left me love | leave me love

:: 2016 29 June :: 4.33pm

I just tried on an Oculus.

Holy fucking shit.

2 left me love | leave me love

:: 2016 29 June :: 2.23pm

and just like that, a friendship ends.

why do I keep becoming friends with psychological vampires.

:: 2016 25 June :: 10.10pm

I just want to fucking bawl my eyes out

why do I fuckin ruin everything

why are people so fuckin weird

why is this a fucking issue every single time

I just want to be normal, and that was robbed from me

I will always be weird inside I will always be lame.

:: 2016 21 June :: 5.35pm

Where was your heart
When we needed it most?
Live in denial
And I'll be your ghost
There is nothing to let go
Only time will let you know
If you're worth anything
and you know then
That I'm giving up way too early
Let the axis turn you free
And destroy everything you love

The world looks better when you're falling
Grace to comfort enough to crawling
Divided we must
Pray for the broken
No one could fix us
We are, we'll always be
The wronged

:: 2016 17 June :: 11.54pm

I wish I had never been born

:: 2016 16 June :: 12.33pm

Are peace and understanding really that impossible? I feel like it's really not that hard to picture a world without violence. If I can withstand punching someone for cutting me off in traffic, cannot two enemies learn to just agree to disagree? I get feeling strongly about something. I get that. But don't be so selfish. Don't expect other people to agree with you.

:: 2016 16 June :: 7.56am

things are never easy and simple. and if they appear to be, you will likely end up paying dearly for it in the future.

:: 2016 15 June :: 2.43pm

is never eating again an option?

:: 2016 13 June :: 11.11pm

It's true.

8 left me love | leave me love

:: 2016 13 June :: 9.29am

when all you can see are the shattered pieces of your past present and future..

and you hope with all your heart maybe you'll find someone who can see the bigger picture..

but deep down you know you're too broken to ever really be complete again.

:: 2016 11 June :: 2.43pm

it's like a constant reminder of how broken I am..

why did so much bullshit happen to me?

why was I such a victim?

and why am I still paying for it now...

klara committed suicide last Sunday.. I can't even begin to fathom that family's pain. how they continue to survive is so deeply moving.

I could never inflict that kind of pain. as much as I hate where I've been and where I'm going, I am so terrified about what's after that this isn't so bad..

I just.. what to know why. and it's something I will never know.

it sucks when the people who have caused you the most damage are the ones who know you best...

:: 2016 8 June :: 7.18am

visited J's new digs yesterday. have to say I am extremely envious.

it's on a little lake out in Cheney. absolutely picturesque. I saw a heron, a bullocks oriel, and so many red winged black birds. I need to get some binoculars!

she has some goats living out there with her. they were the fuckin cutest. they kept staring up at us in the trailer bleating. they all have unique voices.. there's a screamer and meek one and everything in between!

we watched what about bob and pigged out on junk food. I have the biggest mosquito bite on my forehead, it gets and is making me feel kinda sick, but omg we could not stop laughing. I looked like a unicorn at first. now my face is just deformed and swollen.

going back out on Sunday, can't wait!! I missed the other side of my bestie sammich.

:: 2016 7 June :: 9.18am
:: Music: coheed & cambria

pull the trigger and the night mare stops

:: 2016 2 June :: 12.01pm

yesterday was my 6 year work anniversary.

me, Samie, Torie, Zuzu, Morgan and Juan all had sushi at sushi.com.

Juan brought me some cupcakes from a local bakery.

we went to the Monterey, it was me Torie Samie Chris and Juan, we ran into Raymond and it was a nice low key time.

today I left work early.

it's so insane. 6 years has flown by.

:: 2016 28 May :: 9.27pm

there's just somethin in the way he laps my tears away

the concerned look the warm tongue

cuddles and kisses, just what the dr ordered

I love Bjorne. I wouldn't give him up. not for everything in the whole world

1 left me love | leave me love

:: 2016 28 May :: 8.35pm

how can I trust you when I can't even trust myself

:: 2016 25 May :: 7.09am

Death, death, dying, death...

Dead.

:: 2016 24 May :: 10.01pm

Juan like my belches because they are deep and full

Ashley likes the sound of my voice because it is soothing

I reeeeeally hope Juan and I start a pod cast.

it would be how you say uh-maze

:: 2016 23 May :: 10.20am

why ARE there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?

:: 2016 21 May :: 8.24pm
:: Mood: *death*

I need to go for a walk in nature alone. Maybe that will help. When will I ever get time for that? No fucking clue.

:: 2016 19 May :: 6.43pm

I haven't been in a rainstorm for a long time.
It's beautiful. It's nice to be in my car for these so I have the tin-roof sound. So calming and refreshing.

3 left me love | leave me love

:: 2016 17 May :: 10.06pm

loyal dog met my parents today and spent time in my home on my couch watching my tv and enjoying my world and it was

simply

the most MAGICAL thing

he made me a mix cd every song was love and passion

we checked out guitars and he fell in love
everything just fell just right just where it belonged

am I an animal in a cage?

if I am, do I even care?

he feels like home, and all I want to do is come to him.

:: 2016 15 May :: 1.22pm

People are garbage.

2 left me love | leave me love

:: 2016 14 May :: 8.29pm

I fucking hate the internet. Like I really fucking hate it.

:: 2016 14 May :: 2.39pm

a muse is a beautiful thing

:: 2016 13 May :: 6.04am

got my eyebrows done for the first time in over a year....

and god damn do they feel strange.. but they are also on fleek.

1 left me love | leave me love

:: 2016 12 May :: 5.55pm

I would like to be doing just about anything else by myself.

:: 2016 10 May :: 12.01pm

I would really like some god damned time to myself for once. I thought I would get that when you were away. Not so much.

:: 2016 8 May :: 8.39am

I don't particularly believe in souls, spirits, ghosts, etc..

but I sure do see them often.

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